Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. None of the characters are accurate or real representations of the actual nation and its citizen. None of the events are representative of current or historical events. phew. anything else I gotta mention?

Beta'd by my sweetie, aoi_aka


"Kzzzt The Eagle has landed. Kzzzt Do you copy Kzzzzzzt Maple? Over."

Matthew looked up from the magazine he was flipping through. The voice had come from somewhere inside his clothing. Confused, he looked into the inner pocket of his jacket and found a walkie-talkie. "What? What in the wor—"

"Kzzzt Maple, do you copy? Kzzzhrt Over."

Matthew clicked the button and spoke hesitantly into the mouthpiece. "Alfred? What are you doing? Over."

"Kzzzhrt HEY, HEY USE MY CODENAME. Kzzzt Over."

"Er, what are you up to, Eagle? Over."

"I'm climbing the rose kzzrt trellis into the Caterpillar's kzzzhrtzt study. Over"

"Why are you sneaking into Arthur's study? Over."

"Kzt Top secret mission, kzzzrt I'll tell you when I get out. Kzt Over.

"So why do I have a walkie-talkie and when did you hide it in my jacket? Over"

"Blindfold the kzzt Caterpillar while I kzzt kzzt steal his knickers. Over"

"What?!"

"Distract Arthur while I ransack his study, jeez. Over. kzzt"

"WHAT? Why are you doing this, Alfred?" Matthew ran his fingers through his hair and gave an exasperated sigh.

"…Kzzzt"

Matthew blinked, "I mean, what is the reason for your mission, Eagle? Over."

"KZzzzZZt Khhhrrzzzzt Too much Kzzzt static. Can't Kzzzt talk. I'm depending on you. Over."

"I know you've been making the static noises, Alfred."

"KZZZHHHRHRTHHHZZZHTHSSSSSZZZT—" Matthew heard Alfred take a deep breath and then, ""

"Okay, okay, stop with the static. Hey, are you listening? Hey, you—look really nice in that sweater." That last part was directed at Arthur who had just walked into the room carrying a small paper bag. Matthew shoved the walkie-talkie back into his jacket and stood up nervously.

"Does it? I knitted it earlier this week. I'll make one for you if you want." Arthur smiled fondly at his former colony. "Here's the jam I promised you. It goes really well with the scones I gave you the other day at the meeting."

Matthew staggered under the weight of the paper bag as he took it from Arthur's hands. "Ah, thanks. How much did you make?" He said as he struggled to maintain his balance.

"Just a small jar. Not too much since I know you won't be able to eat too much by yourself," said Arthur as he settled into the couch. "Sit and we'll chat a bit. I'm glad you decided to come, we haven't talked in a while."

"Yeah, I thought it'd be nice to visit." Matthew placed the package carefully on the coffee table with an ominous thunk. A hairline crack appeared on the wood.

A loud thud rattled the light fixtures above their heads followed by the sound of a crash.

"Bloody hell was that?" Arthur stood up and turned towards the stairs.

Matthew grabbed his wrist frantically, "AH! Big rats! I have these huge rats in my house that get into everything. They're like moose, eh? Can't get rid of them! Sit and let's have tea. Ahaha."

"In a bit. I'm going to check on that noise." Pulling a fire poker from the stand by the fireplace, Arthur climbed the stairs.

As soon as Arthur was out of earshot, Matthew yanked the walkie-talkie from his jacket and yelled, "Abort! Abort! Maple to Eagle! Abort! Caterpillar approaches! Over!" Releasing the button, he listened anxiously for a reply, which he got moments later, but not from the walkie-talkie.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, YOU GIT?!" Matthew winced as he heard another loud crash.

Alfred's pleas floated down to the living room, "Wait, wait, Iggy, I can explain. Stop swinging that poker. Hold on, Arthur."

Running footsteps sounded above Matthew's head and seconds later, Alfred came charging down the stairs, three steps at a time. Clutched in his hands were scraps of paper and index cards. A trickle of blood colored his left cheek, where apparently he barely missed having his head bashed in by the irate former British Empire. "HI MATT, BYE MATT!" yelled Alfred as he waved and ran out the door. Matthew barely had time to wave back before Alfred shot down the front walk and sprinted across the street.

"Where did that bugger run off to?" Arthur said as he came down the stairs.

Matthew shook his head, "Dunno. What did he take?"

Putting the poker back in its stand, Arthur said, "Just some papers. What idiot idea has he got in that brain of his this time?"


Matthew eased his car into Alfred's driveway and put his car into park. Alfred had been AWOL for the past few weeks and he was starting to get a little worried. Usually his hyperactive brother would bombard him with messages once or twice a week, but things had been absolutely quiet recently. It had been nice for a few days, but Matthew had started to find the silence unnerving. It wasn't until later that he was able to place a finger on why the lack of noise made him so nervous. It was like the calm before the storm.

And that was why he was here, standing in front of Alfred's house. Stomping on the welcome mat to knock the snow off his boots, Matthew rang Alfred's doorbell.

And waited.

And rang the doorbell again.

Huffing into his mittens, he leaned over the railing and peered into Alfred's window. It was dark inside, but he swore he saw the curtains move just slightly. Did Alfred step out for a moment? Matthew didn't see Alfred's car, but it could be parked in the garage. Or not. Matthew banged on the door, "Hey, Al! Are you in? Al!"

There was no response. Matthew sighed. So Alfred wasn't home. Okay, fine. Matthew turned around and surveyed the front yard. The lawn and the hedges were covered in several inches of snow, but the front walk was shoveled and so was the driveway. Obviously his brother had been home sometime in the past week to do the chores. Matthew started towards the steps, intending to wait in his car for Alfred's return when the front door clicked and he was dragged into the house by the collar of his jacket.

"Oof!" Matthew hit the floor with a thud, "What in the—mmpghf!" A hand covered Matthew's mouth, smothering his words.

"Shh! Shh! Mattie, be quiet," Alfred whispered, his breath tickled Matthew's ear. "Listen, did anyone follow you? Nod, if yes."

Matthew shook his head frantically. Follow? Why would anyone follow him?

"Good. Now, we're going to make our way to my library, but I need you to keep low and stay away from the windows, understand?" When Matthew nodded, Alfred released his hold and started to tiptoe towards the middle of the house. Confused, Matthew followed.

The floor was covered in a layer of dust and dishes were piled up on the floor. The house was completely silent, save for the humming of the refrigerator. Matthew was about to make a crack about what Arthur's reaction would be if he saw the state of Alfred's house until Matthew noticed the edgy look on Alfred's face. Something was going on.

It wasn't until they were in the library that Alfred relaxed and threw himself into the leather recliner with a groan. Rubbing his face, he said, "Oh Mattie, you gave me a scare there. I didn't expect anyone to come knocking on my door."

"Yes, I'm sorry I decided to…" Matthew's words trailed off. It looked like Alfred had been living in his library for the past couple of weeks. A mountain of instant ramen wrappers and soda cans were piled in a corner where Matthew vaguely recalled there used to be a garbage can. Jeans and t-shirts were scattered all over the shelves and furniture. Alfred had created a makeshift bed on the couch and all around it were notes and pieces of paper covered in chicken scratch. A portable electric stove was plugged in on the other side of the room. Matthew could see that there were beat-up pots and pans along with a large teapot. All the curtains were drawn and the only light in the room was a small lamp. "Oh my god. Where do you go to the bathroom?"

Alfred pointed to a closed door. "I thank the architect every night for giving this room its own bathroom."

Matthew shook himself out of his shock, "Al, what's wrong? Why are you doing this?!" He sat on the armrest next to his brother.

The dim light of the room cast dark shadows across Alfred's face, obscuring his expression, but the younger brother could feel the intensity of his gaze. Alfred slouched back into the recliner and sighed; it seemed like he was weighing something in his mind. Matthew squirmed uncomfortably, "What?"

Alfred didn't say anything for a moment and then he nodded to himself as if he'd made a decision. Resting his elbows on his knees, he brought his face close to Matthew's. His voice was clear and tinged with a layer of urgency, "Matt, I need you to promise me that you'll share none of this. Not with any of the other Nations, not even with your boss or officials. It's too dangerous to have this information floating out in public."

"Al, what's going on? How did this—"

Taking Matthew's hand in his, Alfred said, "Promise me."

Matthew frowned. The first thought that crossed his mind was whether this was another elaborate prank cooked up by his brother. It wouldn't be the first time and Matthew would be damned if he'd fall for another one. But the fine trembling in Alfred's hands and the plea in his voice was real. If Alfred had gotten himself into trouble, Matthew wanted to be there for him, "Okay, I promise."


Alfred placed the kettle on the burner with a clank. The water sloshed hollowly within. Smiling apologetically, Alfred said, "I was just about to eat lunch before you arrived. Do you want any instant ramen?"

"No, I'm good." Matthew shook his head. Alfred shrugged and rummaged through the room for clean eating utensils. After watching his brother debate between spicy seafood ramen and chashu-flavored udon style ramen for five minutes, Matthew cleared his throat impatiently, "C'mon, Al. Spill it."

Grabbing a pillow from the couch, Alfred sat down cross-legged on the floor with his ramen (the chashu-flavored one) and poured the boiling water into the Styrofoam bowl. He punched something into the digital cooking timer, "Now it'll be perfectly ready to eat after three minutes and fifty-six seconds." Alfred noticed the incredulous look on Matthew's face, "What?!"

Choking back his laughter, Matthew said, "You time your instant ramen?"

"Don't you?"

"No!"

"But ramen needs to be done just right, or the soup and noodle texture is completely off and it'll taste funny!" Alfred scoffed, "Amateurs."

Matthew disguised his grin with a cough, "Okay, okay."

The two brothers sat in companionable silence. Matthew wouldn't have admitted it for anything in the world, but he'd been worried about his brother and seeing him alive (but probably not healthy; instant ramen for the past three weeks? Really, Alfred?) had calmed him down considerably.

Alfred shifted in his seat and started his story.

"Remember the world meeting we had? Not the recent one, but the one before that. Well, afterwards, me and some of the guys went to the bar around the corner, y'know? Nothing special, just something we always do to unwind. Prussia came even though he isn't a Nation anymore, and that meant France and Spain came too. Um, who else was there? Denmark, Holland, and South Korea. Russia was there too, but he came much later.

"Anyway, after a while, we were starting to get kinda plastered and France had already lost most of his clothing. Prussia and Spain were egging him on like they always do. You've seen it often enough too, right?"

Matthew nodded. He remembered that world meeting actually. It was on economics and trade; a really boring topic for even the most diligent Nation. And everyone had been antsy and fidgety by the end of the day. Matthew had tagged along with the group going to the bar, but he'd only collected a beer and retreated back to his room to prepare for the flight home.

Alfred continued talking, "So I'm sitting there, feeling good and relaxed when I overhear Wales talking to Taiwan about weapons of mass destruction." Alfred winced, "I know that after my previous boss, that phrase got a lot of ridicule, but still it caught my attention, you know? Wales and Taiwan were discussing the threat of nuclear weapons from North Korea or something and Wales goes, 'You want weapons of mass destruction? Try England's food. Now that there is some major destruction.' And Taiwan's all confused, but I'm falling off my stool agreeing with him 'cause growing up with England's cooking was brutal."

The timer started to beep and Alfred ripped the cover off the ramen and stirred the noodles. Taking a loud slurp, Alfred hummed contentedly, "Mmm, perfect." Swishing his chopsticks in the air, he said, "So where was I? Oh yeah, Wales continues talking about how bad England's food is, but now he's including me since he saw me listening. Then he brings up Old Man Rome and goes on and on about how Rome didn't see it coming at all and what a shame it was.

" After all that beer, my brain's just not seeing the connection, so I ask Wales what's England's cooking got to do with the fall of Rome. And remember, England's just a kid when Rome was around, how could he possibly do anything that'd harm the bastard? And you know what Wales, says?" Alfred deepened his voice, mimicking the older Nation, and leaned towards Matthew conspiratorially. The effect was ruined by the noodle dangling from his chin. "He says, 'The last I ever saw of Rome was when he was making his way to England's place. For dinner.'"

To be continued


My first intentional multi-chapter! Tell me what you think!