Sakura and most of the other characters are 16 with obvious exceptions as will be pointed out if necessary. I don't have a plan for this story. I don't know how or if it will end but there'll definitely be another chapter irrelevant of the number of reviews it gets. Hope you enjoy this. It's a little dark, mostly just the kind of dark that is consistently the fate of most teenagers.

Chapter 1


School... School, school, school...

Well let's be honest- I don't go 'cause i like it there. I go because i like it better than staying home.

When I'm at home they watch me all the time.

My dad wakes up and checks to make sure I ate breakfast. My step-mum asks when I'm expecting my period. My dad takes me out and orders for me when I say I don't want anything. He tells me not to eat so slowly at dinner and not to play with my food. I'm not so fatigued as I am just tired of being monitored all day, and when I close the door to my "cave" as they would suppose it, I hear them analyzing me through my door.

"Did Sakura seem angry to you?"

"I think she's probably just on her monthly cycle. I know we shouldn't take it personally but I'm so worried about her."

"She's not your daughter, try not to get too involved."

"How am I not supposed to get involved? I'm the one who buys her food and cooks. I'm the mother of this household."

"Look, all I'm saying is don't cross me when I'm parenting her."

They must be stupid. There's but a wall between them and I and they call that whispering? Shame.

I could sleep my life away. Really- what I wouldn't give.

But as a direct result of my being alive and being 16; this is not an option I have.

So when sleeping isn't on the list, school is my next choice.

It's kinda like being free but it just doesn't have the peaceful element unconsciousness does...

What makes being awake better? Well I'll tell you: being lucid and awake.

And there's never been a greater lucidity than the one found after 48 hours or so of not eating.

Seriously. It is like being in a dream except you're awake and walking around in this floaty body of energy and serenity.

It's so messed up but it's so fantastic. It's what I can only imagine drugs are like.

I haven't ever taken drugs but if they make you feel like this I wouldn't put the possibility past me. This way to numbness is hangover free... And the fun happy feeling lasts as long as you want.

I can't really remember the last time I reached that happy land though. I get watched a lot. They wanna make sure I'm never happy...

They can't watch me at school and I walk slowly along the path towards this institution every week-day morning.

I could turn left at this side street and disappear forever... I could run and run and run until everything was black...

I like the idea... But I guess I just think i'd be found... and the consequences would be enough to kill me.

I'm not suicidal. I'm a little crazy sometimes when no-one is watching but even then I don't want to kill myself. An eternity of sleeping sounds nice though.

Sometimes I want to scream that I want to die. I think it must just be a phrase that's easy to say when you feel really awful.

But I don't scream anymore anyway. They say it's good to let stuff out, but there's nothing healthy about screaming and being ignored. That sucks the most. So I don't scream anymore. Nobody takes me seriously. I don't take me seriously. I'm such a drama queen. I must be the most annoying person I know.

I'm making my family fight. I must be so awful. I deserve to be unhappy.

Walking to school, all I can think of now is how I want to be at home sitting in the dark with a knife. I need to make this right. I have to pay for what I've done and make it okay again.

I wanna scream but it won't matter and then it'll be obvious to all my friends I'm crazy.

Coming through the front gates, checking to see that people haven't gone to roll call and i'm not late yet, trying to be cool as I pass the people I know and smiling as I reach my group. Smiles are so exhausting, I want to sleep again.

"Sakura you look awful today." Shikamaru commented. He meant nothing by it, I know, and he's right, I probably look like a mess.

"Thanks."

Ino isn't impressed with either of us, him for being so blunt, me for not caring.

"Hey Sak are you sick or something?" She put the back of her hand on my forehead and frowned.

"No. I'm great today actually. I'm always great." I say that a lot and it doesn't mean that much anymore. A couple of the people who heard me joined in and snickered at my little joke. Wow. I still got it.

Maybe I should fly off the handle now and act as freaky as I feel. Right now I feel like such an internal freak.

"Hey Naruto! I yell to rip his attention out of the brawl he's on the verge of starting." He looks across our circle of friends at me. "I have those chips you like today." I give him them most days.

"Awww Thanks Sakura-can. You're the best. Do ya have any of the other snack things you usually do?"

"Ahh... aha, lemme see." I pull some biscuits and assorted bars out of my bag. My parents are always trying to overfeed me. Thank goodness I have people to give this shit to; I feel guilty when it goes in the bin.

"Sakura, I never see you actually eat your lunch. you should save some for yourself." Hinata mumbles.

"Yeah forehead. Don't let that loser take all your food." Ino pointed at Naruto and shook her finger in the kind of way she must have patented.

"It's all good. Mum made me an amazing breakfast early this morning, and Naruto needs the energy more than I do so he can feed his noisy personality." We laughed and Naruto frowned.

"What'd you have?" A low voice interrupted Naruto's loud disagreement. I looked around and found Sasuke staring at me, eyebrow raised.

"What do you mean?" I asked him. "For breakfast?"

He nodded.

I tried not to let my eyes roll up while I struggled to think of something that would fit the adjective 'amazing'.

"Pancakes."

He wasn't satisfied. "Sakura. You're gluten intolerant.""

"Yeah. They were made from special flour." I was happy with the speed at which I could answer that one.

He seemed to approve of this. What was his problem? Sasuke was delicious looking... Just like all the foods I sometimes wanted to eat.

But I'd known him for a long time and recently he'd been checking the back story to my lies about food. I'm a pretty good liar these days though and there's not a whole lot he can do to find any better answer. He has me on my toes though. He probably thinks I'm just going on a diet in secret or something...

It would be best for me if I can feed that assumption he might have. Him thinking i'm on a diet doesn't worry me. If anything that would make me seem more normal.

The bell went. People rushed out from nowhere and I was quite suddenly in a whirl pool of students. I really really wanted to sleep again.


That's chapter 1. It's a complicated story idea... hopefully amongst the sarcasm and angst there'll be some humor... definitely love.

BlAnCh