Just to be safe:

1. This is my first, English, story so I apologizes for eye cancer.

2. I eat haters. They taste good on toast.

3. I do not own SAO.

Disclaimer:

The following is a non-profit fan-based parody.
Sword Art Online is owned by A1-Pictures, Aniplex USA and Reki Kawahara.
(Also probably by other people depending on where you are. Like the german translation is owned by Peppermint Anime)
Please support the official release.

(Also yes, I did steal this paragraph from Something Witty Entertainment. Luv you guys :3)


In the year 2021 a man named Akihiko Kayaba released a new technology that changed our lives forever, the Nerve Gear. Basically it's a helmet that is able to stop your brain from accessing your body, while feeding it new information to create the perfect virtual environment.
This world shaking and groundbreaking technology was used for the most logical thing you could imagine, that's right, he used it to create a video game.
Sword Art Online is a Full Dive Virtual Reality Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game, or FDVRMMORP for not really short. To explain it in simple words, and by now I am used to it, most people seem to need easy explanations, the Nerve Gear stops your body from being moved by yourself while you are 'dreaming', that's the Full Dive.

Since it creates a virtual world around you it's a Virtual Reality, since tons of people are technically able to play the game it's called Massive Multiplayer Online, and the Role Playing Game part hopefully explains itself.

Now, here is a funny question: "If the virtual world is processed by your brain, is it a simulation or reality?" Well in this virtual reality, you can actually see, feel, smell, hear and taste everything around you, though keep in mind that tasting everything around you is not only gross but will look weird to others. Just saying.
Now according to Wikipedia "Reality is the sum or aggregate of all that is real or existent, as opposed that which is merely imaginary" (1), so for all not playing it is not real, but for those playing it is, since they don't imagine it, they really interact with it. Maybe. Kinda fishy but it should work out.
Anyways back to SAO. The Game is set in a floating castle named Aincrad, consisting of exactly 100 Levels, each with multiple cities, dungeons and so on. You get stronger by leveling up, which you do like in all games by fighting, crafting and questing. When you level up you can upgrade your attributes. The higher those are, the better equipment you can use, and yet again in return the higher you attributes go. There are tons of skills you can learn and every few levels you can get a new one, each with individual uses and upgrades.

How do I know so much about it? Well two reasons.

The first is that my name is Shiro Rinko, son of Koujiro Rinko, yes the Koujiro Rinko that helped developing the Nerve Gear and yes also the one that is basically Kayabas wife, though they are not married, they might as well be. And since my mother is basically the second in command of the development team, I tend to hear information.

But there is a much more important reason. Sword Art Online is going to be released with 10000 copies of the game, 1000 of those are for the beta testers. And no, I am not a Beta Tester, I mean I tried but I didn't get lucky enough and neither Kayaba nor my mom would give me just like that access so I had to stick to the next best thing. The ALF, or the Aincrad Live-stream Feed.

One perk of the game is, that even though only small amounts of Players are allowed to play the game, especially right now in the Beta, there is a really good Software installed on hundreds of servers that allows to see almost anything happening in the game. You can watch your favorite players, scout floors where players are currently playing in and stuff like that. That way people all over the world can enjoy the game in a sense. It even comes with a translation software so that you don't have to understand Japanese at all, for viewers in the USA or Europe for example. And since I managed to get my mom to promise me that I could play the full game, I had to get prepared another way.

That's why I am currently sitting in my room, all over my desk and the surrounding ground are papers and pens scattered like there was an explosion and I am taking notes while watching the Stream with 5 Monitors watching different scenarios.

The first to my left is just randomly following fights, pvp, pve, I don't really care, but I can take notes for different kinds of weapons and enemies, so that's helpful.

The second is set to show me crafting, so that I can get a feeling for the different kinds of crafting, smithing and alchemy in particular. It's actually cool, since you have the easy assist mode where you don't have do be good, just a high level, but you can also actually work like you would in real life, though that might not really apply to alchemy, just think of that like the positions lessons in Hogwarts, you know like in the Harry Potter Books?

Well, anyway the third monitor is set to what ever I need, so it is just random right now.
And the last two are set to follow two players.

The fourth follows the most popular player so far, a boy named 'Kirito', who is by far the most efficient player right now.

The other is more of a personal reason. While watching the stream for the first week I noticed a new kind of players, the info brokers. They gathered and sold Information about the game, just like I do right now...well without the selling point. And one of them is really good. I noticed her while watching Kirito, who I started to nickname 'Blackie', because I have never seen anyone wearing so much black in my life. He met up with a player named 'Argo' to sell her information about the field boss on floor 3 of Aincrad.

And she is fascinating. Not in that sense, I don't have a crush on her, but she is taking her job seriously. Like all her free time has to go into the game, but she is offline for a lot of the day, logs in late, plays until 3 AM and logs off. And she is really hard to bargain with, so I assume she is a merchant of some kind, no one is just randomly so good at bargain. And trust me, I've never seen her getting paid less than 500 col. Which is a lot if you assume that Kirito, who is by far the best right now, had to farm 2 hours to get that amount on the first floor, and the others might take 4 to 8 hours. But she also delivers on time and with high precision so it's more than okay. But since she was really good and fun to watch when people had to pay her, she also was the best source for Information. And she can't charge me for listing in, since the game openly told every player before they logged in that the Live-stream was there so bite me.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

After a month the beta was over, and two months from now the full game will come out. I really can't wait, but that also gives me a lot of time to plan. I used my computers to record everything I saw, I used my notes to create 6 folders of Information that I already wrote down and started to plan my own character.

But I had one hard thing to do first. Try to establish a link to my favorite trapped rat.

I might be a bit of a stalker, so I found out that Argo was usually online from 10 PM to 3 AM, so if she wasn't that was weird. But I found out that with enough money you could purchase an item that allowed the player to change his/her name. So I had an algorithm running that searched the list of active players for the new player once 'Argo' disappeared from the list and trace this player. And I found out that she was running through areas where no other player was before to look what she could find. And on the second Floor she found a secret cave. That was the end of her beta test. In the cave was a secret quest that involved crushing a rock with your hands. Okay that was it. But Argo couldn't do it, but in return the NPC guarding the quest wouldn't let her leave. The only good thing were the really cool whisker marks that she got out of it.

But she still was the best source for information so I did a little digging. Through my mothers laptop, that I might have borrowed when she was sleeping, I could get a copy of the logs from the day that Argo 'lost' her beta account in that cave. I copied the 5 TB File on my main computer, deleted all evidence that I stole a file form the laptop and carefully brought it back. After breaking through the encryption, which took about an hour, Kayaba might be a genius but I just got my degree in Computer Studies and I was always a geek so that was fairly simple, I searched for everything related to Argo and managed to get her IP. Searching for that got me to a small town in Greenland, so I started pinging it and tracing the VPN back. Luckily Argo was using it at that time so I managed to find her and take over her computer.
I didn't do anything but watched and got her nickname for the fan made SAO Forum. Okay to be fair that might have been a bit overkill, but hey I wanted to talk to her and I am awesome. After some messages, a 1000 Yen transaction and proof that I indeed am no stalker but the son of a developer, I just gave her some unimportant information that I heard about the development, but one about the code of the game that lines up with the way it's played so she was willing to believe me for the moment. And so I spent two month writing with the rat, first every few days, but after a month almost every day. I had explanations and insider knowledge while she had almost all Information about the beta. And she was fun to talk to. So the wait for the start of the game was not to bad.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

It was the 6'th of November 2022, 12:55. Finally after almost two years of waiting since the first announcement, Sword Art Online was going live. I am currently in a hospital room, lying on a bed, with electrodes stuck on my chest.
Why? Well Mom said part of the deal that made me get the Game was that I am hooked up to health monitors so that Kayaba could see how the game effects players some more. But since I won't know the difference between my room or an hospital room that doesn't really concern me.

Last week all players could already log in once to create their character and handle if they wanted so I did that. Kana, that's Argos real Name (2), uses her beta account, but she is naming it Argo again, and I already told her my new name 'Tashirai'.
Since I calibrated everything last week I have no real problems to address so it's just waiting. 12:58. Waiting is boring. Like in all honesty the worst thing that can happen to anyone. I even read through all notes I have brought with me at least twice. And keep in mind I have taken all my notes with me. Okay I am here since last night but that's not my point. 13:00. Finally. I take a deep breath and say the magic words.

"Link start!"

Immediately after I said those words The word around me turned into a white, endless space.
The nerve gear booting sequence starts and sets everything up for me. All my senses are apparently working and whatever the systems is doing besides that is not appearing in front of me, so whatever.
A few seconds later my eyes close and I feel warm air around me. I look up and I find myself in a small city.
In front of me is a fountain and some benches. Everything is kinda dull and gray, but at least there are some plants in the area. I want to move, but a white window appears in front of me. 'Select starting weapon' is written on top of the window.
There are a lot of weapons in Sword Art Online, long swords, short swords, axes, spears, claws, etc…. I look around the menu for a bit and then I press on 'dagger'.
A new, smaller window appears on top of the first one.

'You choose dagger as your starting weapon. Your AGI and DEX stat are going to get a slight boost. You can change weapons freely, but focusing on one is recommended. Are you fine with -Dagger- ?'

Below the text are two buttons, a blue one with a circle and a red one with a cross. I press the blue one, for okay.
I feel that a new weight has added to my clothes and as I look on my right side, I see a small iron dagger now hanging there.
My clothing is apparently green with some brown in it, nothing special. First things first, I open my menu by swiping my right hand down. There I press the button for 'equipment' and a new screen opens. I press on the icon for my primary weapon and click on the option button that appeared.
Then I press the option 'left-handed' and the dagger disappears from my right side and settles on my left. Then I go back in the menu and check my status.
Level 1, 100 HP, 1 INT, 5 AGI, 5 DEX, 1 STR...okay not interesting right now.
Money. 500 col. Nice that is enough...hopefully.
I remember the layout of the town of beginnings and start walking towards the market area.
On the way I open my Skills menu. There I have two slots, the first with my dagger skill, the second one empty. I press it and a new window opens.
Full of options. Like you know these old games like Skyrim with tons of skills. Try taking that times 100, maybe even 500 or so. A lot.
I press the combat tab and scroll down to the letter 't'.
There it is throwing weapons. I accept it as my second skill.
There was no way of long range combat besides throwing weapons found in the beta, so I had to take that for a safety margin.
It also works with the way of combat that I want to go for, which is a combination of precision cuts with my dagger and good thrown needles or knives. The faster and more efficient I kill something, the better, right?
I reach the shop I was looking for and enter it.

"Hello, how can I help you?" asks the shopkeeper.

Even though I know he is an npc, this still feels awfully real.

"Do you have a holster for throwing picks and picks to use with it?"

"Sure thing, 250 for the holster and 20 picks for 50 col."

I wince at the price. Really 2 Picks for 5 col? You get about 30 out of a single metal bar and those cost like 30 col if we are talking Iron.
But since I don't have that bargain skill, it's not worth trying.

"Okay then I take the holster and 100 picks."

A transaction window opens and I press accept.

"Please come again." the shopkeeper laughs.

No I wont. You are expensive.
While I equip my new gear, the holster and my first 5 picks, since it can't hold more,and walk out of town, I calculate my battle plan.
Just outside of the town there are a lot of spawn points for boars.
Each of them has a weak point on the neck and eyes, striking them there will kill them in one hit.
Their attacks do 12-20 damage, my armor rating is 4, so 8-16 per hit if they don't pierce me with their teeth. I regenerate when resting 5 Hp per minute and they should spawn in intervals of 3-10 minutes each. Getting hit once will cost me up to three minutes so that works out. I reach the fields out side and start grinning to myself. Time to get started.

So my first fight against the Almighty boar. The blue animal stood like eight meters away from me. Neither it nor me moved. Yeah. Nothing happens.
I walk a step closer. Nothing.
At six meters it should start charging at me.
The boar is about 3/4 the height of my legs. It has red glowing eyes and two big teeth sticking out of the sides of his mouth. I go one step closer.
The boar instantly charges at me. Told you so.
It reaches me in about 2 seconds, so I jump out of the way and then two steps in the direction it came from, facing towards the enemy.
Yet again it charges, yet again I jump. I draw my dagger with my left hand, while reaching down with my right to draw a pick.
I hold the dagger in reverse grip and the boar charges another time. I jump to the right and plunge my dagger down into it's neck.
The is a loud scream and the health drops really fast. Green becomes yellow. Yellow becomes red. The boar shattered.
A window opens and gives me some exp. and col.
That was fun.
Suddenly I hear steps, whirl around raising my right arm.
The pick begins to glow red and I let the system take over. My eyes focus on the eyes of the next boar that charges at me and I release the pressure in my arm. The pick flies and hits it target, the boar dies screaming.
This is fun, and efficient, so I start chasing them.
Let this be known as the day that Tashirai the pig-smiting god crashed down onto earth to unleash his wrath!...okay maybe I do have a problem.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Five hours later I wake up from my blood lust. I ran around the town of beginnings like two times killing all boars in my way.
I only had to rest twice, because I fucked up and got hit by those bastards, but it wasn't to bad.
I am now level 3, have killed just about 150 boars, got 520 col, so just about what I paid today and 31 boar teeth, 24 skins and 20 pieces of good quality boar meat. So selling all of that should give me even more money.
I leveled my AGI three times, my DEX two times and my STR one time, three points per Level, also my max HP is now 130 and I am all out on throwing picks.

18:25, maybe I should log out and get home, I am kinda hungry. So I swipe open my menu, go to the options tab and scroll down to log out...wait why is the button empty?
I press it, noting happens. That is weird, especially since there should have been a system announcement to tell the players, that something is wrong.

"AAAHHHH MY TERIAKY MAYO PIZZA AND GINGER ALE!"

What? I look to where I heard the voice and see a two players up on a hill near me, so I make my way towards them. On my way I notice that one of them is Blackie, that's a nice surprise.

"Hey, you are Kirito, right? And you are...?"

I turn to the red haired player who was freaking out right.

"Klein, but who are you?"

He looks at me with that kind of look you would use at a duck playing the piano in hell while riding a motorcycle. Well at least I would use that look.
How do you interact with people? Wait, where was I? Oh right.

"Tashirai. Nice to meet you. I just heard your scream, so I assuming you can't log out either?"

He looks down.

"No, and that's really weird, isn't it?"

He is right.

"Have you tried contacting the GM?"

Whoo Blackie with the good questions. Nice going mate.

"Yeah, but he is not picking up."

I speak up again. "Well, there are 10000 players online, maybe some less, but 9400 or something. The Team of RCT Progress that Works on the game is not that big, so maybe if more players have this problem he is just busy."

Klein seems relieved.

"Maybe you're..."

we are enveloped by blue light.

"...right...what?"

"Forced Teleportation?" Blackie and I ask at the same time.

Okay what the fuck is wrong today? No log out, force teleport and now the sky starts filling with red hexagons and is now freaking bleeding.
Why? What god did we piss of today and why the heck is there an embryo forming out of it that takes the appearance of a Game Master? Actually why can't i do that? That is cool.

"Greetings Players, my name is Akihiko Kayaba, and I am the creator of this world."

Well fuck me sideways there is my more or less maybe step dad that is not my step dad. I hate my family.

"I welcome you lucky 10000 players to this great adventure that we are about to take on."

Just fucking great.

"Or maybe I should say you 9437 players that are still with us."

What.

"Most of you should have noticed by now that there is a function missing from the game. That is the log out button. This is not a bug, it's a feature of Sword Art Online. There is only one way to log out of this world, beating the final boss of Aincrad, on floor 100!"

Why not take the helmet off. Why are there 563 players not with us anymore? And what is wrong with you Kayaba? Oh Klein is freaking out. Hm the usual as far as I can tell.

"This is not a game anymore. It is my world. My creation. The nerve gears you are currently using are capable of sending microwaves to your brain on levels that your brain will cook up in about 20 seconds. But death will come in the first two seconds and just a quarter of a second is enough to permanently damage your brain. Should someone try to remove the nerve gear or should you die in the game, you won't be able to see the real world again."

Shit. Shit. SHIT. I know the specs of the nerve gear. If the blueprints were right and you remove the limiter the system should be able to kill you. He is not lying. Why. What is his motivation?

"The never gear also has an internal battery so, you can't cut the power. But I am not entirely unfair. All players will be teleported into special maps where they will stay until they teleport into the town of beginnings again. Every nerve gear can trace it's location once, so hospitals around your homes will be alarmed and come to get you. Once that happens they will cut the power of your helmet and you have one hour and thirty minutes to be online again. Then you will reappear and can leave to fight in my world. Do not worry, I have informed the public and some of the players, that I personally invited, some politicians and celebrities. I am sorry, but I need to get a message through."

Suddenly about 20 or so players screamed and died. The just became burning piles of equipment and vanished. That will proof his point and safe us.

"Also the ALF is still online, so people will see this and your adventures. Look on the bright side, you'll all become celebrities. Oh and two more things before I leave you and you will be moved, first the calibration of the nerve gear scanned your body and face, so once you wake up, you will look like your real self. No hiding behind a fake face. And secondly welcome and good luck in Sword Art Online!"

With that the world turned blue. Every player was teleported. Except for me.

"Shiro. I am sorry."

You're what? Why can you even tell that this is me. I hate admins while I am not one. Wait that's not the god damn problem right now.

"By now you should have noticed why you are in the hospital. Not for some test, but to safe you. Oh and don't worry the ALF is off until everyone wakes up again. Your mother knew about this, and you won't believe me, but we did this for you. I hope I can explain it to you some day, but I can't right now. You will wake up once this girl wakes up again...Argo was it? I will see you later...son."

With that my world turned blue as well.


Okay, reboot time. I know I had 4 Chapters up, but Jesus I am never writing on my Phone again, just working through this was pain.
This is still not the best I could do I guess, but I am way happier the way this turned out now, and it solves some problems that I had with the original version, like the analysis Skill that I found to be a good Idea, until I noticed how boring and overpowered it was.
It's just a game will cover the original 2 seasons with my own twists and Ideas, maybe more but let's be real, by the time I hit Alfheim we can play SAO for real. Well I'll try my best to keep this up and I really hope I manged to get a bit more out of it than last time.

Also annotations:

(1): wikipedia /reality

(2): Kana is not Argos real name, but KnightEstoc called her that and I am borrowing that name now. Btw. if you haven't go read their stuff, it's good