Smellerbee was irritated.
Really fucking irritated, and ready to lash out at the next person who spoke to her.
Things had been quiet recently. The Freedom Fighters had officially disbanded after Jet had died. Even though she and Longshot and Jet had left the rest of the group to venture to Ba Sing Se, they had still considered themselves Freedom Fighters, forever defending the Earth Kingdom against any and all members of the Fire Nation.
But that dream had died with Jet. She and Longshot lost touch with the others. She could only assume that, eventually, without leadership, the rest of the Freedom Fighters had broken up.
Though, the Duke could probably had done a fairly good job leading them, if not for his small stature. But he had Pipsqueak to help him out there.
Smellerbee and Longshot had stayed in Ba Sing Se, which seemed to be a mistake, for the next few months. Smellerbee had never seen such a corrupt place, and before they knew it, they were over run by the Fire Nation. She'd been tempted to go out, and fight them, just like old times, but Longshot had convinced her not to with a simple glance.
They had no chance, just the two of them against an army. It was best to lay low and see how things played out.
Which they did. They remained in Ba Sing Se, staying under the radar, getting by doing odd jobs (otherwise known as becoming a mercenary and collecting a bounty for whomever they turned in) and stealing when they had to. They remained together, constantly together. Smellerbee really didn't know what she'd do without Longshot. It was true that he didn't say much, but it wasn't like he needed to. He said mountains with just his eyes.
And Smellerbee respected that.
Months went by, and, by some miracle, Ba Sing Se was restored to the Earth King's power. Smellerbee had heard rumors that it was all do to General Iroh, Dragon of the West, uncle of Zuko formerly known as Li, and the former owner of the best tea shop of all of Ba Sing Se. Smellerbee found it hard to believe that was who Mushi really was. She simply could not connect that funny, jovial and kind old man as the first of the Fire Nation to try to storm Ba Sing Se. It was much more believable that he helped to take it back.
Which had led to Smellerbee's current predicament.
With Ba Sing Se back under the rule of the Earth King, and with the world at peace, there was…little for a former freedom fighter to do. She had no reason to fight, no reason to do…all that she knew how to do.
She had been very young when she'd joined the Freedom Fighters, not long at all after being orphaned during a Fire Nation raid. It had become a way of life; fighting, plotting, attacking. And now, there was no need for any of it.
All that was left for her to do was to live a normal life, like a normal girl.
And she had no idea how to do that.
Longshot adjusted easily. He always did. He was easy-going and wise, and so calm. He found work easily, but it wasn't so easy for Smellerbee. For once, everyone mistook her for being a boy, and as soon as they realized she wasn't (when she yelled at them otherwise), the jobs she sought out suddenly weren't available. Apparently, most people thought girls shouldn't and couldn't do hard labor. And, most shops wouldn't hire her when they realized she was a girl, simply because she looked…scruffy.
It wasn't her fault, not really. Smellerbee had been orphaned before she'd learned how to look feminine. And she'd suddenly had more important things thrust at her than learning to maintain her hair or the graceful way to walk; she was learning to steal and wield a sword, and sneak up on enemies. There was no room in the Freedom Fighters for a girly girl, and Smellerbee didn't want to be a girly girl.
It had made sense, really, to keep her hair so short. It was easier to maintain than long, flowing locks that needed to be brushed often, and it would take far too much time to pull her hair back when trying to fight. And that was why her hair was short.
She wore men's clothes because they were easiest to move around in. Sure, she'd had many an opportunity to steal fine and pretty dresses, but what good would they do? She couldn't scramble up trees quickly in them, nor could she maneuver around stealthily.
And the markings she put on her face? They marked her as a warrior, helped to put fear into her enemy's hearts. Without them, she felt naked.
She'd learned what was necessary for her life [i]then[/i]. She just wished that it wasn't so important now, all that she hadn't learned.
She was sitting on the step outside of the tea shop Longshot worked at- incidentally, it was the very tea shop owned and operated by Mush- Iroh. Smellerbee would have taken up a job there, but there had only been one position available. Iroh had seemed apologetic about this, and had offered to let Smellerbee do menial tasks that certainly didn't need to be done, but she had turned that down. Smellerbee liked being useful, she prided herself on it.
And right now, she was not useful. She was downright useless, with her inability to get a job, and her depending upon Longshot for everything.
And that irritated her.
She was sixteen now, she was strong, she was capable, and what did it matter if she wasn't feminine? Frustrated, she picked up a rock and chucked it, without caring where it went. It happened to strike a shopkeeper's ostrich-horse, causing the animal to panic for a moment. She watched as the shopkeeper struggled to calm down the beast, eventually succeeding in doing so.
"Hey!" he yelled at her, raising a fist angrily in the air. "Watch where you throw things, boy!"
That was it. That was the last straw. She might not be exactly the definition of femininity and grace, but was it that hard to see that she was a girl?
Standing up, her hands balled into fists, she shouted angrily right back. "I'm a girl, damn it! I'm not a boy!" She kicked at a stone, and then turned around to storm off, and nearly collided into Longshot.
He'd just stepped out of the shop, finished with his day of washing dishes. One look from him told her he'd seen the small confrontation. Smellerbee let out an aggravated huff, and stomped off.
She wasn't mad at Longshot, not directly. He just wouldn't be able to understand this. Yes, he knew about her constant run ins with people who mistook her for being male, and he'd seen the frustration that came from it, but he couldn't understand the depths to which this hurt her. He just couldn't.
It hurt because…in some way, she suspected that it meant she was ugly. That was and it wasn't the source of the pain. It bothered her and it didn't. She never much cared about her appearance, and she never would. She'd never go the ungodly lengths other girls seemed to go to look 'attractive.' But, there were women who were ugly, and they were still clearly women.
Did that mean she was so far off the ugly-pretty scale that it was beyond hope? That she was just so ugly that people preferred to see her as a boy than as a girl?
Smellerbee didn't want to be gorgeous. But she didn't want to be ugly either. She just wanted to be recognized for what she was.
And that was a strong, capable, able-bodied girl.
She didn't stop until she reached the small flat she shared with Longshot. It was a tiny space, the only space they could afford. It was a one-room flat, and the only furniture it contained was a small futon, which they shared. Smellerbee didn't mind sharing a sleeping space with someone else; she could adapt, and they'd always been in close quarters in the Freedom Fighters.
But now, she wanted to be alone. Even though Smellerbee was strong and capable and able-bodied, she had her moments of weakness, where it really showed she was a girl: like any girl, she needed a good cry.
She rarely allowed herself this. Tears were weak, and Smellerbee was not weak. But for weeks now, she'd been trying to get a job and each day, sometimes multiple times a day, being mistaken for a boy. It was beyond frustrating, and she'd held back long enough. She needed that release that came with just letting the tears flow, and she could only do it in private.
Slamming the door shut, Smellerbee stepped over to the futon, and sank down onto it, drawing her knees to her chest, and tucking her head in. For a moment, there was silence, and then, she was sobbing. The tears came easily, quickly, and soon her whole body was shaking from her sobs.
Then, just as quickly and without warning, the door to their flat opened. Smellerbee did not look up, but she froze, choking back a sob. A few seconds passed, and then she heard the distinctive sound of boots walking towards her. It was Longshot; who else would it be?
"Please," she said, doing her best to keep her voice even and clear, without raising her head. Despite her best efforts, it was clear to hear the tears in her voice. "I need to be alone. Just go away."
There was another pause, and then she heard Longshot walk away to the door, and then she heard it shut. Immediately, she broke down again.
It was a long time before Smellerbee finally calmed down; or at least, it felt like it had been. Only perhaps ten minutes had passed, but it felt like much longer. Her throat was dry, and her head hurt a little from all the crying. Sniffling a little, Smellerbee finally raised her head, wiping the tears away. She froze, however, when she looked across the room.
Longshot was there, standing as silent as ever by the door. For a moment, Smellerbee was shocked and confused; how had he come back inside without her noticing? And then it dawned on her.
He'd never left. He'd remained where he was right now, the entire time she cried.
And suddenly, Smellerbee was at a loss for what to do. He'd seen her cry. He'd seen her at her weakest and that was not okay. Her mouth hung slightly open, trying to figure out what to say, to justify all the stupid, girly tears.
In the mean time, Longshot slowly removed his hat; he never wore it inside the flat, but apparently had kept it on while she cried to stay silent. He set it down on the floor, away from the door, and stepped lightly over to her. Smellerbee still couldn't speak; there was nothing to say to make up for what he'd seen.
She watched him crouch in front of her, and suddenly, Smellerbee found her words.
"What were you doing? I said I needed to be alone!" Maybe if she got angry, he'd forget what he'd seen.
He wouldn't. She could read that on his face, from his expression. He said nothing as always, but she could tell he understood the reasoning behind the sudden anger toward him. And suddenly, Smellerbee felt remorseful for snapping at him.
Longshot had stuck with her for as long as she could remember; at least, since she'd joined the Freedom Fighters. He'd been there before her, and helped to care for her; she'd really been only a child when she'd joined. And they'd been practically inseparable since. He did not deserve her misdirected anger.
"I'm sorry, Longshot," she started to say, wiping tears from her cheeks again. She stopped quickly, however, as Longshot put a hand over hers, the one that was still holding tight to her knees. She stared down at that hand, confused and at a loss for what to do. Longshot showed physical affection about as often as he spoke.
She looked back up at him, and had absolutely no time to try to understand his expression, for the moment she'd met his gaze, he'd leaned in, and pressed his lips to hers in a simple, soft kiss. Smellerbee felt her breath catch in her throat, her eyes open wide.
And just as quickly as he'd kissed her, Longshot ended it, returning to his crouch in front of her. His hand remained on hers.
Smellerbee couldn't move, couldn't think. That had been her first kiss, taken by Longshot. And she could only stare at him, her brain much too fuzzy to work out what he would be saying if he'd only speak.
And then, he did just that.
"To me," he said quietly and evenly, as he always did any time he did choose to speak, "you are beautiful, Smellerbee."
Not for the first time that evening, Smellerbee was at a complete loss for words. She could only stare at Longshot, trying to decide if this was real.
And as he leaned in to give her another kiss, Smellerbee decided that this was very much real.
WOO. First Avatar fanfic, and I have to say, I've wanted to write this for a LONG time (meaning three weeks, but whatev). I fell in love with Smellerbee in all her five minutes of airtime, and couldn't resist.
Hope you enjoyed this!
Please leave constructive criticisms.
