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Authors note: I started this story back in 2010. I haven't wrote basically since. I am going to change some things in this story and repost it. Please let me know if you would like me to continue changing the story and if I should post more. Thank you!
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Chapter 1 - Gone Too Far
Spencer'sPOV
I've been seating here staring at the clock on the wall. I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call. I don't know how much more I can take of this affair. I am so tired of being lonely. We have been sneaking around for almost a year. As time went on the affair just seem to get easier. Well, the sneaking around part did. There is nothing else about this affair that is easy. My feelings, the girlfriends feelings, Ashley's feelings and as much as I would like to blame this all on Ashley, she is not all to blame. I too had let the affair start. I too had let the affair continue for the past nine months. I start to hurt more and more as time goes by. This affair or sneaking around doesn't seem worth it anymore."
How have you been?" Ashley asks breaking the silence that was being held between us. When we first started messing around, I wouldn't say much to her. She would ask a question and I would give her a one worded answer. I didn't ask questions back. I let our affair happen but I didn't want this situation to be where it is today.
"Good." I tell her. That one word answer is all I could muster at this moment. Maybe it would be easier to go back and never open up to the brunette sitting next to me. I want to have never let her in and maybe right now this wouldn't be so hard.
Flashback
"Spence?" Ashley says trying to spark up another conversation. I turn my head and look at her. I don't know why I just looked at her, every time I do, it makes it that much harder not to answer her. We have be having this affair for four months now and I am rapidly falling for a girl who I have barely said five words to since the affair started. Do I love her? I try to not give that question much thought. I don't want to love her. This isn't the situation to fall in love with someone. I will say I could fall in love with her if I let myself. I do care for her, deeply. I really miss her when we are apart. I may not talk to her while we are in this intimate setting but she tells me a lot about herself. She has told me so much about herself. She says she tells me everything. I think that's why I am starting to fall for her. I know so much about a woman that knows little to none about me.
"I know it's hard. I know you will never ask me to choose. I know that I should but I just can't." The words that just came from her mouth stung me. They hit me where it hurts the most; my heart.
"You won't, Ashley." I tell her letting the anger fill my voice.
"What?' She looks puzzled. She has no idea what I am saying. I have learned her facial expressions. She has probably learned mine considering that is what I give her the most.
"It's you won't choose because you can. You just won't or don't want too for whatever reason." She smiles at me when I say this. I didn't ask why she smiled at me; I figured it was because she finally got me to say more than one word to her.
End of Flashback
After that day I went back to saying only one word to her for almost three weeks. I gave in to her after that and I have been saying more to her since. Well, except for today, that is.
"Are we really back to that?" Ashley asks sadly.
"What?"
"One word." Ashley states.
"What do you want me to say, Ashley? You always start a conversation then leave in the middle of it. I don't feel like talking today. It's the reason we're where we are."
"What are you saying?"
"What I always say, Ashley but we can never do. Just like they say, it's easier said than done." I tell her with no emotion in me voice what so ever. "The sad part about this affair is that five years from now if we were still sneaking around you still wouldn't make a decision."
"If you feel this way and you don't think I will ever make a choice." Ashley paused and sighed. "Why are you continuing to meet with me?" Ashley adds lightly looking down at her hands.
"Meet with you?" I laugh. I can't believe she just said 'meet with me'. "Is that what we are doing, having a fucking meeting?" I yell at her for the first time. Ashley is taken back by it because I cause her to jump so bad, she rolls backwards off my bed. I wrap my sheet around me and gather my clothes from my bedroom floor. Ashley slowly picks herself from the floor, rubbing her left hip.
"That wasn't what I meant." Ashley states breaking the silence after I am fully dressed, while she only has her pants back on.
"What did you mean then?" I ask already annoyed with this whole conversation. "Meet with me." I mock her and shake my head. After the brunette is done getting dressed, she just stares at me. I can tell by the look on her face, she doesn't know what to say. I knew she didn't. I know she didn't mean it the way she said it. I am just letting my emotions get the best of me right now. "Just let it go, Ashley." I tell her dropping down onto my bed. I'm sorry I'm bad. I'm sorry you're blue. I'm sorry bout all the things I said to you The ringtone filled my room causing me to jump. I sat back down on my bed, grabbing my pillow, and put it over my head. Here we go. It's just another call from home.
"I'll be there in a few minutes." I had toned out the rest of her conversation, only listening to the ending of it. Ashley is always trying to calm her girlfriend down because of something. Do I hate the girlfriend? Yes, I do. I know it isn't my place to hate her. I'm the one her girlfriend is cheating on her with. I'm the one letting it continue to happen. So, why do I hate her? I have absolutely no idea. I turn my head and Ashley is gone from the left side of my bed. I know what she is about to do. I don't look anywhere else in my room. I know where she is. She is standing over me getting ready to leave. She gets the call and she's gone. I'm left here crying. She tells me the same thing each time she leaves.
"I'll talk to you later. I love you, I really do." She whispers into my ear. I sigh. How do you love someone you haven't given your full self too? How do you love someone when your heart is already taken? I haven't asked Ashley these questions. I don't really want to know the answers. Ashley kisses the side of my head." I'm sorry" The brunette whispers out as she headed towards my bedroom door. She always closes the bedroom door when she leaves my room. I don't know why, it's not like I live with anybody. Once I hear the door click, I let the tears fall from my eyes.
Authors note: I added very little to this chapter. Not much needed to be changed but the next few chapters have kind of a lot that needs to be fixed. I had to re-read this story cause it had been so long. There is parts that are confusing to me and I wrote it. Thank you for reading. Please review!
