Disclaimer: Muhahahah! I own it all!!!!! Government men burst in the room hehe, I own nothing!

Summery: Do you ever wonder why Snape really hates Harry? Well here is the real reason

A/N: This fic is by BlueBlaze (That's me!!!), its first fic so be gentle!

I hate him. I hate that stupid little Potter boy, The-Boy-Who-Lived, Golden Boy,

Saint Potter! I don't care what in bloody blazes you call the little brat! I hate him.

They all say "Severus! How can you hate such a sweet boy?" none of them know why and I intend to keep it that way, they can all just shove it. I hate him for existing, I know I sound exactly like Potter senior saying the exact words he said all those years ago but in a way that's why I hate him, every time I see those blasted green eyes of his I'm reminded of what that stupid James Potter stole from me. Lilly Evens, beautiful Lilly, perfect Lilly, My Lilly.

I knew I could never be with her, I knew I could never have her love me the way I loved her and even if she did by some miracle love me also my Father would never approve of me being with a "mudblood", no matter how beautiful and talented she was she would be nothing but trash in the eyes of my family. My father was an important and powerful pure-blood wizard and not to mention had an unbelievable passion for the Dark Arts and for me to even to bring home a filthy muggle-born into our home would be a disgrace to the family name!

But even if I couldn't have her at least I knew (or thought I knew) that Potter wouldn't have her either, yes I saw how he shamelessly flirted with her, everyone bloody well did! I took joy in watching her blow him off and insulting his pride on an almost daily basis unlike all those other airhead girls threw themselves at Potter, that blasted werewolf Lupin, and that stupid mutt Black like idiots but not my Lilly, she was different from the rest of those girls, she was different in everyway and I loved her for it. It was the day of one of the most humiliating days of my life, Potter and Black turned me upside down in front of the entire school giving them all a nice view of my bottom and she came to my rescue, making them leave me alone, she offered her hand to me to help me up and I looked up into those mesmerizing emerald pools that seemed to burn with a bright fire, instead of taking her had like any other person would have I called her a vile word, you can guess what it was, I saw those eyes harden with anger and hatred and as soon as I saw that look I wanted to take it and put it right back into my mouth but it was to late and whatever chance I had with her was gone, it broke my heart and I guess that's why it was one of my worst memories.

I remember when I found out she'd finally went nutters and fell in love with that blasted Potter, he finally got the one thing I wanted more that life itself, my Lilly. My love was gone and I was completely lost without her, I was sure he would break her heart just like he did all those other girls and I hated him even more but I guess I should have known that they'd stay together, Lilly was always different from other girls, she was always one to be different in every way my Lilly was.

That very day I was approached by Lucius Malfoy, he was offering me a chance for power and revenge and I guess in my haze of just having lost the one person I ever loved to my worst enemy I accepted. I became a DeathEater. I regretted it for the rest of my life but it was too late to turn back then, it was done and I guess I sort of tried to use being a DeathEater to get rid of all the pain in my heart, to make everyone else feel all the pain that I carried around like a boulder on my chest, but I guess it never really worked, my heart became a cold and hard thing but the pain never really went away.

After a few years and I'd graduated Hogwarts the Dark Lord was getting stronger and the wizarding world was covered in a thick blanket of fear, most people hardly ever left their homes, the world had become a somber and dark place for everybody, there was hardly any happiness left in the world and I started to have doubts about doing what I was doing and I tried hard to push them to the back of my mind and it worked for awhile, that was until that fateful Halloween night. I remember running to Hogwarts and straight into the Headmasters arms, I told him everything, from being a DeathEater to my love for Lilly and I begged him to take me back, to help me, ignoring the little voice in the back of my head that said it was glad my father was dead and wondering what he would think seeing his son beg Dumbledore of all people for forgiveness.

That was the night I became a spy.

I sometimes thought of Harry and secretly blamed him for the loss of my sweet Lilly but I also used to wonder what it would be like if he was my son, not Potter's son but mine, my boy and not his but I guess its wishful thinking, I had not married Lilly and the boy isn't mine, he is Potter's boy and probably just as arrogant as his git of a father. I guess life went on, everyone was once again happy at knowing the Dark Lord was gone for good well everyone but me, I shut myself up inside my rooms and my dungeons keeping everyone at a safe distance to keep myself from anymore pain and it started to work, I started to feel better, that was until Harry Potter started was sorted.

I saw those eyes and all the pain I had kept carefully locked away came back full force, it took all my willpower not to just stand up and sprint right out of the Great Hall. And now six years later as I watch the Golden Boy make his potion trying to find any fault in everything he did in-between yelling at the squib Longbottem and I saw his eyes turn to me, the were hardened with hatred and anger and it brought me back to that day by the lake with Lilly and I once again wonder what it would be like if he was my son, my boy, but no. He's Potter's boy, not my boy.

Potter's boy.