A/N: This is a very angst fic, I used the song 4 a.m. from Our Lady peace. One of my fave Canadian bands^_^ Enjoy the fic people.

D/C: Slayers belongs to the proper people, yadda yadda... 4. A.M. belongs to OLP.

PS: the / / thing is the song cause my stupid computer wouldn't let me do italics in HTML format!! Oh yeah...the like 2 times Zelgadis talks, he's singing the song.

~*~*~*~

Darkness, around the room in deep serenity. Only a breath could be heard over the silence that drew on for what seemed like forever. A figure sat in a corner with his knees to his chest and his arms wrapped around them to secure them to himself. A voice began to rise from the shadows in a song.

"/I walked around my good intentions and found that there were none.../" The voice sang low, the vocalist seemed cut and bleeding from the soul as in continued on " /I blame my father for the wasted years, we hardly talked/"

Zelgadis stepped out from his corner and looked out the window, drops of rain that looked too much like his wasted tears stained it's cold glass. The dark and dead-like atmosphere felt heavy on his shoulders, just like all his pain weighted him down.

/I never thought I would forget this hate, then a phone call made me realize.../

As he wiped his hand on the glass, he couldn't feel the cold or the moisture from the outside.

/...I'm wrong/

He brushed his hand against the night stand that sat next to him. On it was a picture, he collected it and rubbed thumb over the face. A weak smile traced his lips and he remembered the good old days.

/If I don't make it known that, I've loved you all along just like the sunny days that we ignore because we're all dumb & jaded/

He crushed the picture in his hand. His fist shook as a tear fell from his face onto his hand. Horrible memories washed over the good and he felt sick now.

/And I hope to God I figure out...what's wrong./

He stumbled over to his bed and collapsed on it, his body was too heavy to lift, pain and sorrow made him weak. He looked to his ceiling, rain was seeping through slowly. A drop made it's way to the ground and with hardly a sound it crashed and exploded on the floor, just like Zelgadis's willpower and faith had.

/I walked around my room not thinking, just sinking in this box/

He rolled over and saw something glint in the low light, it caught his eye like a moth drawn to a flame. Was this a new unobtainable desire he was looking at?

/I blame myself for being too much like somebody else/

He weakly pushed himself for the objet he wanted now more then anything, he needed this. He felt the cool blade against his fingers. He finally reached something he so very much wanted.....Relief.

/I never thought I would just bend this way/

He sat up with the dagger in the palm of his hand. He squeezed it and the edges cut deeply in his hand. He felt blood run on his fingers and he took the dagger, he cut his right wrist and then his left. Blood poured out quickly, there was no pain or regrets now. All there was, was relief....

"/And I hope to God I figure out what's wrong..../" He coughed his last words before letting the dagger slide to the floor with a sharp 'cling'.

~*~*~*~

*kicks self* I can't believe I did THAT! That wasn't how I wanted to end this but...lets just say I got caught up in the dark mood. Now, for the questions you might have.

1. Zelgadis starts singing the first part of the song but then I change it to just inserting it into the fic until the last line of the song, I wanted to be dramatic.

2. The picture.... You can guess who's picture it was of but all I'll say is "sore wa himitsu desu". I made it so, Z/L fans can think it's Lina and Z/A can think it's Amelia...or Xellos for those who like Z/X ^_^ and

3. How was Zelgadis able to cut himself with a knife? Well I figured the wrist was probably one of the most sensitive spots because of the vain there, and the hand...well...I dunno. Could you believe the dagger was really, really, really sharp? Anyway, R/R!!!