My Immortal
A Kim Possible FanFic
By Destiny & Fate United
Disclaimer: I do not own and make no attempt to profit from the Kim Possible series. All characters and plots are copyrighted and property of Disney.
Note: This story is separate to Love is Blindness. This was something that nagged me to tell it. This story deals with high themes of suicide, so anyone who may become distressed or take offence or be worried about reading this story, I strongly urge to only read at your own discretion.
Middleton High School, Friday, current time: 4:30 P.M.
Standing above the school, chilling winds roared around him, but in his mind it was perfect. The swirling and twirling winds threatened to destroy him, but he remained still, his position perfect and mind clearer than ever. Ron half gazed out over the school grounds, taking in slight details of the surrounding environment. It started out clear and picturesque before, but it was he supposed his fate to see the clouds one more time. Grey clouds, large, soft, but heavy with rain hovered what felt like inches above his head, the ensuing peace his only guide towards the broken heart he carried and nursed.
Standing was becoming more difficult; soon his legs would give way and the lasting silence would drown out his thoughts, mad and twisted beyond measure. Ron slumped, the effort to keep his head up no longer willing to do so. Kim was his reason tonight, and tonight he would end this tragedy of a life he had come to know. Kim was his thoughts, his heart and life; but only two hours ago he had changed himself beyond recognition, the final stand a fitting farewell to what he was and knew.
Ron gently rested on the ground, the initial onslaught of rain beginning on his face and arms. Having sent Rufus home, he was content to stay here alone; it would be better this way. His only regret was not saying goodbye to his parents. They would understand though; this was his way of telling them. And his way of explaining what he was feeling. Feeling the drops on his face grow, the swelling of what was to come became overwhelming; his eyes shutting reflexively, he cried out, tears dripping down his cheeks fluently. The impending end was now beyond his grasp; he had no control over his destiny, something he was always struggling with. It was everything that made him wish this was not how it was going to end.
- MY IMMORTAL -
Two hours ago…
It was two-thirty and already the clock had begun to slow down, the impending end of the day as exciting as any other. Ron twitched anxiously in his seat, knowing that once that bell rang, he would be seeing Kim for the first time in a month, their relationship on hold until she returned. He was beyond joyful; he even managed to smile and enjoy the history class Barkin taught, and correctly answered three questions consecutively. Two minutes had passed; nothing was going to put a downer in his day.
He watched as Bonnie shifted in her seat slightly; it was true she was to be replaced when Kim resumed her post, and it was also true that Bonnie would be leaving if that were the case. She was on the brink of depression; something Ron believed was brought on by the taunting she had received as a child from her older siblings. Perhaps this was fitting, but even he was not prepared to admit that seeing her go would bring him joy. Life would become easier, but not the way he intended for it to.
Shifting away in his pocket, his hand touched over the familiar leather box he had come to know so well. Inside his little pocket box held something quite precious to Ron, and soon to Kim. Ron was going to give her a ring. Whatever they may call it, Ron decided it was time to take their relationship to the next level, committing himself to her completely and eternally. He knew it was time; he was ready and excited that she would be here. With only ten minutes to go, he smiled widely, causing Barkin to look his way.
'What's so interesting Stoppable that it would make you smile like an imbecile at me while I am teaching you about the second world war?' he barked, the familiar dominance in his voice ringing in his ears.
'Nothing,' he responded, cheerfully and softly.
'Nothing what?'
Confused, his smile turned to a frown. 'What?'
'Manners Stoppable; when you address someone in society higher than you, or even in this very classroom, you say "Yes sir!" or "Yes madam!". Remember people, regardless of how you perform on your tests and exams, if your manners are lacking, no one will ever hire you! Now, moving on to…'
Barking droned on but Ron was not listening. His eyes had become glued to the clock, watching the second hand move around faster than it normally would. Two minutes to go…Barking mentioned something about trench warfare and the brutality of needing a gas mask for the sake of safety…the second hand spun dizzily, eclipsing number after number…one minute…Barkin addressed their homework requirements, outlining the importance of punctuation and grammar, insisting that anything less than seventy-five percent would be redone and handed in next Friday. Slamming across the finish line, Ron shouted for joy, the bell ringing loudly throughout the school as students grabbed their bags and smiled; home time and another weekend on the horizon.
Dashing from the room, he snaked his way amongst his peers, avoiding falling books and flying gum pieces. He was nearly at his locker when he tried to stop, but his momentum sent him into the lockers opposite his own; crash! Small sniggers of laughter erupted near him, but he smiled. His body ached, but he couldn't care less. Brushing off the dust and crumpled paper, he stood up and paused, his heart missing its born job to beat just once. Walking down the hall gracefully was a girl, but not just any girl, but his best friend. With waist length red hair and green sparkling emerald eyes she glided towards him, his eyes unable to look away. She was beautiful and majestic, balanced and dazzling. Kim Possible, his close friend and soul mate walked towards him, the same radiant smile on her face blazing, just like she had in pre-k.
Resuming its beating, his breathing became easier, no longer focussing on surviving. He stood tall, allowing his full height to come to notice; he was slightly taller than Kim, and from the last few months he had developed himself a bit more, deciding that once missions started again he would need the endurance to match Kim. Working her way to him, he was thinking how it would appear to everyone else when they met once again. She would run into his arms at the last second, embrace him and kiss his lips, assuring him she was finally home. No, she would walk towards him, smile and laugh as he bear hugged her, her patting making him realise this was not a dream. Or perhaps she would stand before him, moving to within inches of his personal space and look at him; those soft eyes gleaming, she would softly smile and kiss him, his longing to see her expressed in a tender and delicate embracing of their lips, returning all he had not been able to say to her in the last month.
Waiting, she moved to him and he smiled. 'Hey Ron,' she said, continuing her stride past him and up to another person. Dumbfounded he watched. Kim walked up to another stranger and hugged them, her laugh echoing in his head. Stretching out his hand, he wanted to touch her but it was no use. She had brushed him aside without a single thought. Kim? Was all he could think, his mind caught in a loop. Then he was moving, not towards her but away, faster and faster before he realised he had broken into a run. Sprinting through the hall, he focussed on one thing only; gym.
- MY IMMORTAL -
Friday, 4:20 P.M.
Sobbing in the showers, Ron slammed himself against the wall again, the small stain of blood from his shoulder growing with each motion. Kim had left him, his body numb from the pain of the bashing he gave himself. What was going on? Why had she left him? Kim why? He cried out in his mind, the crunching echo of his bones filling the showers again and again. Kim had not stopped to see him. She had moved on without hesitation. If only she could see him now, lying on the floor in a growing pool of his own blood. Ron cried, his face sore and body aching as he lay curled up, his body shaking from the water running over his clothes.
His mind was numb from shock; nothing registered in the slightest. He shut his eyes, knowing what would await him once he opened them. The ring lay on the seat beside the shower, its case perfectly intact. It was to be his gift, his show of love for Kim and she spat at him for it. Maybe everyone was right; maybe Kim was too good for me anyway.
How could she have not seen me? Kim was always there for me, and even when she wasn't, I stood beside her, trying to protecting her from any danger. I love her; that is what made it harder. Kim never really expressed how she felt around me, but I brushed it off, thinking she would when she was ready. I wanted to be with her, share with her the joy and fears of life together, but now, well, I don't know what to do. Kim, what have I done? Ron cried in his mind, the soft droplets of water falling onto him like bullets through his body.
Pondering his fate, a creaking noise forced him to open his eyes painfully. A figure, more feminine than masculine entered the room, her breathing ragged and uneven. Sliding behind the closed door, she wondered aimlessly, as if her compass had broke, leaving her to move in circles forever. Ron was considering telling her off; she was in the boy's bathroom. But what if it was Kim? Standing up, not wanting her to see him like this, he hastily wiped away the blood, watching the remainder drip slowly down the drain, mixing and discolouring the wasted blood.
Watching intently, she came around the corner. But it was not Kim. Dressed in her cheerleaders' uniform, she smirked, but then frowned. She sat down in the seat; narrowly missing the box Ron had placed there what felt like hours ago. Although she was horrendous to him in front of everyone else, watching her fold her arms up and curl into a ball made Ron pity Bonnie. The brunette ignored his attempt to join her, preferring to stare at the drain, her mind and heart a million miles away. For a while, he didn't know what to say or ask. She wouldn't talk and didn't move to show any sign of life.
'How does it feel Stoppable?' she asked her voice barely auditable. He turned to her, not knowing what to say.
'How does it feel?'
'To know that everything you want, everything you need is taken away from you,' she whispered, the tears in her eyes growing warmer by the minute.
Ron watched the water drain, struggling to register the question she asked him. If everything was taken away…everything he did was because he wanted to protect her. But now…everything was strange. It felt darker now, as if the entire world was closing in around what he knew and did. A cold hand brushed him; gasping, his head spun around searching for the culprit.
'You felt it too?'
Ron looked at her again, no longer curled in a ball but sat with her head bowed slightly, hands crossed in her lap. Something was oddly wrong with Bonnie, but he could not pick what it was. Maybe it was depression, but had she felt the hand too? Had she been the one to pull the trick on him? Even if she was, she could not have moved like that without him catching her in the act.
'The hand?' he asked, hoping in vain that he was not going mad.
'Yes; I've felt it growing Ron; each time it gets closer to me,' touching her chest lightly.
'How long has this been going on for?' he asked, watching her face remain still, void of emotion.
'For as long as I can remember. Nothing changes the feeling either; the hand was small when it started, but now it creeps over my body and waits for me to breath. Then it grabs my heart and squeezes it. It just feels so cold; it's almost like it hands me ice and places it around my heart. And the darkness; there is no escaping the darkness Ron, no one can. Even when I have tried to run, I can't escape it. You don't leave it Ron; eventually, it will win out.'
Standing up, Bonnie walked to the shower and sat down underneath the water, rummaging her pockets for something Ron couldn't quite make out. He half watched her, going over the words in his head. Bonnie was right; there was no escaping what had become of this. He would have to face this and end it once and for all. A small half smile spread on Bonnie's face with Ron finally seeing what the object was. He was going to throw up once he knew what she was going to use it for. Delicate, silver and exceedingly sharp, Bonnie clasped in her hand a razor blade, no doubt prised from one of her own razors. Ron made to move to her but was stopped by a hand and a shaking head.
'My time has come Ron; please, don't let me stay any longer here. You would understand,' she stared blankly at him.
'There has to be another way Bonnie; I mean this is suicide, you can't come back from this,' he pleaded, to which Bonnie only smiled.
'I know. This is why I have to do this. I want to be finally free Ron, something I have not felt in a long time. Now go; I don't want you to see this, let alone find me as I will be. Thanks for caring Ron; I'll wait for you,' she said, dismissing him.
Watching him leave hesitantly, she could hear him sob and smiled; he was one in a million that boy. Waiting for the echo of the closing door, she contemplated it all; her sisters' taunts and abuse, her father's neglect and her mother's absence in helping her become a woman. Kim's rivalry with her, her driven desire to perfect her life and her loneliness. That horribly cold and unmistaken loneliness. Closing her eyes, she could feel the blade against her skin. It was too late to turn back now; she could never remember feeling it, but opening her eyes and watching it fall to the ground, she knew the razor had done its job.
Clear water slowly turned to crimson, Bonnie lying against the shower, her face happy and relieved; as the drain began to fill with her blood, the world around her began to face away, slowly becoming blurry, and the chairs fuzzy and disorientated, then slowly the area became darker, until she felt the need to close her eyes. Bonnie's heart weakened, until, with a last gasp for air, it gave way, allowing Bonnie to receive the peace and freedom she had craved for her entire life.
Four minutes later and the door to the showers was opened again, a blonde haired girl walking in after hearing Ron's voice in an attempt to try and help him. Upon closer inspection when she moved into the shower area, she didn't find a blonde haired boy. Dropping her phone and her bag, Tara stood still, seeing the cold and empty body of Bonnie Rockwaller. Words stuck in her throat craved to burst out, but felt blocked by something other than her tongue. A single tear, so hurt and cold ran down her cheek. 'Help,' she muttered to the world, the effort harder than she had ever thought possible.
'HELP!' she cried out, running to Bonnie's side. Spotting the single razor blade near her outstretched hand, she began to sob. No pulse from her wrist caused Tara to cry out for help once more. Bonnie Rockwaller was gone, her pain ended and spirit once more free. But the pain she left behind was far greater than even she could know.
– MY IMMORTAL –
Friday, current time: 4:32 P.M.
He paused, his heart racing wildly. He knew he had another option, another choice, but it was not the one he wanted to take. Kim was gone from his life and now as he lay on the roof top, feeling the rain fall upon his face and body, he knew what he must do. Bonnie's attempt would not go unnoticed; he had made sure to say something louder than normal before he left, hoping someone would help her. But he knew he had a slim chance; she was determined to end it, and that was something he could admire about her.
But now that he looked over it all, he could feel it grow inside him. The cold silent hand spread through his body until all that remained was his mind, oblivious to the cold, but knowing that the end must soon come. He didn't want to; it was drastic, but Kim had not cared for him. He stood up and walked solemnly to the edge of the school building, his toes inches from the end of the road. There was nothing else here for him now, and as he turned, he knew it was over.
He could picture playing with Kim when they were six; yelling to push her further, he obliged, giggling as Kim tried to act like an acrobat, soaring through the air and landing on the mulch with delicate poise and balance. Before she tripped over her own feet, making Ron laugh madly while she got up and smiled. He shook his head; he would have plenty of time later to have these moments. Clouds moved past him, the darkness moving over his eye sight…Kim smiled at him, her eyes sparkling with excitement as he held her. She had tried to tell him lately to shape up his look, but as he held her, her body seemed to melt into his, gripping him tightly. Ron could feel her head listening to his heart beat; already racing, he touched her hair, the sensation sending shivers down his spine. Kim was his only girl.
The formal lights dimmed, he held her close, his eyes focussed only on her. Hours ago he was on the outside, trying to prove to Kim he was right, and now, holding her as they moved slowly to the music, he could not help but feel elated. Kim had come through for him. Entering the gym he had been nervous, but holding her hand he could only smile. Holding her close to him, he gazed into her eyes, her perfect emerald eyes and blinked; everything was morphing around him; looking into Kim's eyes, they slowly shattered, the green flakes moving away slowly from her body. Ron cried out; opening his eyes, he was back on the roof top. No longer concerned, he took one more step to edge.
The door to the roof opened, causing him to turn around. There had not been any sirens or any sign that Bonnie had been found yet so why would someone come looking for him now? Watching closely, the door revealed a young woman with dazzling red hair. No longer at pre-k, no longer at the formal but before him now, Kim Possible stood in front of him, her face calm and rational, her eyes looking at him softly. It has to be a dream, he thought, moving closer to the edge behind him. Kim stopped, scanning him up and down carefully before locking onto his eyes; she smiled softly, the same way she had at the formal.
'K.P?' he asked, afraid she would vanish like the visions.
'Of all the places I would find you Ron, why would it be on a roof? I thought you hated heights,' she replied, the rain easing as the wind picked up and began to blow her hair to the side.
'Heh, well you know me K.P; always trying to conquer my fears and everything,' he replied nervously.
'Ron, both of us know that you hate heights.'
He shrugged. 'But why are you up here Kim?'
'I came looking for you; you didn't think I had forgotten you, did you?' she asked, fidgeting with her hands absentmindedly.
'To tell you the truth, I did,' the coldness in his voice catching her off-guard. 'Why did you walk past me Kim? I thought we had more together than what you showed to me earlier.'
Kim didn't respond; something inside him began to panic and worry. 'We did Ron, and we do. I just…I don't know what is happening between us right now. I'm away on missions and you're still here when I get back. It's hard trying to establish a relationship when I don't see you all the time.'
'But you always go away Kim and I wait here for you each and every time; I carried you when you were down, and you held me when I was in my state of darkness. Why can't you accept it?'
'Because I don't know Ron,' she pouted, her face beginning to show signs of tears.
'Tell me one thing Kim; do you love me?'
'Ron this isn't the best time-'
'Do you love me Kim?' he asked, his voice almost demanding her answer.
'I…I don't know Ron,' she muttered softly.
Ron looked at her, his body suddenly numb once more. 'Did you bring your mission gear with you?'
'What? No, it's getting repaired. Why?'
'Well I guess this is goodbye then Kim,' his mind zoning out as small words began to form in his head…I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears…he just wanted to leave.
'Goodbye? Wait Ron no!' he cried out, running to him. Ron suddenly overcome with seeing her hurt made to go to her, moving his foot back to better ground himself for a launch. But he couldn't. Already on the edge, his foot felt nothing but air and he began to fall, his weight carrying him over the edge. He looked to her and cried; he couldn't stand to see her like this. Vanishing over the edge, the world around him began to slow down; the end was approaching him and now as he fell he understood it all. He had been wrong about everything, but now there was no time to tell them about it.
Slowly he tried to turn away from the roof but it was no use. He tried to close his eyes and forget what might happen. The fall was greater than he thought and as the rain started to fall again, he felt at peace. It was ironic; the day he was born and now the day it would end were both rainy and stormy days, except for one difference; he came into the world crying and would leave in peace. Only he would be leaving heartbroken. A sailing figure moved towards him, her hands reaching for his with desperate pleas. Touching her hand, Ron grabbed a hold of Kim and pulled her towards him.
'Ron, remember what I said about not knowing? I do know Ron; I love you Ron Stoppable,' she cried to him, the wind around them soft and gentle as the ground began to become closer.
'Kim I'm sorry,' he said holding her tightly.
'Don't be Ron; I'm not afraid to die. I just didn't want to go without you,' she smiled, placing her head into his chest.
Ron smiled softly; it was the end for them both, but even now as they fell towards their last moments of life, he couldn't help but notice her beauty one last time. Her soft almost crimson red hair, the soft touch and blending of her skin and her eyes; those small but beautiful eyes were all he could see. I've held your hand through all these years, but you still have all of me was the last thought he had as the sharp burst of pain left him, his world fading not to the darkness around him, but towards the light. His hand firmly entwined with Kim Possible. His love. His friend. His life.
A/N: Please read and review. Song lyrics are copyright of Evanescence. No infringement is intended. Thank you to Kim Possible and the song 'My Immortal' for the inspiration.
