Disclaimer: this story is completely humor, it was going to be a one shot, but I couldn't

bear to leave it so short! Let me say that I do not own Harry Potter or any related

Characters, they are owned by J. K. Rowling and publishers, and I do not own Sailor

Moon or Whinnie the Poo Cookies, which are owned by Naoko Takeuchi and Nabisco respectively.

This story is slash, m/m, and if you have a problem with this then please discontinue

reading. Also, it tends to get a bit lemony, so bear that in mind as well.

In Which Harry and Draco learn about the Birds and the Birds

~Pocky Faery~

Chapt. One: In the Malfoy House...

"You see, Draco, there comes a time in every boy's life...er...well, that is, in every

man's life..." Lucius Malfoy paused to cough. "What I mean to say is, when a boy feels

more like a man...er..."

Draco Malfoy, 15 years old, was sitting uncomfortably perched on the edge of his bed

while his father stuttered through what as obviously an ill-prepared speech. "Dad, it's ok.

I think I know what you're trying to say."

"You do?" Surprise mixed with relief chased itself across Lucius's face. "Well, then, I'll

just be going then..." he started to jump up from the bed and run for the hills.

"Yep..." Draco steadily avoided meeting his father's eye. "You wanted to talk to me

about sex."

"WHAT?!" His father screamed before he could stop himself. "Se-se-sex?" he sputtered

quite noticeably saying the word. "I wanted to talk to you about joining the Death Eaters

and how you're absolutely *too young*."

Draco's white marble skin began to turn a delicate shade of red. "You, uhm, didn't want

to talk to me about sex..." his voice trailed off and his father wheeled around to face him.

" No, I sure as bloody hell didn't. Come to think of it, you're too young for that too! Of

all the ridiculous things I have ever heard...my son having-..." He paused by the door and

turned to face Draco again. "We'll talk about the Death Eater's later and...why, oh why,

would your mind have automatically wondered to *that* of all things?!"

With the door now slammed firmly shut, Draco lazily pointed his wand in its direction

and used a locking charm to insure no one could enter. He was lying on his back and

staring at his ceiling, enchanted to look like his favorite show, Sailor Moon, when the

anger started to seep in. *Why should I even want to be a Death Eater?* he wondered,

punching his pillow with one hand and using his wand to destroy random things on his

bedside table.

It seemed he fell asleep, because moments later he was walking across the Great Hall at

Hogwarts, and his fellow Slytherins were all pointing at him and laughing, muttering

things under his breath he couldn't quite hear. Absurdly, he walked up to Harry Potter

and asked him why they were laughing.

"Isn't it obvious, my love? They are laughing at us!" and with that, Potter leaned in for a

kiss, with Hermione Granger in the background whispering a simple spell they could use

for stopping the laughter.

He woke in a cold sweat, not at all happy to see that his *Mr. Happy* was alive and well

in response to the dream of Potter's lips on his. Sensing that trying to suppress this new

found *cough, cough* fascination with Potter would only drive him crazy, he unbuttoned

his black button up shirt, pulled off his also black "sexy sexy" pants, and decide to take

out his long time pent up sexual frustration on *Mr. Happy*. However, when he was in

the middle of screaming Potter's name, his father broke the anti opening charm on his

door and walked in.

"Oh for Christ's sake, boy, put your pants on, I'll talk to you about se-se-se..." he left it

at that and walked downstairs.

An hour later...

(Hey, Draco was enjoying himself)

Draco walked downstairs to where his father was sitting on the couch next to Voldemort.

"Hey Voldie-waldy! Long time to Crucio, huh?"

Voldemort chuckled appreciatively and gave Draco a big sloppy kiss on the cheek. "Your

father tells me you've been doing some, uh, experimenting with your, er...wand."

Draco had the good sense to look abashed and his father pulled something out from under

the couch cushion.

"Well, son. I bought this for you to look at. It should answer any questions you have. But

let me tell you, this better be as close as you get to the real thing until your of age, you

hear me?!" Draco nodded dimly, wondering what on Earth it could be his father was

holding.

He reached out his hand and into it fell the August edition of Playboy. Of course, this

being a wizarding house, all the girls on the cover were bewitched and were moving in

ways that were quite suggestive of things that made Draco blush.

"But I thought Hugh Heffner was a Muggle!"

"Don't be silly, boy. How do you think he gets all those girls? Honestly, I thought

Severus-bunkins said you were the top of you're class!"

Draco nodded absentmindedly and thought to himself if his father would ever figure out

that Playboy did not suit his...er...*tastes*.

Probably not.

Resigning himself to this fact, he turned back to Voldie-waldy and grabbed the box of

Whinne the Poo cookies.

~End~