Looking into the bottle, I frowned. It swirled around and around, as if
taunting me to drink it. Other empty bottles lie scattered across the
kitchen floor. They had all been taunting me too. When I looked through the
neck of that bottle into the cool liquid just swishing around and smiling
to coyly to me, I began to swig. Swigging turned into chugging. I suppose
at this point I should feel drunk, but I felt sober. My mind was working
slower as I let my head hit against the counter. The hum of the fridge
filled my mind, taking me away into a comatose state that I loved so much.
It felt good to be alone. I had been alone for some time this weekend. My younger stepbrother decided to stay with goofy little friend, JT. I think he felt sorry for me, and didn't want to hang around. That was fine with me. I didn't need anyone. Being alone was probably better off in the long run anyway. Especially after what had happened with that lowlife Craig. He hadn't really cared about me. All he wanted was to use my body, and then leave me. Maybe I wasn't worth more then that.
Thinking of that my mind drifted back to that night we had spent in his garage, our first time together. It was close to Christmas time, and we'd been dating for a while. The guitar I was going to give him was in the shop, and it had been driving me nuts not being able to talk about it. It was going to be the best gift ever. "Craig," I had whispered to him, gazing at him lovingly. "What are we going to do over the holidays?"
What a fool I was. I wasted all that time and energy into pleasing him and trying to be more relaxed with going all the way with him. When he just gave me that grin, my heart started skipping beats as he moved closer. Suddenly we were kissing. I should have felt swept up in the moment, but all I could hear ringing through my head was "This is it, this is it". Then it happened. It seems like a blur now, but there, I was trapped in my mind as he moved his body, checking every once in a while to see if I was "okay". I probably left that night and he invited Manny over. The thought made my stomach drop to my knees.
"Ash?" I heard the front door slam, and Toby call out, "I'm home!"
My eyes went in and out of focus as I heard the thudding footsteps of my stepbrother come closer to me in the kitchen. Once he came around the island, he would see me there, slumped on the floor, and lost in my own thoughts. I prayed he would just mind his own business and go away.
No such luck.
He came around and let out a gasp, he eyes traveling down to me. "Ash!" he kicked aside some bottles and knelt down next to me, placing a cold hand on my wrist. "What...?"
His hand felt clammy to my skin. I wanted to scream at him to get away from me. He was crowding me, I felt like I couldn't breath. I opened my mouth, but air only came out. My eyes were so heavy, so heavy...
When I woke up I felt the warmth of my own bed. All the lights were out, but some light from my open door. I heard voices outside. It was my mom and step dad.
"What are we going to do Kate?" he was whispering. "She's self destructive and she's going to get herself killed."
"Shh, keep your voice down!" she didn't sound angry. She was upset. "I don't know. Let's just, figure it out in the morning."
I looked up to my ceiling. I wished I were dead. That would show them all. It would show every last one of them, even Craig.
It felt good to be alone. I had been alone for some time this weekend. My younger stepbrother decided to stay with goofy little friend, JT. I think he felt sorry for me, and didn't want to hang around. That was fine with me. I didn't need anyone. Being alone was probably better off in the long run anyway. Especially after what had happened with that lowlife Craig. He hadn't really cared about me. All he wanted was to use my body, and then leave me. Maybe I wasn't worth more then that.
Thinking of that my mind drifted back to that night we had spent in his garage, our first time together. It was close to Christmas time, and we'd been dating for a while. The guitar I was going to give him was in the shop, and it had been driving me nuts not being able to talk about it. It was going to be the best gift ever. "Craig," I had whispered to him, gazing at him lovingly. "What are we going to do over the holidays?"
What a fool I was. I wasted all that time and energy into pleasing him and trying to be more relaxed with going all the way with him. When he just gave me that grin, my heart started skipping beats as he moved closer. Suddenly we were kissing. I should have felt swept up in the moment, but all I could hear ringing through my head was "This is it, this is it". Then it happened. It seems like a blur now, but there, I was trapped in my mind as he moved his body, checking every once in a while to see if I was "okay". I probably left that night and he invited Manny over. The thought made my stomach drop to my knees.
"Ash?" I heard the front door slam, and Toby call out, "I'm home!"
My eyes went in and out of focus as I heard the thudding footsteps of my stepbrother come closer to me in the kitchen. Once he came around the island, he would see me there, slumped on the floor, and lost in my own thoughts. I prayed he would just mind his own business and go away.
No such luck.
He came around and let out a gasp, he eyes traveling down to me. "Ash!" he kicked aside some bottles and knelt down next to me, placing a cold hand on my wrist. "What...?"
His hand felt clammy to my skin. I wanted to scream at him to get away from me. He was crowding me, I felt like I couldn't breath. I opened my mouth, but air only came out. My eyes were so heavy, so heavy...
When I woke up I felt the warmth of my own bed. All the lights were out, but some light from my open door. I heard voices outside. It was my mom and step dad.
"What are we going to do Kate?" he was whispering. "She's self destructive and she's going to get herself killed."
"Shh, keep your voice down!" she didn't sound angry. She was upset. "I don't know. Let's just, figure it out in the morning."
I looked up to my ceiling. I wished I were dead. That would show them all. It would show every last one of them, even Craig.
