**Authors note**
This takes place in the very first episode of ER, many of you out there
wont remember it, when Carol Hathaway attempted suicide, in the first pilot
episode, 24 hours. This is what I think she would have written if she were
to write a suicide note, but she said she didn't know what to say...
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Dear all,
You will all talk about hwy I have done this and I know you will all blame different people, but you are all owed an explanation.
I have worked with you all a long time and have known some of you all my life. I know some better than others and some hardly at all, but each one of you mean something to me.
There is one person particularly that I know very well, or at least I thought I knew him well. I thought after dating for two years I would know what to expect from him, but obviously not. It got to that point where trust was the of the up most importance and you ran, you ran away and pretended everything as fine, just like you always did. You never gave me a chance to explain, it wasn't just you who couldn't handle it, it was me as well. Yet you never had time for me, you only thought of yourself and what you did. Everyone assumed I would go on the same, just like I did everyday, up to today. Well I won't be the same tomorrow.
My father died when I was young, no-one knows what its like to grow up without a father, without someone there to care for you and help you. You're all saying "Yes, but you had your uncles who helped out." My uncles, what a pair of figures, something else you all thought you knew about me. My uncles weren't what you thought, they betrayed my trust in a way no one can imagine and in a way I'm not going to even start to explain.
All my life I've been trying to be someone I'm not. My entire life I've been the second best and never been acknowledged or thought of. People have lived around me yet not in me. People have loved me and not my personality.
Don't blame yourself, any of you. It was not you who made me this way, it was I. Me and my ways and my ideas.
Until we meet again, goodbye Carol Hathaway 17th March 1994
Dear all,
You will all talk about hwy I have done this and I know you will all blame different people, but you are all owed an explanation.
I have worked with you all a long time and have known some of you all my life. I know some better than others and some hardly at all, but each one of you mean something to me.
There is one person particularly that I know very well, or at least I thought I knew him well. I thought after dating for two years I would know what to expect from him, but obviously not. It got to that point where trust was the of the up most importance and you ran, you ran away and pretended everything as fine, just like you always did. You never gave me a chance to explain, it wasn't just you who couldn't handle it, it was me as well. Yet you never had time for me, you only thought of yourself and what you did. Everyone assumed I would go on the same, just like I did everyday, up to today. Well I won't be the same tomorrow.
My father died when I was young, no-one knows what its like to grow up without a father, without someone there to care for you and help you. You're all saying "Yes, but you had your uncles who helped out." My uncles, what a pair of figures, something else you all thought you knew about me. My uncles weren't what you thought, they betrayed my trust in a way no one can imagine and in a way I'm not going to even start to explain.
All my life I've been trying to be someone I'm not. My entire life I've been the second best and never been acknowledged or thought of. People have lived around me yet not in me. People have loved me and not my personality.
Don't blame yourself, any of you. It was not you who made me this way, it was I. Me and my ways and my ideas.
Until we meet again, goodbye Carol Hathaway 17th March 1994
