Follow You Into The Dark
Ronnie knocked on the his front door, a nervous knot forming in her stomach as she thought about coming face to face with him after all this time. Inwardly, she scoffed, what was she on about? 'All this time' – she'd only been gone a month. What could have changed in four short weeks? But still, she was nervous. She wiped her palms across the black skinny jeans she was wearing, frowning as the light film of moisture returned almost instantly.
Stop it, Ronnie – you're acting like a teenager!
The door swung open, revealing a half naked Jack. Ronnie couldn't help but run her eyes up and down his body, drinking him in. All she had had in the last month were memories, and now the real thing was standing before her, only a foot away.
"Hi," she said, that one syllable seeming to take all her brain power.
"Ronnie." He looked at her, stunned to see her standing there.
She smiled at him, her face flushed with light. "Well, are you going to leave me standing out here all day or are you gonna let me in?" He nodded his head, a small frown appearing in his forehead as he stepped to the side, pushing open the door further so Ronnie could come in. "What is it?" She asked, sensing that something wasn't quite right about his demeanour.
"Nothing."
She raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Jack, what is it?"
"Nothing, I just er, I didn't know you were back," he answered her as they both walked into the kitchen.
"Yeah, I got back last night. I'm sorry, I should've called first," she stated, pushing shut the front door.
"Yeah, maybe you should have," Jack said, sharply, an edge to his voice. He had his back to her as he pulled on a black t-shirt, so he wouldn't have to see the crushed look on her face, see the way her beaming smile dropped from her lips with his harsh words. Why did she have to come back now? Why today, why now of all times?
"Er, d'you-"
Ronnie whipped around, her loosely curled blonde hair following the path. And standing there in Jack's dressing gown was his sister-in-law. Ronnie felt her heart plummet through her stomach, it was as though somebody had reached into her chest, wrapped their fingers around her heart and slammed it through her body.
"Hi," Tanya spoke, gingerly, clasping the opening of the dressing gown tightly in her hands. Oh god, the look on her face.
"Hello," Ronnie replied, trying to keep the heartbreak out of her voice. They couldn't see her like that, she couldn't break down in front of either of them, and so the Ice Queen mask went back on and Ronnie went back to doing what she was best at; hiding.
"I'll just . . ." Tanya awkwardly pointed to the bedroom, hurriedly scuttling back into it.
Ronnie turned back around, placing the palms of her hands on the cool, kitchen island; using it to steady herself. She gripped onto it for dear life, as though it was the only thing tethering her to a world that was free of pain and as long as she held onto it, she wouldn't have to experience the soul crushing agony that had been reserved just for her.
"Well, you certainly didn't waste any time, did you?" She said wryly, her chest felt as though sandpaper had been scraped across it, raw and tender. He's with Tanya? Tanya?! His brother's ex-wife? How can he be with anyone? I guess I meant a lot less to him than he did to me. You should've figured that one out long before now, Ronnie.
"Yeah, well, I don't recall getting any postcards." There was a hint of anger to his voice, but what right did he have to be angry? He got together with Tanya as soon as Ronnie's cab had pulled out of sight – so how dare he play the victim? Because it helps the guilt.
"I'll tell you what? I won't bother you again, yeah?" She shook her head, walking towards the door.
"Ron-" Jack called out to her, pulling her back with his voice.
Ronnie stopped, frozen by his voice, but she couldn't turn around, she couldn't look at him again, not when she knew that he felt nothing for her. Why did he have to say my name like that? Why couldn't he have just let me walk out the door? I can't, I can't do this here. I just, I need to get out of here, I need to get away from him.
Her head spun with the events of the last sixty seconds, she rested her forehead against the small part of wall next to the door frame, as though her head was too full to be held up on its own. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way." His voice sounded genuine, sincere even, but . . . he was apologising for the fact that she had walked in on him and his new girlfriend after a session between the sheets, he wasn't apologising for being with Tanya, for not waiting for her, for not loving her anymore.
Ronnie slowly shook her head, trying to remember what she had to do to be able to breathe freely once again. "It doesn't matter."
"So what did you want?" Jack asked, back to normal once again, oblivious to the fact that Ronnie's broken heart lay at his feet and with every word he spoke, he may as well have been stamping all over it.
How easily he forgets. Then again, what did I expect?
"You're obviously busy."
"Come on, tell me," Jack pressed, completely hiding the desperation in his voice beneath layers of nonchalance and business partner concern. Why am I pressing so hard? He thought to himself. It's obvious she doesn't wanna tell me, her hand's practically on the door handle about to wrench it open, so why am I keeping her here?
Ronnie looked at him for a moment, a thoughtful expression on her face, a flicker of anguish flashed in her eyes but she pushed it down within herself, burying it once again. She shook her head. "It doesn't matter anymore. I'll er, I'll see you at the club tonight."
Jack watched as she left the flat, staring at the empty space her body had left. He couldn't stop the feeling of loss spreading throughout his being, leaking into all of the darkest places of his soul. He let out a hiss of breath, hoping that somehow the feeling would lessen, but it didn't. It just stayed, growing and growing until he felt as though with every breath he took, he was fuelling the emptiness.
A month ago, even an hour ago, he had been so sure. So sure that Ronnie wasn't the one for him, that what he wanted and needed was Tanya. But a five minute conversation with Ronnie had made him doubt himself and his choices. He wasn't sure anymore.
