EDIT: Because of some complaints over the use of real people in this story I have had to replace the names of the Top Gear presenters with either nicknames or discriptions, dispite my previous assumption that, by using their television personas, I was in the clear for using their real names. Hopefully this will now comply with FFN guidelines.
Yet again the Top Gear presenters were finishing up their review of the latest car they had gotten their hands on. The camera in the studio panned out to show Captain Slow, the Hampster, and Jezza gathered around the aforementioned car. "Now it's time to see how fast it goes around our track," Slow said, as the camera panned left.
Hampster picked it up from there. "And to do that we need to turn it over to our tame racing driver."
Jezza finished the line. "Some say that he has an evil twin brother, and that he owes a large amount of money to a woman with a very big gun. All we know is, he's called… The Stig!"
Sitting in the new car at Top Gear's hidden top-secret test track at an abandoned Royal Air Force base in Dunsfold Park, Surrey, a helmeted man in a white racing suit turned up the radio as he waited for the signal to start the lap. Behind the blue-tinted visor blue eyes lit up as a demonic sounding voice played through the speakers. "Steal the soul for a second chance,/ but you will never become a man./ My chosen torture makes me stronger/ in a life that craves the hunger,/ a freedom and a quest for life/ until the end, the judgment night…" The silver-haired man had to keep himself from nodding his head along to the song that continued to play as he revved the car's engine.
As he shot off the line in a cloud of smoke and the shriek of tire squeal, Dante mused on how he had become so desperate for money that he had taken a second job as a test driver, forcing him to temporarily abandon his beloved red leather jacket and leather pants. Things had gotten slow on the demon hunting scene, and with Lady hounding him for money he hardly had any left over for pizza anymore.
Somewhere far away from the track, a woman in a white cat suit and a giant rocket launcher on her back kicked down the doors to a building called Devil May Cry, shouting, "Dante, where's the damn money you owe me!" Her mismatched eyes took in the sight of a very messy desk and the very empty chair behind it. The heavily armed woman proceeded to search the empty building, cursing out its owner and promising to shoot him in some very painful areas the next time she saw him.
As he careened around Gambon and across the finish line, Dante felt a chill run down his spine and he started to sneeze uncontrollably. Why do I have this sudden feeling of imminent doom? Dante wondered. Shrugging it off, he stopped the car and got out. I wonder what Lady's up too?
