Disclaimer: Loveless doesn't belong to me. I just like playing in Kouga Yun's sandbox. :D It's a very pretty one, after all.
Warnings: Spoilers for volume eight.
Notes: Dialogue is from the Viz translation of volume eight.
To Be a Fighter
"Would you like for it to hurt?"
It already hurts, Soubi thinks. Not the shallow cut down his chest, where Seimei's knife tore through skin as well as cloth - that stings, yes, but it's not painful. No, it's the situation that hurts, the knowledge that he is not good enough, strong enough, something enough for Ritsu. He's tried so hard, and yet it isn't Ritsu standing before him. It's this... child, small and delicate with an innocent smile and innocent ears, and his mere existence is agonizing in a way Ritsu never taught Soubi how to bear.
This child is to be his Sacrifice.
This child is to be his master.
Those words are more painful than any spell Soubi knows, but despite every instinct Ritsu has trained into him he can't counter them with a spell of his own. One doesn't attack one's own Sacrifice, or the person who is to be one's Sacrifice, and Soubi must do what is expected of him.
Maybe if he is perfect enough Seimei will vanish, and Ritsu will take his place.
"Or would you rather it not hurt? It's up to you. Whichever way you prefer."
Maybe it's wrong to think of Seimei as a child, for he knows too much. Nowhere in Soubi's school records is it written that any physical pain Seimei can inflict is far outweighed by the pain in Soubi's head and heart, but as he looks into Seimei's eyes Soubi is sure he already knows. The questions are a formality - a nod towards politeness that fools no one.
And yet Soubi answers.
"Make it hurt."
Because Seimei is to be his master, and he must always answer his master's questions.
"I'd like..."
Because a proper Fighter doesn't let his heart rule his head.
"...to feel the pain."
Because even now that he has been completely and utterly betrayed, Soubi doesn't know how not to yearn for Ritsu's approval.
He is obedient, like Ritsu would want. He tips back his head and bares his throat, closes his eyes so that he doesn't have to see the knife cut through the air, and he lets himself be named. It doesn't matter that it's the wrong name - or rather, it matters very much, but not to Ritsu. Not to Seimei. Not to those whose opinions count.
Soubi is a Fighter, and that means his objections are meaningless.
