Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto.
It was a pretty dull day at the Akatsuki's hideout. Itachi and Kisame were sitting at the kitchen table eating their sticky rice. Itachi was shaking violently. He was on the look out for something. For someone. That particular someone had just made our emo ninja very uncomfortable the past night.
"Itachi, please tell me why you're so shaken up." Kisame sighed.
"Please don't look down on me if I tell you." Itachi whispered.
"Of course not."
"I, was abused."
Kisame began roaring with laughter. "That's a good one! Now tell me what really happened."
"I'm serious! Last night Deidara…"
"Hi Kisame. Hello there Itachi." Deidara stated in a seducing tone. "What you talking about?"
"Nothing really." Kisame yawned, "Itachi is just making up crazy stories again."
"Okay." Deidara grabbed a rice ball and dropped on Kisame pants. "Oh, sorry about that. Here, lets me clean it up." His arm rubbed against Kisame's leg for only a moment. It was just long enough for Itachi to shriek. Deidara grinned, winked at Itachi and walked out.
"Geez Itachi, what's up with you this morning? Now what were you saying?"
"Deidara sexually abused both of us now!" Itachi screamed while waving his arms up and down.
"What?! Itachi, Deidara might be gay, but there's no way he abused us."
"You forget, he have mouths on both of his hands. Those hands have tongs! In other words, if he touch us anywhere, his tongs will…"
"You mean?"
"Yep." It was silent for a moment.
"I feel so abused."
