Summary: Long after Shizuma leaves the scene, Tamao works up some backbone and decides to show Nagisa how she really feels. Based upon my own experiences.

Rating: T+ for minor femmeslash. Not for all kiddies!!

For Sam.


Tamao was laying on her side, looking at the empty, cold bed across the room. It seemed so far away without her Nagisa sleeping in it, and the other girl found it difficult to sleep in a room alone now. She had grown quite accustomed to her roommate, to say the very least.

Lately, Nagisa had taken to dedicating herself to the massive gardens at the forest's center, the joy of Astraea's flora. The greenhouse that contained them had once been erected by her 'onee-sama', Hanazono Shizuma, who had graduated the very last year. Tamao found that her Nagisa was distant, less lively and overexcited than before. She even refused sweets when offered to her, which was unusual for the girl who almost exceeded gluttony. It seemed that with her lover's disappearance, Nagisa's heart had disappeared with her.

It was unfortunate for Tamao, who was most certainly and unrequitedly in love with Nagisa. She had been since the very first moment she'd seen the transfer student, fainted out cold in a bed from her first heart-pounding encounter with Shizuma. It was then that Tamao had adopted her new roommate as her hobby, and soon, her love. However, it was more than likely that the redhead was stolen away by coercion from the Etoile.

Tamao was only regarded as a best friend. Nights passed with quiet whispers of how life would go further, marriages, and true love. It was an impossible prospect for Tamao to think about. She had belonged in Astraea since her very first days in kindergarten, the days she met the girls that would share her most difficult days. It was much later that she'd met Nagisa, but found a connection right away. She found herself thinking about the other girl moments before she slept, and first thing at morning's light.

When times grew harder for Tamao to bear the love, they'd fallen asleep together, wreathed together in the most comfortable and natural of ways. It was the most tender feeling that she had ever felt, and however exciting it was to feel at last, she found no trouble in dropping off into a dreamless lull. It was almost like being Nagisa's, and having the latter as her own. But as time wore on, the shining beauty of this new 'love' had disappeared as Nagisa remained madly in love with the Etoile Shizuma. Tamao felt many a fissure in her heart as Carmen passed, and as the Etoile tournament came and went.

There was no chance for the one who had taken the backseat in everything. Still, though, Tamao kept on a happy face for Nagisa. She still cared, hopelessly and masochistically, praying that one day the one she so deeply cared for would realize that she loved her too. It killed her to smile as they walked together, attempting to take solace in such simple daily activities as talking and eating lunch. However, in her mind there was no escape. None.

And then there was that golden morning in early June when the commencements had taken place. The sixth years, finally leaving the blessed hill of Astraea, were to be led out with a feeling of dignity and respect. Shizuma would leave with them, going to a private university in rural England. The goodbye was a painful one for Tamao to recall tearlessly, one that would be burned into her memory for years after she too had left the hill.

Shizuma had kissed Nagisa, passionately, before everyone. Her old brazenness and minor immaturity had returned from the first day they'd met. "You're mine, Nagisa. Please don't forget to write to me. Foreign dormitories will get lonely without you." And then the silver-haired girl had turned to Tamao, her face a mask of laughing disdain.

"Don't do anything stupid to get yourself looked down upon," Shizuma had said. "Take good care of my Nagisa, and good luck to you both." She'd patted the blue-haired girl's head then, irritatingly. It had taken all that Tamao had not to puff out her cheeks and fume right there in the courtyard of the Strawberry Dorms.

The summer had passed with little interesting events, except that Tamao slowly noticed Nagisa's distance growing. It expanded to the point where it was now - where it left Tamao completely alone, most of the the time.

Alone.

It was a sunny October afternoon in the fall when Tamao had decided. The leaves had just begun to turn lovely shades of orange and red, yellow and burning sienna. A flock of geese flew overhead as Tamao leaned in the window. She wondered if Nagisa would stay in that greenhouse forever, even when the snow would fall in winter. It had flamed the navy-haired girl up to no end, and she realized that in her loneliness she had acquired a rather uncharacteristically vindictive streak.

"This isn't at all like me," Tamao said in the silence of the dormitory. She stood in front of the mirror and realized there was something different about her face. Something sad and cold, and aged. "I need to tell her," amended the girl to her reflection. "I need to tell her soon before I hurt both of us." It wasn't a deal, however, and Tamao battled herself, pacing back and forth and back again across the hardwood floor of the dormitory. Outside, the sun set and nasty clouds formed over the burning orb that set in the east. Nagisa still hadn't returned to wash up for dinner.

A bead of sweat ran down Tamao's slender neck as she realized her stalling had put much time behind her. It was five-thirty, rain was drumming on the roof of the Strawberry Dorms, and the gates would close in half an hour. What stupidity, she thought. I'm getting less and less like myself everyday. Preparing for the disgusting autumn weather, Tamao pulled on a pair of rubber Wellingtons and brandished her black umbrella in the air.

With little difficulty Tamao slipped out of the dormitory and into the pouring rain. It was freezing, and she worried not about herself. "I wonder if Nagisa's in this..." she mused, pursing her lips. With all luck, the other girl would be ill. Tamao could see herself taking care of a daintily-coughing Nagisa. She sighed, and then her reverie was split stridently by a crash of thunder and lightning. With a small squeal, she darted off the cobbled path and into the woods of St. Spica, where the marble altar was set.

Upon the altar was a slightly slumped figure, illuminated by occasional flashes in the half-light of the sunset. It was in fact Aoi Nagisa, and Tamao felt a thrum of worry and pain for the girl. What was wrong with her? Tamao's mind mused as she sprinted as fast as she could without slipping on the slick marble. "Nagisa. Nagisa!" She shouted, kneeling down to look at her roomate. Her crush. Her heart's desire.

Nagisa murmured incoherently. Tamao let her face hover inches above the other girl's, hot, feverish puffs of breath warming her damp cheeks. "T-Tamao," she groaned, and coughed. It was such an adorable noise, Tamao thought, and, scrunching her eyebrows, she hoisted Nagisa into her arms. She was so light, and without much difficulty, she held up the umbrella over them under one arm. Slowly she made her way across the smooth surface, usually-clean school shoes squeaking. The main road was waterlogged and slippery, and the young girl found herself struggling to walk back towards the dorm.

Nagisa spoke up, or rather, choked up. Her heavy-lidded eyes looked up at Tamao, peering over sickly-rosied cheekbones. "Tamao-chan... why did you come looking... for me..." There was no question mark in her words, just a groan, a cry of expressionlessness. Illness. The red-head coughed and shuddered in the other's arms. Tamao looked up at the tumultuous gray skies, then her watch.

"Oh, Nagisa-chan. Please don't speak until you've drank something." The gates of the Strawberry Dorms swung shut mechanically behind them, the chimes for curfew ringing out over the forests and buildings of Astraea. She sighed and brushed a few strands of scarlet hair out of Nagisa's face, supressing a gasp at the raw heat emanating from the shapely curve of the girl's forehead.

Tamao suddenly bit her lip at the thought of breaking rules... They should have been in the dining hall, but her concern now rested upon Nagisa and her well-being. Which, she reminded herself, was fairly critical. The main hall of the entryway was already emptied out, and dinnertime chatter leaked out from behind the paper sliding doors of the busy dining room. No one but their friends would miss them.

Perhaps, she thought, they'll keep their mouths shut.

Quickly, Tamao stealthed up the oft-creaking stairs to the fifth-years' rooms. Nagisa squirmed and turned into her chest, letting out whimpering sounds like a small child. The other girl could not help but smile adoringly. She was always so adorable, Tamao thought wantonly. And she'll never be mine. As her thoughts wandered, the pair reached the end of the hall.

Nagisa was set down as Tamao unlocked and opened the door. Her consciousness was foggy and pained, and it was difficult for her to think straight. She ran a leathery tongue over seemingly-sanded lips. She was so tired... and her head hurt beyond comprehension... Her head lolled off to the side, a surrendering sigh crossing through her mouth. Tamao looked down at her and bit her lip, leaning down to pick her up.

In the room, Tamao set Nagisa down on her own bed. She made a beeline to the other girl's dresser and pulled out a neatly-folded pair of soft pink pajamas. Suddenly, a blush tinted her cheeks. She would have to undress Nagisa. Painstakingly, she walked back to the surface of the bed, upon which the red-haired girl was draped like a doll. Tamao lifted her up and began to unbutton the front of the impossible Miator dress. She lifted her eyes to the ceiling and cursed countless times inside of her head. The

Hands shaking, she unlooped the tie and set it down on the bed. Tamao set to unbutton the buttons at the napes of ruffled sleeves. Nagisa stirred and turned her head in a wide arc to face Tamao. Their faces were mere centimeters apart again. "Tamao, what... are you... doing?" Her eyebrows arced upwards in pain and doubt.

"I'm getting you into your pajamas, Nagisa-chan. Please, don't speak. I just want you to be able to rest soon." She sighed and pulled the black dress up over Nagisa's head, leaving her in her underwear. Despite the fact that the other girl's eyes were shut, Tamao did not permit herself the liberty of staring. An impossible notion, she found, gently yanking and securing the pajama top onto the other girl's torso.

The pants were more difficult for her to handle. The pulling motion perhaps did nothing, but she found herself blushing beet red when her thumb brushed the silk-soft skin beneath Nagisa's belly button. She paused to hold that hand in her other one, breathing heavily as though she had been running. Tamao sat back on her heels before helping the girl under the bedspread. Now, Tamao thought, she would duck into dinner and get some food for the both of them.

She left water and a note, which read:

Dear Nagisa,

Have gone to get some dinnner. Will bring you some back. Please drink the water with this and DON'T TRY TO GET UP. Try to relax.

Love, Tamao.

An hour and a half passed. No one really noticed Tamao come into the dining hall and sit down. Nor did they notice when she covered her plate with a napkin. She was alert to the matrons who constantly patrolled up and down the aisles between school tables. Word was that they'd counted heads and were missing but two students- a mysterious circumstance, perhaps, but they had waved it off due to the rainy evening. Strange, but lucky for Tamao and Nagisa. Swallowing a last mouthful of milk, she left the Miator table, telling her fellow fifth-years she had to get upstairs to finish some homework.

Nagisa was sitting up, gulping down the glass of water she'd left. She'd only just awakened, Tamao deduced, because she was still tangled in her bedcovers. "Tamao!" She exclaimed in a hoarse voice. "If you hadn't come I would've-"

"Shh, shh. Don't overreact because, as your head betrays, you're burning up." Tamao brushed Nagisa's overhanging bangs out of that cute, flushed face. She would fulfill her promise to Shizuma, even if her heart broke. "How do you feel?"

Nagisa pulled a face. She was so lighthearted, Tamao thought, right now I'd be moaning and clawing at things. "Well, my head is killing me. My throat feels like a sheet of paper, and..." She paused, biting a dry lip, "I'm really, really warm." She placed a hand on Tamao's face, a weight of pure heat. "You're so... cool," murmured the girl, her eyes rolling up in her head in what seemed like ecstasy.

"Really-" Tamao almost finished. She was interrupted by Nagisa's lips, which had found their way to her forehead. Nagisa was leaning forward, kneeling. She was propped up to Tamao, eyes closed her breathing was heavy.

Nagisa sighed, her hot breath tickling Tamao's nose. "You're so... cold... And I'm... so... hot..." Lips continued to without abandon over the exposed parts of her skin, brushing her neck, her earlobe, her lower lips.

"Wa-ah.." Tamao, choked out in a whisper. Nagisa brought her palm to her mouth, tongue snaking in the spaces between her fingers. She moaned slightly. The other girl brought her hands around so she grasped the redhead in a tight hug.

"Hold me, Tamao. Hold me until it's all over," she said in a begging voice." Nagisa collasped back into a laying position, taking Tamao with her. She placed her lips on Tamao's, laced her fingers through the other girl's. "Please."

Tamao blushed, but remained clammy compared to Nagisa. "I love you so much, Nagisa. I always have, since the very first day I saw you laying in that bed, in the infirmary..." She didn't expect her roommate to answer, either from shock, rage, or illness. But her beloved Nagisa surprised her.

"You're so cute, Tamao. I love you too."

They laid there for ages, sleeping in an unbreaking bond, until the heat died down.


Hope you enjoyed this sweet little one-shot I wrote! :D Ended up kind of... long. ;;