A young woman sitting at a desk was writing a poem of some sorts. She had no idea why she was writing it, besides for class. But other than that she had no idea. She sat in the dark with no light. But she could see clearly which she always thought strange. She started the first line which went like this.
Why does it have to hurt?
The words don't seem to be pouring out of me yet… I'm usually good a poetry.
She thought. She took out a cigarette, and a lighter. She placed the cigarette in her mouth and lit it. She smoked as she thought. She thought about her kaasan, her drinking, abusive relationships… some of them almost raping her. She thought about her tousan… whom she barely remembered… but she remembered his kindness, his warmth, his gentle kisses against her forehead. Tears silently coursed down her face. She recalled her surrogate esu , but she could barely remember what she looked like, she forced herself to remember. Then she recollected the promise she made those many years ago. I'm still keeping one, and… finished a part of the other one… She sighed. She picked up her pencil and started writing again.Where does the pain of loss come from?
Just when you find your koibito or someone you love dearly..
Why are they so abruptly taken away from us
Why us? Why me?
Why do we have to go through so much pain..
When they are taken away from us?
Why does fate seem to always deal us a bad hand?
But will fate… deal us a new hand at life?
At love? Will fate give us something we missed before?
I do hope fate does deal us and myself a new hand.
Oh god how do I wish.
That fate would change my life.
My shitty life… I want to leave this life..
That fate has given me.
Please let me die.
And let me be reborn
To find my loved ones again.
And my koibito…
So I can fall in love again, and watch over them.
Hopefully fate doesn't intervene and take them away from me again.
To feel the coldness of loneliness…
I don't wish to feel it again.
The feeling of being all alone, not being loved by…
Your loved ones, them gone forever.
I don't wish to be alone! Not again!
Let me once more be with the ones I love the most…
Once again.
By the time she was done she was crying. This poem was based on her own life… She hated her life, she wanted to leave it. But she couldn't she had people to live for… en gave her those things to live for.. En gave her the promises… she wanted to fulfill so she wouldn't have any regrets when she died. Plus she had a crush on… one person. She saw him when she completed one part of promise number two. She knew who he was.. His name… she put into her memory what he looked like and his eyes.. She could never forget his eyes. But… she could never admit it to anyone… She looked at her poem and had to figure out a name for it. She sat until she thought of the correct name for it. She smiled and put at the top of the paper… Fate. Yes… that was the correct name for this poem. She put her pencil down and sat there puffing on her cigarette. She took it out and crushed it in the ash tray. "I need to sleep she mumbled. So she walked over to her bed and laid on top of it, instantly falling asleep. She had no idea that her promises would pull her into a new life…. A new fate, that she so desperately wanted for herself and her loved ones.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Koibito- lover, soul-mate, sweetheart.
Kaasan- mother
Esu- sister
Tousan- father
En- fate
Note- I wrote the poem Fate before I even wrote this fiction. It is mine so no STEALING!!! Thank you for reading.
~Aurora
