Mario and the Real World
Chapter One: Crossing Over
It was an average afternoon in Courtney Osmonds boring Honors Biology class. Her last class of the day, she could not wait until the 2:45 bell rang. She had more important things to do than sit in class and get an education. Thank God she had her two best friends, Britt and Sara, there with her to share the agonizing pain of the hour and a half block class. The bell finally rang, like clockwork, and the three dashed out of class and down the hall faster than you can say slapmesillywithajackrabbit.
"So, have you found a date yet Court?" Britt was the loudest of the three, and always felt it a necessity to ask her friends business. "Prom is in a week, next saturday, and you havent even bought tickets yet!"
"I told you, I dont need a date. I'm going solo."
Now it was Sara's turn to throw in her input. "I bet you havent even been trying! Hey theres a party tonight, gonna be tons of b-o-y's there."
"Party? On a Monday? No. Besides I have better things to do."
Sara rolled her eyes, "Psht, like what?"
"Save a princess."
"Are you serious? Youve wasted your whole senior year trying to beat that dumb video game, and now youre letting it cut into major prom-date-finding time. Not cool, Court, totally not cool."
Courtney had heard enough. "One, Mario is never a waste of time. Two, I feel closer to him more than I do you guys." Thank heavens they were finally to the parking lot. "I will see you guys bright and early tomorrow morning. Dont forget your English homework!" She dashed to her BMW before the two could protest.
"Whatever Court!"
Courtney couldnt believe how lonsome it was around her house since her parents had departed the country on their second honeymoon. All she found herself doing for the past two weeks was homework, Mario 64, homework, and some more Mario 64. She was on the final level and found herself stuck for the past two days. Tonight is the night! She told herself the whole way home. Unfortunately, it wasnt.
"Are you freaking serious!" She threw her controller to the floor and moped in front of her tiny TV, where she had been sitting since she finished her English paper at 4:50. Her clock now read 12:30, and she decided it was time to call it quits for the night. "Maybe tomorrow." She turned off her television, but forgot something important. She set her alarm clock and crawled underneath the covers. Soon as she got comfortable, her cell rang. It was her mother checking in on her. After 20 minutes of reassuring her mom that she was fine and dandy, Courtney finally was able to to catch a few hours of sleep. A thunderstorm was brewing outside, and she would wake up every few minutes to the lightening. She soon slipped off into a deep slumber, dreaming she was Princess Peach, and her hero Mario was saving her from Bowser's evil lightening bolts.
Meanwhile, things were about to get very interesting at the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario and his lovely girl Peach were fighting, at it again for the 48th time that week. Apparently Mario had called her fat for eating one to many eclaires.
"I work so hard to keep my figure down to 98 pounds that I think I deserve to pig out every once in a while! Look at your belly, you pig out every minute of every day and I keep my mouth shut! Well no more Mario! Why cant you have a figure like Luigi?" Peach was screaming through her tears and was starting to lose her voice. Nothing Mario said to her could calm her down. "Shut up! And get the hell outta my castle! Fat pig!" She hurled a vase at Mario just as he ducked, barely missing the top of his soft head.
He lost it. "That is IT! This right here, this little back and forth I love you game, saving you everytime your dumb idiot self goes places you shouldnt be and gets kidnapped, catering to your every whine and complaint, is over. Done, finished, see ya later alligator! You need to grow up, and call Luigi to save your tush next time." His face was as red as his cap. "I never want to see you again, Peach. Dont call, dont cry my name, nothing. See ya later!" He slammed her bedroom door and stomped out of the castle. Hornets would be scared he was so upset. A thunderstorm was forming, and thunder could be heard in the distance.
Mario took a walk, down to a lake and through a large field behind Peach's castle. He loved her, with everything inside of him, but he couldnt take it anymore. She was so spoiled and it was beginning to show. What would it take for him to see past her immaturity? He looked to the sky, now black as night in the middle of the day. The lightening was dancing above his head, appearing so close but so far away. He just wanted to get away from this place, far far away.
"Take my life! Take my last breath out of me now!" He held his arms out and screamed to the sky. "Im done, I cant take the drama! Help me, sky, help me out!" The sky heard him, because suddenly a giant bolt of lightening struck the ground and Mario, and all he could see was white. No telling how long he was unconscious.
"Ouch..where am I? What happened to me?" Mario awoke rubbing the top of his head, looking around in confusion. There were posters of him and Luigi plastered all over the walls, girly clothing and photos everywhere. Alas, there was a lady sleeping in this mystery room! "Holy mushrooms! This is not Peach, or Daisy, or Pauline! Where am I?" He poked the young ladies cheeks to see if this was reality or a dream. After the third poke the girl awoke in utter sleepy confusion, but it did not take her long to realize that a complete stranger was in her bedroom, looking over her and poking at her.
She almost wet herself.
"Get back! Dont rape me! Who are you, why are you here and how on earth did you get past my alarm system?" She grabbed a baseball bat from beside her night stand and stood ready to pumel her attacker. "Come one inch closer and I'll beat you to a bloody pulp, got that? So start talking! Drop your weapons!"
Mario was scared crapless. He couldnt believe he was about to me murdered by a scrawney 5 foot tall girl. "Drop my weapons? Youre the one with the bat! Trust me lady, I'm just as confused as you are."
Courtney suddenly let the bat at ease and begin cracking up. Mario was puzzled at what was so funny. "Some robber, you're dressed up like Mario. Did you come to steal my Prego sauce?" She sat down on her bed and held her belly, which was starting to hurt from laughing.
"Dressed like Mario? How on Earth do you know who I am?"
"Come on dude, you've honestly never heard of the Super Mario Bros.? Its only like the best selling video game series ever."
"How on Earth do you know my brother?"
"Whoa, this is getting a little creepy. Just tell me you're real name, and I'll let you escape without calling the cops. Deal?"
Mario was beginning to get a little frustrated. "No, I dont know what a video game is to begin with, and how many times do I have to tell you? I AM Mario! Are you stupid? Do you have a learning handicap? What do you not understand?"
Courtney was taken back with his reaction. However she wasnt amused. "Alright," she began, rolling her eyes, "if youre really Mario, then prove it."
"Prove it?"
"You heard me..prove it, or I'll call the cops."
Mario was not in the mood to play mind games. His head felt like it was about to explode, he was hungry, and had no idea where he was or how he was getting home. "Fine." he pushed up his sleeves, reached in his pocket for a Fire Flower, and rubbed it between his hands. "You might want to open your window for this." He aimed for a bird sitting on a branch right outside Courtneys window, aimed his palm, and shot a fireball. The bird engulfed in flames for about 3 seconds then disintegrated. Courtney's mouth was wide open in amazement. "Hows that for proof? Did I pass your little test?"
She jumped off the bed in excitement. "Oh oh oh, youre real! Youre the real Mario! O-M-G! Uhm, my names Courtney, Courtney Osmond. You are my hero, I am like your number one fan!-"
"Fans? I have fans?"
"Oh, you have no idea." Courtney finally came down off her high and came to her senses. "Ok, well we need to figure out how you got here. Any ideas?"
He sat down on the bed and thought for a minute. "Well, I was struck by lightening in a field. Thats really the last thing I remember. It was about to storm."
"It was storming here last night. Bad, too. Lightening kept waking me up..wait a second." Courtney walked over to her tv and squated down to her N64. "Last night, I bet I turned off my Tv, but not my console. See, I have a bad habit of doing that. I bet the lightening struck my console, the same time it struck you in the field, and somehow our universes crossed, and you ended up in my bedroom. Wow, I sound crazier than my senile grandma."
Marios face seemed a little more relieved. "Well, we know how I got here, now we need to figure out how to get me back."
"Now that, I have no idea. Crap, I have school in 30 minutes!" She frantically ran around her room, throwing on random articles of clothing. "Look, I promise I will think about it at school. I get home around 3:00, so youre going to have to stay here. DO NOT leave this house, got it? You'll get mobbed if someone spots you."
All Mario could think about was his growling stomach. "What if Im hungry?"
"Do you know how to operate a microwave?" He shook his head yes. "Then make a hotpocket or something. Im going to be late, I will see you at 3..you better not leave this house. Promise?"
"Pinky swear."
Courtney breathed in a long breath. "Bye Mario." And shut the door behind her.
The whole drive to school all she could think about was how in the world she got herself into this mess. "When this is over, Im selling my Nintendo 64."
