Author's Note: This is not slash. All of the characters stay true to themselves. Also, many thanks to my friends atomdancerrr and Bud Urban for their invaluable assistance. Without them, this story would have been so much less. Namaste', mi amigos! BTW - Please R/R atomdancerrr's work. She is a talented writer and critic.

I Now Pronounce You…Uh…

Chapter One - The Really Big Favor

The story so far…

Sheppard and his team, minus Teyla, were on board the Daedalus, enroute to nowhere in particular while McKay conducted experiments designed to enhance the sublight drive. When they were several days out from Atlantis they received a distress call from a race called the Kardanians. Their ship, the Adnausaeum, was nearly beyond repair but was brought into one of the hanger bays where McKay could work on it, just in case. As he was fond of reminding everyone who would listen, and those who wouldn't, he was a genius and more than capable of repairing the ship, eventually, if people would stop standing over him and getting in his way and distracting him by talking nonsensically about things that were of little or no consequence. Not to mention that every time someone said the name of the alien ship the Daedalus' crew laughed. It really was quite maddening though he could see their point. To the Kardanians Adnausaeum meant "may the Creator Of All Things be with us". To the humans it sounded like ad nauseam, which was Latin for "to the point of disgust or nausea". At any rate, Colonel Steven Caldwell, commander of the Daedalus, agreed to ferry them back to Atlantis once the experiments had been completed to McKay's satisfaction where they would be relocated to a suitable planet.

The Captain of the Adnausaeum, Mard Closas, had requested a private conference with Colonels Caldwell and Sheppard. Also in attendance were several of his senior officers and a young woman to whom they were not introduced. This is where we come in…

*****

"We are eternally grateful for all you have done for us, Colonel Sheppard. The damage inflicted upon our ship by the Genii was severe. When you rescued us we had only a few days worth of supplies left to sustain us. Our hyperdrive had been all but destroyed and the environmentals would have failed within a week."

Sheppard listened with only half of his mind while Captain Mard Closas of the Kardanians fairly glowed with gratitude for the rescue of him and his crew, the last of their race.

"Not a problem, Captain. We live to rescue."

"You came to the aide of people you didn't even know. That act is worthy of one of my world's greatest rewards." Closas smiled broadly.

"Well, it's all in a days work for us." Sheppard was getting uncomfortable with the man's effusiveness. And he kept praising the work of one man when it had been a team effort.

The Kardanian waved away the comment. "Nonsense. Don't be so humble, Colonel." He stood, stretching out his left hand. A smaller, more delicate-looking hand grasped his and he pulled the young woman forward. Like her father, she was tall, equal in height to Sheppard, slim, with short silvery black hair in spikes, silver eyes that glittered and flawless skin a few shades lighter than that of milk chocolate. She exuded a sensuality that made all of the men take notice. "On our world, someone who has done something so courageous without thought of harm coming to themselves is given a great reward."

Sheppard used all his will power to keep his features from showing alarm. He whispered in Caldwell's ear. "I have a really bad feeling…" Caldwell said nothing, just arched an eyebrow.

All of Sheppard's fears were made real when Closas said, "Colonel John Sheppard of Atlantis and Earth, I give to you my most prized possession, my daughter E'llya, to have as your mate from this day onward. She is strong in both mind and body and will bear you many children to carry on your legacy of courage and self-sacrifice."

Sheppard let his breath out in a silent sigh. He and Caldwell looked at each other without expression. Sheppard tried to smile back at the young woman but it felt more like the face he usually made when he'd eaten too much Cajun food.

E'llya stepped forward, placing her hands on Sheppard's shoulders. "I pledge my life and my whole being to you, John Sheppard. We will begin our life together this day after Last Meal." She leaned forward and he was sure she was going to kiss him. Instead, she brushed her left temple against his. It was not as intimate as a kiss but he got the idea that it meant the same thing. As she pulled back, one of her spikes nearly impaled his left eye.

*****

Sheppard paced back and forth in a deserted corridor of the Daedalus trying to decide what to do about E'llya. He didn't want to insult these people but he couldn't take the man's daughter as a gift. It smacked of slavery and the idea turned his stomach. He was so distracted that he nearly ran into a wall stanchion. It brought him up short. Leaning one hand on the wall, he ran the other through his military short hair leaving it sticking up more than usual. As far as he could see there were a limited number of ways to get out of this situation.

Footsteps echoed from the corridor behind him. In an instant, he made the decision that the person coming toward him, whoever it was, would be the one to help him out of this mess. He didn't care who it was, he would not take no for an answer. Rubbing the back of his head he took a deep breath to fortify his resolve as the footsteps came to a halt behind him.

"Oh, here you are, Sheppard. What is going on? I have been all over the ship looking for you. The Kardanians are all up in arms." Rodney McKay waved his arms around, annoyed with his friend and not shy about expressing it, loudly. "They're running around making all sorts of plans that have something to do with you but none of them are saying." Sheppard didn't turn around and McKay became just the tiniest bit worried. He tucked his tablet into the crook of one arm and pressed the other to Sheppard's shoulder which stiffened at the contact. He dropped his hand back to his side. "John? You okay?"

Sheppard hung his head down a moment. Why couldn't it at least have been one of the many women on board? Hell, even Dr. Novack would have been better. So what if she hiccupped when she was stressed? He could work with that. But why why why did it have to be McKay? He turned around to face his friend. They had been through a lot with and for each other but this just might be too much to ask and he didn't want to ruin their friendship. Oh, what the Hell? McKay wouldn't kill him for asking so…

Sheppard turned and gave a small laugh. "Yeah, I'm…fine. Just peachy."

"Humph. You don't look fine or peachy to me. What is going on?"

Rubbing both hands up his face and through his hair, he took another deep breath. "It's…a long story. Actually…it's a short story that, apparently, is going to have a long and really bizarre ending." His right hand came to rest on McKay's shoulder. "Rodney, I need a favor."

"Okay."

"A big favor."

"O-kay."

"A really BIG favor."

"Oh. Uh…just h-h-how big are we talking here?"

Oh, shit! He hated it when Rodney stuttered. It meant he was already having second thoughts and didn't know how to get out of it. "Very big. It's the biggest favor ever in the history of favors. But I wouldn't ask if it weren't really, really important. The-future-of-a-possible-alliance-is-in-your-hands important."

"No pressure then, hmm?" McKay's eyebrows creased together as he thought it over. "Well, um-m-m-m-m, okay. Yeah. Whatever. Anything for a friend."

"Promise?"

"Yes. Yes. Alright. I promise." Sheppard stuck his little finger in the air and Rodney reluctantly hooked his own around it. "Pinky swear."

"You're gonna regret saying that when you hear what it is. But you pinky swore so I'm gonna hold you to it."

"No doubt." He was hungry and still annoyed that it took him so long to find Sheppard and that annoyance had just notched up another couple of levels. "But how can I help you if you don't tell me what it IS?!?!?"

"Rodney…will you…" Deep breath in, deep breath out. "…marry me?"

TBC