Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Spoofed!

Harry: I hate the Dursley's

Dursleys: We hate you.

Mailman: Here's a letter with alot of stamps. Darn those wizards.

Harry: I'm going to watch people fly.

Dursleys: Oh.

Ron: I'm trapped in the fire place.

Harry: Stupid boy.

Aurthur: I'll blow up half the house to get us out.

House: *explodes*

Dudley: My tongue is abnormaly large.

Fred: You're fat. We tricked you!

Vernon: Grr. Arg.

Aurthur: You look like a rhinocerous. We'll be leaving now.

Weasleys and Harry: *shoop!*

Ron: I'm embarassed by my small house.

Harry: So am I. Take all my money.

Ron: No.

Harry: Ok.

Hermione: Hi.

Everyone: Hi, Hermione!

Later...

Ron: This clivy is rockin' yo! Rockin' old school!

Harry: What?

Ron: Ahem. I like quidditch.

Leprauchauns Hee hee! We're giving you fake gold!

Ron: Damn.

Harry: Look. It's the sign of the most evil wozard of all time.

Ron: Shiny...

Random guy: Harry Potter did it!

Harry: Nuh-uh.

Random guy: Oh, ok. Then itwas the house elf!

Everyone: *gasp*

Crouch: No!

Random guy: Yes!

Crouch: Damn.

Hermione: I'm going to bed.

At the Hog...

Dumbledore: We're hosting a nifty tournament.

School: Yay.

Goblet of Fire: Harry Potter

Everyone: *gasp*

Krum: I'm a hunchback with webbed feet. But everyone lives me.

Ron: I don't believe you didn't put your name in the Goblet of Fire.

Harry: I didn't.

Ron: Yes, you did.

Harry: Fine. I'm going to be mad at you for no good reason until the First task when we we will be, again, chummy good chums!

Ron: Ok

First Task...

Harry: I got through the first task. Go me.

Ron: Good. Now we have to find dates for the ball.

Harry: We should be going together but for the sake of the part of the world that hates Harr/Ron slash and gay people in general, we will pretend to be normal hederosexual people.

At the ball...

Harry: I can't dance.

Ron: Those sisters are wierd.

Harry: Let's ignore our dates and go spy on Hagrid!

Ron: Ok.

Hagrid: I'm half giant.

Everyone: *gasp*

Mme Maxime: So am I.

Everyone: *gasp*

Mme Maxime: Damn. I mean I'm - uh - big boned...

Everyone: *whew*

Hagrid: No you're not.

Everyone: *gasp*

Mme Maxime: Get away from me.

Beetle: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeehee hee hee!

Ron: I s that beetle laughing insanely?

Harry: Yes.

Ron: Oh.

Later...

Harry: That egg is screaming at me.

Cedric: Take a bath.

Harry: Ok, but I still hate you for stealing Cho, you bastard.

Cedric: Ok.

Moaning Myrtle: Hi

Harry: My privates!

Myrtle: Ho! The mermen are going to steal Ron!

Harry: Damn.

Dobby: Gillyweed! Gillyweed!

Harry: *turns into a fish*

Mermen: Muahahaha.

Harry: Bubble. Bubble bubble.

Mermen: Eh?

Harry: I'm going to be heroic and save all the captives.

Mermen: No.

Harry: Yes.

Mermen: Ok.

Harry: *gets to the surface*

Ron: Stupid boy.

Harry: Bite me.

Ron: Gaaaaaaah!

Harry: Get away from me.

Fleur: You saved my sister! I am forever in your debt!

Snape: You sneak into my office. You're cruisin' for a bruisin', boy...

Harry: You're greasy.

Ron: Buuuuuuuuurn!

Snape: Damn!

Rita Skeeter: I'm going to write evil things about all of you!

Hermione: I'm a scarlet woman!

Divinitation...

Harry: *dream* Aaauugggghhhhh!! My scaaaaaaar! It buuuuuuuuurns!

Dumbledore's office....

Harry: Shiny... a bowl of thoughts...

Dumbledore: Get awaaaaaay!

Harry: Karkaroff's a Death Eater and Mr. Crouch is a bad man.

Dumbledore: Yes.

Later...

Crouch: I'm insane with anger! Actually I'm just insane.

Harry: Oh.

Cedric: Ooh. Big hedges.

Krum: *grunt*

Harry: Cool.

Fleur: You saved my sister! I am forever in your debt!

Obstructions: Ha! We are trying to stop you!

Harry: Damn.

Krum: I'm under the Imperius Curse!

Cedric: Diiiiiie!

Krum: *knocked out*

Sphinx: If you get the answer right, you can pass.

Harry: Spider.

Sphinx: Damn.

Harry: The world is upside-down! Whee!

World: Turns right side up.

Harry: Darn, my leg seems to be broken.

Boggart: Yep.

Cedric: No! The cup is miiiiiiiine!

Harry: Ok.

Cedric: Noooooo! I can't take it!!

Harry: We'll take it together.

Cedric: Ah, good old teamwork.

Cup: *is grabbed*

Cedric: *dies*

Harry: Damn.

Voldemort: You conquered me! Now I shall conquer you! Muahahaha! *cough cough* Ha!

Harry: No.

Voldemort: Yes.

Harry: Damn.

Voldemort: Now we shall duel! To the death! Gaha! Gaha! Gaaaaaaaaaaah!

Harry: You're evil. And creepy.

Ron: Buuuuuuuuurn!

Voldemort: Damn. Where'd you come from?

Ron: Your ass! Ahahahahahahaha!

Voldemort: Idiot boy. Anyways, back to the killing.

Death Eaters: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Wands: *repel*

Glowing ball thing: *moves*

Harry: I'm weeeeeeeeeeeeakening...

Cedric's ghost: Beee stroooooooong!

Harry: What the...?

Parent ghosts: Run! Run! Ruuuuuuuuuuun!

Harry: *runs* Noooooooooo! Cedriiiiiiiiiiiiiic!

Cedric: *says nothing because he is dead.*

Cup: *is grabbed*

School: *gasp*

Dumbledore: Moody is actually Crouch's son, and that's who put your name in the Goblet o' Fire.

Everyone: Aha!

Dementor: Gimme your soul.

Barty Crouch: Ok.

Feast...

Dumbledore: Gryffindor wins! Be sad for Cedric.

Everyone: *is sad*

Food: *appears*

Everyone: *eats*

Next day...

Harry: I hate the Dursleys

Ron: Come stay at my embarresingly small house.

Harry: Ok.

Train: *leaves*

Story: *ends*