{Author's Note: This was born from all these fanmakes that have Shadow the Hedgehog as so many of these weird roles, as well as some ideas that I presented in my two other fanfics, Sleeping Blooper and Blooper and the Beast}
[Disclaimer: I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog, or any other work that is to be crossed over with this one.]
My name is Shadow. Shadow the Hedgehog. I am the Ultimate Lifeform... And yet, the director saw me more as a freaking Damsel in Distress. I was cast as... I didn't even care to read up who I am. All I know was that I had to play my damn role twice. I was actually a little thrilled when I played the first part of the role, because I actually wanted to be a sociopathic douche for once, and this role had me play as a bitchy bride. It was amazing, exhilarating, and probably the greatest role I've played yet. Heck, I've sent that Brit, Harry Potter, to die in a green fire, then taunt him in a cave. It was epic.
Then I realized that I had to play the other part of the role. Suddenly, I was tackled by Harry Potter, and I was told to convince him that I'm the real bride by... doing that. I refused to do something so embarrassing to myself!
But... I had to.
"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake..." I said in a monotone voice as I preformed the stupid handshake. I hate this part. "Clap your hooves and do a little..." No. It was embarrassing when Potter, a man who had survived two instant kills and took out a powerful wizard through bouncing said kill back at him, shook his ass in front of me. I will so not do the same to him.
"No. That does it. I quit. Find someone else to play this role. You people make me sick." I told the author as I exited the stage.
This was the story I had told the barkeeper. He is a pretty cool guy. Killed his own creator because he didn't want to kiss a cardboard vampire wannabe. Seemed that he took over for... whoever was in the bar before and is working full time. He barely touches the laptop now. He breathed into his glass.
"A Canterlot Wedding. Twilight told me about that incident." He said. Oh, right. He's also in love... with a horse. Yeah, it sounds weird, I know. This is Toontown, though. If women in skimpy red dresses can be married to a cartoon rabbit, then so could a bartender being in love with those new horses everyone keeps raving about.
"Did she tell you the part where the bride had to shake her ass?" I asked him. He nodded. "Figures. It's always a weird and perverted method with those horses. Next thing you know, they're going to set up a scenario where fanfics with the idea of one person in a harem with a thousand copies of herself is a logical idea!" I said as I chugged my drink.
"Well..." He said.
"OH SON OF A B-" That's when I heard the music play.
"Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man! No one says no to Megamind!" said a blue skinned man with a large bulbous head.
"Okay, now they're seriously running out of ideas for who should be Gaston now." I muttered. I was one of those people who was cast as Gaston... In fact, I was probably every role in that damn movie. Gaston, Maurice, Beast, heck, I was Belle at one point. I know this movie so many times, to the point where I actually begun to sing alongside Le Fou's replacement: some fish on top of a robot. "Gosh it disturbs me to see you Gaston, looking so down in the dumps."I then realized how Megamind was three syllables. There was no goddamn way they'd make the song sound as good.
And then I realized they weren't gonna play Gaston. Then... Oh God... I heard the man sing.
"BECAUSE I'M BAD! I'M BAD! COME ON!" What I saw was something that would cause Gaston to spin in his grave... if he was actually dead. Megamind, his replacement, was dancing to Michael Jackson's Bad, complete with choreography from the other villains dancing. The display... Seeing that blue man dancing and... Oh god...
As one angry black man once said: Enough is enough. I took out my berretta and pointed to the air. I've done this crap before, I think I'm allowed to shoot in a crowded area at least once or twice.
BANG
Everyone stopped. Good. I then point my gun at Mr. Big-Head.
"How dare you stand where he stood?" I said to him. He was actually surprised. He backed up into his chair and even held his hands up.
"Woah, woah, woah, no need for unnecessary violence..." Megamind said. He then looked around. I saw the look in his eyes. I could tell he'd put up an act in three. Two... "After all," He said, more triumphantly, "you are a fool to try and take on Megamind! The man who killed Metroman!" I chuckled.
"You killed a superhero? Heh. I killed several special force agents, aliens from another world, and the god of time. I've been in the shoes of many roles, including the man who you are filling in. I am the Ultimate Lifeform, capable of stopping time and slitting your throat if I so wished. You? From what I see, you're just a poser, unworthy of the role of Gaston. Gaston was a man of arrogance, a man who dedicated his very life to making a woman his by any means." I told him. I nearly made him shake in his boots.
"Hey... I know you! You're Shadow! Yeaaaaah! Man of a thousand roles! Prince, Princess, Villain, Hero, Saviour, Destroyer, it doesn't matter, you fit all roles!" His fishy friend told me. Megamind then snapped out of his shook state.
"Wait, you wore drags?" Megamind asked me.
"That doesn't matter!" I said to him.
"Dude, it so does! I mean, you go on and on about slitting my throat, and yet I can't help but imagine you in a tutu... Ohh! It's so funny!" He said. He then laughed his ass off. Soon, the rest of the group snickered and laughed. I growled. I could shoot them. I really could. But we fictional characters can't die for real. All it would do is annoy people. I sat back at my seat. Then the doors open as I saw... A more fitting choice for Maurice, as he resembled a short old man. I could tell he was from Japan however. His gray hair looked excessively pointy to resemble real hair, and his purple eyes were nearly impossible for American human beings to have.
"Somebody help me! He has her! He has her locked in his dungeon!" The old man said. Megamind then focused on the old man. I focused back on my drink. I actually pondered on how the hell people can just proceed with these fanmakes despite an interruption like that... I remember just a week ago some guy tried to incite us to murder the author. I was there to shoo him out with my gun.
"Slow down, Muto, who's in the dungeon and who's holding her?" Megamind said to him.
"Tai Lung! And he has Maria captive!" He said. I spat my drink out to the bartender.
"M-maria?!" I said. Could it be? I turned around to listen to the crazy old man some more.
"Please! You have to help me!" Muto said. Megamind smirked and had two men, his fishy friend and a big, bald man with a scarf and a black jacket, lift Muto up and throw him out. Megamind laughed off as he returned to his chair. I paid the bartender my due and ran to find Muto.
There he was, sticking out of the snow bunker in a comedic way. I pulled him out. I had to know.
"Are you here to take my life?" He said to me with almost joyous praise. It was so odd to hear someone speak of their death so joyfully. He had to be one of those Japanese people whose personalities were distorted by... what do they call them again? Bridge Shows?
"No. I just needed to find something. You said her name was Maria... What... What does Maria look like? I have to know." I said to him.
"Well... I don't see why I shouldn't tell you about her... She's my daughter, blue eyed... blond hair..." I knew it. I put my finger over his mouth.
"Th... Thank you." I said. For the first time in a while, my tone of voice was soft... almost peaceful. Every other time, I sounded like I had a stick up my ass, but now... Now it's actually like I'm happy.
And I should be. Because the girl who was my everything... The girl whose wish I follow to this very day... My Maria... She's alive, and in this very city. In this very fanmake.
And she's in the hands of this fanmake's version of The Beast. I knew I'd be risking a lot by derailing a fanmake I'm not even in... but...
Maria... It will be the first time since the ARK incident that I will get to see her. I can't just pass this chance up.
