Was it endless?

The pain and destruction and death. It surrounded her. She didn't feel she could take it. Everywhere she looked something was wrong. Her past, present, and future. Her thoughts were no longer sacred and safe. Everything had gone black.

Her sister had just died. After being in a coma for months when they were finally gaining a little hope, she just turns her back on the family. Her next door neighbor just committed suicide. Her neighbor's mother was becoming awfully depressed, spiraling towards the point of no return. Then there were the earthquakes in Kenya. It was of global importance. She cried and cried and cried. A very important man from her past was there. Is still there. Beyond safety he works for those that are less unfortunate still.

What could she do? She couldn't talk about it. There was too much to listen too. She could no longer gaze to the outside world and just think. Her thoughts were pinned down by the horrors of her past that had just resurfaced yet again. There was no shaking them. When she had thought she just escaped them something came up. The touching. The punching. The evil. The rape.

Nothing was safe. No one could be trusted. As soon as something good graced her presence, it just meant something bad was about to happen. She often feared joy itself for it was so valuable. It could be taken away easier than possessed. She needed an escape.

No one at school knew anything. She didn't talk to many people outside her friends. Even those friends knew nothing. She became really good at turning on the happy and disguising her pain and anguish as stressing over an exam or lack of sleep. She couldn't care less if they believed her or not. She could just as easily pretend that they didn't know as they could pretend not to know.

That all changed.

A boy started hanging out with them. He seemed like nothing special. No big deal to her. Well she was wrong. Not wrong in the sense of missing an algebraic expression, but wrong as in your answer contains the theory of relativity to a question about music theory. There was no possible way that one could argue she was even close to the answer.

She can't recall what caused them to start talking. Maybe it was just an assignment that was due that arose a question. Nonetheless they started talking. Before long, they had arrived on uncomfortable subjects. One of them being her little brother.

It doesn't matter how he came into question, but it was what was said about him. She was extremely overprotective of him and often would have to take a parental role in his life. At one point a neighbor boy had to spend the night and he would use the computer the whole time, most the time looking up inappropriate sites for someone his age, much less as young as her brother.

Well curiosity got the best of her little brother and he tried to enter the computer room. She saw him at the door-she knew what the neighbor was doing and wouldn't let the door out of her site in case her little brother tried something-and ran to it. She pulled him off of it and told him never to go in there with that neighbor. He didn't like being told what to do so he tried again when he thought she wasn't looking. She pulled him off the door handle and told him, again, not to go in there.

She could no longer trust her brother. For his own good she stayed in the computer room with the neighbor all night. He didn't sleep. He was busy. Her mother had to go to a nighttime job and she had tucked in her little brother. She still didn't trust him not to try to get into the computer room, so she sat against the outside of the door. That was a mistake. She should have just slept in the chair in her brother's room. Then she'd be safe. She hadn't thought about her own personal safety, just her brother.

She was just nodding off when the door opened and she fell back into the doorway. She was half asleep. He was half drunk. She smelled the beer on his breath and realized he had snuck out of the room when she tucked in her little brother. She stood up in the room and he closed the door behind him. That was the first time. She didn't tell anyone.

Occasionally after that she'd have to stay at that neighbor's house when her mom had to go for a long period of time. That was the second time. And the third. And the fourth. She didn't tell anyone.

That's when the new neighbor moved in. Suddenly she was staying at the new girl's house instead. It was a lot better. After a year or two of not seeing the boy she thought she could trust this new friend of hers. Once again she was wrong. She told the neighbor and her neighbor closed her door to her. It was back to the old boy. Then came the fifth time. Sixth time. She had to stop it. This was no longer a game of shame or pride or strength. They would no longer stop her from telling somebody. She told a school counselor. The school counselor told the police. The police arrested the boy. They also questioned the neighbor girl that had turned away from the situation. She was being charged as an assistant because she didn't tell anyone.

That was when she committed suicide.

It was all too much for her to handle. She decided not to try anymore. Her mother loved her. She loved her so much that she became depressed. Then she became addicted to drugs. Then before you knew it, became secluded from society. It was only a matter of time before…

She didn't know why she told him all this. She didn't know why she told him any of this. But it helped. So she started telling him everything. After all, he asked. He always seemed to be genuinely concerned for her. She felt safe talking to him. She trusted him.

He became the highlights of her days. Just getting to talk to him was more joy then she had experienced in a long time. There was so much to tell him. So many secrets of hers kept from the world for seventeen years. Then she realized. This was taking a toll on him. She was hurting him by sharing all this because now he carried these memories with him. She couldn't hurt him anymore. But he kept asking questions.

Then her sister died.

There was no turning back then. She told him. He wanted to know and now he would. She suspected that he would turn on her at some point. Just as her neighbor had done, just as her neighbor's mother had done, just as her sister had done. But he didn't. He continued to be open with her and to trust her and he remained trustworthy. He was there to stay.

She had finally allowed joy into her life.