Damn the façade.

I'm not much of a complainer, but right now I'm sick off it. Sick of the people, sick of the scenery, sick of the feelings. Fuck it, even the smell I hate. That horrible smell that penetrates my nostrils every time I apparate to his feet. God, the stench almost makes me puke over those grey feet of his.

And now, I have to kill. For the other one. Haven't I done enough for him? Do I still need to prove myself to him? After all those years, he still doesn't trust me. He says he does, but I can see in those pathetic blue eyes of his he doesn't. He thinks I'll betray him at the last second, his last second, when his guard is down.

His constant lies make me furious. I can't stand how he keeps information back every time he tells me something. It can take him years until he speaks the full truth to me. A truth that is rightful to me.

The worst thing about it all is, is that I would do it all over again if I had a choice.

Everything.

The danger. It doesn't matter how many times I've went to him, I still nearly shit myself when I have to look into those red eyes of that disgusting snake.

The fear. Never have I stopped fearing everything. Things became even worse when mother passed all those years ago.

The deaths. Whether by the enemy's hand, or our side; there will always be death. And I hate it, with every fiber in my being, down to the very core of me.

The pain. That's the least of it. The crucio's will haunt me, the mind reading will be marked in my being for every, but nothing compares the loss.

I'll never forget the day I lost her. Even now I feel like the whole world population could drop dead and just the two of us would be left. I know that won't happen, though. I'd be happy with even a few moments with her. Just to hear her voice again. One can only watch memories for so many times.

And after all he puts me through, he expects me to grant his every wish, answer his every call. Well, that'll soon be over won't it? He will be mourned. But not by me.

Well, my dear friend, I'll see you in hell -if I'm not already in it.

Your Slytherin.