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Kudos and BBC own all. No copyright infringement is intended nor should be inferred

She Knew

Ruth was not impressed. She understood that she had to go through the protocol the same as Lucas had but an hour session with the MI-5 interrogators was not her idea of the best way to spend a Thursday afternoon. Sighing heavily she looked up as Dianne Joseph, the service's chief interrogator. She paused, correcting herself head counsellor entered the room.

"Hello Ruth."

"Hello."

"You know why you are here."

"Yes, protocol."

"You were in deep cover for almost three years. Your cover was blown. A man died."

"I'm aware of that."

"Of course. But these events can have a profound effect on the psyche. Have you heard of dissociation? Post Traumatic Stress disorder?"

"Of course I have. Serious mental health issues that should not be taken lightly."

"You are at high risk after such a traumatic event." Ruth raised an eyebrow. It was clear this woman knew nothing of the work Section D did, of anything about her life before or since joining the service.

"I'm fine. Thank you."

"Good."

"Can I go now?"

"Ruth, you are high risk of PTSD."

"Thanks for the concern but I'm ok. Honestly." Ruth held the woman's gaze. "I just want to settle back into my life. Get back to work."

"You're the chief analyst in domestic counter terrorism?"

"I'm the only analyst in that section." Ruth stated firmly.

"How many languages do you speak? Greek? Ancient Greek? Mandarin, Russian, French?"

"And English."

"Ruth."

"Look, the section is always busy. They need an analyst that can get in there and do the job. My brain seems to pick up languages easily. That seems to help as does my background in GCHQ."

"I can see that."

"So? Can I go back?"

"Do you get flashbacks? Nightmares? Panic attacks?" Dianne leant forward. Ruth shook her head.

"No."

"Never."

"I'm a desk officer. I don't see what the field officers do." She paused. "I'm on the Grid."

"Their lives depend on you and the other desk officers."

"That's why you can't let your emotions in. The job is the job."

"Yes. When you click off and go home I can see that working. Not when you lived the job twenty four hours a day for nearly three years." Ruth narrowed her eyes.

"I don't know why I don't have PTSD. I don't know why, when I watched a man killed it didn't destroy me." Ruth could feel herself getting angry.

"Do you blame Harry?"

"What?"

"Sir Harry. Do you blame him for George being killed?"

"No. Ops go wrong. Sometimes when they go wrong people get hurt. That I'll always regret. But it wasn't my fault and it wasn't Harry's."

"You lived with George."

"Yes. My cover was blown. The only option I had was to bring George and his son to London. That decision led to his death and his son being sent home. You want to know if I blame Harry and if so, does that affect my ability to be in Section D?"

"Yes."

"Ok." Ruth began pacing the room. "I'll tell you who I blame. The man that chased me and an eight year old boy with a gun. The man who killed George, execution style. The man who." She closed her eyes as tears threatened to fall. "I blame him, I blame Mani for holding that blade to my throat. For putting Harry in that position. For making me lie."

"Its ok, Ruth."

"No it isn't." Ruth bit her lip. "I just need my life back."

"Right. I'm going to name some people you know from the section. Tell me in no more than two words what you feel. Not think. What you feel about them. Ok?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Not really." Dianne smiled. "Joanna Portman."

"Friend."

Dianne made some notes.

"Tariq Masood."

"Boy Wonder."

"Lucas North."

"Calm."

"Tom Quinn."

"Misguided."

"Juliet Shaw."

"Whitehall Witch." Dianne laughed as she wrote something down. Ruth pulled a face.

"Malcolm Wyn-Jones."

"A hero."

"Adam Carter."

"Good man."

"Zafar Younis."

"Best friend."

"Ros Myers."

"Misunderstood."

"Harry Pearce."

"And we're finished." Ruth got up.

"Ruth, sit down."

"We're finished. I've jumped through all the hoops I'm going to. Let me go back to work or not it's up to you."

"Harry answered the question."

"You can't tell me that. Confidentiality. And since when did Harry have to see a shrink!"

"Psychologist." She replied. "Since the wan he loved died or at least pretended to. He didn't answer that question in words but his outburst said enough. As does yours." Ruth glared at the older woman. "Of you wont tell me. Tell him."

"What?"

"The rumours are true. The day you went off in that op he really did go into mourning. The whole section did. The DG forced him to see me. You're right there is no way I should tell you any of this. Just please, don't say I did."

"Can I go back to work?"

"Yes. I'm clearing you psychologically fit for duty."

"Thank you." Ruth smiled slightly.

"Go." Diane folded her arms. "But please think about what I said. Tell him." Ruth sighed sadly, nodding once before leaving the office.

Xxxxx

A/ possible second chapter if wanted. Rating may increase!