Okay, so I'm sitting around with pretty much NOTHING to do…so I give you all a horrible, shocking, ramen-filled excerpt from….MY MIND! Disclaimer: I own nothing, expect for maybe my soul.

Himekawa Kyojii And the Holy Gauntlet.

Once upon a time…and all that other crap…a young man named Link was roaming the seemingly endless plains of Hyrule field. He roamed and roamed…and actually did stop for a bite at Taco King…then continued on his ever important journey! He came to the Zora's waterfall, and played the appropriate tune, then put on a fake peppy smile and waited. Soon, a lanky looking Zora with a weird accent popped his head out, and looked down at the kid in the green sock..

"Hello!" Link said, "I was wondering, could I come in?"

"You need to inform the king first!" the Zora yelled down, "It's rude to just walk in! You Hylians are rude!"

"What?! But I did send word!"

"You did? How?"

"By a mute fairy!"

"Mute fairies can't talk, you fool!"

"I gave it a NOTE, stupid!" Link yelled back up, now just plain annoyed. The commotion had drawn two other Zora's to the scene. "What on earth is going on?" one asked.

"This fellow says he sent a note of inform to the king to us by means of a mute fairy!" The first Zora replied.

"Don't be silly!" The first one said, "Everyone knows that a mute fairy isn't able to carry a Hylian scroll!"

"Yes it can!" Link argued impatiently, "It was fine!"

"No, no, you see, the mass of a Hylian scroll, made of papyri, since paper hasn't been invented yet, that's long enough to contain the minimum needed information for a formal request of this sort would have to weigh at least-"

"Oh, I've got no time for this!" Link spat, "Just go ask the king again then, why don't you?!"

"……would have to weight at least .7 decigrams squared. Which would equal .o7 kilograms. Not squared, of course. Now, see here! The mass of a healthy, non-drug induced mute fairy is an average of .oo4 kilograms. That is, to say-"

"Enough!!" Link yelled at him, "Just go and tell the king I'm here!"

"……to say, that the mute fairy weighed somewhere within the hundredth of .o4 decigrams. All of this squared, mind you.. And according to-"

"BY MARRY, SHUT UP!" Link screamed at the guy, threw down his sock/hat, and stomped on it.

"-according to Sir Isaac Neutron's Law of Psychics, the mute fairy cannot carry over 3.6 times it's own mass. Because you multiply the mute fairy's volume (V) times it's mass (M) divided by it's radius times pie, or times 3.14287…

"JUST FORGET IT!" Link yelled at them.

"…56743, and on into infinity! So you see, the mute fairy cannot carry the Hylian scroll made of Papyri! "

Link suddenly had a wonderful, horrible, and just plain stupid thought. "What if it's a subterranean mute fairy?"

The Zora paused, "Well, that would make things different, know wouldn't it!"

Lin smirked, "Hah! Now, good sir, let me into your master's domain!"

"No!" The second Zora said, "We still won't!"

"What?! Why this time?!" Link asked over-anxiously.

"Because we're mean!" the Zora replied smugly, and shook his fin queerly.

"Why would you want to be like that?" Link demanded.

All three Zora's popped there heads over the water's edge, and looked down at the vegetated-ish outfitted boy. "Because it's cool." The first Zora said smugly.

"Mmmmm-hmmmm!" The other two nodded, like obedient slave monkeys.