Hats off to J.K. for the works. Also, this is an updated version (I know, already. I have to keep going before I work backward) in response to more than one complaint, oh my, that the beginning was confusing. Hopefully this helps!

Italian Lessons

Or

How to Find a Hot Tutor in Thirty Days

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Chapter One: The Forbidden Forest

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Italian, of all things. Ye gods of saints and Marauders, give me a month and I could think of nothing less interesting. Twenty minutes of contemplation later and I was still standing there, half-asleep, when my best mate Padfoot came pelting up shouting that we'd be late for class if I didn't hurry my arse up.

Be that as it may, I wasn't showing up in my cowboy jammies for him or anybody. Even if he threatened to hex me, or the sight of my naked torso would cause one Lillian Evans to fall at my feet begging me to take off her clothes and make love to her on the floor.

Well, maybe then. Either way I still had to get dressed before we could leave.

When my eyes refocused the first thing they fell on was Padfoot's slack jaw. "You've got to be kidding me. Italian?"

I patted him sympathetically on the shoulder as I passed, beginning to tousle my hair along the way. The last thing I heard from him was a mutter of "This has to be the sexiest thing Dumbledore has ever let us do…"

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Half an hour mussing my hair, twenty minutes dressing and fifteen rushing to the kitchens and back, and our first class of the day was successfully disposed of. Not ones to let our mischief go unnoticed, Padfoot and I wandered into Slughorn's room to the dulcet tones of the bell. Slughorn sent a stern glance our way.

"That was the final bell, boys, in case you missed it."

Padfoot put on his best shocked face. "My goodness! You mean –" He squinted at his watch and let out a tinkling laugh. "Stopped again! That explains it all." He slapped me on the back, and I also giggled innocently. Evans caught my eye, and it became a manly chuckle.

"Our mistake, Professor," I said, trying my best 'in charge' face. "We'll make up the time, of course."

"Yes, you will. I'll see you here at seven o'clock sharp."

I coughed a gentle reminder into my hand, winking at Evans. "Afraid not, Professor. Miss Evans and I have a meeting to attend." I smiled pleasantly. Evans smiled pleasantly back.

"Oh, that should be fine, Potter. I'm sure I can handle them without you."

"Of course you can," Slughorn boomed over the racket everyone was making as they jostled past. I saw Padfoot's wand behind his back and attributed the spread of falling Slytherins to a few well-placed tripping jinxes. I would have applauded right then if he wasn't leaving the entire detention talk to me, the berk.

"Ah, Professor, we both know who runs those meetings. How many chances do I have to see such a master at work? Evans' management skills –"

"I would say as often as you can set them, Mr Potter," Evans said sweetly, "but correct me if I'm wrong. Excessive amounts of anything become an unpleasant blur after a while."

"There, you see?" Slughorn said, beaming at her. "Plenty of time for Prefect meetings. It's Potions that matters to you tonight. Hurry along, now," he said, cutting me off before I could protest. "Can't be late twice in one day."

"Not the Head Boy," Evans said. "I wouldn't believe it."

"New things happen every day," I said, slinging my arm around her shoulders as we walked out. She shrugged me off and tried, without success, to outpace me.

"Going out with you not being one of them."

"You wound me. I merely intended to comment on the… lack of… trees."

We had reached the Entrance Hall. Through the open front doors we could see an enormous swath cut through the Forbidden Forest.

"What the…" Evans dropped her bag. She didn't protest when I picked it up and followed her with it. "What happened?" she whispered.

I shook my head, good mood evaporated. Not only did it look as though someone had set fire to the Forest, they had managed to get Hagrid's house as well. Scorch marks ran black from ground to roof, smudged by, I would wager, the All-Purpose Mess Remover empties piled by his door.

Evans flung herself at him. "Oh, Hagrid! What can we do?"

Evans' adoring face looked up at him, and all my sympathy disappeared. If that didn't cheer him up nothing would.

It did. "Yeh'll start by gettin' yerself over to Kettleburn an' payin' attention ter yer lesson," he said gruffly. Evans let go and toddled off, glancing back now and again to look at the mutilated Forest.

"What happened, Hagrid?" Remus asked seriously, peering at the smouldering ground. Sirius walked across it to get a closer look.

"Oy! Get off there, Black, yeh don' know what's been there!"

"What was it?" I asked, watching Padfoot's progress. "Not Death Eaters?"

Peter looked up for the first time, his face glum.

"Dunno," Hagrid said. "It goes way in… whatever it was must've come a long way."

"You mean like a creature?"

Hagrid shook his head sadly. "Sure, or… I dunno, I'm no great shakes at magic meself. Bu' Dumbledore figures some kind of curse, maybe. Or – or creature, yeah." He lowered his voice. "Listen, yeh've got a meetin' tonigh', don' yeh?"

I hesitated, glancing to Remus before nodding.

"All righ', then yeh'll hear all this anyway. If anything got this close – to the grounds, almos' – well, it looks bad. Yeh'll have yer hands full patrollin', I can tell yeh, bu' from now on – whatever yeh migh' hear, or figure – jus' don' let anythin' by, understand?"

I switched my bag from one shoulder to the other. "It was Voldemort, then?"

Hagrid seemed to size me up before answering. I looked away, to Peter trying to listen in without looking like he was, to Sirius now smelling the ground, to Remus, standing beside me frowning. When I met Hagrid's eyes they were cautious.

"I'd say so, prob'ly. Bu' it's Dumbledore that knows. Yeh talk to him if yeh wan' answers."

We hiked it up the hill then; Kettleburn would give us some leeway if he could see us, but Evans sure wouldn't, and I had her bag. To my immense surprise she didn't move away when I'd handed it to her, but stayed to listen to us discuss what might have happened.

"It was odd," Padfoot was saying, "it smelled really queer. I think I'll take another look tonight."

"No," Evans said sharply. "Not if it's –" She took a deep breath, "Voldemort, you can't afford to – to do whatever it is you're – " She was shaking like a leaf. I risked putting my arm back around her, which at least distracted her.

"It'll be fine," I said, "we know what we're doing."

"This isn't some stupid prank," she said, a little louder than she had intended. Half the class was staring at our little group now, hunched in a circle. The Graphorn Kettleburn was showing us took a swipe at him, which distracted them enough for Evan to go on, lower this time, "it's dangerous out there."

"Yeah, well, we can handle it," Padfoot said casually, though he looked uncomfortable. "It needs looking into is the main thing. There was a branch down there that smelled like it came from the settlement."

Evans blinked.

"It what?" I hissed. If Voldemort had the giants wreaking havoc on us I didn't know what Dumbledore could do short of killing them outright, which he'd never agree to even if he could.

"It smelled like what?" Evans was staring between us, swivelling her head to look at each of us and finally settling on Remus. "What are they talking about?"

He shook his head. "If they're right, you'll hear soon enough."

"Why not now, then?"

"Technically, we're not supposed to know ourselves," I said.

She waved a hand. "You're not supposed to know lots of things. This is important. What if Dumbledore doesn't think of it?"

I glanced over her head at Padfoot and let out a nervous laugh. "Of course he will. I mean, it's pretty obvious, especially if he knows they're there." A thought struck me. "He does know, doesn't he?"

"Know what?"

"He must, he'd keep tabs on stuff like that."

"Like what?"

"Christ, Wormtail, not you too?" Padfoot said, grinning. "Try to keep up, will you?"

"We'll talk about it later," I told Evans, spotting Snape watching us. "Later," I snapped, letting go of her and spinning around.

"Is there a problem, boys?" Kettleburn called, as Snape and I both drew our wands. We scowled at each other.

"No, Professor," I said, "there's just a bloodsucker over here. Mosquito," I expanded, forcing a smile and freezing one with my wand. Kettleburn turned away, and I went back to my group, now lacking Evans. I sidled up to Padfoot.

"I have to see Dumbledore," I said, eyes fixed on Evans out of habit more than anything. "Can you talk to Slughorn during lunch? I can't miss that meeting. Tell him anything you like."

Padfoot nodded. "What'll you tell him?"

"Dumbledore? The truth. Evans is right, if he doesn't know he'd better find out."

"That was a giant's branch," he said, "no question. Probably part of a torch."

I nodded slowly. "Okay."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"If we're right, everyone'll know."

"Yeah, but are you going to tell her?"

I grinned suddenly. "Yeah."

"Looking good," he said, referring to our hex-less conversation.

"I know," I said, "I almost always do."

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A/N: if there's a beta out there who actually speaks Italian, it'd be greatly appreciated. In other words, HELP ME I can barely speak English most days.