Ticking clock
"Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real."
― Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses
Chapter 1- Need To Know
Unfortunately, the clock is ticking nervously; hours are passing by, skipping big, rational steps in its way. It literally plays tricks on you; the only way to defeat its power is to stop your life and look back in order to witness your past from an objective manner.
Dawn had already showed and its rays were reflecting on the clear surface of the urban building's clear windows. It was still early for a Saturday morning. In New Jersey, Saturday was an oasis of relaxation, but for the inhabitants of the apartment 21, the noise was already showing its powers. A tall, dark blonde teenager was stepping heavily on the cold floor; her rush was generated by the mysterious disappearance of the black-leather purse. She considered this flat way too small for only two persons, one of them being her mom. Stacks of medical files could be found everywhere, in every dusty corner, while her sports magazines were organized in a harmonious way on the minuscule desk. The destiny was set: the purse was nowhere to be found. So the apocalypse began. She started to dig into every place, in order to find where the goody bag was hiding. In that moment, the whole place looked like mess, scarves and mittens were thrown ungracefully in the middle of the hallway. And again, that annoying ticking clock would be the only noise in the whole space. Sometimes, objects are symbols. And the ticking clock is definitely a symbol – a symbol for all the unspoken thoughts and whispered memories, all too weak to enter the big world-. Her hands were moving at an amazing speed, her look fixed on the bottom of the box she was digging into. Mothers will remain mothers, they will always be known as the solution for everything. The old lady made her appearance in the background, her face overwhelmed by a triumphant look. She found the treasure, the long-lost purse that was the cause of the deafening noise. She just stood there, balancing from one foot to another, waiting patiently to be observed. She couldn't help not to picture a wide, goofy grin on her face. Her daughter was remarkably stubborn, so minutes were passing by and the deadline of her date was due to arrive really soon. So, her mother decided to act very silently, transmitting only a minuscule signal that she was the happy owner of the purse in that moment.
"I know something that you don't!" she said, not bothering to cover the giggles that escaped her mouth.
Her daughter, turned her head slightly, relief rushing through her veins just because she wasn't going to repeat her well-known action, directly said: her habitude of being late. She smiled broadly, and then turned quickly to capture the bag in her red-painted short "claws".
"We should have looked first in your room, Ashley, it was the perfect place where you could have hidden it!" her mother stated, or easier said, doctor Allison Cameron, a 44 year-old still active immunologist, that after 14 years of continuous torment, managed to throw away all her past nightmares and decided to regain her status of employee at a world-renown hospital. After numerous failed relationships, she was a single mother, happy to see her little daughter develop under her eyes, now all her work gained shape in the mature shape of Ashley. From all the possible names of the world, she chose Ashley, because its meaning –oak tree meadow- was a symbol of vitality, she had always had hope of her becoming that convinced feminist who would confront the whole world's prejudices someday. Ashley was a clear reflection of Allison's personality, she kept deep buried inside her a little warrior. What wasn't in the light had haunted Cameron all these years, all the crying nights and odd flash-backs started to have effects on her.
14 years were just a lie. 14 years just flew away, it all started on that dark evening, a mistake, that won't ever be cleared, turned out to be a biological gift, and we are referring to the person of Ashley-a little innocent girl who has no idea of her origins, of her complete family-. This big desire was burning in her boiling blood; she wanted to shade light on all these fact that weren't linking.
In that moment, she looked at her mother like she was a savior, and pulled her in a tight hug, knowing that the past will be soon resurrected.
"Oh, dear, I wanted to be the first one that hugs you today. Happy birthday, my little bee!" she said, tears forming in the corner of her eyes, she was finally aware of the fact that her little girl who yesterday was playing with dolls and teddy bears was progressively transforming into a woman, willing to become a successful version of herself.
"Little bee? Mom, I'm 15! I'm just like a grown-up. But I still love you wholeheartedly and I can't wait to open the big gift that you've promised me," she said, half-smiling. This day was going to be big, maybe a wish made long time ago could become a real, palpable fact.
"I know you're growing up, I really want to go back in time when you were a baby crying for attention," she let a big pause before continuing her replica. "What plans do you have for this magical day?" she asked, a hint of sarcasm flying in the fresh air.
"I just want to hang out with Stefan and Adrian," she said simply, numbly, almost mechanical.
Her mother's eyes slowly became a little bit sad, she was truly convinced that her little daughter would like to spend her fifteenth birthday in a refined Italian restaurant, just chatting and laughing with her closest sibling.
"Oh, come on, don't worry, I'll be back in time of our traditional meal. I really want to taste that new dish that you've created".
Cameron nodded, taking this argument as a valid one. She watched as Ashley close the front door after her, causing that specific noise that would entertain her sensible senses. Then, everything went silent; almost a deadly silence erupted in the main room. At least, the silence was temporary. The girls are going to have fun.
Ashley's low-lying boots were hitting the asphalt with full force. In the same time, she was arranging her thick scarf; her hands were looking like a tangled mess. She was alarming for a normal date out, the fact that she was going to spend one of her most precious days with them. Two boys had been able to bring an euphoric happiness in her life. They had the powerful ability to make her smile and to extract her from the darkest corners of her secrets. They were raised as brothers, but their tendency of burying vulnerable thoughts was still present. All three of them had a story behind their backs, every word of their unspoken fable was pressing hard on every inch of their skulls. She was heading to the crowded cafeteria; she was desperately looking for an oasis of heat. Old memories were flooding her vision; she imagined a day full of magnificent gifts and little hugs. But, she wanted to play the cards in a tough manner. She wanted to reveal the truth; she was willing to sacrifice her own sanity just to see a sparkle of hope. She slowly exited her inner thoughts in the moment when she gripped the dusted latch of the public place.
In the enormous building, at a table with outside view, were placed two tall males that were anxiously playing with a valiant necklace which had a big eagle in the middle of its length. In fact, the eagle was a symbol of power, the unique word that could describe their best friend's personality. On the back of the pure-gold eagle, there was engraved a well-known quote that was meant to motivate Ashley in every single moment of her tumultuous life.
Stefan was the tallest person of their group, he had sparkly blue eyes and he was always the closest confident of Ashley's. His well-toned body has always been a hint of attraction for many people, and he was the best example for all the people with brain and also a breath-taking body. On the other side, Adrian was a slim, almost over-thin guy, he was known for his brilliant intelligence, and also for his loyal side that is shown in almost every opportunistic way. He is –with no question- a model for the entire teenager community. He manages to gain trust in brief seconds, this value being an unrealistic, actual concept.
They were startled by the quick, unexpected entrance of their friend, who was known for her characteristic trait of sneaking without being sensed. The two young men were fumbling with her present; they were trying to hide it as well as possible. Despite their accumulated efforts, she glanced at the little gift, but decided to keep her mouth wide-shut. She wanted to keep the pressure alive.
After a couple of tight hugs, they managed to sustain some tempting chuckles. While still possessing broad smiles, they sat at the little, reserved table. Ashley couldn't help herself not to show her typical shade, just by ordering the ordinary stuff like hot chocolate with cinnamon and a medium sized brownie with strawberry mousse as a garnishment.
Because all the pleasantness was exchanged, a nice, free conversation was bound to happen.
"So, what's the plan for today? Party 'till dawn?" Stefan proposed, giggling profoundly.
"I wish so. I must have dinner with my mom tonight. I promised her," Ashley confessed, her mind skipping to the major moment that was going to explode soon.
"She still considers you a little girl?" the tall teenager inquired, pouring in its speech a hint of comic. Adrian suppressed a laugh, too.
"She's nostalgic. I don't blame her. She wants to keep me close as long as possible," Ashley said, her mind drifting apart to all the close moments she had with the person that gave her the chance to see the daylight.
Meanwhile, in her friends' head, a war of emotions was slowly composing. There were six hours left until her actual birthday, her friends wanted to give her the gift in the perfect moment, right in the minute when the clock will strike and announce that 6 p.m. had arrived.
"Anyway, I want, as a present, to help me with something private," she stated, awkwardness being a major characteristic in that moment.
The boys' pupils rapidly dilated; it was a slight clue that their curiosity had no limits. Finally, adrenaline made its way in the backdrop.
"So, I was thinking one day that I should find my origins. I mean, to dig further in my past, in my history," she said, her words were cracked with nervousness.
"That means that you should draw a genealogical tree," Adrian tried to guess, but he was progressively getting lost in the labyrinth of feminine thoughts.
"It's not like I want to get to know my great-grandparents. I just want to discover some details about my father," Ashley finally confessed, sensing the boys' insecurity.
"You have a mother. Talk to her!" Adrian half-shouted, exasperation and fear overwhelming his judgment.
"All I get are statements like 'he was a good guy' and nothing more. It's frustrating!" the tall girl said, aware of the fact that she might become the victim of utter disappointment.
"Wait! 'He was?!' That means he might be as well dead" Stefan put into words, trying to maintain his neutral reactions.
"Big coincidence, in my opinion. To divorce and to die in the same time," Ashley stated, unconsciously letting details flood the conversation.
"Well, nothing makes sense now, Ash," Stefan inferred as calmly and gently as possible.
"I guess I have to relate everything I know. One night, I couldn't sleep, so I went in the kitchen to grab a glass of fresh milk. While walking back to my room, I observed that the light was on in my mother's, and I approached the door to see what was going on. I remained stunned. She was sobbing quietly. In front of her was placed a wedding album. I was shocked because she has always said that my father had commitment issues," she finished her story, letting the rest hung up in the air, completely unexplained.
"He could have been afraid of having a child, so he simply left while your mom was pregnant. Or he was just a one-night stand. Who knows?" Adrian philosophized, desperately trying to clear those events.
"I hardly call a marriage just a mistake or just an affair. This is much more complicated than I suspected," the girl shot back, leaving his companion at a loss of words.
"I know you better than you know yourself, miss Cameron. You did something afterwards. You tried to find out. What have you done?" Stefan inquired, sarcasm filling his voice. He was convinced that his hunch was true.
"Mom was on call the next afternoon, so I tried to find the album, but I didn't succeed. Something more interesting came up. Accidentally, I found a divorce paper," Ashley stopped herself because craziness and lies were too much to bear.
"You found his name?" Stefan asked. He was definitely intrigued by this situation; excitement could have been read on his surprised face. Deep down, he wanted to be a great support for his long-known friend.
"It just said that my mom changed her name from 'Chase' back to 'Cameron'. That's odd because on my birth certificate, the father's name is missing," the girl announced, pain lacing her words. Things were going to be discovered soon.
"That means he doesn't recognize you as his daughter or your mother never contacted him after you were born. You should leave it dead. Maybe you'll hear things that will hurt you more," the nerdy boy said, his walls of protection making their presence known.
"I have complete no intention of doing that," Ashley said, smirking like a satisfied cat.
Both her friends sighed profoundly. They were aware of the fact that her plan was including a risky move. They were close friends since childhood, so all three were involved in this searching action.
"That's why I need your help," the ambitious girl said, waiting to get a response from her fellow "investigators".
"Please, don't make us do spy work," Stefan begged, clearly amused by a future script that would involve all three of them in black leather suits.
"Not at all. All we need is intelligence, patience and a strong alibi," Ashley concluded, leaving a trace of mystery behind.
Adrian's eyes were filled by interest, while Stefan's betrayed a desire of implication. Finally, the team was going to find out the truth that hopefully would be positive.
"Everything you have to do is to pay me a visit tomorrow morning," the girl announced, showing a power of control never seen before. "9 a.m., don't dare to be late. Oh, and use the fire stairs". The plan started to look like a true adventure movie.
"We have classes on Monday!" Adrian said, contesting his confidant's opinion.
"Yeah, only IT practices. Don't be such a coward! Two hours aren't going to affect your perfect GPA," the initiator of the action replied, looking quite nervous. She needed to know right away.
"You can miss two IT classes, of course, because you've been at the national Olympiad, we weren't," Stefan said, trying to defend his friend. The IT class was a huge problem for the upcoming graduates.
"After we finish our business, I'll show you an easy way to cheat and get a good grade. That's how I don't study and still get straight A. Please, for me," Ashley said, faking some lousy puppy-dog eyes.
The boys looked at each other, completely puzzled. The balance was slightly favoring the portion of pure adrenaline. A reckless burst won't kill anybody. They had to try; they wanted to be responsible for a possible incredible discovery. After processing the news for a few seconds, Stefan nodded uncertainly, marking his decision. Adrian was the lucky one to deliver them.
"We will do it, but with one condition. If after 5 hours, we won't find something valid, the operation stops. Understood?" Adrian said, offering one last chance to this plan.
"Yes, totally agreed. I love you so much, you idiots," Ashley said, while laughing loudly. They all exchanged glances of approval, excitement conquering their bodies. "I should go. It's getting late and I have to meet my mother, too. I'm sure she prepared a feast," the fifteen-year old girl stated, putting on her face a large smile. She was definitely content. Her dreams and expectations reached their apogees; a hint of hope flashed her mind. Maybe happy endings are meant to be. You just have to find them, first.
Ashley made a reflex which looked like a slight movement, but she was rapidly disturbed by the loud protests of her pals. She followed their orders and reoccupied her seat, putting pressure on the soft silk of the cherry-wood chair.
"Well, let's not forget why we are here in first place. Happy birthday!" Stefan said, nervousness producing a tidal wave of anxiety in his entire body.
He handed the little box to Ashley in a gentle manner; he was surprised to feel her jejune fingers tremble.
"Come on, sweet 15, open it!" Adrian tried to light up the mood by picturing a broad grin.
Ashley managed to unwrap the present in only a blink of an eye. She stood frozen solid and just stared at the still-closed top. She was touching the cover as intensely as she could, but her heart wasn't going to relax its crazy beats even for a second. Her almond-shaped eyes were focusing on the situation itself. All the background sounds went deaf, her mind processing them as a privilege of internal rest. The recent dose of happiness has smitten her in a direct way; the possibility of finding out the truth was played back over and over again. All the vital powers left her body and after a deep inhale, she found the strength to see what the surprise that was carefully arranged in the coquettish package.
Then, in a blink of an eye, she spotted a little corner of the metal ornament making its way out of the box. Curiosity filled her eyes and she felt a desperate urge to discover the big surprise that caused her friends to experience intense emotions and throbbing headaches. Her fingertips trailed off and with flashing speed she ripped off the light-pink ribbon like her entire life depended on that little revelation. She simply caught sight of the regulated form of the metal object and realized that the eagle was the finest and the most original way to characterize her in one word. Quickly, she arranged it around her neck and tilted her head in order to show her happiness and excitement.
Everyone was content, it proved that friendship sometimes had no limits. She thanked politely and hugged both her party men. The celebration of fifteen years had really been something she was craving for. An intimate hang-out with her closest friends was something she had always wished. Maybe that's why she had ever wanted : complete and mesmerizing moments of quiet and happiness. She bolted out of the café in the moment they had exchanged the last words. The necklace was carefully arranged around her neck and she swore she could feel the love radiating from it. She was heading back home after the long shower of emotions and gifts. Her arms were full of bouquets, so she hardly managed to open the door wide enough to get into the condo.
Her mother was expecting to see her being completely spoiled rotten. She was aware of the fact that the only two friends her daughter had been the only way she would have regained the desire for living wholeheartedly. She knew that Ashley had the whole right to know her history, but sometimes she considered that the past needed to remain buried.
Cameron heard the entrance door slam hard shut, so she realized she needed to prepare her gift, too for the big moment. "Nothing fancy," she thought to herself, but she knew that the dinner she planned for tonight would have been a little detail in comparison with the euphoria Ashley had felt just minutes ago.
"Shall we?" Cameron asked, looking anxious and was slightly trembling because her emotions pervaded into her body.
"Where to?" Ashley asked back, wondering deeply if her anniversary would turn into a formal and awkward meeting with her mother.
"Well, that's the big surprise," Allison responded, waiting for a faint trace of excitement and approval.
"Give me five minutes and I'll be ready" Ashley said as she was visibly frowning in confusion.
"Okay," Cameron said as she backed up from the small room, "and be careful what you choose for tonight!" she finally added. The situation was going to turn into utter fun.
After five long minutes of searching and sighing, Ashley decided to put on her best floral dress which reminded her of the bright days she had in her life. Despite being as black as night, it was perfectly fitting on her thin body, marking her narrow waist and graceful hips.
She was trying to braid a sided bun when the door yanked open and her mother was standing only a few meters apart. She was wearing a purple, baggy dress, accessorized with a silver necklace and two diamond-bracelets.
"Ready to go?" her mother asked before reaching out for the braids just to arrange a strand that was hanging loosely and inappropriate.
"Yes, of course," Ashley said quickly before her mother had the chance to admire the immense eagle that matched the stylish outfit.
The car ride to the restaurant proved to be a tricky challenge. The conversation started and stopped for a couple of brief second before restarting. Answers like "yes" or "no" were the most frequent ones, so the pace was slowed down progressively. The questions kept coming, and the short responses were in focus.
They entered the restaurant in silence and chose the farthest and most intimate available table they could find. Ashley eagerly grabbed the menu and started looking for the perfect meal, but everything turned out to be a vital moment in the pendulous mother-daughter relationship they experienced. A heartbeat is enough to change an abiding opinion.
"How's going with the geography project?"Cameron asked doubtful, hoping she would receive a little bit of confession from the teenager sited across from her.
"Pretty well, actually. It's a little too difficult to memorize all the terms in a week. At the rehearsal, Stefan was so off the subject and messed up almost all the terms. The whole class was laughing with tears, inclusively me," Ashley said, smiling broadly –which wasn't one of her usual habits-. The story was meant to make the atmosphere get a bright side and fortunately it was working.
"Stefan remains Stefan. He always does things like that, I suppose. You have always told me that he is an original zany," Allison replied, looking really satisfied and mocked a funny facial expression just by wriggling her eyebrows.
Ashley broke into a hysterical laughter and tried to mask the smirk with her backhand. Her mother just stared at her, feeling overwhelmed by the love she had for her daughter since her very first moment she held her. Nostalgia was also present, but it was almost indistinguishable. She still owed her daughter the truth, but the moment of outspoken confession hadn't come yet.
A hand placed firmly on her shoulder startled Cameron from her mental slumber. She turned her face to take a better look at her secret "stalker". She was stunned to see an old acquaintance standing right behind her. Ashley furrowed her brows in a dramatic mode. Cameron jumped out of her seat and encircled the young nurse with her bare arms.
"Oh, Brenda, it's been so long! How are you?" Allison quickly inquired, sounding too emotional for a simple revision. Brenda had always her favorite nurse from the ER. She had utterly been a fair crack of the whip in over-stressful conditions. Despite looking neutral, she only masked a glassy-eyed impassivity that made her remain lucid even in deadly moments.
"I can't believe I met you here! I'm fine. I'm still stuck in the emergency room. How have you been? What are you doing in Princeton?" Brenda wanted to know as she stole a glance at the young lady whose shocked reaction never faded.
"I moved here," Cameron confessed and didn't notice Ashley moving towards their expressed thrill. "I'm sorry! Brenda, this is my daughter Ashley!" Allison made it official and quivered her lip in distress.
"What a beautiful girl!" Brenda remarked soundly as she showed her white and sparkly teeth.
Ashley and Brenda amicably shook their hands before Ashley backed off in order to let the conversation flow without putting any ethical limits.
"What brings you here? Well, this is a big coincidence!" Cameron said, slightly lowering her voice just to keep the conversation alive. She motioned a few steps back and supported all her weight on the wooden and rusty chair.
"If House lived, he would tell you that coincidences don't exist!" Brenda replied, faking the grumpy face House usually wore. For Cameron, talking about House was really sensitive, so she avoided this past topic every time it came into a disputation. For her, it meant she was supposed to reveal some of her strongest feelings that had barely been forgotten or defeated. "You know, we are here for a public debate in order to hire an additional number of nurses. We are a bit overwhelmed right now. After you resigned, the whole hospital went into chaos. We are at table number three, if you want to join us," Brenda invited politely, gesturing towards the long and careful-clothed table where a lot of doctors were dining and taking wine with each other.
Cameron froze immediately as she caught sight of his body, the whole situation turned into a hermetic blur; she swore that her vision portrayed him as a white fathomed body like he was haunting her memory every time she made a movement. He had lost weight, he was unrecognizable, and he was almost another man. Some white roots are visible and she wonders if he got over the tenebrous and bitter memories that marked his soul.
She remarks that he was hiding his tiredness, he looked older and emotions kept flooding her memory. Her limbs went completely still; she was trapped and tortured to confront her inner thoughts. She recognized his shirt. She still can feel its exotic scent and she still can feel the soft material with her fingertips. Maybe destiny planned this fortunate meeting or maybe this was the result of her imagination; his presence still wandered in and out her soul. There had been times when Ashley simply said an Australian specific word and her innocent and fragile heart tore in a thousand pieces.
"I should go," Brenda whispered softly, and hugged Cameron one more time before finalizing her sentence. "Don't hesitate to ask for help," she advised her and quickly returned to her original table, keeping her head low, almost full bent.
Allison realized for a second that the moment of confrontation had finally arrived. But that thought didn't change the fact that chills chased down her spine. She sat down at the table almost mechanical, and started staring at Ashley who was way too occupied to sip the last gulp of cider to notice.
"You ok?" Ashley inquired as she carefully studied her parent's neutral and senseless expression.
"Never been better," she replied breathlessly, looking without any fixed purpose around her, just stared blankly at the artificial flowers that were hanging loosely in a small corner. "What's up for dessert?" Cameron quickly changed the subject before it would turn into a devastating prospect.
"I thought maybe we should try the new ice-cream specialty," Ashley proposed silently, glancing quickly at the opened menu in front of her light-blue eyes.
"Sounds really nice," Allison answered furiously and fast once again and felt sweaty drops encircling her face.
"Are you sure you can stay here any longer without collapsing or having a heart attack?" Ashley half-joked, waiting for a relaxed sigh in response.
"Yes, of course. Why would you say that?" Allison wanted to know, masking all the features that could reveal a present vulnerability. Then, she remarked her nails being slightly bitten which was an odd, old ritual she used to do in explosive circumstances. She thought she got rid of all the insecurity she used to experience.
"Honestly, you barely breathe between words," the girl murmured with an atypical pitch voice she used to mock with her acquaintances.
"I'm just a little bit over-worked!" Her mother answered quickly, gasping lightly, proving that her daughter's theory was accurate and correct.
"Maybe we should go, it's already late and you had enough alcohol," Cameron stated, lounging to remove the tall glass from Ashley's powerful grip.
"But I really like it!" The young girl protested, but couldn't help not to escape a teeth-revealing smile and a soundly chuckle.
"You're not eighteen yet, remember?" Allison asked a little bit bitterly, just marking a mocking reply. "Come on, there is school tomorrow," she continued, leaving no space for doubtful entreaty.
Both ladies grabbed their matching purses and headed towards the exit. Ashley's piercing eyes kept wandering across the room. She unwillingly spotted a blonde guy standing at the big table. She realized he was the only who didn't pay attention to the group conversation. Playing with a napkin was far more interesting than a probably too boring discussion. He barely turned his head and found her staring at him. His confused gaze matched his and in order not to be embarrassed, Ashley cracked a dumb grin and a deep frown. His sea blue eyes had that glassy-eyed impassivity in them she used to remark in distress-causing situations.
Sometimes, it's fair obvious that the destiny is playing with us.
Author's Note: Read and Review? :*
