I

angels turned to stars and the let you count them
and she stole the moon for you and it deflated
and she learned to knit and make her own sweaters with every hue of the rainbow so that she'd remember who she was while you followed him behind the veil and she'd be drained of color
and it is the moon

and you could embroider constellations between her fingers
and you could let it be christmas this year and next year and again and pretend you haven't forgotten
and you could not be a monster

and you could

be the monster she prays you're not
and you know
like
talk her name in your sleep
like you did that evening in grimmauld place

like you did with his
a century ago
a book of history yellow and vomiting because they faded
one that forgot your name
and swallowed his
and spitted it out
but you can't let that happen to her name
you can't
you can't

you're wearing molly's ombre sweater
you never asked for rainbows, really
when you were a little girl you would craft them between your clumsy fingers
with paper and glitter
and papa would wave his wand to help but wouldn't let you see

you never asked for rainbows and shit
you learned you were supposed to be a princess and then growled that you were the dragon and then growled that no
why couldn't you be both
and you found your shit on your own
and you showed them that aurors can be powerful

with pink hair and ripped tutu skirts
when they don't get no shit from nobody
when they fail stealth and tracking and listen to weird sisters
and get drunk in pubs and have amazing sex with boys and girls and everything in between
because no one could limit you no one and you were made of flames and you were

pink

and you could do it it was working it really was
and you never asked for rainbows
you gave them away
you morphed them in your hair
all you asked for was rain

clarity and adventure
chocolate and freedom and gender equality
and maybe a new cleansweep that isn't fraying on the edges
but next thing you knew it was christmas
and you should have been constantly vigilant

because a young auror that respects herself shouldn't get trapped by a bewitched mistletoe
and get her stomach full with fireflies that prickled and swelled
until she was inside out
and his lips tasted of chocolate and firewhiskey
but you'd seen the latter on your cousin's lips

you
should
have known

II

you were laughing in the kitchen, dancing your way around the counter, accio'ing the remaining firewhiskey and talking shit of umbridge
and if you were a poet you'd parted your lips and tasted the cherry blossoms
off of the cord of her neck
but you're no poet
so your fingers interlaced and she stole the last piece of chocolate cake under your filthy snout and you wouldn't have that because what kind of werewolf has his cake stolen

by a bubbly auror
who has failed stealth and tracking
and her hair is a meadow of violets today
and her eyes
and you can't set a foot on the youthful dew without being stung by thorns

and you sneaked like teenagers in the living room
swallowing a secret spell from each other's chocolaty alcoholic breath
as if it was illegal
to taste like cocoa and chili and smell like cherries and have dead leaves on your hair because it is winter and it's better than a flower crown because you're a nymph and you need nothing to prove this
but yourself

and here is the living room
here is the grandfather clock that shoots heavy bolts to every passerby
here are the christmas lights, one for every minute that ticks into darkness
and where you kissed him again by his mother's portrait
and when you died again with her blessing

and then redied

as you morphed your hair
black and long and a beard and darker skin
and eyes that sparkled with mischief
you wish you could morph your laughter into a bark too
the way you morphed your breath into a husky hitch

and you offered him him
and he loved you as the hourglass inhaled
and then he hated you with a passion
because he said you weren't you
and he loved you for you

he loved you

she loved you

III

it was christmas and she loved you and you craved her touch and you didn't think of him even when he was in the same building in the creaky attic turning around from the hippogriff and bending in two
breathless
while you kissed her sweet
again and again
your hand on the satin pool of her back

wishing you couldn't love her
wishing you'd just suffer without suffering more
but you loved her
and he knew
and he half-teased that if you hurt his little cousin he'd feed your sorry ass to kreacher and hex your fucking balls off

and the worst part was

you knew he meant it

he said i love you and then he took it back and rewinded seven thousand times
but you knew he meant it
and you knew he craved your breath the way you craved his
the way the candles flickered and the fire crackled and the fireflies inside your stomach swallowed you raw
the way you could take over the world and snog senselessly on the couch by the glimmering lights and then

then you exchanged christmas presents
a scarf you knitted without magic
he said you'd always keep him warm
and your world smiled
and you wore your wood-carved fairy earrings and kissed

him

that

the thing he had inside

IV

a monster

attacking a christmas tree
ripping perfumed parchments into pieces
inside her
unmorphed and even more dangerous
as you robbed her of her name

as you had your scars laced together by her tongue
and shuddered at the moons reflected inside her irises
as they captivated you in that same nightmare
that you debauched her with your claws and fangs
as you did to them to your friends to everything you had in a green tide murderous like a curse and her hair was green

that christmas eve
streaked with red because she was feeling festive
and she was a walking cliché
in a purple ugly hinkypunk sweater a little too short when she stretched over the table for another glass of eggnog
with silver tinsel around her neck

her mouth on your mouth
her name between them
she bit it off of your lips to take it away and you felt the need to protect it from the dust
and breathe its hideous beauty into eternity
nymphadora

obliviate