Asuma is driving his car into the new school he's going to teach, at Konoha High. The problem is because he is new there; there isn't a designated spot for him yet. Asuma looks around and spots one that is continently near the entrance of the school.
"Now that's a parking spot..."
Asuma parks his car and takes out the necessary stuffs he needed for his first day of teaching. What Asuma doesn't notice is a sign at the parking spot, with the words: 'Reserved for the Principal'.
A few seconds later, Tsunade is driving her car into the school car park when she spots Asuma's car in the parking spot she uses every day she works at the school. Tsunade looks around. The owner of this car really doesn't care about his car, so Tsunade picks up her cell phone and makes a call.
It's not long before a tow truck arrives to take away Asuma's car, just so that Tsunade can reclaim her parking space...
Konoha High: Forever Up, Sitting Down
Episode 1: Asuma's Story
A Fanfic Remake by PikaFlash
Disclaimers: All characters, cast, crew and any ideas in this fic belong to their respective owners...
Summary: A series following the lives of eight teachers at Konoha High as they face up to the modern school system with the required mixture of skill, devotion and occasionally voodoo. Inconvenienced by the students, and irritated by each other, the teachers consistently place their own personal agendas and problems ahead of the educational needs of the students. They are, in fact, the faces of the modern educational system.
A/N: What prompted me to do this is because I needed to break a Writer's Block and somehow doing this remake is one solution. This fanfic is a remake of an old popular fanfic that was a casualty from the ScriptFic Purge of 2004-2005(-ish). I have specifically remade it and formatted it so that it can be enjoyed in my current writing style. And I actually do hope that this fanfic gets more reviews than the other ones with bad spelling, grammar, one-liners and less than 1,000 words.
Iruka enters Tsunade's office.
"We have a problem, Tsunade. Our crossing guard has been hit by a car and I don't think we'll be seeing her again."
Tsunade sighs. "That's the 5th time it happened this term."
"So, I'm planning on planting a sapling in remembrance of her," Iruka said.
"Well, the students will be sad," Tsunade said. "And besides it feels like they have lost another member of the family."
Iruka picks up a box. "By the way, these are her things and most valuable stuffs..." Iruka puts the box on Tsunade's desk.
"Put it away," Tsuande said. Then, she suddenly has an idea. "On second thought, I got a better idea. Save it for the next Garage sale. We could do with the extra cash..."
"Ok," Iruka hands the box to Tsunade.
In the Staff Room, Iruka is making himself a cup of coffee while Anko is stamping new books for the library. Then, Shizune walks in.
"Are those new books to the library?" Shizune asks.
Anko nods. "Yep."
Shizune had a bit of a thought. "Since when did we get the money for the books?"
"Well, from the last read-athon," Anko answers.
"But we never seem to make any money out of that," Shizune said. "How did you do it?"
"We did it by including TV shows students watched, ingredients list on food packaging and so on" Anko explained, "And that helped us raised a lot of money."
Iruka took a look at a few of the books. "I think these books will make a fine addition to our library..."
Asuma enters the staff room and sees the new books for the library.
"Hey, Anko, you're admiring the new books?" Asuma asks. "I think it's good because I'm sure you like this new this book called, 'How to be a Snake Pill Seller'..."
Anko comes up with her own retort. "How about a book for you called, 'You could use a Shave'?"
Asuma puts his hand on the back of his head. "Well, I don't know...as long it's written by Yamatochi Yagami, I like those books..."
A teacher wearing a white face masks pushes in a trolley with a box-like object covered under a sheet...
"Kakashi, what is that?" Anko asks, pointing at the covered object.
"It's a new vending machine," Kakashi answers. Then, Kakashi begins to flex his arms. "Does this look hot?"
Both Shizune and Anko shook their heads. "I don't think so, considering that it is under a sheet," Anko said.
"I mean me," said Kakashi, pointing at his covered face.
Shizune ignored Kakashi and looks at the vending machine. "Why would we need a new vending machine in the staff room?"
Kakashi points at the covered vending machine. "Oh this? This is a condom vending machine..."
Shizune looks at Kakashi. "Why would we need condom vending machine?"
Kakashi shrugged. "Don't know." Kakashi began to take off his shirt. "Anyway, who's free before lunch to install it?"
Kakashi looks at Shizune, Shizune looks at Anko, Anko looks at Asuma, Asuma looks at Iruka, and Iruka has nobody to look at.
"I'm busy before lunch," said Iruka.
Outside, the groundskeeper, who happens to be a small yellow rodent called Pikachu, was seen uncovering his new Ride-on Lawn Mower.
In the staff room, Tsunade beings the first meeting for the new term with her co-workers Yamato, Shizune, Kakashi, Asuma, Anko, Gai and Iruka...
Tsunade starts things off. "Ok, first order of business. Principal Fujiyama is currently in hospital, so the likelihood of him returning before the end of this term is slim. So, all matters involving the school will go through me, Vice-Principal Tsunade. Onto other matters, the new vending machine is placed here because we are here to prevent unwanted teenage pregnancies...
"Are you encouraging students to have sex?" Gai asks.
Tsunade shakes her head. "No, the main plan it meant for the students to learn about safe sex and the best way to do it is to provide a vending machine. Especially when some of the money made from it goes to the school's budget. If we can sell 10 or more condoms on the first day, we'll keep the machine. Kakashi and Shizune will be monitoring the sales from the machine. All the student needs to do is to bring his/her partner, his/her parents and his/her partner's parents, a permission slip from both set of parents and they need to tell both Kakashi and Shizune where the students are going to have sex..."
Gai finally understood what Tsunade's plan is. "Oh..."
"Next up, we need a new crossing guard and that will be Anko."
Anko looks up. "What? But I am the librarian!"
Ignoring Anko's protest, Tsunade continues. "Any last words before the meeting's adjourned?"
Asuma stood up. "Yeah, one, I plan on starting the first ever Konoha High School Band. Any interested parties are invited to come to my class room after school."
As Asuma leaves the staff room Yamato follows Asuma.
"Asuma, let's talk about the song we're playing." "These songs somehow aren't original, and the only original one you made needs more than 2 people to play it."
"Let's think about this, Shizune will see you playing with the drums and she'll definitely fall for you."
Yamato nods. "Sure!"
"And practice with those drum bangers," Asuma said.
Then as Asuma walks away, Yamato corrects Asuma. "It's called drumsticks!"
At the staff room...
Shizune entered and saw Kakashi sitting at the table reading an orange book...
"Anyone came in for the condoms?" Shizune asked.
Kakashi answered. "Well, that Uchiha kid did, but he went off to get his parents and girlfriend's parents permission notes."
At Gai's Drama class, Gai tells his students about the act they are performing for class...
"We are now going to start on the musical called 'The X-files: The Musical'. This is the part where Scully is now suicidal and you are to play as voices to say, 'I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck', while I play as Scully hearing the voices. Let us begin..."
The students began to chant as Gai plays his role...
Students: "I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck."
"I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck."
"I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck."
"I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck."
"I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck."
"I hate you, you suck! I hate you, you suck."
Asuma walks by the drama class and saw the students calling names to Gai. He quickly enters the room to stop this madness.
"Don't call Gai names, even though he dress all fruit and stuff, do not make fun of him!"
Gai stops and looks at Asuma. "What makes you barge into my class and tell my students what they can do?"
"Well, you were being bullied by the students and they need to show some respect for Mr. Gai," Asuma explained.
Unknown to Asuma, Tsunade happens to be watching Asuma from outside the classroom...
Then in the hallway Iruka on the staircase and Asuma, Shizune, Gai and a few students were standing nearby, waiting for Iruka's announcement.
"I have decided to plant this sapling in memories of the last crossing guard, so let's give a minute of silence in her memory..."
After 1 second, Asuma breaks the silence by asking Shizune, "So, Shizune, how's Kakashi?"
"Fine," Shizune answers.
Gai rolls his eyes. "Oh, you better shut up, Asuma. You have been pissing me off by taking over my class."
Asuma looks at Gai. "Well, I had to show them that you are the teacher, besides, you in your funny outfits don't look like they deserve this job."
"Enough!" yelled Iruka. "Now, I will go plant the sapling outside..."
At Tsunade's office, Anko is sitting in front of Tsunade's desk.
"I could ask Pikachu to see if he could be the crossing guard instead of me," said Anko.
Tsunade shakes her head. "Sorry, but that is not an option. It's your job. Pikachu never even said a word after what happen when he yelled, 'I DON'T WANT TO BE A CROSSING GUARD!' Now put this on."
Tsunade gives Anko the uniform for the crossing guard.
Meanwhile, in Gai's Drama class. Gai is telling the students the next part of the act...
"Ok, now this is the part where Scully is being followed by many mimes, so, I want you to do as I do."
Gai jumps and looks around as though he is lost. Behind him, the students followed every one of Gai's movements. Then, Asuma just happened to walk by Gai's classroom and quickly misinterpret what is going on.
"Oh great! Now you guys are tripping it hard on drugs!" Asuma yelled.
Before Asuma could go on, Tsunade walks up to Asuma. "Asuma, can I speak to you for a moment in my office?"
In Tsunade's Office, Asuma is sitting in front of Tsunade's desk.
"Asuma, you remind me of the time when I was an acting principal of another school. One Teacher from there reminds me of you and he was seen as an idiot. Do you know what happened to him?"
"What?" asked Asuma.
"He was fired. So, if you want to keep your job, you better watch what you do. Now leave me."
Asuma nods. "Ok."
Once Asuma leaves, Tsunade pulls out a dictaphone. "2:50 pm, Asuma has got the message."
At the staff room, Sasuke has brought his girlfriend, Sakura, his parents, Fugaku and Mikoto and Sakura's parents into the staffroom to buy condoms from the vending machine. Now, Kakashi has a few quick questions for Sasuke's parents before he could buy the condoms.
"Ok, Sasuke got his parents, his girlfriend and her parents and permission from his parents and his girlfriend's parents," said Kakashi. "So, here's a question for Sasuke's parents to see if Sasuke can have sex. 'Did you ever have an affair with someone?'"
Sasuke's dad nods. "Yes," he answers.
Kakashi shakes his head. "Oops, too bad, Sasuke, if your father had no mention having an affair, you may have gotten your chance to buy a condom. See you later, kid."
As an angry Mikoto pulls Fugaku out of the staff room, followed by everyone else, Shizune simply shakes her head in disgust.
"Well, that was crude..."
Kakashi looks at Shizune. "Anyway, what do we do now?"
"I'll go for a drink," Shizune said as she walks out of the staff room.
Kakashi fans himself. "Is it hot or is it just me?" Kakashi immediately removes his shirt.
At the road outside the school.
Anko was holding a stop sign in the middle of a pedestrian crossing just a few cars stop in front of her, allowing the students to walk across the road without any problems.
"This must be the power..."
Meanwhile, Asuma's classroom, Asuma is holding a guitar while Yamato is at his drums ready for the Konoha High school band, consisting of only two teachers.
"Why does everyone else hate me? I mean, I tried to do my best, like getting you and Shizune together..."
Yamato sighs. "Hey, actually, you made things worst. The chances of me getting close to Shizune are like putting 2 N-sided magnets together..."
"Oh, then why is that so?"
Yamato looks around. "You shouldn't know...but you're seen as an idiot."
"How can you be sure?"
"Well, your father was a idiot before you," answered Yamato.
"Well, I knew about Dad, but not myself," said Asuma.
"Ok, you suck at socializing and you are terrible at talking to people." Yamato paused, hoping to give time for Asuma to assimilate the information. "Anyway, want to finish off for the day?"
Asuma nods. "Sure."
As they both start their music...
Outside, Tsunade was driving her car from the parking space.
Kakashi and Shizune were seen seeing away the Vending machine, due to the fact that Kakashi's questions prevent the sale of any condoms.
Iruka has just planted the sapling, but once he left the sapling alone, Pikachu just happened to drive by on his new lawn mower, only to chop off the sapling.
Anko then saw Tsunade coming.
"Now is my chance to show Tsunade my power!" Anko quickly raises the Stop Sign, forcing Tsunade made a sudden stop in her car. At the same time, the truck behind Tsunade also made a sudden stop, but the sudden stopping of the vehicle caused the vending machine fall off the truck. As the machine hits the road, piles of condoms fell out, getting the students' attention and every student nearby quickly grab their share of the free Condoms. And Kakashi decided to join in the picking up the free stuff as well...
Tsunade is not pleased. She has been suddenly stopped by someone who has less.
"Give me the stop sign, Anko!" Tsunade ordered.
"No! I HAVE FOUND THE POWER!" Anko screamed as she tries to swing the Stop Sign to keep Tsunade away from her. "Don't take it from me!"
Tsunade slowly took the Stop Sign and comforted Anko. "There there, Anko. Power sometimes gets into you head and I must discipline you..."
Meanwhile, Sasuke and Sakura saw a few loose condoms on the road and Sasuke picks one up, finally getting the condom they couldn't get earlier. They looked at each other and smiled...
Later, Asuma walks into the car park. Asuma looks around.
"Dude, where's my car?" he mumbled.
It turns out that Asuma's car is on its way to the compactor at Konoha Junkyard...
End of Episode 01: Asuma's Story
Cast List:
Tsunade as the ambitious Vice-Principal
Asuma as the new IT Teacher
Yamato as the Sports Teacher with an evil glare
Gai as the fruity Drama Teacher
Anko as the Librarian picked on by Tsunade
Shizune as the politically correct Social Studies teacher
Kakashi as the perverted English Teacher
Iruka as the Science and Maths Teacher
Pikachu as the mute Groundskeeper
