The train ride back to Devon seemed to take forever. I wanted to see Phineas, and only Phineas. I needed to talk to him, to just have the comfort of my best friend. When I got back to Devon, I searched for him and found him on the Fields Beyond participating in a snow ball fight. Finny hit me with a snowball and told me I was on his side. He walked his way over to me with barely a limp, and I was glad his leg was healing. Though he would never have that amazing, flowing walk he had before. "How's Leper?" he asked. "Umm… not so good. Can we talk about it somewhere more private?" I questioned. "Sure. Hey guys! Gene and I are gonna go back to the dorms, okay? The cold is starting to make my leg ache." We departed to a chorus of byes and be carefulls.
The trek to the dorm was quiet and tense. Phineas could sense something was bothering me quiet a bit, and it made me feel just the tiniest bit better to know that he knew me well enough to know when something was wrong with me. I stayed close behind him to make sure he wouldn't fall on the ice, because it would be devastating if he fell and broke his leg again when I could have been there to save him. We finally got to the room and I flopped down on my bed, exhausted both emotionally and physically. Finny asked the question that was the elephant in the room. "So, how's Leper?" I tried not to scream and break down crying while retelling what Leper had told me. "He… he isn't doing well. He has gone psycho as he says and I think it's true. I would be talking to him, and then I would say something that seems harmless but it would set him off and then he would yell at me. A-after lunch we went for a walk, a-and all of a sudden Leper started to sob after I mentioned B-brinker and how funny he would look with his h-head on Snow White's body. H-he then described how in the t-training camp, the corporal's face changed into a woman's face and how he yelled and when finally someone came up to him, they had a b-broom. He said the broom… the broom changed into a man's leg that had been amputated, and then they grabbed him and all he saw was legs and arms and heads everywhere…" While I explained this, Finny sat there and listened intently, as if I were giving the most important speech in the world. "It freaked me out. It… it made me scared. I'm afraid that if I have to go to war, I will come back like that! Psycho and seeing random body parts everywhere! I'm fucking scared Finny… and I don't know what to do…" I whispered the last part softly. "I'm afraid that I will go crazy… and that you won't be there to help me or deal with it with me. I am terrified of going crazy and losing you…"
Finny slowly came over to sit on the bed next to me, and all I was expecting was a pat on the shoulder. What I didn't expect was to be pulled into Finny's arms and be held close to his chest. "Now you listen here," Finny started, "you're not going to ever lose me; I'm just going to make that clear. And if you're going to go crazy, then I will most likely be the cause of it or I will be there going crazy with you… You know, it's okay to cry, I won't tell anyone. I promise." I trusted that Phineas wouldn't tell anybody, so I started to sob into his chest. He just murmured soothing words to me and stroked my hair to try and calm me. "Besides, the war isn't real anyway so you won't have to worry about going crazy over that." I smiled at his crazy war theory, and in that moment I realized that Phineas was one of the few people who could calm me down and know exactly what to say to make me smile.
I stayed in his arms for a while and after what seemed like hours, Finny spoke, "Gene" he whispered. "Yeah?" he sounded so serious and it made me curious as to what was going on in his mind. "I love you. Please always remember that." What?! Finny loved him? Sure, he knew he loved him as a best friend, but the way he said it gestures towards a different love. Did he really love Finny? Did he love his curly brown hair, his bright green eyes that shown with mischief whenever he came up with a new idea, his bright and optimistic outlook on life? "I… I love you too Finny." He smiled down at me and kissed me on the head. But when his face was so close to mine, I just couldn't resist. I stopped his head from rising anymore by placing a firm hand on the back of his head, and then raised my head the extra few inches to meet his lips with mine. When our lips touched, it was like real peace enveloped the world around me. There was no more war, no more craziness, no more anything that was bad. The only thing around was Phineas. Right now he was the center of my world, he grounded me and kept me calm and made me happy. Our lips moved in perfect harmony, in a perfect rhythm, and I soon felt something slick and wet glide across my bottom lip. I gasped and it gave Finny the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. Our tongues fought for dominance, and they mingled in the most perfectly executed dance. We pulled apart and I look up to Finny's face. "I love you. Please don't ever leave me. Please…" I said to him. We cuddle up in my bed and I had just started to fall asleep when I heard him say, "I love you too Gene. Always will. And I will never leave you, I promise." He kissed my head and then fell asleep. That night, I didn't have nightmares about amputated arms and legs and severed heads like I imagined I would, instead I dreamed of a world of peace and Phineas.
