Hey guys! I know I have a bunch of stories to update, but this idea struck me and I just HAD to post it! WARNING: This contains references to drugs and is not appropriate for young children. But it's a crack-fic, so did you think it was going to be rated G? ;) Enjoy! :D

All six warriors of the Jade Palace trudged dejectedly down the Thousand Steps.

"Ugh," groaned Mantis. "That was... Master... Shifu's... worst... lesson... ever..."

"What was it even about?" asked Monkey.

"It was about... I don't know, I stopped paying attention after he babbled about the talking cucumbers!" screamed Mantis.

"Well, Tigress, you're the smart and disciplined one," stated Monkey. "What was Master Shifu talking about?"

"In all honesty, I am really not sure," stated a somber Tigress. "Thank gods he stopped when the messenger told him to go to Gongmen City."

"Come on guys, cheer up. It could be worse- we could be quizzed on it! Let's go to my dad's and get some noodle soup!" cried Po. With that, the other five quietly chorused their agreements.

*At Mr. Ping's shop*

The group of six arrived at Mr. Ping's to find that the screen door was closed. Since Po was family, they decided to lumber inside anyways. Once inside, he found a note on one of the customer tables. "Hey guys! Read this!"

Po,

I am going to be out of town for a few weeks on a business endeavor. Take care, son.

"Well, what does that do for us? I'm still hungry," yelled Mantis as he grew red in the face.

"I'll cook something for us," said Po. "Just sit down and I'll find something to eat."

"Thanks, Po" chorused the group.

*In the kitchen 5 minutes later*

I guess there isn't much food here, thought Po. No wonder Dad had to go away. Anyways, there's mostly some sugar, tea leaves, and bit of cake mix. I'll use that to cook a little bit.

*Fifteen minutes later*

Po lumbered out of the kitchen, carrying the bean buns and the tea he had just made. He set the food on the table and sat down as the Five chorused their thanks. They all gobbled their dumplings and gulped their tea. Little did they know what was about to happen next.

Po had brewed tea, but the "tea leaves" were actually marijuana leaves. And the "sugar" he used was actually crack. The gang had devoured both intoxicants; they were in for a long night.

*At the Valley bar*

The warriors and entered the bar and had all consumed a minimum of ten shots. Utter confusion contaminated the room as they were all making fools of themselves. Mantis was hitting on every woman in the bar, but was failing miserably.

"Hey sexy lady, wanna come back to the Jade Palace and-"

"Are you drunk?! Get the fuck away from me you loser!" screamed the woman.

Mantis then proceeded to hop on the bar

Monkey was doing drunken somersaults across the floor with several girls nearby cheering him on. Crane had taken his pants off and was flying in the air in an attempt to impress some cheap, stoned girls. Viper was ribbon dancing on the floor near a bunch of guys drooling at her. Po was attempting to sing in the middle of the room. Even the normally composed Tigress was dancing on a tabletop, swinging around in circles with the men nearby giving cat calls.

Finally, Po finished the song and swayed over towards the table where Tigress was. Tigress eventually whooped and fell of the table, landing in Po's arms. "Hey, Po," she slurred, "thank you for catching me. Come with me to my room in the Palace." She hopped out of his arms and made her way towards the exit.

Po was more than happy to comply as he stumbled out of the bar, a drunken grin plastered against his face.

Monkey, Viper, Crane, and Mantis were starting to get bored at the bar.

"Hey," blurted Mantis to his friends, "who wants to fuck up the Palace? Shifu's not here to stop us!"

"I'm in," the others slurred.

*In the Hall of Warriors*