Hi everyone, this is just a little one shot going back to season 2 finale when Lexa betrays Clarke. Hope you all enjoy. :)
All you see is her turning her back on you. All you can hear is the deafening silence you are left with as the grounders fade off into the distance. All you feel is the pointy dagger of deception stabbing at your heart. You feel as though you're about to explode… this can't be the end can it? You question as uncertainty and fear overwhelm your every senses.
You don't hear the falter in her voice as she orders her warriors to retreat. You don't see the tears welding up at the corners of her eyes as she struggles to keep her stoic façade in place. You don't feel her heart breaking with every step she takes away from you, from what could've transpired between the both of you.
She wanted to believe in the idea that there was more to life than just surviving, and for a brief moment when your lips touched hers, it awakened emotions that she had once locked deep within the darkest parts of her soul.
But no matter how much she wanted to believe in the thought of you… of a chance at a life not void of emotion, she knew that this life would never be her own. With the weight of her people on her back, she could only hope that one day, somehow you would understand… That this was a decision made with her head and not with that of her heart.
You are left there at a standstill. The flickering lights of the grounders' torches fading in the distance, dissolving into the forest. It is as dark outside as your heart feels in this moment and all you can see is red as you close your eyes… anger boiling rapidly within your veins. You let it consume you, giving you the thriving energy you need to tackle what's ahead.
The defeat of the mountain men comes with a price. The price of your sanity, the one thing you've got left to feeling remotely human. Now you're nothing but an empty can, numb to the world. You feel unworthy of human contact…so you run. You run to where no one can find you. You're lost in every way and it will take many moons to come to the surface of the sky for you to find the beauty within yourself again. Perhaps you never will but in order to survive you need to accept what you've done, the lives you've sacrificed in order to bring your people to victory. You find yourself thinking… 'This is how the Commander must feel'… but you think back to that day and you wish you could erase the memory of her very existence and her betrayal. You try to come up with every excuse to hate her so that it is easier for you to process, even though you're one in the same. Like her, you had to do what you could to protect your people, because they always come first… But anger is what's kept you alive all along… So you keep feeding your mind and heart just that… You don't want to see the truth and the severity of the situation.
You once told someone that life should be about more than just surviving… but right now in this instance, you don't even know if you believe in that anymore… Your heart is forever tainted by the aftermath of war.
~fin~
