This is a new short story where I will be rewriting TDWT from episodes "I See London..." to the finale. Why halfway? Why not?

So, the way this will be written is in script-format. Why? Why not?

Considering the fact that I'm too lazy to write an intro, let's just get going.


TDWT Rewrite
Episode 13 I See London


Chris (voiceover, clips of the last episode play): Last time, on Total Drama World Tour, we had some "mechanical" difficulties, and ended up in hot water, Jamaica style! (In a Jamaican accent) No problem! (Back to normal voice) Except for Izzy, whose squished brain was a MAJOR problem, and led to our first elimination by injury. Stranded, and short on gas money, we were forced to improvise, and DJ was forced to admit he was a big ole' loser! So long, Team Victory! But thanks to a rocking telethon that raised a tank-load of a cash from our viewers, (deviously) hey, thanks for that eh? (Cut to the plane, Chris is looking out the Jump of Shame) We're ready to get back in the air! (Cut to the front of the plane, Chris (dressed up like an old-fashioned pilot) slurps on a drink, while Chef (dressed up like a modern-day pilot) flies the plane) Oh man, that's refreshing! (Tosses the glass away) Vacation's over, it's time for some more TOTAL! DRAMA! WORRRRRRRRLD TOOOOOOOOOOOOOUR!

Opening Credits

(The plane flies through the night sky, both teams sit in the economy class)

Heather (upset): Why are WE in the loser class? We WON last time; or didn't lose, anyways.

Sierra: Chris said he needed first class today, for a SECRET, special guest! And what Chris needs-

Heather: Chris takes. From US. (Courtney sits down on the bench, accidentally sitting on Gwen's burned hand, Gwen shouts in pain)

Gwen (pained): Sunburn! OW! (Blows on her hand)

Courtney: Oops. Sorry. How do you end up with sunburn on just ONE hand? (Gwen groans in pain)

Gwen (pained): I don't know! (Cody pulls on his collar nervously, cut to a flashback of Gwen sleeping in a lawn chair, shaded by an umbrella, Tyler and Cody walk up to her, Tyler's holding a camera)

Cody (whispering to Tyler): Make sure you get the bikini in the shot! (Cody silently slips up next to Gwen in the chair, she doesn't stir)

Tyler: Say cheese, bro! (Cody gives two thumbs-up and a big, goofy smile as Tyler takes a couple pictures, Gwen suddenly mutters in her sleep, Cody runs for it, accidentally knocking the umbrella just a little bit, but enough for Gwen's hand to be exposed in the sunlight, where it begins to burn. The flashback ends, Courtney walks over to Gwen with a bucket of white cream)

Courtney: Here, soak your hand in this.

Gwen (suspicious): What is it?

Courtney (assuring): It'll cool the burn! It's a special mix of green tea and bird guano. (Gwen sticks her burned hand into the cream and sighs with relief)

Gwen (suddenly on-guard): Wait, guano? Isn't that-

Heather (teasingly): A nicey-nice name for poop! (Gwen recoils her hand)

Gwen (disgusted): EW! (Cringes in pain) OW!

Courtney (matter-of-factly): Poop that's full of healing ingredients! I learned how to make it at CIT first-aid weekend! It's gross, but it helps, right? (Gwen sticks her hand back into the guano)

Gwen (relieved): Yes... well, thanks for being nice-ish.

Heather (annoyed): Bonding over poop juice? (Groans in annoyance) Is there anyone SANE left around here? (Hears disgusting noises, she looks over in disgust at Sierra, who is using her pizza box computer) That would be a no.

Sierra (talking as she types): Tweeter update! Gwen's hand smells like Jamaican bird doody. Cody is STILL cute! (Giggles creepily to herself, then thinks to herself) Uh, sixty-seven characters, okay, seventy-three left... what else can I say?

Noah (off-screen, mocking her voice as he "types"): "Considering buying myself a life on Fredslist, but having trouble deciding because they are all such a major improvement!" (Owen, who is sitting next to him with a bowl of peppers and a carton of milk, laughs and squirts milk out of his nose, covering Noah in milk) Dude, gross! (Scowls at him)

Owen: Did I get some of my nose milkshake on you? Sorry, it's the only thing that really cools off a snoot full of Jamaican scotch-bonnet peppers! (Gulps down a handful, his face turns beat red, causing him to wheeze) HOT! HOT! HOT! MILK! (Chugs some milk from the carton)

Noah (continuing in his mocking voice): "Must learn how to make nose milkshakes, like Owen! That'll impress Cody!" (Owen giggles and shoots a pepper out of his nostril)

Owen (holding his nose in pain): OW! (The pepper bounces off the walls and floors until it smacks Tyler in the face)

Tyler (rubbing his face): Ow! Weak! (Noah laughs at this)

Confessional (Owen)

Owen: Aw, my little buddy Noah is, like, the funniest guy I know, so making him laugh is awesome! It's like getting an A+ in hilarity! I wanna top his honor roll! (Stops and thinks for a second) Did that sound creepy?

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Owen, eh, he's cool enough, despite the fact that he's a walking stink bomb ready to go off at any moment. At least he keeps me company, unlike Alehanous and Jock-Strap. And besides, he's even kinda funny. (Snickers to himself) Nose milkshakes...

End Confessional

(Owen and Noah laugh with each other)

Owen: Check it out, I'll shoot a pepper out of whatever nostril you pick! (Alejandro, who is resting next to them, frowns, annoyed) I mean, choose!

Noah: Yeah, cause one nose shake a day isn't enough. (Owen looks in his carton of milk)

Owen: Aw, but I'm out of milk!

Noah: Hey Courtney, how much of that poop juice have you got left? (Owen snickers)

Alejandro (walking off, annoyed): Excuse me, GENTLEMEN, I have to be anywhere but here. (Noah shrugs)

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro (annoyed): A nose shake? (Facepalms) How many more episodes are there?

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (deadpan): And that's Alejandro for you; no sense of humor, but still finds it fun to flirt with every girl on the plane, INCLUDING the witch herself, Heather. (Realizes something) Wait... he flirted with LeShawna and Bridgette RIGHT before they were eliminated! A-and he had a talk with both DJ and Harold right before THEY were eliminated too! Do you think... (Gasps in realization) No way! (Rubs his forehead) Has he been playing us the entire time?! (Glares at the camera) I don't know for sure, but I've got my eye on the new kid!

End Confessional

(Alejandro walks among the plane's halls, he stops at a door when he hears Chris' voice)

Chris (behind the door): He's perfect! He'll take them out like a lion preying on a pack of chubby, asthmatic gazelles! (Alejandro nervously peeks into the room, where he sees Chef and Chris looking at someone dressed in a black trench coat, boots and top hat, he's wielding a dagger)

Chef (nervous): What if he "takes them out" takes them out? He's plenty mad at them!

Chris (reassuringly): Legal says we're clear, and imagine the ratings! That dip will score MAJOR hits online! (Alejandro bumps into the door, causing it to creak, he gasps and backs away in fear) Did you hear something? (The man in all black looks directly at Alejandro, who ducks out of the way, he gasps as he sees the man suddenly next to him, Alejandro screams as the screen blacks out. Cut to a map of the world, the plane's stamp flies around in odd patterns)

Chris (voiceover): Attention, helpless competitors! We've been denied permission to land, so you're gonna have to jump! (All the contestants, who heard this over the loudspeaker, shout complaints) And Chef MAY have miscounted parachutes.

Chef (defensively): I'm a cook, not a mathematician!

Chris: So, you might wanna light a pepper under your butts and grab one before they're gone! (Cut to later on, everyone except for Noah and Owen are wearing parachutes at the Drop of Shame)

Tyler (jumping out first): Yeah, woohoo! (Noah and Owen look at the last parachute, then each other)

Noah (groaning): Oh, life, why do you hate me so?! (Cut to later on, Noah is strapped to Owen as they jump from the plane, screaming loudly as they hurtle towards the camera, which fades to black as Owen falls closer to it. Cut to later on, Team Amazon has successfully landed on a bridge, next to a double-decker bus, Heather tosses her parachute into the pile)

Sierra (excited): Ooh-la-la, London! (Grabs Cody's hand, who is deadpanned) Did you know Queen Mary II got engaged when she was only fifteen?! (Cody snickers and rolls his eyes)

Cody (uninterested): Cool. Can I have my hand back, please? (Tyler comes in for the landing)

Tyler: EXTREEEEEEEE- OOOH! (His parachute gets snagged on a flagpole high above the bridge, Owen and Noah scream as they crash into the double-decker bus due to their parachute failing)

Owen (who is sitting on a crushed Noah): Well, that wasn't so bad, was it Noah? (Noah's arm twitches as he grunts in pain. Cut to inside the bus, the teams have all taken up the seats, Noah rubs his head in pain)

Heather (realizing something): Wait! Where's Alejandro?

Chris (feigning intrest): Yes, where is he? The answer in a sec. But first, GUN IT CHEF! (Chef floors the gas and takes off, Chris stands at the front of the bus, holding a microphone, his voice echoes over the bus' speakers) London! Home to loads of wicked stuff: Big Ben, the London Underground, the sandwich stuffed with French fries known as the Chip Buddy-

Owen: Yes, please!

Chris: London's also home to Scotland Yard, the world's BIGGEST crime-busting outfit, but there was one case even Scotland Yard couldn't crack! (Intimidatingly) Jack the Ripper! (Heather, Gwen and Courtney gasp, Chris brings out a portrait of the dark-dressed man from earlier) The wack-o serial killer who terrorized Victorian, London. Today, you'll be tracking that bad boy down! (Failing to hide a smirk) But be careful, Jack's also hunting YOU! That's why Team Chris is Really, Really, Really Hot is now short-handed.

Owen (panicked): What?! The Ripper got Al?! Not Al! (Noah cringes)

Noah (to himself): Yeah, that poor, manipulative soul.

Chris: Next stop: Tower of London!

Heather (nervously to the others): Do you think he's okay?! (Realizes what she just said) Um, because big advantage for us! Yay!

Gwen: Yeah, also can I just say I know TONS about the Ripper. I did a speech on him in grade 6.

Courtney (pleasantly surprised): Wow, that's unexpectedly useful of you!

Gwen: The librarians said my fascination was morbid, (deviously) and occasionally offensive!

Heather (still nervous): Should we look for Alejandro? (Snaps out of it) I mean, y'know, just in case this all some kind of dirty scheme of his, or-

Courtney: Let THEM (points to Team Chris) look; get this! My grade 6 speech? The Tower of London!

Gwen (pleasantly surprised): Wow, we're like a nerdette dream team! (Cut to the Tower of London, the teams stand outside of it with two old guards)

Chris: Your challenge is to follow a series of clues through the complex, all the way to the Ripper's secret layer. Bag the criminal mastermind before he gets you, and you win! Your first clue will be found during the changing of the guard. And when I say "change" I mean CHANGE the guards! Your clue is hidden in his uniform, so one of you has to strip him down to his gitch until you find it! (Smiles deviously, causing his teeth to twinkle, the eight contestants recoil in disgust)

Tyler (disbelief): Whoa, strip a dude?! I'm out!

Chris: Up to you, bro. Million bucks is all I'm saying. And while you're at it- (The bell dings, the contestants all groan. The music starts up)

Owen (walking up to a guard): It's creepy how they stand there, (waves his hand in front of the guard) and don't even blink! I don't wanna see his bum, all naked and pink! (Noah walks over next)

Noah (tapping on the guards shoulder): Hey, buddy, can we bribe you to strip yourself dooooOOOOOwn!

Owen (holding a fish candy): Yum-Yum Happy Go-Time Fish? (Noah smacks it out of his hand)

Noah (glaring): Don't kill him, you clown! (Owen shrinks back)

Courtney: No way, I can't strip him, Duncan will freak!

Heather: And I'm allergic to uniforms-Gwen: Okay, that's just weak.

Sierra (dragging Cody near her): I made a vow that Cody's the only man for ME! (Hugs his head tightly)

Gwen: Okay, so then I have to do it?! (Points to her hand) Uh, hello, injury- OW!

Courtney: If we're gonna find that clue-

Heather: There's only one thing to dooooooo-Sierra: Force someone to strip him down-Courtney, Heather and Sierra: And sorry, Gwen, that's you! (Courtney shoves Gwen over to the guard, Gwen gasps as she gets an idea)

Noah (playing rock-paper-scissors with Owen): If we're gonna find that clue-

Owen: There's only one thing to dooooooo-Noah: Force someone to strip him down-Owen and Noah (pointing to Tyler): And Tyler, dude, that's you! (Tyler blinks, Gwen has put a Cody mask on the guard)

Gwen: Sierra, look, it's Cody! And I think he wants to strip!

Sierra: Poor honey! (Shoves the real Cody aside) Quick, get out of those things! That will help; I bet! (Gwen steps away as Sierra kisses the guard and strips him)

Gwen: Yeah, we're gonna find that clue- (Sierra tosses the guard's hat away, it lands on Heather's head)

Heather: We're doing what Chris proposed! (Sierra tosses the neckpiece away, it lands on Courtney)

Courtney (disgusted): Force someone to strip him down-

Courtney, Gwen and Heather: Cause if we don't we're toast!Courtney: Totally toooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAST! (Cut to later on, Sierra yanks the boots off the guard, a tip popping out, it flies over to Courtney, who catches it)

Courtney (reading it): Pole taught atop a southern spire... (gasps in realization) Quick, follow me! (She dashes off, the others following after her except for Sierra, who screams in disgust as she smells the guard's socks. Cut to inside a chamber of some sort, within it lies a stretching table, Heather, Gwen and Courtney dash into the room) Omygosh! This is the very room that Anne Bolin lived in before Henry VIII beheaded her!

Heather (noticing the stretching table): What is with the creepy desk?

Chef (walking over to them, wearing no shirt and a hood, holding a glaive): It's a medieval torture rack. Clue's inside. (Nods to the drawer attached to the table) Toss someone on and stretch! (Snickers evilly)

Gwen (quickly): I volunteer Heather!

Courtney: I second that motion!

Heather (offended): Hey!

Gwen (ignoring her): Who'd like to carry the motion, Cody, Sierra? (Looks behind her and notices that the two are gone) Um, where'd they go? (Cut to a hallway, Sierra has blocked a staircase that Cody is trying to reach)

Sierra: This is almost just like in the olden days! When ladies and lords would sneak off together to kiss and get arrested for being in LOOOOOVE! (Puckers her lips up, much to Cody's disgust, he facepalms and groans. Cut to Team Chris, by now Tyler has stripped the guard down to his undergarments)

Noah: You lost rock-paper-scissors fair and square; stop throwing the game! (Tyler struggles to pull the guard's socks off... with his teeth)

Tyler (grunting in effort): I'm not! You try taking off a dude's panty hose with your teeth!

Noah: Uh, dude? No one said you had to use your teeth.

Owen (off-screen): Hey, Noah! Check this, (pan over to Owen, who is wearing the guard's hat, he uses a British accent and crosses his eyes) I say, I'm the queen! Oh, heavens! I think I ate too many royal beans at the royal lunch! (Giggles and gets ready to fart... but nothing happens. He grunts with effort) Hold on, stay with me here! (He keeps trying, Noah sighs and rolls his eyes)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: Remember, I said he was "cool enough". (Glares) At least he isn't Alej-fako. (Thinks) I need a better name.

End Confessional

(Cut back to hallway Sierra has pinned Cody in)

Sierra (begging): C'mon, just one kiss? Y'know, in the name of historical accuracy? (Suddenly a shadow falls on them, belonging to the Ripper, he raises his knife causing Sierra to grab onto Cody, who shouts in fear. Cut to outside the castle, where their scream are heard, the Ripper walks out of a side exit, holding a lumpy sack, where Chris is waiting)

Chris: And then there were six! Will anybody survive the Ripper, AND this show?

Sierra (inside the bag): We didn't kiss! (Tries to kiss Cody, who shouts in panic) I WANT MY KISS!

Chris: Come back after the break, when we'll try to answer at least a couple of these questions! (Smiles deviously as the camera fades to black)

Commercial Break

(Fade to Team Chris' guard, who is in his Brittan-flag patterned boxers)

Noah: A pen in his pants pocket, lint in his socks, that's it. (Tosses a sock away, it lands on the guard's head, he doesn't even flinch) We didn't even find a clue, and NO WAY am I searching his boxers.

Owen: We can find another guard to strip. (Owen takes off his head, which has a tip inside it) Hey, look! (Takes the tip out) There's a clue in here! (Notices Noah glaring at him, gives a nervous chuckle) Funny, right? (In a British accent) I say pip-pip... (Cut to the torture chamber, Heather screams in agony. Heather is bound at the feet and the hands and is being actively (and violently) stretched as Gwen turns a wheel on the rack)

Heather (angry): You did that on purpose, you bleep!

Courtney (slyly): Every cloud has a silver lining! (She and Gwen snicker)

Confessional (Gwen)

Gwen (surprised): I KNOW! Courtney! I never thought I'd be able to tolerate her, but she's... deal-able? (Whispering) We even have stuff in common, which is, like, the weirdest thing ever! (Serious) If I tip over the edge and make Courtney type lists, rack me.

Confessional (Courtney)

Courtney (surprised): I KNOW! Gwen! She's not COMPLETELY a social freak after all. (Struggles) Sometimes she's even a good person to have on your team? Sometimes! Y'know, I wouldn't mind going against her in the final two! Obviously I'd still win. She's incapable of making a list!

End Confessional

(Cut to the opposite torture room, where Team Chris has just arrived)

Noah: Are we gonna have to play rock-paper-scissors again to figure out who's getting stretched?

Tyler (confidently): Ha! I'm flexible to the extreme, bro! (Suddenly bends his legs around his back and over his arms, causing Noah and Owen to recoil) Sweaty mocha yoga! Hoo-hoo! (Dashes to the rack, still in his yoga pose)

Noah (recovered): Quick, tie him down before Alejandro shows up and makes ME do it just because I'm shorter. (Tyler stretches as he hops onto the rack, Owen then forcefully shoves him on his back)

Owen: Why don't you like Al? He's great!

Noah: I don't trust the guy. He's like an eel, dipped in grease swimming in motor oil!

Owen (chaining Tyler to the bonds): Dirty?

Noah (grabbing the wheel): Slippery. I mean, first he talks to Harold ten minutes before his elimination and he told DJ something at the starting line in Jamaica! There's something he must've said to both of them to make them get eliminated. And who can forget his most "genius" plays of flirting with Bridgette and LeShawna? You saw what happened to all of them; the dude basically took down an entire team single-handedly! Think about it, he's Heather, but with social skills.

Owen: Y'know, now that you mention it I heard him mutter something in his sleep, like (in a fake Alejandro voice) "First the power players, then the weaklings!" (Noah's eyes widen with shock) You think that means something?

Noah (hiding his shock): If it does, I'm not sure.

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (glaring): I KNEW it! That slippery eel is playing us all! Well, guess what, you Mexican eel? That's not happening on MY watch!

End Confessional

(Tyler suddenly begins to scream in pain)

Tyler (in agony): Oh, stop! It's too much! STOP! (Cries, Noah and Owen recoil their hands)

Noah (deadpan): You do realize we haven't started yet, right? (Tyler looks around, suddenly calm)

Tyler: My bad. S'cool. I'll go silent. Sweaty yoga-ish monk dude styles! (Snickers. Noah spins the wheel, causing the bonds to pull back and stretch Tyler out, Tyler holds back a scream of pain. Cut to the Amazons, Heather screams in pain as she is stretched out)

Heather: Stop enjoying this, you bleep! (Gwen and Courtney snicker)

Gwen (not at all sorry): Sorry, sorry but come on! Like you wouldn't do the same? (Spins the wheel, causing Heather to scream again)

Heather: That is NOT the point! (The drawer opens, a letter inside)

Courtney: There it is! (Gwen grabs the letter)

Gwen (reading it): If your teammate can still use their feet, bring them down for something to eat.

Courtney: The banquet hall! That's downstairs and out the courtyard! Heather-

Heather (already standing up and stretching her back): Please. I'm fine. (Suddenly, a loud crack is heard followed by a yelp from Heather, Courtney and Gwen giggle at her misfortune) At least tell me I look taller?! (Courtney and Gwen start to walk off)

Courtney (teasingly): Oh, yes! You could be a runway model!

Gwen: That's a stretch. (Heather cracks her leg and hops on one foot after them. Cut to inside the banquet hall, all sorts of food is laid out on the table, as well as two treasure chests filled with gold and diamonds, Courtney and Gwen peer in through the window from outside)

Courtney: There's some kind of jewelry case on the table. I guess we go in and get it? Can it be that easy?

Heather (rubbing her back): You two "gal pals" go in. I'll guard the door!

Courtney: How is that fair?

Heather (miffed): I'll show you fair! Have you even SEEN the rack marks on my ankles?! (Points to the door as Gwen and Courtney back away slowly. Tyler holds back another scream as Noah tightens the bonds more)

Owen (watching him): Are you doing that yoga thing where you breathe through your toenails? (Tyler doesn't respond, he just keeps grunting in pain) Aw, that is SO cool! (The drawer opens up)

Noah: The clue!

Noah and Owen: Yes! (Cut to later on, Noah and Owen confidently run through the halls)

Owen: Hey, Noah! Know what's hilarious? (Noah suddenly stops, Owen runs past him)

Noah: We forgot Tyler!

Owen (walking back over): How is that hilarious? (Suddenly, Tyler screams loudly. Noah and Owen walk back to the room)

Noah: Sorry, dude, but you just got so good at being quiet that- (Notices that Tyler is gone)

Noah and Owen (panicked): NO! TYLER!

Confessional (Noah and Owen)

(The two hug and shiver, looking around frantically, making incoherent 'eep"ing noises)

End Confessional

(Cut to Heather standing at the dining hall's doors, filing her nails)

Heather (impatiently groaning): What is taking them so long?! (Suddenly, a shadow dashes across the screen, Heather gasps in fear. She looks around... until she sees the Ripper right next to her, she screams loudly. Cut to the dining hall, Gwen and Courtney search around the table)

Courtney (impatiently): C'mon, c'mon, where's the clue?! (Searches through the chest, bringing out certain items and tossing them aside) Gold toothpick? Emerald-studded toothbrush? What is wrong with these royals and their dentistry? (Gwen looks nervously at something off-screen)

Gwen (pointing): Ask the guard dogs. (Pan over to a pack of six, small brown dogs, they snarl furiously, Gwen and Courtney begin to back away fearfully) Hey, got anything round in there? (Courtney grabs a golden egg and tosses it to Gwen, who holds it above her head, all the dogs stop snarling and start panting happily) That's right, (tosses the ball from hand to hand) follow the shiny ball! Now sit! (The dogs all sit obediently)

Courtney (impressed): Oh, so cute! How did you do that?

Gwen (proudly): I taught my lizards obedience. (Spins the egg on her finger) I guess corgis are just as trainable. (A clue slips out of the egg, unbeknownst to her) And in-bred. (Snickers to herself)

Courtney (noticing the clue): Oh, clue! The clue! (Cut to outside, Courtney and Gwen walk proudly with the clue)

Gwen: Heather, we found the- (notices she's gone) Oh, no! (Picks up Heather's nail file, left on the ground)

Courtney: Three teammates- gone!

Gwen: Read the clue. (Courtney opens the envelope)

Courtney (reading it): Find the Ripper's most natural place; has two levels inside it's space. Go use your sack to bring the guy back, at the red starting line to the race. (Thinks hardly) Think, think!

Gwen: Okay, the Ripper's natural place. If I remember right from my speech, he did his dirty work in the White Chapel.

Courtney: So we go there, and we look for a two-story place! C'mon! (Runs off. Cut back to inside the dining hall, Noah throws things out of the other chest until he finds the clue in the egg)

Noah: Ah, I got it! I got the clue! (Snatches the clue and tosses the egg away)

Owen (off-screen): You call that an attack? (Chuckles) Hey, Noah! (Pan over to see that all the dogs have latched their teeth onto Owen, who doesn't seem to mind) Check it out, it's a fur coat for animal lovers! (Noah rolls his eyes and opens the envelope)

Noah (reading the clue); The Ripper's most natural place has two levels that make up it's space. Pfft, sure. Easy peasy.

Owen (trying to shake off a dog): Double-decker bus?

Noah (surprised): Y-yeah. (Grins) So there IS a brain in there; you've been holding out on me! (Walks off)

Owen: Holding out? I TOLD you I smuggled some wieners off the plane! (Pulls out a sausage, the dogs look at it longingly)

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (thoughtfully): Hmm... Smelly, gassy and a bit brain-dead, but I'll take what I can get. Besides, he's basically a walking tank; he took a plane to the head and STILL kept going!

End Confessional

(Cut to a building, people talking inside it are heard, Gwen and Courtney explore inside it)

Gwen: I guess we forgot that most of White Chapel would be closed!

Courtney: And the only place open would be a grungy-looking con club!

Gwen: I guess my hunch sucked; sorry. We are SO coming in last place...

Courtney (holding a brown sack): I don't wanna go back home empty-handed! We should fill the bag with SOMETHING!

? (off-screen): Welcome your number one jamming punk-crew band, the Schnitzel-Kicker! (Gwen and Courtney look at who's on the stage, Courtney gasps in surprise as the crowd cheers)

Gwen (disbelief): Holy schnitzel! Is that- (Cut to the double-decker bus, Noah and Owen approach it nervously, Owen holding a brown sack. They share a look and enter the bus, Owen first and Noah second, they peer inside it. It seems mostly abandoned, Owen and Noah share a shrug. They walk down the rows of seats cautiously)

Owen (nervous): Here, Ripper, Ripper! I have a lovely bag for you! (Suddenly, the Ripper silently drops down behind Noah, he clamps a hand on his mouth and grabs him and leaps back up to the second level, silently. Owen looks behind him to see that Noah is gone) Huh? (Looks forwards to see the Ripper shove a screaming Noah into the glass box at the driver's seat, he presses his face against the glass and screams, the Ripper turns towards Owen menacingly) Nobody locks my little buddy in the corner! (Empties his sack, which was full of the guard dogs) Royal beasts! Sick him! (The dogs suddenly attack Owen as he shouts in protest, the Ripper approaches Owen slowly, a loud chomp is heard) OW! My wiener! (Pan out to reveal that one of the dogs had snatched Owen's sausage from earlier happily, Owen accidentally kicks it out of it's mouth, sending it flying to the Ripper, who catches it instinctively, the dogs attack him ferociously, Owen stands back up in triumph) Ha ha! Gotcha!

Noah (relieved): All right, Owen! (Owen puts the Ripper in the sack)

Owen (triumphantly): Who's Jack the Ripper now, huh?! (Bends over and lets out a toot, causing the entire bus to fill up with gas, Owen snickers) Yeah! Oh, I touched cloth. (Walks over to Noah) Here, Noah, I'll let ya out!

Noah (panicking): NO! DON'T OPEN THE DOOR UNTIL THE AIR CLEARS!

Confessional (Owen)

Owen: That... was... AWESOME! (Chuckles) Not only did I bag a bandit, I got to save my little buddy Noah!

Confessional (Noah)

Noah: I think the big guy's earned a higher status than "Company-Keeper". I mean, he put Jack in the sack; anyone who does that is a friend in MY book! (Serious) But as much as I love winning, it means Alejandro gets to stay, which can't be the case any longer! Next elimination, Al gets the boot!

End Confessional

(Cut to the plane flying through the air, Chris and Chef stand next to a monitor showing footage of the bus, outside the castle, in the torture chamber and in the dining hall. The other contestants are there as well, even the ones captured, Owen drags his sack across the floor)

Owen: Sweet! Everybody's okay!

Heather: Yep! Everyone's fine! You guys were SO stupid to be worried! (Nervously laughs as Tyler, Sierra and Cody glare at her, Alejandro glares at Noah)

Alejandro: But it was reassuring to see SOME were concerned. (Glares daggers at Noah)

Noah (suddenly antsy): You were watching everything? (Alejandro sharpens his glare as Noah rubs his head awkwardly) Wow, that's... awkward.

Alejandro (spitefully): Like an eel dipped in grease. (Heather raises an eyebrow)

Noah (feigning a smile): Where I'm from that's a compliment! Tough neighborhood! (Alejandro just rolls his eyes, Heather cocks an eyebrow)

Confessional (Heather)

Heather (skeptically): What made Pencil-Neck so offensive to Alejandro? Does he know something? (Smirks) I'm just gonna have to find out- (pulls out a pen and pad) the Heather way!

End Confessional

Noah: But hey, we caught the Ripper-type guy! (Owen yanks the sack off to reveal an old man with white hair. The contestants gasp)

Gwen, Courtney, Alejandro and Heather: Old man Jenkins?! (Chris walks over and grabs the man's face, pulling it off to reveal that it had been masking... Ezekiel! The contestants gasp again) Ezekiel?!

Ezekiel (spitefully): Yeah, I turned my back on you guys! Not a lot you did for me anyways, eh?! Especially my old "teammates" who gave me the boot first in season one! (Courtney and Tyler share an awkward look)

Chef: Found him living in the cargo-hold, amongst the rats. He's lucky he didn't become all rabid and feral. But, he's still plenty mad at y'all.

Chris: I WAS gonna let him back in the game, IF he could avoid getting captured, but since he could not, he's out of the game again.

Ezekiel (angrily): And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling nobs! (Noah and Owen share a look. Cut to later on, Chef leads him to the Drop of Shame with a parachute)

Chef: Promise you'll stay off the plane this time? (Ezekiel nods) Good. (Kicks him out the door, causing him to scream and fall) Safe travels!

Heather: So who did Courtney and Gwen catch?

Gwen: Well, Chris wanted a criminal, so... okay, we didn't catch the right one, but- (yanks the sack off her criminal.. which turns out to be Duncan! The contestants gasp AGAIN)

Heather, Tyler, Sierra and Cody: Duncan?!

Duncan (angry): You brought me back HERE?! (Groans) Where's the stupid exit again?! (Begins to walk off, until Chris stops him)

Chris: Not so fast, quitter! Thought you could skip out on the game, eh? Though I wouldn't find you, hmm?

Gwen: Um, you didn't, we did. (Courtney nods) Sorry.

Chris: And that's why Team Amazon wins today's competish! (The Amazons cheer)

Noah and Owen: WHAT?!

Chris: Head on back to the elimination room, dudes! First class goes to the ladies! (Cody and Sierra smile) As a consolation prize, the D-Man's now on your team! (Points to Duncan) But someone else is gonna have to go. (Heather and Alejandro share a look and Tyler hangs his head is shame, Noah and Owen share a worried look)

Owen and Noah: Uh-oh... (Cut to the elimination room, Team Chris is seated on the bench, Chris stands at the podium with five passports in his hand)

Chris: And the contestant leaving with three votes against him is Noah! (Owen and Noah gasp as Alejandro smirks in victory)

Owen (falling to his knees and crying): Noooo! (Stops crying) Wait, take me instead! (Everyone else except for Chris gasps)

Chris (deadpan): Sure, whatever. As long as someone screams for me. (Tosses Owen a parachute)

Noah (in disbelief as Owen straps on his parachute): Wait, what?! Owen, what're you doing?!

Owen: Buddy, there's no one else in this world who I'd travel with, but it's YOUR time to shine! I'm willing to go if it means you get to stay!

Noah (saddened): Gee, big guy... I dunno what to say. (Owen smiles gently as Tyler and Duncan walk up)

Duncan: Shoot, man. I just got back and now I'm losing ya?

Tyler: I'm gonna miss ya, dude. (Owen smiles to each of them)

Noah: You're gonna hug us, aren't you? (Owen nods and wraps them all in a bear hug, Noah, Tyler and Duncan all gasp for breath)

Owen: Hey, Al! Why don't you join us?!

Alejandro (simply): I cannot, but just know that for as calm as I am on the outside I am deeply saddened on the inside.

Noah (under his breath): Yeah, right. (Owen lets the guys go and jumps... only to get stuck in the doorway)

Owen: Ooh, uh, a little help, Al?! (Alejandro walks over to Owen and swiftly kicks him in the butt, dislodging him from the doorway and causing him to fart in Alejandro's mouth, who falls to his knees and claws at his throat as he gags)

Chris: Well, that concludes tonight's elimination! See you all tomorrow for your next torture!

Confessional (Noah)

Noah (glaring): Don't worry, big guy. I swear, that eel goes down!

Confessional (Alejandro)

Alejandro: Curse you, Owen. The only one who knows my plan is still on the loose! I must exterminate this rat quickly!

End Confessional

(Near the confessional, Duncan and Courtney glare at each other)

Courtney (angry): I hate you a-and your juvie, punk Mohawk! (Suddenly pulls him into a hug) Oh, I'm so glad you're okay... (Takes out her chart) Now, I have a list of things that you should change if we wanna stay in a long-term relationship-

Duncan (angry): You know what?! Forget it! (Courtney just stares in shock)

Courtney: W-what?

Duncan: Look, I enjoyed what we had, but a guy can take only so many kicks to the kiwis before saying "Later, psycho!" We're through! (Courtney begins to tear up... then she drives her foot into his kiwis and runs off, crying, Duncan crumples to the ground, holding his kiwis in pain, Gwen walks up to him)

Gwen: Woah, that was chaotic. You okay?

Duncan (pained): Y'know, just another kick to the kiwis; just the standard punishment for not doing what she wants. (Gwen snickers, Duncan stands back up, noticeing Gwen's red hand) What happened to your paw?

Gwen: Oh, this? Strangest thing- I have no idea. (The two snicker as Duncan grabs it, Gwen winces in pain) OW!

Duncan: Wow, that bad, huh? Uh, sorry... (The two snicker a bit, nervously) Y'know, every time I ran away from a cop, I thought of you. (The two look at each other... and then start kissing. Tyler pokes his head out from off-screen, wide-eyed with shock, they don't see him. He shrinks back off-screen slowly, pan out to reveal that the entire thing was recorded on the monitor at the front of the plane)

Chris (flying the plane with Chef): Woah! Didn't see that coming! I wonder how well Courtney's gonna take it? Find out next time on Total! Drama! WOOOORLD TOOOOOOOOUR!

End Credits


Votes-

Alejandro- Noah

Duncan- Noah

Noah- Alejandro

Owen- Alejandro

Tyler- Noah

Eliminated- Owen


And that concludes this episode! Chapter? Chaptersode! Whatever.

Anyways, this is something I'll try to update weekly. It'll be a short series, but the changes will most certainly be drastic! In any case, tune in next time for more Total! Drama! WOOOOORRRLLLD TOOOOOOOUR REEEEEEEEEWRIIIIIIIIIIITE!

...

Oh... fbeepk me.