Chapter 1

Little was known about the planet in the far corner of the Beta quadrant known as Unohdettu. It was a class M planet but by all accounts uninhabited. The Federation higher ups catalogued it in their star charts but otherwise gave it little notice…

…until traffic in the trade lanes increased and began to shift.

High ranking Federation officials saw the twist in the trade tides and determined to take advantage of it. The more they could learn about Unohdettu now the more the people could benefit from it's strategic position as a global trade post later. Off and on over the next three years they sent teams to scan the planet, and it was on this last foray that they discovered the planet had not always been uninhabited.

The pictorial language on the walls of the newly discovered caves was difficult to decipher. Only the best and the brightest in the field of xenolinguistics would do.

Good thing the Enterprise was in need of a new mission.


U.S.S. Enterprise, 2277.123, 0702 hours. He rose up through the layers of meditation slowly and became aware of her presence moving lively about the room. Craning his neck around he spotted his adun'a gathering up her supplies and putting them back in her bag. He rose to his feet to help her and greeted her with a kiss on the lips.

Though it was unusual for him to state the obvious he exclaimed, "You have arisen and dressed earlier then usual today."

"Yes." She broke the embrace after spotting a text she had left on a shelf on the other side of the room. "I was too excited, I just couldn't sleep. I know you must be bored to death listening to me go on and on about the caves but we discovered a new chamber yesterday and I can't wait to get inside. Besides, there's only ten days left to this dig before our orders send us away from Unohdettu and I want to make sure we cover the area thoroughly before we go. We lost enough time trying to get inside them without damaging the glyphs as it is."

Spock stood in the middle of the floor with hands clasped behind his back, enjoying the sight of his whirlwind k'diwa. Her energy flamed his desire and as she flitted by yet again he snaked out a hand to catch her by the wrist, forcing her to stop and look him in the eye.

The blush rose to her cheeks upon witnessing his naked lust. "Spock…" He would not avert his gaze. "Spock, we can't! The kids'll be up any minute…"

"We have approximately 17.2 minutes before they awaken; they are also able to dress and attain suitable nutrition for themselves prior to the start of their school day without our direct supervision."

She looked away as she smiled at his direct attempt at seduction. "Well when you put it like that…"

He silenced her again with a kiss and she melted into his arms, letting him lead her back toward their bed. Their tryst ended in time for a family breakfast and shortly after that she saw the children off for school and headed to the transporter room.

"I love you," she said, pecking him on the cheek before strolling out the door.

"And I you."

She twirled around and winked at him as she sashayed down the corridor and out of sight.


1128 hours. She was in class when it happened, a pain so intense T'Alora could not help but cry out and clutch the side of her head before crumpling to the floor. Mrs. Lo'Vrie and the others knew better then to touch her but even her teacher and classmates presence on her periphery only heightened her suffering.

Through it all she was dimly aware that the bonds of the rest of her family were also crying out in agony…all except one.

Mama was absent.

She probed the spot where her link was and like an abscess the pain exploded anew. In horror she slowly understood the reason behind the phenomena-it was because there was no link with Mama whatsoever to speak of. She was not ill nor unconscious…she simply was not there.

The bond had been severed.

Sa-mekh's voice cried out the loudest and breeched all of her shields until he lost consciousness; only later would she learn of his rampage on the Bridge before being sedated by a frightened Helmsman McKeon. Se'tak and Selas were awash in their own pain in their classrooms but were unaware of the root cause. Slowly T'Alora fought the mounting migraine and disorientation and pulled herself into a sitting position just as the medics rushed in. She refused the bed they carried and instead insisted on seeing to the well-being of her brothers; they were younger, they had less control then she and she knew that Se'tak could become especially dangerous since he did not make any attempt to bind his emotions. With Sa-mekh out of commission for the foreseeable future and Mama gone she needed to take charge—it was only logical.

She allowed the young ensigns to escort her to Sickbay and walked through the doors to find the entire medical floor in an uproar. Uncle Leonard was working behind pulled curtains in the back of the room, muttering to himself about 'pain scales off the charts' with 'no discernible reason'. Se'tak and Selas sat on biobeds near the entrance and were being tended to by Aunt Chris; Selas was crying softly in her arms while Se'tak wrapped his arms around himself and rocked slowly back and forth.

"T'Alora, how are you…" but her Aunt's question was cut off by Selas' voice.

"Mama is dead."

Se'tak ceased rocking and bore holes into her as if this fact were her fault. His pupils were black as night and his anger was apparent. As she slowly began to understand Aunt Chris looked at the three of them before pulling Selas closer, crying right along with him. She knew better then to doubt the truth of their words.

Fresh waves of grief from both her brothers battered her wavering shields and T'Alora gritted her teeth and braced herself against the wall. It took all the strength she had to remain upright right now but they needed her to be strong. Her own heartache she forced back down into the pit of her stomach as she approached Se'tak.

"Mama would not want to see us like this," she reminded him gently. "She would want us to be brave like she was."

"Mama would want us to feel how we feel," he spat back. It was true—Mama always encouraged them to be true to themselves, and while she'd supported her decision to live her life the Vulcan way she also supported Se'tak in his desire to remain emotive. Now he turned away from her and sat cross-legged on the bed, facing the wall and mourning. Knowing he needed his space she turned her attention to Selas; though he was far too old to be carried about in such a fashion she still picked him up and balanced him on her hip.

"How did it happen?" Aunt Chris asked, her voice hoarse. "How…"

The doors flew open again and Uncle Jim and Lieutenant Burgess from Communications strode in. Both had been part of the team that went down with Mama that morning to the planet's surface. Uncle Jim's face was hard-set as he stalked toward the back of the room before catching them out of the corner of his eye. His step faltered and as he glanced at her his expression instantly softened. T'Alora detected the hint of moisture about his eyes before he coughed and looked away, continuing on toward the curtained off area.

Aunt Chris hastily wiped away her own tears as she rose off the bed. "I'll go see what I can find out."

T'Alora finally allowed herself to sit in a nearby chair and began softly singing an old lullaby to Selas to try and soothe him. Though he still cried he was much quieter then before, choking down his great big sobs. She took a moment to acknowledge a small portion of her own grief and added a few tears of her own to the mix.

The exchange in the back of the room lasted 3.7 minutes and soon Uncle Jim and Lieutenant Burgess were headed back out. This time her uncle studiously avoided her gaze.


How could he even begin to tell her family what happened when he didn't even know himself? One minute he's outside getting a breath of fresh air and the next he's being rocked by an earthquake before his communicator was going off telling him that Uhura had been disintegrated—not just killed, but disintegrated.

How in the hell did that happen? Unohdettu was an uninhabited planet—as far as they could tell it's people had disappeared over a millennia ago—so how the hell had Uhura died studying cave drawings?

After confirming for himself that the tiny pile of ash in the chamber was all that remained of his friend he and Burgess beamed back aboard. It was his hope that the news had not yet reached the Enterprise but a quick look at the somber face of his Chief Engineer told him otherwise. Still, without waiting for an explanation he jumped down off the platform and headed for the Bridge.

"There's bin a spot o' trouble up on the Bridge, Cap'n; somethin' to do with Commander Spock. I don't know the details, Sir, but they've got him down in Sickbay now and Sulu has the Con."

"Thanks, Scotty," he said as he headed out the door and changed course.

Lieutenant Burgess remained silent at his side until they entered the turbo lift.

"Computer, Deck 12."

"Sir, I…" the young man finally spluttered. He was new to the crew this mission, having been promoted after serving five years aboard the Lexington. "I shouldn't have left her alone in there, Sir. It was against protocol, I know, but when she asked for the hand-spanner in the other room I thought…"

"No," he snapped back, eyes dead ahead on the doors. "You didn't think. If you had been thinking one of my crew wouldn't be dead!" The doors opened and he strode out, the Lieutenant lingering behind him in shock before hastening to catch up.

Jim knew he was being unkind but he didn't care. He'd just lost a trusted colleague and friend in a senseless accident for no good reason—and the worst part was he knew it was all his fault. The other day he'd denied Uhura's request for a morning off. If he'd only said yes she wouldn't have been down there and she'd still be alive…

He walked the rest of the way to Sickbay without thinking and was half inside before he spotted the kids. Ever since the call first went out he'd tried not to think about them and now T'Alora was staring him right in the face, her expression cold and stony. Judging by the defeated slump of their shoulders and the way Selas was crying they already knew or had guessed at the truth; still, Jim couldn't bring himself to tell them that their mother was never coming home again.

"G-ddammit!"

Bones' voice reminded him of his original purpose and he continued on to the back of the room. As he slipped around the corner his friend looked up and gestured obscenely at him with his tricorder. "Jim, unless you're dying I want you to get the hell out of my Sickbay—I got my hands full enough as it is." He gestured to Spock who lay sedated and restrained on the biobed, fresh jade bruises dotting his arms. "He just went berserk for no reason and all I can get out of this p.o.s*. is that he's havin' some kind of allergic emotional reaction! I don't even know what the hell that means!" The overwhelming silence made his friend stop and really look at him. "What?"

"It's Uhura."

Len riddled his brow together. "What's Uhura?" Understanding must've dawned because in the next breath he asked, "Is she hurt? Was there some kind of cave in or something?" His eyes darted around for a medkit, ready to dash out the door. Behind him he heard Christine slip through the curtain.

Jim took a deep breath. He loved his ship but some days…some days he really hated his job. "She's dead, Bones."


Dead—Uhura was dead. The idea was so absurd he actually guffawed; besides, Len thought as he stared back at his friend, that's my line. "Quit pullin' my leg. That isn't even funny!"

"I'm not laughing, Leonard."

In all the years they'd known each other Jim only ever called him by his Christian name six times, and each time was worse then the last. Oh. Slowly his brain started to catch up and process the news and he looked down at Spock's supine form. If Nyota were really…and the way they were linked…then that meant…and he felt…

Shit, damn, fuck, son of a bitch!

He ran a hand down his face, eyes darting to Christine to see her nodding, confirming what was said while her eyes filled with tears. "Why wasn't I called? I could've done somethin', I…I could've saved her!"

Jim closed his eyes and swallowed hard while Burgess looked like he wanted to become one with the wall. "There isn't—wasn't—anything to save. She was working alone in a new section of the caverns…we think she might have triggered some sort of fail safe mechanism but we're not sure. Either way the area's cordoned off until we can find out. There's…" Here his voice faltered; it was the closest he'd seen Jim come to truly losing his composure while on duty in the last 19 years. "There's nothing left but ash."

Christine started sobbing hysterically at that and he too lost any semblance of calm he had left. Nyota was a good person, a good friend…she didn't deserve this! "What do you mean you think she triggered somethin'? How in the hell can nobody know? Wasn't anyone with her when it happened? Don't you have some damn procedures in place you're supposed to follow to prevent this kind of thing?"

Jim said nothing but his eyes flitted to Burgess and Len put two and two together. Dropping the tricorder he grabbed the Lieutenant up by his shirt front, do no harm be damned. "HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE HER LIKE THAT? HOW COULD YOU…"

Strong arms pulled him off before he shook Burgess' last brain cells right out of his head. "That's enough, Bones! It won't bring her back." When he was sure he wouldn't go at the young man again Jim let him loose.

"I need you to look after him, ok? Just…" Jim sighed as he looked down at Spock; even sedated he looked piteous. "Just do what you can."

He didn't need to be told twice as he recovered his tricorder. Hell but he felt for the poor hobgoblin. If their roles had been reversed…gingerly he drew an arm around his wife and pulled her close, placing a kiss on the crown of her head as she struggled to suppress her sobs. Poor Chris. She and Nyota had been like sisters.

Had been. G-d it was gettin' too easy these days for him to say that. Automatically thinking of Nyota in the past tense made his eyes start to well up and his throat close.

"Chris?" She wiped her eyes on her sleeve then turned to look at Jim. "Do you think you can look after the kids for a little while? They need to be with someone they trust, at least until…"

"Of course, Captain," she replied without hesitation, frantically wiping her tear-streaked face. "Of course."

"I'll make sure and get Tabby and Becca after school," he told her before she even asked. With a last kiss she made her way back around the curtain right on Jim's heels and he turned back to his patient.

He leaned over and checked Spock's vitals again which looked to have no chance of stabilizing anytime soon. Poor bastard…


T asked to stay with Sa-mekh in Sickbay and he numbly allowed himself to be led back to their quarters. When they got there he stopped just inside the doorway; even the sight of the room made him feel as if he'd been punched in the gut. There, right there was the spot where just a few hours ago he saw Mama for the last time.

"Be genius!" She held his face in her hands and gave him a kiss on the cheek before pushing him out the door. "See you tonight! Love you!"

Se'tak stood in his same spot now and just stared at the empty space where she'd been. He couldn't fully explain how he felt…it was like he was hollow, like someone had scooped out his innards while he was awake and sewn him back up again without replacing the parts. He was still walking, talking, breathing, but a vital part of him was missing.

Aunt Chris side-stepped him, one arm linked with Selas', and made her way into the living room. Everywhere he looked there were reminders of Mama: the throw blanket on the back of the sofa; the holos on the bookshelves; knick-knacks and souvenirs from their travels on the end tables and coffee table. These mementos tormented him; they mocked him. Se'tak wanted nothing more then to sweep them off onto the ground and stomp them into bits.

His aunt stood in the middle of the room, nervously shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "Do you boys think you want to eat something?"

The very idea of food sickened him and he shook his head. Right now all he wanted was to be alone; he was going to explode soon, he knew it, and it was safer for the rest of them this way. Without a word he headed for his room.

"Alright then," she whispered.


When they were safe in their living room Selas reached back for the sofa and sat down. He did not know if T and Se'tak heard what Uncle Jim and Uncle Leonard said but he had-he had heard every word. Mama was gone and there was nothing left of her, not a bit of her hair or even a piece of her shoe. She had been obliterated.

Suddenly he felt the urgent need to see her again and he groped about for the bookshelf. Three rows up and four hands in was the holo he wanted from their last shore leave in Africa, and as he grabbed it he felt his Aunt Chris come up behind him to see what he was doing. Taking her gently by the wrist he sat back down and gave her the photo.

"I need to…to see her…I need to…I need…" for being fluent in fourteen of the known Federation languages and proficient in eight others he could not get the rest of his words out to save his life. Beside him his aunt began to tremble until she slowly took his palm in hers. An instant later he was seeing the world through her eyes and immediately dropped down to the holo in her lap. The image was out of focus and fuzzy; only when a drop of water landed on Babu and Bibi's house did he understand why. Aunt Christine was crying.

For a brief moment Selas was jealous of Sa-mekh, of his sister and brother, of everyone on the ship who had had a chance to know Mama longer, know her better than he ever had a chance too. Thinking all this he simply stared at the holo harder, forcing himself to remember every hair on her head and the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. They may have all known her longer but he would remember her best.

He would make sure of it.


U.S.S. Enterprise, 2277.123, 2216 hours. Spock returned to consciousness slowly, the intermittent hisses and clicks of Sickbay machinery attracting his attention. He fought against the last traces of a very powerful sedative and tried to determine what was wrong. His last memories were of monitoring his station while on the Bridge.

"You sure he's comin' round?"

"Yes, Uncle Leonard; he is returning to consciousness even as we speak."

T'Alora—but where was Nyota? Her scent still clung to him from that morning but was no longer fresh. She had not come to see him. Why was she not here now? Spock reached out for her both physically as well as mentally and found nothing but a black, cavernous void…and then he remembered.

The bond had snapped.

He screamed.


That ear-piercing howl would haunt him for the rest of his days. Quickly Len grabbed the sedative on the side table and jammed it into Spock's neck, grateful they kept him in the restraints even after all these hours. A few seconds later the Vulcan settled back down and the room was quiet as a tomb once more. T'Alora, who'd been glued to her seat for the last eleven hours, leapt out of it the moment he started shouting and only now cautiously returned. Though her expression hadn't wavered he saw the fear in her eyes and the slight sheen of sweat on her brow; her emotional responses let him know that deep down she was still part-human too…

"Perhaps it was premature of us to expect him to awaken without incident."

…just as her very Vulcan knack for verbosely pointing out the obvious reminded him who her father was.

But more to the point Len didn't know how she was handling all this. He'd been a good decade older than T when he lost his father and it'd absolutely wrecked him, yet here she was keeping it together remarkably well. Still, he knew better than most about the pressure that was building behind that Vulcan veneer and what would happen when it cracked.

"T, maybe you should think about heading home and getting some rest. You've been through…"

"No," she said, refusing him before he could repeat the awful truth. It looked like she didn't want to think about it anymore then he did. Together they watched Spock flinch and jerk in his sleep, the sting of his loss still haunting him even when unconscious. The longer they watched him the harder it got because T'Alora let loose an almost audible sigh and slumped forward in her chair. "On second thought, I believe I will retire to our quarters to look after my brothers. I will return to help you awaken him at 0730 hours."

She threw her shoulders back and held her head high—just like Nyota would, he thought—and walked out without a backward glance. Watching her act like this made him worry for the time when she finally gave in to her sorrow.


U.S.S. Enterprise, 2277.126, 0859 hours. The haze had ebbed and flowed and Spock lost all sense of time, the only constant being his knowledge that his k'hat'n'dlawa* was gone. As he threatened to return to consciousness yet again he fought savagely to remain asleep. To sleep, dreamlessly, and never have to feel Nyota's absence…

"Sa-mekh." His shoulder shook as his daughter bent over and whispered in his ear. "Sa-mekh, du bolaya kum'a. Du vesh yuk-tor na'rehkuh t'veds heh a kr'alieu na'ko-mekh palik en dahkuh v'hrals*."

Two hours. He had two hours with which to prepare himself and his family to receive mourners in the human custom or he would miss the ritual. At that moment Spock did not care if he did miss it; he was ill-equipped to deal with the ship's combined pity and sorrow. Nyota was well-loved by their fellow crewmembers and their grief in addition to his own would be too much for him to bear.

And their children…he knew he was neglecting his duty to his family but he could not manage the situation any better than he already was. He brought the blanket up over his shoulders and rolled over.

"Rai, Sa-mekh," she said rather forcefully. "Rai.*"

He rolled back onto his back and blinked against the harsh lights of Sickbay until he found himself staring into T'Alora's face.

His daughter's face that was so like her mother's.

For the fourth time in his adult life Spock wept like a human child.


Never before had she seen Sa-mekh cry. He was stoic—he was Vulcan—and better than she ever could he kept his emotions constrained. To see him weep openly when she herself was on the verge of emotional collapse was incredibly disconcerting. As she fought not to be swept away by his sadness T'Alora swore then and there that she would never tell another soul that she been witness to his tears.


* p.o.s. = piece of shit

* k'hat'n'dlawa = half of my heart and soul

* "Sa-mekh, du bolaya kum'a. Du vesh yuk-tor na'rehkuh t'veds heh a kr'alieu na'ko-mekh palik en dahkuh v'hrals" = Father, you need to wake up. You have been asleep for three days and the funeral for mother starts in two hours.

* "Rai, Sa-mekh. Rai" = No, Father. No.