Title: Fracture
Author: ice shredder
Fandom: SnK
Disclaimer: Not mine, all belong to Isayama.
Spoilers/Warnings: For chp 44 and various points of the manga. Just a simple 'what if' scenario if Eren chooses to turn off his humanity in order to see his vision of 'all titans must die!' through to the end. I've got a funny feeling Isayama might go down this road in future volumes-wouldn't put it past him to do it-but for now this is pure speculation. Enjoy and don't forget to review!
Summary: "Shut up," Eren ground out, teeth clenched. "Shut up, you're not in control!" Do you feel in control kid? That was the terrifying part. He really wasn't.
Eren sat with his back against a tree some distance from the small cabin the newly reformed Levi Squad called home. After they had successfully toppled the corrupt government regime and dethroning the fake king serving as a puppet to the Reiss family, the Recon Corps was forced to abandon their old HQ and live in hiding as fugitives.
He gazed up at the twinkling stars. It wasn't right. All he wanted was to kill every single titan and then he could go see the ocean with Armin and Mikasa. He ached all over. Learning Reiner and Bertolt were the Armored and Colossal Titans responsible for his mother's death and 20% of the human race made his fury burn even hotter. Not to mention Ymir had sided with those traitors.
Why?! He narrowed his teal green eyes at the heavens as if he could divine a solution to the grave dilemma him and his friends landed themselves in. Why did she betray humanity? It's not like those bastards need any more help. He balled his hands into fists. She publicly crossed humanity and the Scouts. Made Historia cry. She can never come back and expect to live.
It hurt to think. From the second he burst out of that bearded titan's gut, his mind began the inevitable slide towards insanity. He heard it in Annie's laugh. Saw it in Reiner's unstable mind, in a rare fit of rage from Bertolt when Armin bluffed about Annie's treatment from the military. They were nothing less than fighting machines that deserved to be eliminated.
And to make matters worse, Jean sermonizing him almost any chance he got was growing more and more frequent. Reminding him over and over again HE was the one who saved Mikasa from getting eaten. Sure, he wouldn't hesitate in his decision making anymore. But that didn't mean he was going to put up with his preaching forever.
The teen let out a harsh sigh. He wouldn't stay alone for long. Any second now Mikasa would seek him out and drag him back to the cottage by the hand. Like a kid for God's sake.
I don't need her coddling me anymore. I'm a TITAN shifter for cryin' out loud so why does she-?
You know why. Because she's a clingy, selfish bitch.
Eren's eyes popped open at the dark growl emenating from the deepest recesses of his mind. His titan wasted no time cutting to the heart of the problem. Just like she didn't hesitate to nearly kill his former friends to keep him out of their clutches. Never mind the fact she was willing to go through Historia to get him back, she went so far as to try and kill Ymir. Looking back at it now, he was more certain than ever that played a factor into her defection.
In the end...what purpose did it serve other than to piss them off?
"As much as I hate to admit it," he whispered aloud to the voice in his head, "Mikasa signed her death sentence when she attacked the shifters. Yeah, I can control the normal titans with the Coordinate, but it doesn't work on them. So I don't know if I can protect everyone from their wrath when they decide to attack again."
I don't give a damn about your friends. Or your stupid Asian dog for that matter. All I care about is killing titans and destroying things. Yanno what yer problem is boy? Ya care too much. The titan's voice grew amused. It's the reason ya let Annie go right? Cause ya saw her cryin'. Felt sorry for her...God. Human emotions make me SICK.
"Shut up," Eren ground out, teeth clenched. "Shut up, you're not in control!"
Do you feel in control kid?
That was the terrifying part. He really wasn't. Even before the titans ripped his world to bloody shreds, he'd always been a seething cauldron of rage, malice and violence. Turning into a titan only amplified those traits to inhuman proportions.
And if he was being honest, his bloodlust was increasing. After the bloodbath in the open plains not far from the Forest of Giant Trees-the place of his worst failure and regret to date-the hunger to spill more titan blood clawed at his mind and soul. It needed more. Much, much more. It beat a feverish cadence behind his ribs and like an alcoholic, his body craved death and destruction in larger amounts.
His titan wasn't finished mocking its host.
And anyway, aren't ya gettin' a little bit tired of that horsefaced dickbag shooting his mouth off every two seconds? Always got sumthin' ta say don't he? Who the hell does that maggot think he is, talkin' down ta us like we're stupid? Springer's got that part covered for everyone. It's not like this group's a bunch of innocents anymore. YOU sure as hell aren't.
Eren felt the beginnings of a crooked grin curve the corners of his mouth. "Tch. Since when have I ever listened to any of the trash that idiot's talked?"
Since never.
He nodded absently at the dim outline of the cabin in the distance, warm yellow light spilling out of its windows. Even though the titan existed in the confines of his body and mind he silently conversed with it when they were on the move and in the rare alone moments they had, he spoke to it as he would an old friend.
"Exactly. None of them in there understand." Not like...they did. And they're nothing more than bloodthirsty mass murderers.
Heh. Listen ta you, tryin' to think yer above the others. You threw aside yer humanity at Stohess to fight Annie without a second thought, but only after yer friends put themselves in danger. Ya murdered countless people within that district alone and left the city in ruins. Ya resolved to kill Reiner and Bertolt because ya feel ya 'have to.' Screw the fact they've got vital information. And that Asian attack dog of yers just HAD to step in and help you fight. Again.
"Stop calling Mikasa a dog!" Eyes blazing, Eren bolted upright fists shaking with fury. The underbrush rustled as small noctural animals scurried away, startled by the sudden shout.
The titan's dark chuckle made his chest quiver.
Ooooh looks like I hit a nerve lover boy-
"Shut UP!" The dark-skinned teen growled, glaring at his chest. "You got NO RIGHT to call her names!"
I AM you genius. So I get to say whatever the hell I want.
"Who d'ya think you're-"
"Eren? Eren, is that you?"
A sliver of warm light sliced through the still night. Coming from the direction of the cabin. He could just make out Mikasa's familiar silhouette peering outside the door, black eyes frantically searching for him.
He clapped a hand over his mouth too late to stifle his heated retort.
Welp, here comes lil' miss perfect.
"Dammit all," Eren grumbled as he saw the class prodigy make a beeline in the direction of his voice. "I don't wanna go back just yet...why can't she go five minutes without treating me like a damn kid...?"
Cause she's in love with ya, fool. And apparently she believes you can't survive if she ain't glued to yer hip, bailing your sorry ass out of trouble.
Eren stood silent as the girl drew closer. His titan was right. Why did he need constant protection? He was a bloody shifter who could turn into a fifty foot titan killing machine for God's sake! And yet, when he fought Reiner and Bertolt next to Wall Rose and Mikasa stepped in to help, it served as a stark reminder that he hadn't really grown at all. She was still playing the role his mother had thrust on her before she died, but since joining the Scouts she added a few more to that list.
Attack dog.
Babysitter.
Mollycoddler.
Annoying.
Are ya sure you can shut off your humanity? Become a monster for their sakes, even though they might despise you for it?
The question gave him pause. Mikasa was close enough to where he could smell her scent of lilies and open fields that reminded him of Shiganshina. Less than 20 meters away from his tree.
He thought back to all the suffering and the loss and how much it hurt to feel each and every death.
Mom.
Dad.
Marco.
Mina.
Tomas.
His own.
Hannes.
Petra.
Eld.
Oluo.
Gunther.
Dozens of Garrison soldiers and Scouts.
Thousands of civilians.
He squeezed his teal eyes closed. All dead. All because I failed to make the right decisions and act in time.
"Eren! There you are!" Mikasa's low voice cut through his jumbled thoughts. "Let's go." He felt her slim hand circle his wrist and begin to tug him towards the cabin where the newly formed Levi Squad was waiting. "It's not safe here-"
She was cut off by strong fingers pressing on her wrist's weak spot. Startled she dropped her hand, cradling it to her chest in surprise.
"Eren what-?"
"Shut up."
Her mouth fell open. Stunned onyx eyes quivered with fear. An emotion she rarely felt in the field and never around the boy standing in front of her, but his voice didn't sound remotely warm and caring. It sounded cold. Flat. Devoid of any human emotion.
She took a tentative step forward, palms up, as if she was approaching a wild animal.
"E-Eren what's wrong?" Her voice took on a pleading note. This was the boy who killed two men to save her from certain death. Wrapped his scarf around her neck that made her feel loved and protected. But now he reminded her of a certain gimlet eyed shorty who'd seen countless people-including the ones he cared about-go to their deaths in horrific ways and ceased to feel or they'd go mad from terrible grief. "Please. You're scaring me."
Good. Ya should be.
Eren inhaled deeply, filling his chest with air.
Shut it off boy. Emotions get in the way. Feelings cloud yer judgement. Makes ya weak. Ya can't afford to be any of those things.
"Eren?"
Unbidden, Armin's speech to him when he lay impaled by a piece of wood under tons of concrete in the shattered remains of the underground staircase blocked out Mikasa's frightened voice.
"To rise above monsters you must be willing to abandon your humanity."
Slowly, Eren opened his eyes to face his childhood friend and exhaled. Mikasa gasped. Her feet were rooted to the ground, frozen in shock. His eyes.
Oh God.
His vibrant teal green eyes had changed. They were dark and lifeless and wrong.
Eren reached out, clapping her on the shoulder more roughly than he usually would. A cold smirk sent shivers down her spine. His focus wasn't on her but looking past her. As if he was talking to someone else...
"Yer right. Feels nice. Not a care in the world."
Turning on his heel he sauntered back to the cabin with a predator's grace. Mikasa watched him go, eyes wide with horror. The only time she'd seen that dead, sadistic gleam in his eye was back in Trost.
She commanded her feet to move but all she could manage in her petrified state was a slow shamble. I can't believe he actually did it. He just shut off his humanity. Please tell me this is a bad dream.
It had to be.
Eren without his humanity was a far more darker, dangerous and unstable individual. Mikasa wrapped her arms around her chest to ward off a sudden chill.
Things had taken a terrifying turn for the worse. There was a monster wearing her friend's face and she was powerless to stop him.
