Not my characters. We know this. Have fun reading this one. Review if you feel like it. I'll be counting the "ZOMGWTFBBQ"s.

Parody of Doom

The scarecrow, Kakashi, woke up late, as usual, to the bustling city below. Konoha could have possibly been the worst place for a scarecrow. And in the country of fire, when he is so flammable? Not that it mattered all that much to him at any other time though.

He got up slowly, dressed, and went about the morning business. (Because I'm too lazy and it's too boring to type it out) Snatching up his copy of Icha Icha Paradisu, he headed for the training grounds at 3 in the afternoon.

Upon arriving, the little wad of food, Naruto, the cherry blossom clinging desperately to the ground not to be blown away, Sakura, and Sasuke (I don't know what that can translate to) were waiting for him.

"Kakashi -sensei! You're three hours late!" yelled cherry blossom and food in unison.

"Yeah.. the road I took had some pretty tempting shops along the way." Scarecrow mumbled.

After many hours of training (because I am too lazy to type the boringness of what happened), they decided to all head out to the Hokage's place. For what reason, who the hell knows. It's the logic of a scarecrow, blossom, and food. And Sasuke..

They walked in to find.. dun dun dunnn.. a weasel sitting just inside the door, munching on what could only possibly be a finger.

"Sasuke, your brother is disgusting!" yelled cherry blossom.

"…"

"Do something about it!"

"…"

Giving up on Sasuke, cherry blossom took it upon herself to salvage what was left of the finger and chased weasel out of the room.

Scarecrow decided to ignore this, and looked down at food. "You're strangely silent today, Naruto.."

The heap of food sat there.

"Hmm.. I see."

":sitting there:"

"You're no fun," scarecrow kicked him, bringing a gurgling out of the food. (haha wtf Oo) Then proceeded upstairs with Sasuke.

On the second floor, a snakeboy ran up to them and, out of the blue, tried to bite Sasuke.

"Hn," Sasuke crushed it's head before it's fangs reached his skin.

Food, suddenly finding shape and voice, screeched at the time. "WE'VE BEEN HERE FOREVER. LET'S GO GET A MISSION OR SOMETHING ALREADY! 'CAUSE GOD KNOWS I AM NOT STAYING FOR TEA!"

Scarecrow agreed to this, and they stepped into the medical slug's office. (Don't know what Tsunade is either..)

Slopping, wet sounds came from the slug.

"Ewww! What is she doing under that desk!" food, looking horrified, asked.

Scarecrow's single visible eye flattened. "She's speaking. Shut up."

After some more strange sounds, which hidden underneath was the language that food couldn't pick up on, they got their mission.

As they were leaving, scarecrow hung back a moment. "Tsunade, you have a pest problem in this building, by the way."

"Help at the aquarium… what!" exclaimed food as he read the sheet with their mission.

"Stop whining you prissy little bitch," Sasuke spat out.

Naruto, er food, stared at him in shock for a minute. "You said a coherent thought," he said meekly.

"You probably don't know what coherent means," Sasuke said snarkily.

Scarecrow stepped in at this point, holding two volumes of Icha Icha Paradisu between them. "Shut up or read up."

They shut up at once.

Continuing on their mini-journey to the aquarium, cherry blossom caught up with them.

"Yo, mah pimpz, wtf iz wid leevn meh dere!"

Not really. She just screeched in her overly screechy way about them leaving her behind as they arrived.

Talking to some random, ignorant, white Americans, the worker soon caught site of them and wandered over. "Ahhh.. Kakashi!" A completely red boy walked up to him, growling under his breath in almost a purr.

Food's face: Oo;;

"Akamaru! Hello! Where is Kiba-chan?"

A little poofy dog ran up and, before reaching them, got distracted by a fish behind glass and jumped at it.

'Always was pretty dim,' scarecrow mused.

"So, Akamaru, my good ol' friend, what help might you be needing here today?" he asked while leaning on red boy's shoulder.

"Ahh.. just this crazy dolphin that somehow manages a way out of his tank, then scares the shit outta our customers, if you know what I mean," he winked and nudged scarecrow, who suddenly had a vile thought of a dolphin flailing it's penis around. (:barfs: why did I even think of that!)

"ALRIGHT! DOLPHIN, HERE I COME!" food all-too-enthusiastically yelled.

"He has no idea, does he?" whispered scarecrow to red boy.

"What are you talking about? He's probably eager to get a dolphin who's smart enough to fake rabies 6 feet under. Not that I mind at all, but there's policy and such sort."

Scarecrow sighed, but didn't need to run after him, as cherry blossom had taken that responsibility into her own hands. She ran down the hall after food, screaming random insults at him.

When scarecrow and Sasuke caught up with them, the two were sitting against a wall smokin' it up. "Yo, I gotz the munchies! Git meh sum dem chipz!"

Okay, I've got to stop.

When scarecrow and Sasuke caught up with them, the two were fighting on one side of the room, the other had a dolphin laying on the floor, foaming at the mouth.

Scarecrow walked over to it, running his hand over it's head, then flicking it's eyeball.

"What do you think you're doing out of you cage, Iruka!" he yelled.

The dolphin sat motionless. "Well..!" Motionless.

Scarecrow reluctantly picked the dolphin up to put it back in the cage, but before he could it suddenly started humping the shit out of him for 24 hours straight. Just like he had imagined the dolphin scaring away customers. After the day, he opened his eyes and saw the weasel.

"Damn it, Itachi! That's not funny! Don't use that Mange-Dange crap on me!" he dumped the dolphin in the tank roughly. After that he went to grab the weasel, but the yound Uchiha prince-whiny-poo-ego-of-a-dragon got there first.

"This is what you get for killing our family." Sasuke then popped his head of like he was the Barbie doll that stole Ken's husband. (tehe)

"Well, not that Itachi was a rea-"

There were quick footsteps, followed by the paws of a dog, and red boy jumped on scarecrow upon reaching him. "YAYYY KAKASHI! YOU'RE MY HEROOO!" he screamed as he rubbed scarecrow's ass, unknown to anyone but them.

"Uhh.." A blush crept up on scarecrows face, thankfully for him hidden by the mask.

Akamaru hopped off, with a quick wink and "Kimi o ai shiteru!" to scarecrow.

"The day has been saved! Thanks to you, team 7!" Red boy kissed them all on the cheek then said in their stunned silence, "Now, I have to go submit my application for Banana Republic. Oh, how I'd love to help men shop for just the right fit, in shirts and suits and especially pants!"

Off he ran, with Kiba at his heels.

"That was interesting." Food mumbled, giant blue orbs, otherwise known as eyeballs, staring after the completely red man.