Jesse was sorry. He was sorry for causing Rachel pain. He was sorry that Shelby had decided that she didn't want Rachel. He was sorry that Rachel had been put through that kind of rejection. He was sorry that he was the reason for the disbelieving expression in her eyes when he cracked that egg on her forehead. Jesse was sorry for many things.
But the one thing he wasn't sorry for—being a part of Rachel's life.
Meeting Rachel had been mere chance. When Shelby had found out, she had forced him to go along with her scheme, threatening to take away his solo and his scholarship. Jesse complied, thinking that 'befriending' Rachel would be a good acting exercise and nothing more. He hadn't planned on falling for her.
But fall for her he did.
Now she would have nothing to do with him. He didn't blame her at all. He wouldn't want to have anything to do with him either if he were Rachel.
So, he packed his bags and left Ohio.
UCLA was everything he'd thought it would be.
There was just one thing missing…Rachel.
God, how he missed her. He missed her drama and the way she could rattle off long, complicated sentences without pausing for air. He missed her laugh and the way she kissed.
He loved her, therefore he missed her.
Many times Jesse contemplated calling Rachel to explain himself. Only his fear of rejection kept him from picking up the phone. He'd been rejected all his life, mostly by his parents. He couldn't handle Rachel rejecting him as well.
Jesse made up his mind to forget Rachel and move on to becoming a greater star than he already was.
However, his heart wasn't in it anymore. He realized that he'd left his heart with her, Rachel Berry.
At UCLA, Jesse was popular, even more so than he'd been in high school. Being popular, he was invited to all the hot parties. In an attempt to forget the pain he'd caused, he turned to partying and drinking.
Pretty soon, that was all Jesse did—party and drink.
His grades suffered. Jesse didn't care. He didn't care about anything or anyone anymore, except Rachel. His love for her never faded, no matter how much he attempted to drink it away.
Jesse had been at UCLA for two years when the unthinkable happened: he drank himself to death.
He left a note, addressed to Rachel:
Dear Rachel,
First of all, I want to apologize for all the pain I've caused you. I know you don't want to hear this, but it has to be said. The truth must be told.
Our first meeting was purely coincidence. Shelby found out about our date and threatened to take away my solo and my scholarship if I didn't agree to bring you two together. I was genuinely attracted to you though. Our relationship was not a lie. Every kiss, every touch, everything was real. Please believe me. The only time I lied to you was when I said, "I loved you."
I love you, present tense. I always have and I always will. You had my heart at "Hello."
I'm sorry for leaving in high school and I'm sorry for leaving you now.
However, if you've moved on with your life, as I hope you have, then whether I live or die won't matter.
I love you, my funny girl.
Jesse
