I warn you now, this story will have tons of random spoofy stuff. It's a basic MOCK of fire emblems 7 and 8 xD Hope you like it :D Josh and I write this, but Josh is the main writer. Be prepared to experience extreme retardedness and perverted humour.

Disclaimer : We do not own Fire emblem xD

READ AND REVIEW!


Far, far away, in a land created by Japanese men, beauty flourished. 256 bit coloured pixels danced and flew like the goblins that stole my socks. A plain, vats and green, spread across the landscape. Here, the Demon King, and his best friends the fauna, played hacky sack with gargoyle testicles.

The peace, however, was soon to end. An evil was heading towards this field, a white mount, red armour, ginger hair. A man rode towards the field with evil intent. His name, Kent. This is the legend of how Kent, a former righteous and loyal knight who turned to the dark side, tried to destroy the world, with the help of a prince, a demon king, and half a dozen dead goats. This is a story of how he failed. (Insert dramatic music here)

Kent's whole life had led up to this moment. To this plan. To this event. Years of loneliness and solitude had brought forward one of the most scheming minds in centuries, and with it, a plot. A plot to destroy the world. He rode towards the Demon King, preparing himself for the stuff of legend- A fight to the death, with the most powerful being in existence. His hand on his lance, he charged at the monster, pressure weighing on his shoulders - This was his life's work, and it all depended on this impossible battle. He rose his lance, focused on the demon and-

OOPH!

Kent was knocked off of his mount, which went out of control, running towards the nearby woods, terror etched onto its face and woven into its cries. Kent arose, lance once again in hand, prepared to be blown into a million pieces, fighting the wound in his side that had been made by falling on his butter knife. (Damn butter knives). Looking up, he imagined what it would be like, facing oblivion at the hands of the demon king of old. However, looking up, he saw not the crushing blow that had killed many men in legends before him, but... A bunch of fauna stared at him in shock, with a giant demon in the midst.

"Good lord! Are you okay?" it boomed "The hacky sack hit you right in the face! Did it hurt? I'm so sorry!"

Kent blinked. Then again. And a third time. Here was the legendary demon king... apologising about hitting somebody in the face with a hacky sack? "It's fine. Really, it's okay. However, do you have any spare vulnerary? I must have landed on my butter knife."

"Oh boo-boo!! A butter knife! Lethal things, they are. Why, I once slaughtered an entire village with a butter knife once. Fuckers ate all the ice cream at the shop. I had to go all the way back to the Grado - Renais border town to get one. Here you go!"

The Demon King held up his hand, and in an instant the pain was gone. Looking down, Kent saw a blue orb hovering on his wound, the centre of it healing the skin there immediately. When its slowly dispersed and disappeared the blood stains, the pain, and the wound had gone. Amazed, Kent immediately dropped to one knee, and let go of the lance he still had poised for battle.

"Forgive me, oh Demon King. I pray you do not smite me."

"... Uh, 'Sal right, call me DK."

".... Okay...." Kent blinked yet again and rose to his feet. "Say... You don't happen to know about the whereabouts of a certain object of immeasurable power, capable of destroying the world?"

The fauna suddenly seemed alarmed. "DK! You can't say anything about it! Not one word!"

"About what? About the ultra powerful daisy of doom, located just west of here?"

"... Fucking retard."

Kent had already heard what he needed to hear. He spent the rest of the day with DK and the Fauna, sickened by their happy, playful behaviour. This is not what a demon king should be acting like! When he was the lord of death, feared by all, things would be different. His role in Fire Emblem 7 was so small, now, here, in Fire Emblem 8, he would be the main villain that would destroy the world! - He would be victorious! After extracting more information, killing a few fauna behind a tree, and getting one of the original developers to program him into the game, he was ready. At nightfall, he snuck west, found the daisy of doom, and fled back to the demon king.

"Where'd ya' go?"
"To do my business."

"EWWW! You're disguuusting!"

"You do it too. But I have a question. How do I get from here to the world of Fire Emblem?"

"No! Bad kitty! Nobody can know where the bridge is."

"The bridge? What bridge?"

"You know, the bridge about 3 leagues north of here? The one you cross to get into the Fire Emblem world?"

At this, the fauna all let out moans. Murmurs spread among them.

"Fucking retard"

"He can't keep anything secret god damn it."

"I wish he'd just shut up for once..."

Kent smirked. This would be easier than he had thought.


Hope you liked the first chapter xD The next will come out whenever we want it to roflmao xD Review people! Oh and if you haven't ever played Fire emblem, PLAY IT. IT IS A GOOD GAME.