This is a one shot only. I don't plan on having anymore chapters after this one.
Edward is in the hospital, dying of leukemia. Bella, his wife, is there in his final hours, reminiscing about their past together. Will she be able to except Edward's death, or will she remain in denial?
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, but I do own the plot line. I thank SM for letting us use her wonderful characters for our wicked ways.
Luke
Death. Our final curtain call before we leave this world to move on to bigger and better things. A soul leaving this world on someone's last breath, and heading to the glorious gates of Heaven. Or Nirvana as some say. But I don't believe this. I find it hard to believe. I look at it as a finality. A dead end. A final farewell to a loved one who I will never see again. Never be able to touch again. Never be able to laugh with again. Never be able to hold…ever again.
Edward.
I looked over at him from my perch near his bed, and nearly burst into heart wrenching sobs. I grasped his frail hand more tightly, and watched him sleep away the morphine that was in his body. He looked like a skeleton. His bronze hair was almost all gone underneath the black bandana he wore, not from the cancer itself, but rather from the endless cycle of radiation he had endured to fight off the disease. His pale skin was ashy and looked to be paper thin. The dark circles under his eyes were prominent, and I longed to see his green eyes looking up at me with love. His body was being eaten away by the leukemia that was devastating his body, but I could still see him. He was still as handsome to me as the day we had married. Nothing could ever change how I felt for him.
I could still remember our first kiss. We had been 14 years old, and thought that it had been for scientific purposes only of course. Little did we know that we both liked each other, and couldn't get the courage to even make a move.
A smile tugged at my lips, and I brushed away fresh tears that were trailing down my cheeks. Edward made me feel like I was still 14 years old again. He made me feel the excitement of the world when he was around. I could see the world through his eyes, and it was worth waking up in the morning. But what was I going to do when he wasn't here anymore? What was my world going to look like when Edward wasn't here with me?
Edward's hand squeezed my own slightly, and I knew he had used most, if not all of his strength in doing so. I looked up into his face once more, and saw he was looking at me. Silently taking in my appearance and expression. He must have seen my inner turmoil written all over my face, because he sighed in exasperation. Almost as if he were getting ready to reprimand a little child for stealing a cookie before dinner.
"I'm dying Bella." He rasped, his tongue moving slowly over his chapped, cracked lips.
Why did he have to keep saying that? Why was he giving up so quickly, when he was still so much alive now? He wasn't dead yet. Sure he was frail, and the doctors gave him a week to live, but there was always miracles. I kept holding out for a miracle.
"Why do you always bring that up?" I patted his hand, and tucked a piece of loose hair behind my ear, fully annoyed at having to always talk about death.
He chuckled a mirthless laugh, and shifted in the bed slowly. A look a pain evident across his pale, handsome face. "Because I am Bella."
"The doctor's said one week Edward, but I believe you are stronger than that."
He looked at me through half closed lids for a moment, and then closed his eyes once again. His breath was coming in ragged gulps with each passing second. "No, I'm not."
"Of course you are." I tutted at him, and started to straighten his bed linens. Trying to keep my mind preoccupied with other things than death.
His hand wrapped around my wrist in a soft caress, and I stopped my progress with the duvet. I looked down at his hand and my own, and nearly wept. He was so pale. So fragile looking. I laid my other hand over his, and then looked up into his face. He regarded me with adoration and honesty.
"Bella, I'm dying."
I didn't have the strength to deny him. I didn't have the energy or fight in me to say any different anymore. The inevitability of it made me choke on my breath, and I let out a sob. I brought a fist to my mouth, and tried to stop the heartache that wanted to spew forth.
"I don't want you to be sad for me Bella." His green eyes looked into my brown, and I could feel the familiar pull from him. I gently brought his hand to my lips and kissed it with zealous. Then bringing it to my cheek to feel the coldness of his flesh against my own too warm skin. It still felt like Edward. I smiled a small smile and cuddled into his open palm.
"I can't promise I won't be sad Edward."
"I want you to try." His dimples flashed at me in an Edward like smile, and I felt myself softening to him.
"I'll try."
"Do you remember how we used to joke about Luke?"
"Yeah, I remember."
"I put up a good fight didn't I, Mrs. Cullen?"
I felt the tears running down my face, and tried in vain to stop them with my hands. I gave him a watery smile, and kissed his hand once more. Feeling the dread of knowing I was losing him with every passing.
"You sure have, Mr. Cullen."
"Luke went and kicked my ass."
His eyes closed, and I thought for a second that he had fallen back asleep. It was best if he left when he was in his sleep. It would be more peaceful for him. But his eyes fluttered back open, and I was surprised to see tears in the corners of his eyes.
"The only thing I regret is leaving you here. Knowing I will have to wait a long time before I will see you again."
"Don't think about it, Edward. We will see each other soon Edward."
"I know. I just wish I didn't have to leave you." His eyes closed, and a deep sigh escaped his cracked, pale lips.
"I love…you, Bella."
I felt the tears sliding down my face, but I made no motion to stop them from flowing freely down my face. "I love you too, Edward."
A small smile played on his lips, and a deep sigh emanated from his lips. His body relaxed slowly, before becoming as limp as a boned fish. I looked at his chest, and noticed his breathing was becoming more labored than before. What was happening?
Finally, his breathing stopped. His lungs no longer pulling in haggard gulps of air in. His face was peaceful, almost angelic in the afternoon light coming through the slit of a window.
"Edward?" No response. Only silence answered me in the funny smelling, white hospital room. I touched his shoulder gently to rouse him, but he didn't move.
He had slipped away, never to awaken again. I didn't feel anything anymore. All I could feel was the mind blowing numbness. Almost like I had been out in a snow storm with no clothes on. My body shivering and quaking from the impact.
He was gone. Never coming back. I would never hear his laugh again. I would never see the dimples flash in his cheeks. I would never hear his sighs in the middle of the night as we made love. It was all gone. All of it.
I sat by his bedside, sobbing uncontrollably; heart wrenching sobs that tore away at the very walls of my soul. I got up out of my uncomfortable red chair, and laid down next to Edward. My head resting on his lax shoulder, our hands joined together, and laying on my stomach. I kissed each finger reverently, and felt the sobs clog my throat.
I closed my eyes and snuggled into the coldness. Into my Edward.
Random piece that I hope you all enjoyed. Short and to the point really. It's my lament, if you will, to Edward. As always, let me know what you think.
I have a few other stories I'm working on at the moment. Check them out if you have a second. Thanks as always for your support. :D
Lyn
