Author's Notes: This is part one of my two-shot written in response to the 30 Lemons livejournal community challenge. While I'm not part of that community, I still think it would be fun to write something after a long hiatus from writing fanfiction. Anyway, part two will have the actual lemon. The theme for this story is "bottoms up, or, 'Surprise! Guess Who's on Top Tonight?'"

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply. I don't own Once Upon a Time. If I did, then my student loans and my credit card bills would be paid off already.


Bottoms Up

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"Swan?" Killian's lilting voice interrupted the companionable silence in the apartment.

"Yeah?" Emma asked, the question sounding muffled as she took a drink from her glass of rum.

For once, it was a quiet evening in Storybrooke. There weren't any crimes to solve, any wicked witches to defeat, any flying monkeys to fight off, or any curses to break. For the first time since Emma came to the sleepy little coastal town, it was just a quiet, uneventful evening and Emma planned on taking advantage of it before the next crisis came (whether it was sheriff-related or savior-related).

Her son, Henry, was spending the night with his other mother, Regina. Mary Margaret and David, also known as Snow White and Prince Charming (and, to a lesser extent, Mom and Dad), had moved out of the apartment and into a comfortable house down the street. For the evening, her parents were out on a date night and Emma had the apartment all to herself. That she was spending the evening with Killian Jones, also known by his more colorful moniker as Captain Hook, didn't bother her.

"What's a reverse cowgirl?"

What?!

Emma coughed and sputtered into her drink, slamming the glass onto the countertop.

"Emma, lass, are you all right?" Killian asked, his voice rising in alarm.

"I'm fine," Emma wheezed, hitting her chest to clear her lungs. When she felt her lungs weren't on fire, she explained, "It just went down the wrong pipe."

"Oh." The relief was evident in the pirate's voice. His shoulders sagged in relief. "Thank the gods."

No, no, don't thank the gods, Emma thought as her heart started to race. Her stomach sank and she could feel the blood rushing through her body. Panic settled over her. If the gods were merciful, I wouldn't have heard this question in the first place.

"Lass?" Killian's voice brought her out of her panicking state.

"I'm fine," Emma repeated, clearing her throat. She turned to look at the pirate captain. "I'm fine. So, where did you hear that?"

"From the Whale fellow."

"Dr. Whale?" Emma snorted. She returned to her drink. "Figures."

"Yes, him," Killian answered. "I was playing an interesting game called Cards against Humanity with him, Jefferson, your father, Robin, and Grumpy. Someone used the 'reverse cowgirl' card. There was a lot of laughter but, I must confess, I was quite confused."

Please, you've probably done it before. You just don't know what it's called. "And you didn't bother to ask David?" Emma asked.

"Lass, please," Killian said, "don't you think I haven't tried that before? Even he said he didn't know what it was."

"Seriously?" Emma looked skeptical.

"Should he have known?" Killian asked.

"Yeah, see, that's where I'm conflicted. I get why you don't know—you weren't cursed here for twenty-eight years with fake memories when Regina first cast the curse. You were in freaking fairy tale land. And you couldn't exactly ask Robin Hood; he's in the same boat as you. But David has been in the real world for twenty-eight years, give or take a year, and he has fake memories of living here…and you would think, since he's a guy and all, that he would know what a reverse cowgirl is." Emma frowned as she realized just who she was talking about and that the person in question was her father. "On second thought, I don't want to know if he knows."

"Swan, are you going to tell me what a reverse cowgirl is or not?" Killian impatiently asked.

"I'm not drunk enough for this," Emma muttered, taking a healthy gulp of rum. Mumbling into her cup, she answered, "It's a sex position."

"A what?"

"A sex position," Emma enunciated, setting her glass down with a loud thud and turning in her seat to face the handsome pirate. "It's a position for when you're having sex…fucking, making the beast with two backs, humping, bumping uglies—you know—all that fun stuff."

Ignoring Killian's blank stare and feeling the familiar burn of rum working through her body and lowering her inhibitions, she gathered what was left of her courage and continued to explain.

"You see, the reverse cowgirl is a variation of the cowgirl, another sex position. With the cowgirl, the woman is on top, straddling the guy's hips, and riding his cock. And, that's kind of fun because a girl can feel his cock all the way up to her belly button and she normally wouldn't feel that in the traditional missionary position. And if she's lucky, the guy's cock would hit that G-spot and the girl would actually have an orgasm for once instead of just faking it…unless…never mind. Anyway, with the reverse cowgirl, the woman is still riding the guy's cock but she's facing away from him. So instead of seeing her bouncing breasts and her gyrating hips, the guy would just have a view of her ass bouncing on his cock. That can be boring. Well, maybe. I mean, there could be a floor-length mirror placed at the foot of the bed and a girl could watch herself getting fucked. Now that's a turn-on right there—rolling your hips and watching that big, hard cock stuff that pussy with each up and down motion. It can get a woman wetter than a slide at a water park. Hmmm…yeah."

Her eyes glazed over and Emma felt the familiar heat pooling at her core. Pulling herself out of her lustful daze, she focused her eyes on Killian. "Anyway, do you get what I'm saying? Because I don't know if I can say anymore on this subject and it's awkward enough as it is."

Intense blue eyes stared at the blonde woman. Emma fought the urge to look away. She could feel the heat rising in her ears and neck. She was warm and flushed. Oh, god, there's a puddle around me, she thought. As Killian absently tapped his hook to his chin, deep in thought, processing the information he just heard, time crawled at a snail's pace. Emma crossed her legs and fidgeted in her chair.

When the tapping stopped and his face didn't give her any clue about what he was thinking, the hair at the nape of Emma's neck rose. There were only two outcomes she could foresee…and one of them could lead to the fun he promised her when they were in Neverland. She gulped in nervous anticipation.

"Actually, no, Swan, I don't understand what you're saying." His blue eyes rove over Emma's body from top to bottom, a smirk forming across his handsome face. "Perhaps I need a demonstration."

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