Disclaimer: I dont own harry potter, JK DOES.
Summary: Cho's big secret, Harry and Herm, SLEPT TOGETHER?, Ron and an old
man with an umbrella?? Its not what you think! Ginny pregnant with a
teacher's baby?OMYGOD!!! This is my third INSANE fic which I wrote while I
was drunk, so do not flame, cuz this is parody!!!! I luv JK, but HERES A
LITTLE TASTE OF INSANITY!!!!!!
A/N (Which You'll See In The Bottom Too): I am not really perverted. I was
just in a funny mood, and somehow my fingers started out something nasty.
Hehe. It is a bit funny, you have to admit it...don't worry, this is just
fun, so DO NOT FLAME ME. "GINNY PREGNANT! YOU SICK! SNAPE? YOU SICK!" dont
bother with that, please. Its just a parody.....DO NOT FLAME, DO NOT
FLAME!!!! I am not J.K. so just enjoy the insanity you can only have from
me!!! (p.s. I was drunk when i wrote this, so another reason to NOT FLAME
ME NOT FLAME ME!)
***
"I love sixth year, don't you?" asked Hermoine sighing deeply. She was already wearing her robes on the train, and her hair was tidied up into a bun except a few curls that were hanging over her eyes matched perfectly with her fashion style. "I am just happy it's not 7th year yet. I hate going to live with the Dursleys all my life after that, although probably they may murder me before I even get a life." said Harry Potter. Harry Potter, the boy who survived the great lord with his horrid scar and his gleaming green eyes and his parselmouth.
Ron Weasley, sat between them, in the middle and it was quite a triplet. He had flaming red hair, and he had grown quite muscular these days, no matter what anybody had said. But Harry was still skinny, although his face had fairly handsome. Hermoine changed the most. "Oh c'mon, Harry surely you plan to get married someday?" she asked, her cheeks blushing and her eyelashes fluttering. Ron turned a bit red from anger, but produced yet another fake smile of flirting between them.
Harry shrugged. "I've never thought of that kind of life before...and it would be really painful to get married without my parents by my side." his voice choked down a bit at the sentence, and he looked down at his shoes while the Hogwarts Train kept on going and lurching while it did.
"Don't worry Harry, you'll get married. All of us will." said Ron. Inside though, his heart was beating and his stomach fluttering around with butterflies. He just hoped he got married to the girl he always wanted, but this was from deep inside, he didn't know yet that he was in love with Hermoine Granger, nobody knew but people suspected, especially Harry.
"Who're you getting married to, Ron?" asked Harry teasingly.
Ron stiffened at the question, although he didn't know why. It was a simply teasing question that Ron should've shrugged at. "I don't know."
Hermoine looked surprised. "You don't? What about Fleur?"
Ron shook his head. "She's out of my life now, although she never chose to be in it."
"Well, I know exactly who I am going to marry now." said Hermoine dreamily.
"WHO!" Ron and Harry asked at the same time. "Its a secret." she said and winked.
Sure it is, Harry thought.
***
After the feast was over, they were sent to their common rooms to rest. Ron had fallen asleep and so had the other Griffindors, but Harry lay on the bed with his eyes wide open.
Would Ron ever ask Hermoine out? Even though Harry loved Ron like a brother, he couldn't withdraw his own ambitions. He had some feelings for Hermoine too. like whenever she touched him, he could feel electricity go through his body. But it was obvious that Hermoine was falling for Ron, and he didn't want to make his friend unhappy. That was why he hadn't said anything at the Yule Ball, where the truth was told.
He quietly got out of his bed and into the girl's griffindor common room. He passed by the beds and saw that the shadow of Hermoine was awake.
"Harry, what're you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Me neither."
"herm?"
"MMmmm?"
"Do you...never mind."
"No go on."
"Nothing. Nada. never mind. How's it going with Ron?"
"How should I know?"
"Well remember the Yule Ball?"
"Mmm?"
"When you said Ron should ask you before getting mad?"
"Not the exact words, but go on..."
"Well, do you like Ron?"
"Well of course! I love Ron! I would die for any one of my friends if nesseciary."
"No..."
"What?"
"Not that! I am talking about do you like him as a boyfriend."
"Harry potter! You are getting nosy these days! It's none of your buisness, but of course not! Why would I?" Hermoine said her cheeks flaming into a smile.
"I know you do."
"What rubbish! I don't know what your talking about!"
"Then who was your secret husband?"
"Again, stop being so nosy! But if you really want to know, it's not Ron."
"Are you sure?"
"I swear."
Harry gulped. Hermoine never sworn before in her life.
"Anything else?" she asked eagerly.
"No..." Harry said dully.
Hermoine smiled and laughed. "Don't worry, Harry, you'll find out who it is."
"How?"
"Experience."
And she shoved him out the door.
What she mean by experience? Harry thought eagerly about this, but finally drifted off to sleep until sunshine beamed out of the window.
***
"Hey harry."
"Oh hey Cho. Haven't seen you for a long time."
"Listen, I know you have class, but I was wondering if maybe we could talk sometime."
"Abbout..whatt?"
"You know, cedric and all. I just want to get to know you."
"Sure."
"Okay."
After Cho had left and turned away to walk down the hall, Harry felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around only to see Hermoine.
"Having fun?" she asked bitterly.
"Whattya mean?"
"Nothing. I am just tired because of a certain person coming into my room late last night!"
"Who?"
They both turned around and saw Ron.
"Oh hey Ron."
"Hi. What are you talking about?"
"Oh herm's just saying gibberish."
"No, what?"
"Oh, Harry and I couldn't sleep so we talked last night and then I finally forced him to leave and I couldn't get any sleep."
"What did you talk about?"
"Tutttt..!! You guys are soooo nosy!" she said, storming away.
Ron turned to Harry.
"What is she talking about?"
"Nothing, don't mind her."
"I can mind whoever I want to."
"Ron, whats up with you?"
"What did you talk to her for?"
"I couldn't sleep?"
"Thats why you decided, oh let me sleep on Hermoine's bed?"
"Who said anything disgusting like that?"
"You don't have to"
"Ron, what is the matter with you? All I did was go to the common room and talk to her."
There was a silence.
"Did you ask her about her future husband?"
Harry stiffened.
"Yeah."
"Who is it?"
"I don't know."
"Sure you don't."
"You act like I got drunk and slept with her and I just got out of Juvinelle detention or something?"
"Two outta three's not bad."
"RON!"
"What?"
"Tell me whats wrong."
"Nothing."
"I know..."
"Know what!"
"That you like Hermoine!"
"WHAT!"
"Yup."
"You little british bastard!"
Harry only chuckled.
******
"Ron thought I slept with you."
"He thought WHAT!"
"Yeah."
"Was..he jealous, do you think?"
"Is that why're your going out with me, to make him jealous?"
"GOING OUT? Woah, Harry what're you talking about?"
"Oh sorry, I just said the wrong thing."
"Sure you did..."
"And what did you mean by experience?"
"Harry, can't you figure things out on your own?"
"Hermoine, can't you just give me a break?"
"Harry, Can't you stop being so nosy?"
"Hermoine, can you stop giving me a reason?"
"Harry, can you stop being so cute!!!"
There was a long silence.
Until Harry and Hermoine collided with each other and kissed. "We cant do this." Hermoine said, pushing him away.
"Of course we cant..."
"Nooo"
Another long silence until Harry grabbed Hermoine's neck and kissed her hard on the lips and they both fell to the floor, rubbing their foreheads.
***
"Do you know where Harry is?"
"No, Cho. Why?"
"He was supposed to meet me here now."
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
"Have you seen Hermoine?"
"Nope, not her either."
"You don't think..."
"No! Harry's just a bit late I know it."
"Sure he is..."
Suddenly, Hermoine appeared, her shirt ripped and her hair uncombed. "Oh hey Ron."
"Where've you been! Whats happend?"
"Nothing..."
"OMYGOSH!"
"What?"
"You slept with Harry!"
"Ew! No I didn't Cho."
"You did."
"No I didn't...I dont even know where harry is!"
"Here I am.." said Harry coming out.
"Your late!"
"Am I? Sorry..lets go to Hogesmade now."
"Not so fast, Potter!" said a cold voice behind them.
note: herm was telling the truth except about the part of where harry was. ****
"Proffesor Snape!"
"Yes...do all of you have premission slips to go to Hogesmade?"
"Yes..."
"Fine, scurry along, the sooner the better."
***
"I love sixth year, don't you?" asked Hermoine sighing deeply. She was already wearing her robes on the train, and her hair was tidied up into a bun except a few curls that were hanging over her eyes matched perfectly with her fashion style. "I am just happy it's not 7th year yet. I hate going to live with the Dursleys all my life after that, although probably they may murder me before I even get a life." said Harry Potter. Harry Potter, the boy who survived the great lord with his horrid scar and his gleaming green eyes and his parselmouth.
Ron Weasley, sat between them, in the middle and it was quite a triplet. He had flaming red hair, and he had grown quite muscular these days, no matter what anybody had said. But Harry was still skinny, although his face had fairly handsome. Hermoine changed the most. "Oh c'mon, Harry surely you plan to get married someday?" she asked, her cheeks blushing and her eyelashes fluttering. Ron turned a bit red from anger, but produced yet another fake smile of flirting between them.
Harry shrugged. "I've never thought of that kind of life before...and it would be really painful to get married without my parents by my side." his voice choked down a bit at the sentence, and he looked down at his shoes while the Hogwarts Train kept on going and lurching while it did.
"Don't worry Harry, you'll get married. All of us will." said Ron. Inside though, his heart was beating and his stomach fluttering around with butterflies. He just hoped he got married to the girl he always wanted, but this was from deep inside, he didn't know yet that he was in love with Hermoine Granger, nobody knew but people suspected, especially Harry.
"Who're you getting married to, Ron?" asked Harry teasingly.
Ron stiffened at the question, although he didn't know why. It was a simply teasing question that Ron should've shrugged at. "I don't know."
Hermoine looked surprised. "You don't? What about Fleur?"
Ron shook his head. "She's out of my life now, although she never chose to be in it."
"Well, I know exactly who I am going to marry now." said Hermoine dreamily.
"WHO!" Ron and Harry asked at the same time. "Its a secret." she said and winked.
Sure it is, Harry thought.
***
After the feast was over, they were sent to their common rooms to rest. Ron had fallen asleep and so had the other Griffindors, but Harry lay on the bed with his eyes wide open.
Would Ron ever ask Hermoine out? Even though Harry loved Ron like a brother, he couldn't withdraw his own ambitions. He had some feelings for Hermoine too. like whenever she touched him, he could feel electricity go through his body. But it was obvious that Hermoine was falling for Ron, and he didn't want to make his friend unhappy. That was why he hadn't said anything at the Yule Ball, where the truth was told.
He quietly got out of his bed and into the girl's griffindor common room. He passed by the beds and saw that the shadow of Hermoine was awake.
"Harry, what're you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Me neither."
"herm?"
"MMmmm?"
"Do you...never mind."
"No go on."
"Nothing. Nada. never mind. How's it going with Ron?"
"How should I know?"
"Well remember the Yule Ball?"
"Mmm?"
"When you said Ron should ask you before getting mad?"
"Not the exact words, but go on..."
"Well, do you like Ron?"
"Well of course! I love Ron! I would die for any one of my friends if nesseciary."
"No..."
"What?"
"Not that! I am talking about do you like him as a boyfriend."
"Harry potter! You are getting nosy these days! It's none of your buisness, but of course not! Why would I?" Hermoine said her cheeks flaming into a smile.
"I know you do."
"What rubbish! I don't know what your talking about!"
"Then who was your secret husband?"
"Again, stop being so nosy! But if you really want to know, it's not Ron."
"Are you sure?"
"I swear."
Harry gulped. Hermoine never sworn before in her life.
"Anything else?" she asked eagerly.
"No..." Harry said dully.
Hermoine smiled and laughed. "Don't worry, Harry, you'll find out who it is."
"How?"
"Experience."
And she shoved him out the door.
What she mean by experience? Harry thought eagerly about this, but finally drifted off to sleep until sunshine beamed out of the window.
***
"Hey harry."
"Oh hey Cho. Haven't seen you for a long time."
"Listen, I know you have class, but I was wondering if maybe we could talk sometime."
"Abbout..whatt?"
"You know, cedric and all. I just want to get to know you."
"Sure."
"Okay."
After Cho had left and turned away to walk down the hall, Harry felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around only to see Hermoine.
"Having fun?" she asked bitterly.
"Whattya mean?"
"Nothing. I am just tired because of a certain person coming into my room late last night!"
"Who?"
They both turned around and saw Ron.
"Oh hey Ron."
"Hi. What are you talking about?"
"Oh herm's just saying gibberish."
"No, what?"
"Oh, Harry and I couldn't sleep so we talked last night and then I finally forced him to leave and I couldn't get any sleep."
"What did you talk about?"
"Tutttt..!! You guys are soooo nosy!" she said, storming away.
Ron turned to Harry.
"What is she talking about?"
"Nothing, don't mind her."
"I can mind whoever I want to."
"Ron, whats up with you?"
"What did you talk to her for?"
"I couldn't sleep?"
"Thats why you decided, oh let me sleep on Hermoine's bed?"
"Who said anything disgusting like that?"
"You don't have to"
"Ron, what is the matter with you? All I did was go to the common room and talk to her."
There was a silence.
"Did you ask her about her future husband?"
Harry stiffened.
"Yeah."
"Who is it?"
"I don't know."
"Sure you don't."
"You act like I got drunk and slept with her and I just got out of Juvinelle detention or something?"
"Two outta three's not bad."
"RON!"
"What?"
"Tell me whats wrong."
"Nothing."
"I know..."
"Know what!"
"That you like Hermoine!"
"WHAT!"
"Yup."
"You little british bastard!"
Harry only chuckled.
******
"Ron thought I slept with you."
"He thought WHAT!"
"Yeah."
"Was..he jealous, do you think?"
"Is that why're your going out with me, to make him jealous?"
"GOING OUT? Woah, Harry what're you talking about?"
"Oh sorry, I just said the wrong thing."
"Sure you did..."
"And what did you mean by experience?"
"Harry, can't you figure things out on your own?"
"Hermoine, can't you just give me a break?"
"Harry, Can't you stop being so nosy?"
"Hermoine, can you stop giving me a reason?"
"Harry, can you stop being so cute!!!"
There was a long silence.
Until Harry and Hermoine collided with each other and kissed. "We cant do this." Hermoine said, pushing him away.
"Of course we cant..."
"Nooo"
Another long silence until Harry grabbed Hermoine's neck and kissed her hard on the lips and they both fell to the floor, rubbing their foreheads.
***
"Do you know where Harry is?"
"No, Cho. Why?"
"He was supposed to meet me here now."
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
"Have you seen Hermoine?"
"Nope, not her either."
"You don't think..."
"No! Harry's just a bit late I know it."
"Sure he is..."
Suddenly, Hermoine appeared, her shirt ripped and her hair uncombed. "Oh hey Ron."
"Where've you been! Whats happend?"
"Nothing..."
"OMYGOSH!"
"What?"
"You slept with Harry!"
"Ew! No I didn't Cho."
"You did."
"No I didn't...I dont even know where harry is!"
"Here I am.." said Harry coming out.
"Your late!"
"Am I? Sorry..lets go to Hogesmade now."
"Not so fast, Potter!" said a cold voice behind them.
note: herm was telling the truth except about the part of where harry was. ****
"Proffesor Snape!"
"Yes...do all of you have premission slips to go to Hogesmade?"
"Yes..."
"Fine, scurry along, the sooner the better."
