A/N – this is my try at a post finale story, this story will probably be between four to five chapters long. I have most of it outlined, and a good idea of how I want it to go. The story will be from Sam's point of view. This is my first attempt at a multi chapter story, so please, negative or positive; I would appreciate your comments to let me know if I'm taking this story in the right direction. As always, read, review, and enjoy! Also, this story is not batted so all mistakes are mine

Disclaimer- if I owned Rookie Blue, I would be driving a nicer car.

Six months

Chapter 1: that night

Gail and I sat drinking at the penny past last call, between the two of us, we had a few Labatt Blue's and polished off a bottle of tequila while taking turns pretending not to notice the disappointment etched on one another's face each time the door opened and it wasn't Nick or Andy.

"Closing time folks" the bartender called out as he gathered the disregarded glasses and beer bottles that littered the bar and tabletops. I glanced over at Gail just in time to catch her giving a little nod and a self-deprecating smile cross her face. Her usually pale skin was tinged pink with the flush that only a good amount of alcohol can bring, but it was set off by the whites of her eye that were turning red from her un-ushered tears.

"I'm ah...sure something came up." I said shifting my weight a little unsteadily from one foot to the other, not sure if the statement was more for her or me. Gail quickly snapped her head up giving me a pointed glare that seemed to freeze my movements when I turned back from paying.

"Is that what you're telling yourself Swarek? Not me, because unlike you, I choose not to live in a fantasy land. If something comes up then you get a call, you get a text. Wanna know what you get when you've been stood up" she didn't even pause for my response, "hurt pride and a hangover. So face it, the people we wanted a drink with, didn't want a drink with us." In my intoxicated state I must have let more emotion show than normal, because Gail quickly went from defensive to apologetic.

"Sorry. Bitch and selfish is kind of my standard go to; that's why all the rookies hate me right?" She gave a sad little laugh through her nose.

"Nobody actually hates you Gail, you know that." She gave another small shake of her head as we made our way to the door. "I ah...would offer to give you a ride but I don't think I'm in the shape to get behind the wheel, you wanna split a cab?" I saw a small shiver slide down her back that had nothing to do with the cold night air.

"Um, no that's okay I can just walk." I immediately felt like an ass.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Suit yourself." She answered evenly, but I could see the small breath of relief at my offer. We walked in a compatible silence for a good ten minutes before her fragile voice cut through the wind.

"We were going to get married." At my questioning glance Gail elaborated. "Nick and I, it was a long time ago but...we were going to do it. I remember we were sitting at this park late one night, and he was telling me how horrible my taste in movies are, which it's not by the way, anyhow, I was in the middle of defending 'the prince's bride' when one of those park splash pad things went off. I turned to Nick with this huge smile on my face and dragged him off the hood of his car and under the water; I know how much he hates getting wet, but I love those things, well use too anyway. They always reminded me of summer and being a kid and that free feeling you get when you're young and running in the backyard. We were laughing and kissing and just...I was happy. And this I will never forget, he looked at me and said: Gail, you're the craziest person I know, I love you..., then he held my gaze and ended with 'marry me?"

She was quite for a moment, lost in that memory of youth and love; I hated myself for it but had to know what went wrong. "So what happened?" The apprehension in my question made my voice sound like sand.

"I said yes, we talked about it for a couple of weeks then decided to elope in Vegas. I packed my bags and sat like a fool waiting for him to help me sneak out of my parents' house so we could go...go and become Mr. & Mrs. Collins. But he never came. About a month later I heard from a friend of his that he had enlisted. He had never even told me he was interested in the army and then..." she shrugged her shoulders in defeat. "Earlier this year was the first time I had seen or heard from him since that night. And here I am once again, waiting. I just...I wasn't always like this, you know closed off and un-trusting. I'm not trying to blame him but, I wasn't always like this."

I was lost for words, this woman who I had always seen as a strong, and no nonsense, tough person was a little broken. I wondered how many of Gail's friends knew this side of her, how many knew this story. As I silently pondered this question Gail's voice broke through once more.

"You know what hurt the most?" She asked never looking at me, I shook my head no. "I tried and tried to make contact with him before I found out about the army, you know, just to talk, try and figure out what went wrong for him...and he just ignored me, it felt like he was telling me that everything we were, everything we could have been, didn't mean anything to him. I really loved him you know, I've never been the type of girl that throws that word around, but I really loved him."

"So what happens now?" I asked as my heart began to speed up as if I was competing in a triathlon. If Gail noticed my nervousness she didn't say so, instead she took a deep breath as she gave her shoulders a sad shrug.

"There are only so many times the same guy can disappoint you, or break your heart till there's nothing left for him to put back together." She offered me a half smile as we reached her house, with no idea how terrified she had made me. "Thanks for tonight, you know the drinks, the walk...listening."

"Don't worry about it." I offered as I turned around to leave.

"But Swarek!" I turned on my heel to face her, "repeat anything and I'll tell everyone I caught you crying into your Blue."

"Got it." I said with a small laugh.

"And I know it's not my business, but...I hope you and Andy work things out, you seem to make her really happy."

"Got it." I said with an era of confidence I didn't really have after tonight." We booth offered smiles that didn't quite meet our eyes, then I turned and headed back towards the penny...I definitely wasn't drunk anymore.

The walk back to my truck seemed to take twice as long with the weight of all I had learned tonight. I knew I had hurt Andy with my absence, I ended things so abruptly and then...and then nothing. If she only knew how I cradle my phone in my hands when she would call, longing to answer, to hear her voice on the other end. I would sit alone shrouded in darkness on my couch reading and rereading her name as it illuminated my screen, watching as it turned to a missed call, bringing my total higher and higher with the coming evenings. She would call once every night for weeks; it pathetically became the highlight of my day in the weeks that followed Jerry's death. In some twisted way it made me feel like I still had her or at the least some kind of a connection to what we were...that if she kept calling than I still had that link to her heart. It was partly in fear that I didn't answer, I didn't know what to say, I've never been that guy who can talk about what I'm feeling. When came to her, I was feeling things I never had before, things I didn't understand. I had already put my foot in my mouth that night in the parking lot, 'maybe someday we can be friends' I cringed at the memory of my words. But eventually my nightly missed call stopped.

I remembered that night not too long ago. I had waited in the hall for her after the investigation with SIU. Those guys are ruthless and can really mess with a good cop. I just wanted to know that she was okay. I remember the relief I felt when I saw her walking towards the exit, I fell in step with her and then she knocked the wind out of me...'that's not your job anymore' she said in a tone I had never heard from her before. It stopped me in my tracks, I stood there for at least five minutes, and an all-encompassing fear began to take hold. That night I sat on my couch till the light of an early morning broke through the darkness of my living room, I had my phone clutched tightly in my hand...with no missed call.

I got in my truck and drove by Andy's house, all the lights were off, and so with a heavy heart I drove home. Throwing my keys on the kitchen table, I made a bee line to the couch and fell with an umpf. Slowly I pulled out my phone. In all the nights that she called, she only left me one voicemail, from the night I made the biggest mistake of my life. I could never bring myself to delete it and the masochist in me had to hear it again. I entered my pin and waited as the automated voice informed me that I had one saved message:

"Hey Sam it's me...Andy. Look I know that you're hurting over Jerry, we all are but...I don't know what happen tonight. Can you just...I don't know, call me, talk to me...help me figure this out. I deserve at least that, I know it might not change anything, but at least I would understand...something." She took a long drawn out breath that still sounded of her tears before she continued. "I love you...bye."

I didn't even realize the tears that were running down my cheek until they splashed against the screen of my phone. So what if she didn't show tonight, did I really think she would after the month and a half of silence I gave her. I decided then and there I would finally keep my word to her. I wouldn't leave her alone, I would show her every day till she said yes. Show her that even though it scared the crap out of me, that I was in love with her, that I wanted another chance, that I knew now I couldn't live without her in my life, in my bed, in my heart. We would get that dog, and name it Booboo Adler...and it would all start tomorrow. Because I love her...and she told me she loved me...and Andy is not the type of girl that throws those words around. Yea, tomorrow I would bring her breakfast.

TBC...