Death is scary. It is usually unexpected, and that's scary as is, but what's worse is being sick, and knowing that it will happen. It's just as bad for people like me, the ones who have to watch the people they love get sick and deteriorate before their time. That's what's happening to Frank. He's sick now, with leukemia. He doesn't have anyone but the guys. His mom died last year and he hasn't talked to his father in three. I think I'm in love with him but I don't want to tell him now while he's sick. He's getting better. I'll tell him then I guess. I shouldn't love him he's practically a kid. 22 is a little young for me, even younger than my little brother, Mikey.
Beep, beep, beep. Hospitals are annoying, the heart monitor is annoying, and the food is annoying. They suck but Frankie needs me. He even moved in with me. He's asleep I think, I keep staring at him. If he woke up he'd think I was creepy. I'm holding his hand right now.
The heart monitor just started going crazy. Beeeep, Beeep, Beeeeeep, Beep, beep, beep. The nurse ran in and complained about his heart rate.
"Aw quit worrying I just had a dream is all. I'll be fine. Hey can I have jello? Gee make the nurse get me jello!" Frank whined, he was less pale than normal.
"You heard the kid, can he have some jello?" I smiled and squeezed his hand.
"You seem to be looking much better Mr. Iero, what flavor do you want?"
"Whatever the red kind is. It isn't terrible and it doesn't make me sick." The nurse ran off to get what the small man requested.
"Am I gonna die Gee?" Frank asked seriously looking at me.
"So long to all my friends, every one of them met tragic ends; I guess that means you too Frankie. I don't want you to leave but maybe you have to. You look better though." I explained.
"I don't want to die Gee. I'm only 22 I've barely lived. Do you ever miss them?" He asked and fiddled with my hang nail.
"With every passing day, I'd be lying if I didn't say, I miss them all today. I would miss you too Frankie." I sighed a sad sigh. "And if they only knew what I would say,"
"Will you stay with me tonight Gee I don't wanna be alone," Frank looked up and I could see the pain and hurt in his eyes for the first time.
"If I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep. Frankie, never let them take the light behind your eyes."
"One day, I'll lose this fight…" Frank picked one of my hang nails off and I started to bleed.
"We all lose the fight in the end. As we fade in the dark, just remember you will always burn as bright."
"Be strong, and hold my hand?" Frank asked as he brushed tears away. He was pale again and he looked sleepy. Maybe he wouldn't be okay.
"Time becomes for us, you'll understand. We'll say goodbye today because we may never get another chance."
"And we're sorry how it all ends this way…" Frank was crying full force now and I had started right after him.
"If you promise not to cry, then I will tell you just what I would say if I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep. Never let them take the light behind your eyes." I kissed his fragile hand.
"I'll fail and lose this fight,"
"Never fade in the dark; just remember that you will always burn as bright. The light behind your eyes….the light behind your-" Frank cut me off as I sobbed.
"Sometimes we must grow stronger and you can't be stronger in the dark. When I'm here no longer, you must be stronger." Frank kissed my cheek and laid down on the bed. The nurse wasn't back with his jello.
"And if I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep, never let them take the light behind your eyes." I said for what seemed like the millionth time and it probably was.
"I'll fail and lost this fight," Frank said again.
"Never fade in the dark Frankie." I kissed his tears away. He was in pain.
"Just remember you will always burn as bright." Frank repeated the words I had said to him earlier and the machines went haywire.
The nurse ran in and called a code. I was ushered out of the room and into a waiting area. Twenty minutes passed and no one said a word to me. Then the nurse came out, she was the same lady who got Frank his jello.
"I'm so sorry, your friend, h-he didn't make it." She looked apologetic.
"Can I take him his jello and say good bye?" I asked her, I couldn't cry anymore; I was numb.
The nurse handed me a container of the red blob and opened the door to Frank's room.
I set the plastic container on the tray by his bed. "I love you Frankie. Never let them take the light behind your eyes." I kissed him on the lips and left the hospital.
I started my walk home in the Jersey rain. I opened the door. I still couldn't cry. There's a picture of Frank, he's smiling and happy, and most importantly healthy. This is how I'll remember him. Just like this. I take the picture with me to the bathroom. I run a bath. The water is ice cold. I take my razor off the sink and smash it to free the blades from inside. I take my clothes off and slip into the freezing water. I grip the picture in my left hand and drag the razor blade across my wrist, over and over. Its deep there's a lot of blood. I smile at the picture in my hand. "I love you Frankie. The light behind your eyes…the light behind your eyes…the light behind your eyes…the light behind your eyes… The light behind your eyes…the light behind your eyes…the light behind your eyes…the light behind your….the light behind your eyes… The light behind…"
"Today we lay to rest two young men, one of which died of a horrible disease and the other died of horrible grief. Gerard Way lived a short life and spent the end of it taking care of his best friend. He was 26, he was found in a bath tub of water on Friday night with "Frank" cut into his wrist. He had been struggling with depression and the loss of his best friend pushed him over the edge. The other young man lived an even shorter life. Frank Iero was 22, he suffered from Leukemia. He died early on Friday afternoon at Grace Presbyterian Hospital. He loved music and art and made every day like it was his last. Both boys will be loved and missed by their family and friends, as Mr. Iero was seen as an extension of the Way family."
