Love's Measurement

They say love is like energy, neither created nor destroyed, but merely changing form over time…

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, this is merely a fanfic.

Some characters and events have been added in, timeline may not be congruent with Bleach. Some events/customs may be culturally inaccurate, forgive me on the ground of creative license. First fanfic, pleace be kind & no flames =) constructive criticism is greatly needed & welcomed!

Yesterday had marked another year that Hisana had passed away. Another year that she did not sleep by Byakuya's side, did not walk with him through their gardens, and did not come into his office when he was working late at night to hold and whisper caringly in his ear that she loved him. Another year had gone by, serving as another reminder that she was gone. The day before, Byakuya had carried out his usual routine; he lit a candle, sat in silence, staring at the photo of Hisana he kept in his room. A feeling of numbness seemed to spread from his heart throughout his body. The sorrow he felt from losing Hisana had pained his heart so much, and over the years had numbed him. Memories of Hisana had sedated him into this cold, reclusive state that was now characteristic and defining of him. She had been the only one who he had opened himself up to. That side of Byakuya had died along with his wife that day. Never once did he ever consider remarrying. A love so great, so intense, so fulfilling did not come twice in a man's life, he told himself.

A knocking on his bedroom door interrupted his thoughts, "Byakuya-sama," a voice called out from the other side. It was one of the maids.

Byakuya sighed, 'I wish not to be disturbed.' He could not think of a reason why someone would needlessly disturb him.

"Sorry Byakuya-sama, but it is near six in the evening. You wanted to be notified so as to pick up Miss Rukia."

Byakuya could have kicked himself. His memory clearly slipped away during his moment of silent thought. He stood up and put on his captain haori. Rukia was at her cousin's, Ayumi Kuchiki. Ayumi was getting married in a few months and invited Rukia over as she tried on wedding dresses. Ayumi was the only Kuchiki relative that Rukia had grown close with. He had insisted she be ready and prompt to go when he came, and here he was, late!

He left the Kuchiki manor and headed towards his brother's home. His brother, Makoto Kuchiki, was older but had no interest in being a captain or head of the family. He had served as a shinigami but could no longer fight after a severe injury from fighting. He was married to Akina and they had two children, Ayumi and Taji. Makoto was always caring to Byakuya, especially after Hisana died, and they were all very kind to Rukia.

As Byakuya approached his brother's estate, he could see his wife, Akina in the front gardens talking with a gardener about new additions she wanted to make. Akina had short, dark hair and dark eyes. She was fairly tall, only a few inches shorter than Makoto or Byakuya. She smiled and waved as Byakuya approached.

'Byakuya-sama, it is a pleasure to see you. Forgive my absence earlier; I was at a tea for my friend. She is expecting, I think you know her, Niara Kagame?' she greeting, bowing slightly.

Byakuya nodded in response, 'yes I do know her. You must send her my congratulations.' The Kuchiki elders had tried to get Byakuya to marry Niara after Hisana's death. He refused and she had gone on to marry into another wealthy family.

'Oh I will when I see her next. It is so exciting,' Akina said, bidding a brief farewell to the gardener as she escorted Byakuya inside the house. 'Also exciting is our Ayumi's wedding! I cannot believe my baby girl is to be wed!'

Byakuya managed a slight smile. 'I can imagine. I can remember when she was small, a flower girl at Hisana and my wedding.'

Akina gave Byakuya a sad smile and put her hand on his back. 'You two had true love.' Byakuya looked away remaining silent. He hated to discuss Hisana, unless it was with Rukia only because it was her sister. But Rukia never asked about Hisana, for she knew it broke her brother's heart.

The resemblance between them was so strong. Byakuya remembered seeing her for the first time. She was young, just having entered the Shinigami Academy. She was goofing around with Renji; he was carrying her on his back running around with the other students. Everything about her, her laugh, her eyes, her hair, her face, her height… was practically identical to his late wife. Comparing them close up, you could easily spot differences. But that first day he remembered feeling, just for a short moment, that his Hisana had been given back to him. Watching Rukia and Renji took Byakuya back to when he had first met Hisana. She was poor from Rukongai, running from thieves pursuing her. Byakuya had been out for a nightly walk and fought them off of her. He remembered looking into her eyes and asking if she was hurt. He fell in love that instant.

His affection for Hisana was not so out of character. As a child he had been rash, hotheaded, not unlike Renji or Ichigo, (which was no doubt how he had managed to avoid killing both of them by now…). As he grew older, he began to adopt the Kuchiki persona, the stoic, unfriendly nature. Kuchiki's had an image to maintain, dignity to uphold. There was no tolerance for any behavior that would potentially jeopardize that. But Hisana revived that part in him that was silenced by the Kuchiki family. He did everything for her. He wanted to do everything to make her smile, to keep her safe. Yet despite all his wealth, all his strength, she was taken from him. Yet a part of her still lived on…in Rukia.

It took him years to grow accustomed to Rukia's face and personality. Slight physical differences were nothing compared to their difference in characters. Rukia would fight back thieves, she was feisty, and had to learn compliance. Hisana was softer spoken and adored Byakuya to the point were she could tolerate his family's frequent outspokenness about their disapproval of the marriage. Rukia would flinch and sometimes spoke back, but over the years she learned to let it go for Byakuya's sake. Rukia did adore her brother, but there was a great barrier there. She was there because of Hisana's guilt, passed on to her brother as a promise. A promise he upheld because of his love for her sister. Rukia tried her best to please him; she drove herself mad and ill trying to please him. They had opened up over the years due to incidents that brought them closer. But still there was a tension between them.

Byakuya shook his head from his deep contemplations and immediately asked Akina, 'where is Rukia? I wish to take her home before it is nightfall.'

Akina realized the change in topics and replied, 'of course! They are in the east wing of the manor. A bridal storeowner came with well over one hundred dresses and the girls have been trying them on all day. Ayumi insisted Rukia try them with her. How sweet.'

'I suppose,' Byakuya responded, slightly uncomfortable at the thought of Rukia marrying. She was still so young in his eyes.

'Rukia is only a few years younger than Ayumi. Have the elder Kuchiki family members mentioned anything about marriage?' Akina asked with genuine interest. Ayumi, had she not fallen in love with her future husband, Torio Kinobi, would have faced an arranged marriage. Ayumi was not a shinigami, which is why there was great pressure on her to marry at her age.

'I will not allow it at this time. Rukia has much further to go in her shinigami career.' Byakuya hadn't realized but his fist was clenched.

Akina gently touched his hand, in an effort to comfort her brother-in-law, 'I congratulated her on her promotion to lieutenant. You must be so proud. She is an amazing young woman.'

'Yes of course.' Part of him hated her promotion, very much so. He constantly worried when she was sent on missions. Now that Aizen's army was destroyed there was little panic as before. But he was very proud of her; she had earned that promotion of her own accord. She was talented and had impressed him during the Winter War with her fighting skills.

Akina stopped and knocked on the door. Laughter from the girls could be heard on the other side. Byakuya felt a small smile appear on his face. He felt the most content when Rukia was happy, he enjoyed hearing her laugh and seeing her smile for he knew Rukia's happiness would please Hisana.

'Just knock and open the door. I have to go get back to my gardener. I'm re-doing everything, I told Makoto for years to let me re-do the garden, at least now he agrees. It was nice to see you Byakuya, I will see you when you and Rukia make your way out.' She bowed her head and returned downstairs.

Byakuya knocked but the girls did not hear. He slowly opened the door and was taken aback by what he saw. Ayumi was absent, but in the middle of the room, turning around in an elegant, off-white gown in front of a wall of floor-to-ceiling mirrors was Rukia, looking so beautiful; no words could never perfectly depict how gorgeous she was at that moment. The dress was more like what Byakuya had seen in the World of the Living, but it had traditional touches to it of which he was accustomed. Her hair, adorned with a veil, had grown longer since the Winter War and swayed behind her as she turned. She smiled as she came to a halt in front of the mirror and her eyes met with Byakuya's eyes and time froze.

Rukia blushed slightly, not having expected Byakuya to see her goofing around in a wedding dress. Byakuya felt his heart, and it felt warm, and that warmness radiated throughout his body. His mind was taken back in time to his wedding, and how beautiful and youthful Hisana was in her wedding dress; similar to the one Rukia was wearing now. There were moments when Byakuya saw Rukia and Hisana as separate women, and there were moments like right now when he saw them as one.

'Hello Nii-sama,' Rukia greeted timidly, turning to face him, 'Ayumi insisted I try dresses on with her. I probably look ridiculous but...'

'No,' Byakuya said softly, the words escaping before his brain had a moment to think what to say. He began to walk towards her, he felt possessed, enchanted by her appearance.

'No?' Rukia questioned, 'forgive me Nii-sama if I—' her voice disappeared as his hand reached up to touch her face, his thumb caressing her cheek gently. Rukia felt herself tremble but she did not move from her brother's touch. 'Nii-sama I—'

'You look beautiful Rukia,' Byakuya said to her quietly. He let his hand gently trail down her neck, to her shoulders and slowly down her arm until he was lightly grasping her hand. Why did his heart feel so drawn to her?

'Thank you Nii-sama,' she replied, her blush intensifying. Byakuya had never complimented her physical appearance before.

Rukia knew why her brother was acting like this. Yesterday had been the anniversary of her sister's death; Byakuya was always more withdrawn and saddened at this time of year. Rukia knew she greatly resembled Hisana, and that affected how her brother treated her. Undoubtedly memories of his wedding to her sister were racing through his mind. She wanted to offer him some comfort. Perhaps it was a mistake on her part, but she couldn't stop herself from holding his hand a little tighter, moving closer to him. She felt Byakuya tense at her gesture, but he eventually moved near her. Rukia smiled and her hand on his heart, 'it is alright Nii-sama, I can understand,' she spoke quietly.

Her touch sent electric shocks through his body. His free hand moved to hold the hand that was on his chest. He wanted to be close to her, he wanted to hold her so close she could never leave his side. Although she was so strong and independent, Byakuya still worried fate would take her away from him, as it took Hisana.

Rukia was getting nervous from their closeness, unsure of what to do next. Her anxiety however was short lived as the sounds of Ayumi re-entering the room from the other entrance filled the air caused Byakuya to release her and stand aside. 'Oh Rukia I am so happy I cannot wait to wear this!' Ayumi exclaimed. She was wearing a white wedding dress that was nice, but too overdone in Byakuya's opinion. He greatly preferred the one Rukia had on…but then why did it matter? He breathed in deep, calming himself.

Rukia smiled and ran to hug her cousin, 'Ayumi you look so astonishingly beautiful! Torio is the luckiest man alive to be marrying you.'

Ayumi blushed, 'thank you Rukia. You are so kind to me. You will be married soon I'm sure, then we can find a dress for you!' Ayumi then caught sight of Byakuya, 'oh! Uncle, forgive me I did not see you!' she bowed to him.

'You look lovely Ayumi. Congratulations.' Byakuya liked Ayumi; she was a nice girl, much like her parents.

Footsteps were heard and the sound of Makoto Kuchiki's voice was heard, 'Ayumi! Your mother wishes to see you in your dress downstairs.' He turned facing Byakuya, 'brother! You have arrived! You'll be staying for a while I hope?'

'I was intending to return home with Rukia shortly.'

'Nonsense! Stay for dinner, I insist. How often do you visit?' Makoto approached Byakuya and the two exchanged a brotherly hug, although somehow Byakuya managed to maintain his stoic appearance.

Makoto and Byakuya looked similar. Makoto had slight facial hair and more lines of age on his face and streaks of gray decorating his hair. He did not wear the kenseikan or other Kuchiki adornments on his clothes, but he did have the attire of a noble. He was more outgoing and welcoming than Byakuya was.

'As often as you visit,' Byakuya replied with a smirk.

Makoto laughed. 'So never! What is your excuse Byakuya? I have two children and a wife that is driving me mental with all these renovation projects she wishes to undertake. She's only married to me for my money you know.' Byakuya sighed.

Makoto continued, 'besides, Rukia loves us! She wants to stay longer, don't you sweetie?' He turned to look at Rukia, who was blushing. Makoto's face went from happy to shock, as he looked Rukia up and down in the dress she was wearing. She was standing near Byakuya, and Makoto took a few steps back. 'My god.. isn't this a familiar sight..' he said quietly.

Catching on quickly to what her Uncle was getting at, Rukia avoided all eye contact with her brother, excusing herself to get changed and left the room.

Byakuya sighed and felt anger rush into him. 'That was inappropriate and completely unnecessary.'

'Forgive me brother, I just, I forget their resemblance.. it was like looking into the past seeing you and Hisana stand together that way,' Makoto said, sincerity evident in his voice, 'I am so sorry for your loss brother.' He placed a hand on his brother's shoulder.

Byakuya nodded and turned away and headed to the door, 'your apology is not needed. Thank you for your kind invitation Makoto, but unfortunately tonight is not a good night for dinner. Perhaps in the following few weeks.' He then made his way downstairs.

Makoto sighed, shaking his head. Byakuya acted stiff and together, but inside he was broken. Growing up, Byakuya had always been the more sentimental of the two. When he loved, it was passionate. When he fought, it was with all he had. How hard it must be brother, to live everyday with a woman identical to the love of your life, whose same blood runs through her veins…

After saying their goodbyes, Rukia and Byakuya had a quiet dinner at home. She felt awkward being in his presence after today. Part of her wanted to avoid him, and carry on her night alone. But another part wanted to be with him, to watch over him and make sure he was all right. Rukia often wondered if Byakuya ever thought of her as he did Hisana.

Across the table Byakuya's head was caught in a storm of contemplation. He was missing Hisana greatly, but simultaneously thinking of Rukia in that dress. Today he lost control of his rationality and allowed himself to be vulnerable to her. He had touched her, in such an intimate manner from which they were accustomed to behaving around one another…and she had reciprocated…held his hand… out of pity? Had she felt obligated?

"Nii-sama,' Rukia called gently, 'I think I shall head upstairs now. Are, are you all right?'

Byakuya was caught off guard slightly by her question, 'I am fine…thank you. Goodnight Rukia.' Rukia smiled and left the dining room.

After enjoying a hot shower, Rukia sat on her bed in her white night robe. She looked at a photo that sat on her dresser of her and Ichigo. He was behind her, holding her close to him. They were both smiling, they were happy. She felt a tear roll down her cheek. How long had it been she had seen him last… it had been years. After the Winter War, Captain Commander Yamamoto had forbid travel between worlds unless it was an emergency for security reasons. Rukia was ordered back to Soul Society, Ichigo forced to stay in the Living World. She missed him everyday, and everyday it hurt more. She often dreamed of his last words to her…

"I love you Rukia, we will be together. We have faced far worse and come too far to be separated now. Trust me, I will get to you."

But much time had passed now; maybe not for her but for Ichigo…he'd be in his mid twenties now. He would age much faster than Rukia would. She knew they would have to let one another go eventually. It was kind of peaceful not knowing what he was doing. Not knowing if he was with another girl… not that Rukia would blame him. She would understand. She would be devastated but that was the situation.

Her thoughts shifted back to her brother. She could sense he was troubled in his study. Feeling overcome by loneliness, genuine concern for her brother, and, well it had to be part madness; she collected herself and headed towards his office.

Byakuya was in his study, sensing Rukia's unhappiness. She must be thinking of Ichigo. He knew his sister's heart broke upon news she would be separated from Ichigo indefinitely. Despite their differences, Byakuya considered Ichigo a good man. He would take great care of Rukia if they were to marry…he shuddered at the thought, Rukia married to Ichigo. God help them if their children were to be born with that hair and blatant disregard for authority. Byakuya knew that Rukia would be a loving, dedicated wife and a remarkable mother. Her and Ichigo complemented one another well. Ichigo valued her strength and she kept him motivated to grow stronger. Byakuya wondered how his sister was handling the separating. It had been a long time since Ichigo and Rukia had seen one another. She no longer seemed depressed and had moved on gracefully from her heartbreak. But there was emptiness to her demeanor he had not seen since Kaien's death all those years ago. He was so deep in thought, a habit he had seemed to pick up recently, that did not sense Rukia approaching his study until she was through the door.

'Rukia…' Byakuya said putting down the paper work he held in his hand.

'Nii-sama, I… I am sorry to disturb you,' Rukia said closing the door behind her.

There was an awkward silence. Byakuya suddenly found his scarf around his neck too tight. The air felt thick. He could not help his eyes as they scanned Rukia as she stood there. She was wearing a white robe that only came down to her mid-thigh. She was wearing white slippers, her hair hung down just past her breasts... What could she be doing here?

Byakuya collected himself and managed to speak, 'is there anything you wish to speak with me about?'

Rukia shrugged and began to walk to his desk. 'You seemed…sad today.'

Byakuya tensed. What was going on in her head? He answered, a tone of caution clear in his voice, 'as to be expected.'

She nodded, looking down at the ground. 'Thank you, for allowing me to see Ayumi today, I had a great day with her.'

Byakuya nodded, uncomfortably. 'You are welcome. It is late, perhaps you…'

'Why were you looking at me like that today?' Rukia's eyes showed her confusion, concern and fear upon asking the question.

He felt himself losing his self-control, he felt anxious. Byakuya knew he had let his guard down, perhaps acted inappropriately to his sister. How to answer? 'I merely complemented your appearance Rukia…'

'No, there was something more to it,' she said interrupting him. She knew Byakuya was uncomfortable and taken back by her boldness. 'Am I…unpleasant for you to be around?'

'Why would you think that?'

'Because I look so much like Hisana.' Rukia said, turning her face away from his stare.

Byakuya stayed seated. He felt his heart racing. Rukia had never spoken of her sister since he had first told her about Hisana that day she was saved from execution. It was taboo, forbidden. No one spoke of Hisana in his presence. It had been silent too long, he had to speak, 'there are many differences between you both.'

'Sometimes, you look at me like I am her…or you wish I was…have you ever…ever thought of me…as Hisana?' Rukia asked, her voice shaking, 'Do you ever wish I could be her?'

Byakuya had enough. She struck a nerve with him and had to end this conversation before he'd say something he regretted and things got out of hand. 'Rukia this is none of your concern. Please retire to…' he was cut off by her sudden appearance at his side.

She did not know what possessed her to go to his office, or ask him such bold questions, or touch his arm the way she was. Byakuya felt stiff beneath her trembling hand. She moved to stand in front of him, leaning back on the desk. Neither of them spoke. Byakuya turned his head away, trying to entertain himself with a spot on the floor. Part of him knew what Rukia was offering him… why she was he could only imagine. Byakuya knew Rukia cared deeply for him, and felt intense gratitude for his care of her. He also knew she had an empty heart due to her separation from Ichigo. She was offering him comfort—in exchange, she wanted his affection.

Rukia knew Byakuya was stressing out now from her advances. She touched his face, as he had done to her earlier, and turned his head back to face her. She went down on her knees, raising her other hand to touch his face. No words were spoken, no dialogue exchange, but her eyes were communicating everything, I need you, I want to help you forget your pain…even if it is just for a moment, I love you…

Byakuya locked eyes with her and felt that overwhelming urge to be near her. But this time, and even earlier that day… he did not look for or see Hisana in the young woman before him… he just saw Rukia. She was there, holding him, completely open, completely vulnerable. He felt himself relax and Rukia did too, prompting her to move closer to him.

'It's alright, it's just me… Byakuya-sama…' she said softly to him.

'Rukia, what… what do you…' he could not think of a sentence, much less speak one. He was trying to stay calm despite the strong emotions running through him; he had not felt this way in years.

She surprised him by leaning up to place a soft kiss on his lips. It was a light kiss; Rukia did not linger long in it, and pulled away slowly. She kept her face near his and looked deep into his eyes. She wanted Byakuya to kiss her back; she needed him to hold her, to take her… to love her. She wanted to ease his anguish over the loss of Hisana, and forget Ichigo even if it was for just one night...

Byakuya lost all sense of wrong, of right, of everything that made him the cold, stoic, law-abiding man he was. It all evaporated when Rukia's lips touched his. He gazed in her eyes, saw her raw emotions projecting through… and leaned down to kiss her. This kiss started off gentle, as before, but quickly escalated in passion. Rukia was soon entrapped in his arms, Byakuya holding onto her with a firm tenderness; he feared if he let go or lightened his grip for even a second, he would lose her.

Their heated kissing however was interrupted by the holler of a siren echoing through Soul Society. Byakuya and Rukia were startled and after staring away to acknowledge the noise, turned back to face another.

'We have to go,' Rukia said calmly. Byakuya nodded and they broke apart to get dressed appropriately.

As Rukia frantically put on her shinigami robes, she couldn't help but go over the events that had just occurred between her and Byakuya. Was it love or lust that drove her to go to him? How far would they have taken it had they not been interrupted?

Byakuya, was already in his appropriate attire, but escaped to throw some cool water on his flushed face. His head felt dizzy and he was confused for the first time in a long time. Now is not the time to think of this… what could this emergency possibly be?