A/N: so, this is my attempt at dealing with Beth's death. It's different but I needed to write something and this is what happened. There will be at least one more chapter to this as I have a lot I need to get out. I am not sure yet when I will update my other stories but I have decided that I will continue them.
Please review!
*If you do not like this, don't bother leaving a review.
Thank you!
A Warm Embrace
Maggie sat alone by Beth's body, not saying anything, not even crying. She wasn't crying because it didn't feel real. Even as she watched Daryl dig the hole her sister would soon be placed in.
The hole was dug before she knew it. She placed a kiss to Beth's forehead and whispered "I love you, Bethie" before she stood and the others took their turns saying goodbye.
Daryl was the last in line. As he kneeled next to Beth's body, everyone except Maggie turned away to give him a moment. She witnessed the quiver in his voice when he whispered "You were right. I miss ya so bad", the shaking in his hands as he brushed her hair away from her face and gently pressed his lips to her cold ones. He took a deep breath as he lifted her body and his eyes filled with tears.
Together, the group watched Daryl wrap Beth's body in a lavender sheet and gently place her in her grave.
Once Daryl had taken a step back, Rick and Glenn began to cover her body. Daryl wanted more than anything to yell at them to stop, that she couldn't really be dead but this time he knew she wasn't just gone.
As Father Gabriel began to speak, Maggie sobbed into Glenn's chest. Everyone had their arms around someone, seeking comfort in another's embrace. Everyone except Daryl.
He didn't dare close his eyes as he stared at her grave. He didn't even close them when he felt her arms wrap around him from behind and her head resting on his back. He simply hung his head.
The service didn't take long but afterwards, everyone went on about their day. It wasn't because the didn't care for Beth or miss her or love her. They could mourn whenever they were safe.
Daryl watched everyone for awhile from beside Beth's grave until he couldn't take it anymore.
He grabbed his things, slung his crossbow over his shoulder and took one last look around at his family before walking away.
Maggie sat there crying, silently cursing herself, God and her father for what happened to Beth when she saw a figure walking into the woods.
She grabbed up her gun, her knife and bag and followed.
Daryl noticed her footsteps right away but he didn't look behind him, he kept walking and pretending he was alone. He wished he could pretend it was Beth, the way her footsteps were heavy but graceful until he started showing her how to hunt. He wanted to be back with her those days after the prison fell, he wanted to be back at the funeral home with her. If he could do it all over again, he would. He'd tell her she was what changed his mind, he wouldn't have opened that door. He would've made sure they got out, together. But it was too late for that. His stupidity got her taken from him and then once he found her, she was taken away from him again. This time for good.
They walked on, neither of them saying anything, Daryl not even acknowledging Maggie walking beside him.
When they get to a small dirt road, after two hours of wandering around aimlessly, Maggie stopped and watched Daryl walk ahead of her.
She looked up to the beautiful, clear blue sky and sighed.
"You love Beth, don't you?" She asked him as loud as she could without looking away from the sky.
When he didn't answer, she looked his way, thinking he had already left, but she found he had stopped and she was staring at the angel wings on his vest. She walked closer until they were side by side.
"I...I never asked," Maggie began and looked away, "What happened...between y'all? Did you love my sister? Did you really love her?"
Daryl looked down and wiped his eyes. "Yeah. I fuckin' did. I do love 'er."
Maggie couldn't hold back her own tears when she looked at him again. "Where are we goin'?" She asked.
Daryl shrugged but didn't look up. "Ta find a drink," he muttered.
Maggie nodded and followed as Daryl started walking again.
It only took them, by Daryl's guess, an hour to come upon a old gas station. It had long been abandoned, probably even before the turn, by the looks of it.
There may not have been a damn thing inside worth getting but it didn't really matter. They were stopping anyways.
As expected, there wasn't anything inside except for a first aid kit and some matches. They continued on out the back door and to a small camper. Nothing. So once again, they continued walking.
Further down the road they came across an RV park. They searched two of the RV's without any luck. When searching the third, Maggie went into the bedroom and returned with a full bottle of Peach Schnapps. She triumphantly sat the bottle down on the table while Daryl rummaged through the remaining cabinets.
Maggie cleared her throat and said, "I found some Peach Schnapps."
Daryl dropped the jar of pickles he had in his hand, the shattering of the glass made Maggie jump but Daryl was frozen. She certainly didn't miss the way he tensed up and glared at her.
"What tha hell did ya say?"
"I found some Peach Schnapps. A full bottle actually. Didn't you say you were lookin' for a drink?"
Daryl took the few steps over to the table, picked up the bottle and stared at it. "Ain't no fuckin' real drink," he muttered to himself.
"What?"
"I ain't drinkin' no damn Peach Schnapps!" He said, slamming the bottle down on the table.
"Okay," Maggie glanced out the window, "there's one more RV left. You want to go check it out?"
"Yeah," he said gruffly. When Maggie stepped out of the RV, Daryl picked the bottle up off the table and stuffed it in his bag then followed Maggie out.
The last RV was a bust. By the time they had finished searching it, Maggie was ready to head back to the group. She didn't want to admit it but she wanted to be there for her sisters first night in the ground. She wanted to whisper goodnight to her one last time.
"So what now, Daryl?" She asked as they exited the RV, "You just goin' to keep walking until you're too far from our camp to come back?"
"Why tha fuck are ya here, Maggie?"
"I thought you could use some company."
"I didn't ask ya ta come with me. I sure as hell don't want no company."
"Daryl, I lost my sister. I just want some answers. Tell me what happened between the two of y'all while y'all were together."
"Ain't a God damn thing happened 'tween us," Daryl got in her face, "That what ya wanna hear? It's my own damn fault she's dead!"
"It's not your fault, Daryl. I don't blame you," she lied. If she were being honest, she did blame him. She blamed herself too. "Let's go back to camp. I'm sure the others are worried."
"I ain't goin' back!" He growled and stormed off before she could ask why.
Maggie quickly caught up to him and grabbed his arm. "We'll find your God damn drink but you don't get to leave us just because you're afraid," she shouted.
Daryl clinched his fist at her words, remembering the very same ones coming from Beth.
"I ain't afraid of nothin'!" He growled back.
"Yes you are."
"What tha hell do ya want from me? Huh?" He shouted.
"I want you to quit bein' a jackass!" She shouted back, "You act like you're the only one who's ever lost someone but you're not! I lost my little sister. I'm the last one! Don't you get that, Daryl? I'm alone!"
"Ya ain't fuckin' alone! Ya got Glenn, yer husband. I got no one. Beth...she meant more ta me than she did to you!"
"Is that what you think, Daryl?"
"That's what I fuckin' know! Ya looked fer Glenn but ya didn't look fer her! When...," tears spilled from his eyes and a lump formed in his throat, "when we was alone together, she thought about you! Wanted to find you an' ever'one else! She knew y'all was alive an' I didn't believe 'er!" He dropped his head and let his crossbow hit the ground. "I didn't fuckin' believe 'er," he cried.
"Let's go back," Maggie whispered as she put her hands on his shoulders.
He shrugged away from her, "If ya wanna go back, go 'head then. But I ain't goin' back."
"I'm not leavin' without you. You're our family, Daryl. Do you think Beth would want you to be alone out here? Because I don't. She would want us all to stick together," she said, picking up his crossbow and handing it to him.
Daryl shook his head and looked up as Maggie tugged on his arm.
He let her pull him along, back down the road and through the woods.
They walked on, the time passing slower than it had before, until they were back with the group, somewhere Daryl didn't want to be.
There were concerned looks, a few friendly hugs and pats on the back but nothin' felt the same, nothin' felt right to Daryl.
Sitting around the fire that night, everyone was quiet. Maggie had said her goodnight to Beth and was now sitting in her tent crying.
Daryl was sitting there watching the flames dance when Rick sat down next to him.
"I know she's gone," Rick said, "I know I should've done something. Something different. Maybe she'd be here. I'm sorry I didn't."
Daryl shrugged. "It ain't yer fault. This is on me. Tha things I did led ta this."
Rick sighed and held out a bottle. "I found this in one of the houses earlier. I figured if anyone deserves a drink, it's you."
Daryl took the bottle and studied the label.
"Everclear," he mumbled with a smirk. "Might need ta burn somethin' down later if I drink this."
"Well," Rick clapped him on the back and stood up, "just let us know before you do."
Maggie watched Daryl walk towards Beth's grave. When he sat down, she looked at Glenn.
"He loves her," she told him.
Glenn nodded. "I know. We all know."
It was a while before the fire was put out everyone took their places for the night or for watch. It was quiet and still out. There wasn't any sounds from nature, the wind didn't blow, there wasn't a star in the sky, just the moon. It was eerie but peaceful.
Daryl didn't speak to Beth when he sat by her grave, he simply listened to the quietness that surrounded him until he had to stand and walk away.
He had drifted away from the group, to sit along the edge of the trees, and was nowhere near finishing the bottle Rick had given him but he was beginning to feel the effects. To him, that wasn't a good thing. He remembered the last time he drank. How that beautiful blonde called him out. How she made him see her, not just another dead girl.
He laughed to himself, she wasn't a happy drunk but neither was he. But where she said she wasn't blind, he was or at least he wanted to be. He wanted to blind to this world. He didn't want to see it for what it really was. He wanted to see it through Beth's eyes, the way he was beginning to see it before she was ripped away from him.
He didn't see or hear or feel anyone near him until the bottle was taken out of his hands. But only when he looked up did he really notice.
She sat down next to him and took a sip from the bottle, "You may not understand why I didn't look for her but it wasn't because I thought she was dead. I knew there was a chance that a lot of us wouldn't have survived the attack but I didn't want to know, not really. I thought, if I could find Glenn, everythin' would be alright. Even if I never saw Beth again, it would've been alright because at least I would've known there was chance she made it."
Maggie pressed Daryl for more answers but he wouldn't give her any. He wanted her to know what all happened with Beth but he was selfish. He wanted to keep everything they went through together as his own memories. He didn't want to share them. They belonged to him and Beth.
Somewhere between his memories and the bottle, his fingertips met Maggie's face and wiped at her tears.
A few more sips and their lips met.
The bottle was soon forgotten beside them as was their clothes.
When he looked beneath him, he saw blonde hair and blue eyes, not Maggie.
She squeezed her eyes shut as she begged him not to stop. Then his hand covered her mouth, her fingernails dug into his back and "Beth" escaped his lips.
It was wrong. They both knew it even as they laid there staring at the sky afterwards but God help them if they didn't need it.
The sunrise didn't take them by surprise as they sat in the same spot, once again clothed, and shared another round from the bottle.
Their names were called, their stuff was packed and Daryl said his final goodbye to Beth.
Maybe she would've hated him for what he did, not just the night before but that night so long ago when he opened that door, but he needed something he was sure he didn't deserve.
He needed to feel her arms around him. He needed her but she was gone.
