Disclaimer: None of the familiar names or places belong to me. (sadly this is true they all belong to Marvel)

Author's Note: You're probably wondering why I put this story in the crossover section, since Spider-Man belongs to Marvel. Well I did it to ensure that my story would look interesting all by its self. Hey, you looked didn't you?


Shut Up Already!

Chapter 1: Team 'Comic Relief'

It was a quiet night in the city known as New York. Too quiet for the superhero known as Spider-Man. It was nights like these that allowed him to think about all the things that had gone wrong in his life. He needed a distraction to keep him occupied. He concentrated on a flickering streetlamp in order to focus on something other than his unfortunate life.

Just as he was about to lose focus, his spider sense started going off. He looked up as a giant helicarrier shone a spotlight on him. He leaped off the building to try and get away from yet another unpleasant memory in his life: S.H.I.E.L.D. He was too late though, and a tractor beam shot down from the helicarrier and carried him up inside.

He landed on the floor of the helicarrier with a thud. Someone snickered as he got up slowly.

"Hey there Spidey, lose your grip?' A familiar voice asked. Spider-Man quickly identified it as Iceman's.

Spider-Man sighed, "No I did not…that was an act to make you feel comfortable in my presence." With that he shot a web onto the ceiling of the Helicarrier and lowered himself down next to the one and only, Nick Fury.

"What did I do this time Nickie? Accidently cause another symbiote invasion? Create another supervillain? Forget your birthday?"

"None of the above, Spider-Man. We need you for quite a different purpose this time. As you can see we have rounded up a bunch of the most annoying heroes on the planet." Nick fury said, gesturing to the gathering of heroes still laughing at Spider-Man. "Like Iceman, The Human Torch, The Thing, Deadpool, and a few others."

"Then why is Wolverine here? He's not funny. In fact he borders on serious more than comical. No offense."

"None taken, webhead. I'm here to keep you comedians in line." Wolverine said to the group. "Four of you will be accompanying me into enemy territory. Which four is up to Fury here."

"I was getting to that, Wolverine," Nick Fury said crossly. Wolverine shrugged. "Anyway I believe the team chosen was: Deadpool, Spider-Man, Iceman, and The Human Torch. Congratulations, you are now, officially, the most annoying heroes."

"We're annoying? You're one to talk Mr. I'm-so-bitter-today-so-don't-mess-with-me-Deadpool. Jeez, talk about a buzzkill. Imagine waking up to that one morning when you feel all bright and happy. Then you hear 'Shut up Deadpool, nobody wants to hear it' that just ruins my whole day! So thank you very much Fury! That reminds me, I'm hungry. Anyone got a chimichanga? Anyone? Anyone at all? Hmm…guess not then."

"Are you done, Deadpool?"

"Yes, I think I am, Nickie. Thanks for asking. That makes me feel so much better."

"Great. That's fantastic. This is the high point of my entire day, everybody." Nick said with heavy sarcasm. "Anyway everyone, your mission is this…"

"Our mission is what? I didn't hear it? Could you enunciate the syllables more clearly this time, please?" Deadpool asked.

"That's because I haven't said it yet. Do you ever stop talking?"

"When my lips are sown up, swords shoot out of my wrists, and laser beams come out of my eyes."

"What?"