"Why do you wanna break up?" he said, his misty green eyes giving me this sentimental glare.
"I don't know, its just―"
"Uhuh yeah, that's right you don't know what to say. You know what Bella, your full of crap you know that?" he said, making his way to the door.
"You know what Brian, I don't even know why we have to make a big deal about it. We're just breaking up." I said, my face reddening slightly as I turned to look at him.
"W-what! Are you fucking kidding me? Not a big deal, are you freaking nuts?"
"You don't need to curse! It's extremely unnecessary." I said, my voice beginning to crack as it ascended with my fluctuating anger.
"It's my mouth, I could say whatever I want, you know what—you were just a waste of time that's what you were."
"Oh shut up! You're just mad that you couldn't satisfy me like a real man should." I began to turn and he grabbed my arm in a vigorous clutch.
"What are you talking about? We never even had sex!"
"We did other things! Did you forget? I regret every time I went down on―"
"You know you liked it!"
"Oh my god, get out! Now!" with my fury reaching its pinnacle, I mustered all my strength, opened my door and shoved him out into the hallway. His heavy footsteps sending reverberating echoes through the floor. "I hope you die!" I managed with a final scream, shutting the door as he wheeled around to flip the bird at me.
I struggled to gather my breath as I leaned back against the door, closing my eyes in an effort to recompose myself. Looking across at my dresser mirror I noticed that my hair was in tangles and my unnaturally pale skin was redder the usual. I glanced down at the luggage piled against my now empty closet and wondered…could my life really get any worse. I had just broken up with my boyfriend, I was going to some estranged city in Washington and…oh great, I just got my period.
"Bella is everything okay!" My mom's voice yelled down from the kitchen.
"I'm fine! Don't worry." I replied, my voice depleted and scratchy from screaming. Screaming really wasn't my forte so I guess my throat didn't react to well after I did scream…oops. I glanced out the window upon hearing a roaring engine and just realized it was Brian's stupid corvette starting up. Spoiled son of a bitch. I suddenly began to feel this rushing emptiness, tugging away at my insides like a hyperactive fetus. It's probably my period.
So I sauntered over to the bathroom and began shuffling through the bottom cabinet underneath the sink for some tampons.
"Mom! Where are the tampons?!" I shouted.
"I used the last one this morning. Sorry dear. Go out and by some, Walgreens is still open!"
"Never mind." I muttered to myself. So I did what my friend Maria told me to do in school one day and made a makeshift pad from toilet paper. Ghetto!
As I walked out into the dark hallway I suddenly came under the realization that I had broken up with Brian and even though he was an asshole, I would never see him again. Sure all he wanted to do was bang me left and right (Or front and back if you prefer), but he was so adorable. His green eyes, his baseball player's body...wait, that was it? Man I suck at picking guys. Maybe If I would've executed myself in a less slutty manner at homecoming I would've ended up with a nicer guy. Why me?
I trudged back into my seemingly empty room, the walls, once caked in movie and concert posters bare with only tiny strips of tape or dried clots of glue stuck to the wall. My black bed sheet s were all disheveled and my pillow was propped against the side of the bed. I had been using it earlier to prop my neck while I did my nightly sit ups. While I was still considerably thin, I still had some love handles on my sides and this one nightmarish stretch mark across my left butt cheek. Ewww, gross.
"Honey, is everything alright. I heard you screaming." It was my Mom; she was giving me this "consoling stare" while she dried her hands with the kitchen rag. Her hair was tied back in a simplistic ponytail.
"Nothing, I broke up with that idiot." I said, sitting down on my bed. I hated talking to my mom. Especially about these things. She was like a thousand years old, what would she know.
"Oh sweetie, don't cry." She said, rushing over to me in the most dramatic fashion possible.
"He's not worth my tears." I crossed my arms and threw myself back, staring up at the crack strewn ceiling.
"That's my girl. Don't let not man bring you down, there not worth it." She smiled down at me and stood up. "Just think about it, tomorrow you'll be flying to Forks with your dad! Doesn't it sound just exciting?"
"If you say so." I said, turning to one side, hoping she would get the signal that I wanted her to leave.
"They're giving Interview with a Vampire. You love that movie." She said, making a strange little gesture with her shoulders.
"For real?" My eyes suddenly lit up. I suddenly began to think that maybe this night couldn't be as bad as I thought. Maybe there was some light in this dark void I suddenly found myself trapped in.
"Yeah, com'n. I'll finish washing the dishes and I'll pop us up some popcorn." She smiled and walked out into the hallway, disappearing shortly into the darkness.
I stood up and stood in front of the mirror, pulling my hair back in a lopsided swirl (It was supposed to be a bun. Don't be hatin').
And so I sat there with my Mom and we watched Interview with a Vampire together. It was during that moment that I felt, I dunno, warm. Like everything was perfect for those few hours and nothing could ruin that night. Not Brian (that horny bastard), not Forks and not the fact that I had my period and ran out of tampons. Nothing was bothering me. I was…happy.
Yet there I was in the airport the next morning at 8 A.M., the hot Arizona sun streaming through the vast windows of the boarding room, trickling across the polished marble floor in inconsistent yellow strands. The airport was flooded with people, all darting into departing planes headed to New York, LA and Miami. Peering at the only plane headed to Forks from the boarding room window, I noticed how it was the smallest plane in the strip. I automatically knew that Forks could be no New York or LA. According to my countless Google searches and personal accounts from my father, it was a small little town on the foot of Washington which was no stranger to rain (I guess my hair was going to stay permanently frizzy from now on). Just wonderful.
"My little Bella, I can't believe you're leaving me behind." She pouted slightly as she closed in for a hug, my back cracking slightly as she seemed to squeeze all her strength in this final embrace. "I'm gonna miss you."
"I'm gonna miss you too Mom. More then you'll ever know." I said, beginning to feel a pang of remorse reverberate across my veins.
"NOW BOARDING THE 8:15 BOARDING TO FORKS, WASHINGTON…NOW BOARDING!"
I glanced across at the flight attendant presiding over the podium beside the gate and sighed. "I guess this is it."
"I guess so. But you'll write to me right, and you have my number so don't forget to call me every chance you get. About boys, girls, school…"
"Okay mom, I'll make sure to call." I gave her one final hug as I walked away with my High School Musical carryon bag and began to wonder what Forks would be like (with me as a permanent resident). Then I saw this guy who looked like Brian and the day suddenly felt as though it had gone overcast. (Why do ex-boyfriends have that effect. He was such a penis! I hated him). I turned back one more time before disappearing through the gate, my mom was wiping away tears as she managed a feeble smile and a seemingly hopeless wave.
After a three hour trip over the western United States, a bag of pretzels, a cup of Pepsi and a screening of Mean Girls, the plane finally landed in Port Angeles in Seattle. I looked around dumfounded as I strayed to find my dad. I can tell you now that I definitely wasn't feeling my greatest (It had to be my period), but I really wasn't sure. Then someone tapped me on my back and I swung around almost instantly.
"Bells, how are you!?" It was my dad Charlie. I don't know why but I always just called him dad. I once used to call him Charlie (just to feel more mature) but I kept on having random flashbacks to Oompa Loompas.
"Cha—DAD!" I gave him a hug, but detached quickly. He was known for being a boob cruncher. And I had to preserve the little that I had of them.
"Let me hold that for you." He said, picking up my High School Musical carry-on.
We waited quite some time for the luggage at the luggage carousel near the entrance. There was a terrible awkward silence surrounding us among the indiscernible mass of people talking, but it only lasted until my four luggage's reared forward and after that we were off, streaming alongside the profusion of cars on the freeway (in my dad's cruiser). How freaking embarrassing, I'm gonna make my grand arrival in a cop car. Way to make an entrance Bella.
"So how's Renné?" he asked, his eyes concentrated on the impending road ahead.
"She's good, still stripping." He suddenly glanced towards me in shock stricken expression. "Just kidding." I let out a smile for comedic effect.
"Oh." He clasped his hand over his chest and let out a breath of air. "On a lighter note, I got a surprise for you."
"Really, what is it!?" I suddenly stood up to seem more appreciative and looked him in the face although his glare had not shifted at all. Even as the wind unfurled onto the confines of the car, he didn't as so much give a wince (I'm telling you, my family is F-R-E-A-K-Y).
"I got you…a car!" He shouted sarcastically.
I didn't really know how to react. I was kind of surprised I guess, seriously, I didn't see this coming (yay, I got a car).
"Mercedes…?" I managed feebly, trying not to get my hopes up for the unavoidable revelation.
"Even better."
"What! Oh my god you got me a BMW." I began clapping wildly, dancing in my seat like an intoxicated cocaine addict.
"It's a truck! I got it from that guy down at La Push. You remember the one with the thing on his nose."
"Oh yeah! Ewww, that guy. He looks like a rapist."
"Be nice now Bells, he got in an accident and is on a wheelchair now, paralyzed from the waist down."
I really felt like crap now. I got all excited over my potential BMW/Mercedes-Benz and I end up with some beat up truck from some predatorial Native American who was always checking me out like my body was on sale. I'm not even that hot. (At least I don't think so…nah, I'm not).
La Push was this Native American reservation in Forks; it was quite "reserved" if you wanna put it that way but yeah I'm not too big on vocabulary (As you can tell). It was this cute little place encrusted with insanely high trees, lush fields of swaying grass and several teepees (for the real traditional Natives).
It wasn't too long before we arrived at Forks. To no surprise it was raining (Woopie). Charlie grabbed all my bags and we ducked into his simplistic two story house in a neighborhood of largely spaced apart houses. Standing before the door while my dad struggled to find the house keys in his pocket, I noticed the houses were the same, each sharing some type of monotonous continuity that kind of freaked me out.
We entered the dark house in a combined stumble of luggage's and slightly disoriented feet, finally settling down and locking the door so as to drown out the continuous pitter patter of rain smacking against the uneven asphalt.
"Your room's right up there, right across from the bathroom." He pointed up towards the second landing and smiled. "This is gonna be fun, I can just tell. Oh well, I'll take these bags upstairs for you and you go get something to eat in the kitchen. It's your home too after all." He bent down and heaved up my four bags including my High School Musical carry-on. I could tell his back was about to give in. (Who was he trying to impress, I didn't really care as long as he didn't break anything).
I sauntered over to the kitchen, beginning to feel a looming sense of loneliness. It was as if the whole world was against me and it had found a away to take away the things I cared for the most little by little. How was I supposed to get Nirvana now?
As I opened the refrigerator, I felt a tingling vibration on my left pocket (No it wasn't a vibrator), it was my phone. Someone had sent me a text. I flipped it open and to my dismay it read BRIAN. Curiosity got the best of me (or else I would've deleted it) and pressed READ on the keypad. The message unveiled itself.
So when are you gonna let me get a taste of that lollipop of urs
Oh no he didn't! He just won't take no for an answer. I would've though he had found another girl by now. What a loser. I had to text back.
Are you mentally retarded? WE ARE OVER! :P
Three minutes and a ham sandwich later he answered.
I remember how you used to scream and moan when I would bang you across the walls. You know you liked it.
I was in disbelief. This son of a bitch actually thought, in his fictitious Hogwarts world that he took my virginity away. All he did was finger me and I don't think that counts. I'm not that dirty…So I answered back. I had to admit, I was having fun.
You need to go see a psychiatrist, like seriously. Wait, I have an even better idea, why don't you go jerk off with your little baseball pals. Cause this coochie, has left the building =)
I don't know why it was, but I always felt I could express myself more in text messages then in real life. I could say what I usually couldn't, wouldn't or shouldn't tell a person. So in a way it was like Bella the Bitch (in Text Message Land) and then Shy Bella any time thereafter.
My dad came down soon after and we began talking about school arrangements and what not. I was just waiting for my phone to vibrate so I could say I had to take the call, but that dumbass must've been shocked with my response. That's what he gets for messing by Bella the Bitch.
The day continued on as it had been when I arrived, so the rain had yet to stop. It was as if time stood still here. It was so unnerving and boring that I had to find something to do and so I began to unpack, organizing my belongings and clothes precariously through the expanse of the room. (It wasn't all that big really). Night fell after a few hours and I decided to skip dinner, hopping downstairs for a bottle of Gatorade and returning back up to my room for my nightly sit ups. I was up to 32 when I heard a light knock on the door.
"Can I come in?" It was Charlie.
"Sure." I stood up, too embarrassed to continue.
"Like the room? It's pretty nice isn't it?" he said, examining the final touches I had inlaid on the room. From my posters, to the pictures I had taken with my friends back in Phoenix, to the glittery, purple linen curtains I had hung up myself.
"Yeah, it's cozy." I said, brushing away the unnoticeable creases on my bed sheets.
"Okay, well I just came to wish you a goodnight and to tell you to put your alarm for 6:30 AM. School starts at 7:30 and I don't think you wanna be late on the first day."
"I wouldn't wanna do that." I said sarcastically. (Like I cared).
"Goodnight then Bells, and thanks for staying with me." He gave me an unexpected kiss on the forehead and stepped out of the room and into the hallway, his footsteps disappearing down the hall.
With nothing else left for me to do I set my alarm and took of my pants. I liked sleeping in panties. They made me feel liberated and gave my you know what some fresh air. Putting on a XXXL white t-shirts I slipped into my brand new, extra fluffy bed and pulled the sheets right up to my chin. It was during that moment that I began to think. And suddenly this all seemed like a big mistake, and there was nothing more that I wanted then to return home to Phoenix. I silently began wishing to myself that I would wake up in my bed back home tomorrow, but I kind of felt bad about saying it cause Charlie was so happy. The rain continued to pour, later joining the band of wind that soon fell into the backdrop of the night. I couldn't help it…I started to cry. I missed my mom, my home and friends. (Damn it! I'm such an idiot).
I had eventually fallen to sleep and awoke the next morning in an even crappier mood. I was mildly depressed and on top of that I had my period. Oh but it just got better!!! It was also my first day of school in Nowhere Land (How exciting!). Charlie had prepared a measly breakfast of scrambled eggs with sausages and some iced tea.
"So you excited Bells?" he said, wolfing down his food like he was in some competitive eating contest. He was in his police uniform, ready for duty.
"I'm pretty excited I guess. A little nervous though." I said. "I don't know, how should I feel?"
"Well it's a new experience. We're all apprehensive about things we aren't sure about. Take for example me, I…"
Trust me; if I would've stayed there I would have never heard the end of it. So while he was gazing off into space, going off in an endless tangent I set off my Spice Girls ringtone and told him Mom was calling me. So I grabbed my things and made for the door. He grabbed his silver thermos and followed after me, realizing he was a little delayed himself. "Take care of your car now." He said, opening the door to his cruiser. "Good luck."
"Thanks Char—I mean Dad! Go put some people in jail!" I shouted jovially as I opened the door to the faded red truck I was now stuck with. The instant I opened the door a steam of stale air escaped into the foggy, spring morning. It was disgusting; it smelled like rotting cloth and lake water. (I so needed to pimp my ride before I went boyfriend hunting again). I watched as my dad pulled out of the driveway and into the ominous mist lingering over the road. I jumped into my rusty little truck, set my book bag on the passenger side and drove away, already knowing where the school was located ONLY because of my previous summer trips to Forks. And trust me, when you've been here back and forth until you were 14, the place seems much smaller than it should be (seriously).
I arrived to school ten minutes before the late bell went off, so I still had time to pick up my schedule and park my car in the remaining spot left in the large parking lot. I suddenly felt extremely bummy because I noticed that all the other kids had Mercedes-Benz, BMW's, Lincoln Navigators, Bentleys and nice little Toyotas that put my beat up Ford to shame. Snotty little rich bitches! I walked past the mass of students all chattering amongst themselves, however judging from the way they glanced at me THEN talked, I assumed they were talking about me.
Hello, I did my best to try and find "Forks suitable clothing" to try and blend in with the rest of the crowd so I won't feel like the broken crayon in the box. My skin wasn't even tan for god sakes; it was in fact a sort of ivory color (along that spectrum). I continued towards the small brownstone building perched over a small, flat hill overlooking the parking lot. Upon entering however, my nose quickly took in the familiar "school smell" associated with all schools: freshly sharpened pencils, newly printed paper and baking cafeteria food. I darted into the office and once there presented my ID, once my identity was verified I was given my schedule.
I don't know why but I was pretty excited about my classes. I had English for first, Art for second, Algebra 2 for third, Pottery for fourth, AP Biology for fifth, Screenwriting for sixth, Economics for seventh and Gym for eight. (Heyyyyy!). I scanned the paper for lunch and found out that the lunch periods were split into Lunch A,B,C,D throughout the day for a total of four lunch periods. I had mine before Biology, oh how convenient!
With the assistance of some kids, most of them which were white I arrived at English. Everyone automatically knew I was new and began bombarding me with questions the minute I sat down. For a second I felt as if I was walking around with a giant vagina on my head. I normally never attracted so much attention.
The day went by with the continuous "Hey, what's your name?", "Where are you from?" and "Why would you come to Forks from Arizona, are you crazy?" As they day progressed I was beginning to wonder the same thing. Then came lunch, and that's when everything changed.
I stepped into the small, click divided cafeteria shortly after Algebra 2. And to tell you the truth I never felt so shunned by my people. None of the white kids offered their seats or even looked at me for that matter. And I was most definitely not gonna jump into someone's table and be like "Hey, I'm new and friendless, can I sit with you guys?" That was completely out of my "Options List", so after I stared around at the whitewashed walls for a good five seconds, pretending to look for someone, I sat down with my lunch tray at an empty table by the garbage can. With nothing else to really do, except eat I popped on my iPod and began rocking my head rhythmically so as to not seems too socially awkward.
Then I felt a shadow loom over me and I slowly stood up, half expecting to be punched in the face. It was a girl, she was telling me something but the music in my ears had reduced her voice into a silent, unintelligible movement of the lips. I slipped the headphones from my ears and managed a keen smile.
"Hi." I said.
"Can I sit wichoo?" She had sat down before I could even answer so I couldn't really say no.
"Sure." She looked nice. She was dark skinned and wore her braided brown hair in an exotic bun like I'd never seen before. She wore large hoop earrings that drooped down to her shoulders and jingled with her every movement.
"You the new girl right, my name is Bondalalaquisha, but you can just call me Kiki." She held out a hand.
"Uhh….Bella, Bella Swan, like the bird." I said, yet I had no idea how that came out of my mouth. (Way to go!)
"I like you, you look like my kinda' peoples. Wanna be best friends?"
"Sure, that'd be great."
"Cool, what's your number? Cause I'm having this party at my house and it's gonna be off the heazy fo sheazy!" she flung out a glimmering iPhone which reflected off the row of fluorescent lights overhead and cut into my eyes like a silver laser (Wait, was that too much?). Well that's what it felt like, we were learning about similes in English today.
"You have an iPhone? You're so lucky. I have this cheap Nokia flip phone." I pulled out my phone and gave Bondalalaquisha (Or Kiki, Jeez, I'm just gonna use Kiki) my phone. I kind of felt excited to make my first number exchange and as I began to put my phone away I saw him…saw them.
They were beautiful, so beautiful that for a second I thought they were a mirage in the ocean of students floating back and forth. Never did I think that in a world of blatant imperfections, I would come face to face with people that in my eyes seemed completely perfect. There pale complexions had this alluring glimmer to them, almost like a permanent polish. Their eyes were just glass spheres of green and blue fire, flickering harmoniously with the confusion of voices around them. There they all sat, their backs stiffened and mouths unmoving. It was as if they were robots, but not the metallic ugly ones. Different…like angels. It was hard to explain, I just felt a little befuddled by the sudden encounter. Then HE turned to look at me, and after a second of my heart beat increasing far beyond its constraints, I looked away: he was gorgeous.
"Don't tell me you like that boy, now?" Kiki said, her voice intoned with a tinge of annoyance.
"Who are they?" I asked, still entranced.
"The Cullen's. But I heard all those are lesbians. They be checking everybody out like it's a library. I was like nuh-uh now, I only go gay for Beyonce. They be trippin'!"
Acting completely oblivious to the warning I continued. "Who's he? What's his name?"
"Edward, he a little strange too if you know what I mean, he be looking at all the girls in the school with this face like he be wantin' to barf. I'm telling you, the dude is either bisexual or gay. I'll put down my money on gay, but that's just my opinion."
I let out a feeble smile but didn't say anything. I couldn't get him out of my head. That face…those eyes. I wasn't able to think through my first class of Pottery and as soon as Biology came my day, for some strange reason took an uplifting turn: he had this class too, the kid from lunch, Edward. The teacher, Dr. Brooks assigned me a seat behind a girl I had for my Algebra class and to no surprise, Edward had sat down next to me. My heartbeat began to rise as I glanced stealthily to my side, yet every time I would look I would catch him staring at me. But with this look in his face, a look of repulsion. At one point during the period I noticed that he began edging away in his seat, distancing the space between us. I really began to think there was something wrong with me. Did I forget to put on deodorant?
He then raised his hand. I looked toward his direction and he shot me another one of his "don't look at me" looks. I felt offended and found it hard to label the parts of the cell even when the diagram was in the open book in front of me. What was I doing wrong? Did I really have a vagina on my forehead?
"Yes Mr. Cullens?"
"May I please switch seats sir." That's when I knew it had to be me. What was wrong with this guy, he was acting like a complete asshole. But his voice was enthralling; it was deep and soothing like the sounds of the waves crashing against the shore at night. I found myself eerily closing my eyes inadvertent ecstasy.
"You've got to be kidding me." It just slipped out. I didn't mean for it to come out. Crap,I just had to talk.
"Mr. Cullen, after you finish the assignment we'll talk."
Edward let out a sigh of grief and spent the rest of the class watching the hands move on the wall-clock. It was pathetic, but cute. Yet I felt completely offended by his rude gestures and attempts to move away from me. Could he really be gay? The bell gave an unexpected ring that sent me jumping to my wake. By the time I looked back at Edwards's desk he was gone; no trace that he had ever been there remained.
As I left class I caught up with Kiki, although I still wasn't able to rattle Edward out of my mind. Why wouldn't he leave, he was just another Brian, but hotter.
"Can you believe what happened?" I said irately.
"What, you getting cornrows?"
"N-no. I have Edward, the one you said was gay for Biology. And can you believe he tried switching seats just because of something I did. I don't even know what I did―"
"Girl don't be trippin' ova him. They is a whole bunch of hot guys in this school. Look at him! He lookin good, and him! And that one…ooohh, that one's mine. See you later girl." With a dramatic and simultaneously malicious scuttle, Kiki had darted down the hall and began talking to the guy she had scouted out. If only I was that brave. (Damn me! Why ME?).
A s I passed by the main office, hoping to get directions to my screenwriting class, I spotted Edward at the reception desk, slumped over the counter as he talked to the short haired lady who had given me my schedule. I closed in towards the door, crouching down by the doorframe to pretend to tie my shoes. Then I heard him.
"…yes, I just need to get out of my Biology class."
I stood there in disbelief, my heart dropping several leagues into my foot.
"Is there a reason why―"
"I just need to. I don't feel comfortable in that class. Switch me to regular Biology, I don't care."
"Fine, I'll see what I can do."
I stood up and walked away just as he stepped out of the door and into the hallway, disappearing into mob of students running to class. That son of a bitch, he wanted to switch out THAT bad. Was I that ugly? I couldn't believe it. Not a single bit. Struggling to hold back unprecedented tears, I disappeared down another hallway when I got a text from Kiki.
I invited Edward to the party!
