a/n: Songfic that goes to Are You Happy Now, by Michelle Branch. Sort of a Ron/Hermione relationship problem. In the POV of Hermione. Please r/r.
Are You Happy Now?
Two weeks have passed since the last time he let our skin touch, not even a friendly shake was appropriate. Nothing has been the same since he found someone else. Just the memory of what happened brought a tear to my eye. I wiped it away before it was clearly visible to the other students around me. There was no way I was going to be caught thinking about Ron in the middle of Potions, we all know how strict Snape is, he wouldn't tolerate tears in his class.
"Stir the potion three times clockwise, then repeat counterclockwise. Add troll blood and let set for five minutes," Professor Snape's voice was barely a whisper in my ear.
A girl giggled, a young man chuckled, "Ron no," the girl said in a teasing voice. I nervously turned the corner, my eyes set upon two souls in an empty room.
"Hermione, Psst." Next to me the voice broke my thoughts, "You better let that simmer or Snape will snap at you." Harry warned me as I hurriedly followed his directions.
"Sorry, I'm not thinking clearly," more like don't want to think, "I didn't get much sleep." I lied, it seemed to get easier as you went.
Not even knowing it I shifted my gaze to where Ron was across the isle next to me, I don't even know why I did it, because every time I look at him, I see the same image of that night. It burned my eyelids, whether they were open or shut.
"Hermione!" Ron jumped to where I was standing, but didn't get enough time to talk. He reached out to touch my arm, I pulled it away sharply, that's the last time his fingers ever touched my skin.
"Don't let him get to you Hermione, I'm sure there is an explanation," Harry tried standing up for his best friend, but he wasn't there. He doesn't know.
"Now, don't just walk away
Pretending everything's ok
And you don't care about me
And I know there's just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don't care."
When class led out I was last to leave, I didn't want to get a chance to run into him, too risky for physical contact. Harry stayed behind with me, like the great and loyal friend he is. Ron just ran off with Seamus, Dean and her.
Fire rose in my eyes, and I knew Harry saw it as I watched my first real love walk with my new enemy. I finally admitted to myself that I loved him, but he didn't return the favor it seems. Harry? I love him too, but in a friendly way, but with Ron it was different, it was magical. That doesn't seem like much considering we use magic every minute of the day.
Right there, I couldn't take it any longer, I cried. Sobbed even, I was distraught, completely lost. I though that I'd kept myself held together but it didn't hold up, not then, not in the Dungeons with Snape there at his desk, looking awkwardly at me as I plopped into a seat.
Harry brought me into his arms, feeling a bit strange at first, but he offered his shoulder, sleeve, anything that could soak up the moisture in my eyes and on my face.
"Shh, it's all right," Harry soothed, patting my back.
"I think I hear someone!" her annoyingly high voice hollered within her whisper, "Shh, don't be so loud and maybe they'll pass."
I lifted my head from Harry's supporting shoulder just as I saw him lip to Snape, "That time of the month," Snape must've gotten the message because Harry looked at me and grinned in an apologetic way.
I couldn't help but smile myself, Harry really did care about me. "Thanks Harry, for always being there for me," I wiped my eyes to clear them, "You want to go to the Common Room now?" He nodded in agreement.
As I stood up I saw Ron standing in the doorway, gazing at me as if I weren't real. No matter how I tried, he wouldn't look at my eyes, until finally he just left. Harry didn't see him, but I'm sure lovely Professor Snape did, seeing as he was facing the door.
"Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you're happy now
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?"
"Can you see who it is?" her voiced cooed affectionately.
"Hermione?" he must've seen my hair, that's how everyone recognizes me. Tears welled in my eyes as I saw what lay before me, my boyfriend doing who knows what with my best friend.
"Feeling better?" Harry asked after we settled down on the longest couch in the common room. I was clutching my knees to my chest, leaning against an armrest. Harry was just there, and I was grateful for that.
"A little," I let squeak out, I didn't recognize my voice, it was soft, unknowing, and upset, "So," I said a little stronger, louder, "How are you Ginny doing as a couple?" relationships was all I could manage to think about.
"Been better, been worse," he replied shrugging, but his attention was suddenly aware as he looked over to me, "Hermione, you're shaking," Harry's voice was full of concern.
"I'm shaking?" I repeated, "What a waste of energy." I retorted tonelessly.
Harry scooted over and draped his arm around my tense shoulder. I leaned down to rest my head on his chest, welcoming his comfort.
"You need to think things out Hermione. You're so intellectual and you are wasting away thinking abo-" he stopped at the sound of the portrait being opened, and someone stepping inside.
For a few seconds there I held my breath, praying that it wasn't Ron. I didn't let out any air as I saw ginger hair on top of the head that appeared. Ginny. I could finally exhale.
"If I didn't know better, than I'd be jeal-" she stopped mid-sentence, "Oh goodness Hermione what's wrong?" I must've been quivering still, I hadn't even noticed when I started, "Are you all right?"
Reality struck, I didn't need him, I could survive without him, he could have her is he wanted, because I won't let him use me.
"You took all there was to take,
And left with an empty plate
And you don't care about it, yeah.
And I, I've given up this game
I'm leaving you with all the blame cause I don't care"
"I'm fine," I smiled, hopefully stopped shivering, "Couldn't be any better." I lifted my head and stood up to stretch my legs, "Ill leave you two alone," I said to them as I headed up to the girls' dormitories. They didn't object.
"Hermione just listen to me!" Ron pleaded as I sprinted away from him, but he had always been faster than me. "That was nothing, you don't know what happened."
"What exactly did happen Ron?" I spat at him after I completely stopped, "If you want to fool around with Lavender, then go ahead, you just could've broken up with me first."
Walking calmly up the stairs, finally reassuring myself that I was over him I took one look into the room and left. If I couldn't stand him, there was no way I could face her.
"Hermione!" no I couldn't take this, I was beginning to fall apart again. So I ran down the stairs, to the common room where Harry and Ginny were playfully kissing one other on the couch.
I didn't want to witness this either, so I headed straight for the portrait, but another obstacle got in my way. This one I wouldn't be able to run from, at least not very easily.
Ron, standing there just staring at me, in the eyes. Neither of us spoke, but my eyes leaked more water. Before I could maneuver pass him, Ron grabbed my chin a little roughly and pressed his mouth to mine. As soon as I came to realization I pulled away quickly, and smacked him as hard as I could, hard enough to leave a mark.
"You two-timing bastard get away from me!" I shot at him as I made it through the portrait.
"Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you're happy now,
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?"
I figured that he would follow me, but he didn't. I stood meters away from the portrait, waiting for him to just come out. Maybe I wanted to talk to him, to see his side of what happened. I'm weak though, I wouldn't be able to take it. When I saw the Fat Lady start to swing open I backed to the wall and slid down to my bottom so I could sit on the floor.
He came out, just like before.
"Just hear me out and I can explain everything," he told me, I didn't, wouldn't believe him.
"What is there to explain? I saw you and Lavender in an empty room, lying on a couple of desks pushed together. How do you explain that?" I yelled in a shaky voice.
Ron stepped cautiously towards where I sat, curled up with my knees clenched to my chest. I looked opposite of him, I wouldn't let him see my pain.
"Can I talk to you Hermione?" he questioned in a small voice, not nearly as husky as it was that night.
I was willing to let him explain, until she came up behind him. The bloody coward couldn't even talk to me without his mistress with him. I inhaled and shot up from where I sat, and dashed to the prefect bathroom, what an advantage.
"Do you have everything you want?
You can get up and give everything you've got
You can't run away from yourself"
I was hoping the bathroom would be empty, so I could cry to myself, and soak in the tub. I was wrong though, a Ravenclaw prefect was in there, just washing his hands. It was Terry Boot. He's a nice boy, but no matter how mice a person was, there were some things you didn't want to explain.
"Heya Hermione," he greeted in a friendly tone, "Oh uh, Cho wanted me to tell all the prefects about a meeting tomorrow afternoon, so tell Harry about it." he inspected me, from my red, swollen eyes to my sorrow expression, "Unless you rather have me tell him?" I shook my head, responding that I would tell Harry, "I'll just go then."
How lucky was I? I thought to myself as Terry left, This year Ron wasn't a prefect, it was Harry, when we were dating I was a bit upset but now, I couldn't be happier.
The door opened, Ron entered. Anger rose in me and I almost busted, but I cooled myself down and ignored him, practically.
"Hermione, are you going to listen to me?" Ron asked, trying to get me to look at him, I turned every time he tried,
"How the bloody hell did you get in here?" I asked, resting my forehead to my knees, as I sat perched by the pool-sized tub.
"Threatened to curse Terry Boot for the password," Ron let out a fainted chuckle, but got serious, "I asked him for it, he agreed to give it to me for a price, and I thought, any price was worth paying to get you to listen. So will you please hear me out?"
Ron drew a hand to his face where I had smacked him when he tried coming towards me, right before he reached for my arm, the last contact I made.
"Just listen to me!" Ron bellowed back at my loud responses, "I don't have any personal feelings for her."
"Then why where you both on top of one other in that room? How do you explain that?" I looked at him, disgust consumed my face as I complete walked out of his personal life.
"Could you look me in the eye?
and tell me that you're happy now,
come on tell it to my face or have I been erased,
are you happy now?
are you happy now?"
"I'm not going to make up an excuse for what happened. Just that I didn't want to be with her," by this time Ron sat himself next to me, I scooted away, to leave some distance between us.
I was going to let him finish, to hear what he said, but I wouldn't take him back, I will never take him back.
Maybe I would have believed him if at just that second Lavender walked out from the room, buttoning up her shirt to cover her blood red bra. She blushed and scurried off. I just walked away.
"I didn't know what I wanted Hermione. Being with you was great, but that week, you had been so busy and I felt as if I didn't see you ever, let alone just be with you," he took in a long breath, I knew he was about to say something to 'explain' what happened, but to me it would just sound stupid, "That night I was especially lonely, you had just cancelled our plans to go to the kitchens for a private dinner. Earlier Lavender told me that she has liked me for a couple years, and wanted to meet me in the fourth corridor. Seeing as you broke off our plans, I saw no harm in having dinner with a friend.
"The dinner was pleasant, but something was off, every now and then she was flirt with me, I felt uncomfortable. I wanted to leave but somehow she persuaded me to stay, I did and well, you know the rest."
"No I don't," I admitted, "I don't know what happened in that room, but I have pretty good guess."
"Hermione, I was trying to stop her from climbing on me! She was pushing me to levels that I only wanted to go to with you."
"Ron, no," I said, mocking Lavender's tone.
"She was telling me no to stopping! I was trying to get her off me, she just wanted in my pants," Ron said, looking right at Hermione, "How could you think that I'd cheat on you? I love you."
Two weeks ago this would have been the best moment of my life, hearing Ron tell me that he loved me, but now, I had different opinions, and different feelings.
"That's too bad Ron, because I don't love you."
"Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I've had that all I can take
I'm not about to break
Cause I'm happy now,
Are you happy now?"
