Hakkai

Hoshi Ayaka

For my own Kai.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki.

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The way he speaks, that clipped but oh so gentle tone. It's so formal. Enough to make me feel like the stupid idiot I am. Enough to make me wish I knew more. But alone? Alone he speaks just for me and there's no other sound in the world I like better. His voice whispers in my ear of all the things we'll do after this journey. If we can survive it...together.

I dream of him when I sleep. I dream of him when I wake. Wish for his hands at the base of my spine. Wish for his hands in my hair, pulling my head down for a kiss that burns me up inside. The flames that lick at my belly when I think of being with him, that I belong with him, send me spiraling into depths of need.

That sly innocence, really just inexperience. The things he would have me do to him...Sha Gojyo would never admit to blushing. But I want to do them to him, with him. I want him on top of me, underneath me, any which way as long as I have him.

Sometimes I screw up the words. Sometimes I become lost. Sometimes I fear I'll be reduced to ashes by his light. But like the moth, I am drawn to it only to find I'm home.