"Ah, music," he said, wiping his eyes. "A magic beyond all we do here!"

-Dumbledore, in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.


Shut up, Malfoy! 1: The Filthy Muggles

The red Hogwarts Express had departed, another school year was about to begin.

In one compartment, a girl sat all by herself. She had changed into her school robes, which were rather wrinkled, as were her blouse and skirt. Her blouse had only partially been tucked into her skirt. Her hair was dirty blonde, covering most of her face.

She was scribbling something on a piece of parchment, while seemingly mumbling something. This could, to an observer, seem like something an eager student would do, until reading the words at the top of the parchment.

The Filthy Muggles- Stupid Pureblood.

Helena Wood was not in a good mood. Summer had passed way too quickly for her liking, she hadn't dared to cut her own bangs (which now covered her eyes entirely) and two of her friends had graduated last year, leaving The Filthy Muggles without a drummer and a guitarist.

The Filthy Muggles wasn't just a project to Helena Wood. Helena Wood was The Filthy Muggles.

It had all started in her fourth year. With the Yule Ball coming up, Helena (who had always remained faithful to muggle music) had moved heaven and earth to be the main act of the ball, brutally marching up to Dumbledore to ask for an audition.

Helena clenched her teeth at the memory of Dumbledore politely saying her music was too "progressive". How dare he hire The Weird Sisters instead of The Filthy Muggles.

Well the main content had been about kicking all Pureblood's arses, as Lee Jordan had told her. Lee was about the only member of The Filthy Muggles who dared to be blunt to Helena, who was as passionate about the band as her cousin was about Quidditch.

As a rule, every member of the band was either Muggle-born or was at least related to a muggle. Helena viewed upon this as being a perfect statement. The protest of Lee which pointed out that, by excluding purebloods she was acting the same as the Purebloods, had been met by deaf ears.

To make matters worse, Helena had recognised an opportunity to support Harry Potter this summer, and was now determent to make The Filthy Muggles loved by everyone at Hogwarts. She had written her bandmates (at least, the remaining ones) letters which consisted for the most part out of plans to "conquer Hogwarts". She had received very cryptic replies, which she couldn't exactly interpret.

Helena Wood, after all, wasn't one for subtlety.

Helena's eyes were on Hermione Granger, who she knew little of except the fact that she was Muggle-born and quite a know-it-all. But Helena was willing to make that sacrifice for the band.

Other possible candidates (or rather, victims, as Lee called them behind Helena's back) were Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, about whom Helena knew even less than Hermione Granger. Perhaps Helena had to ask Lee to follow them around for a bit to see if they qualified.

However, there had been this one time when Helena had formed this theory about Professor Snape playing in a jazz band in The Leaky Cauldron the evening hours based on her once hearing sounds resembling someone humming a jazzy tune from Snape's office.

Lee had outright refused at first, but after she had bugged him about it every day for three weeks he had finally agreed to follow Snape around for one day. Lee had been discovered eventually. That had been the only time he had been seriously angry with her.

When Hogsmeade came into view, her compartment door opened and Lee Jordan stepped inside, smirking at her when she gave him a dirty look.

"You look like a horse with your hair like that," he said, ruffling her bangs. She grudgingly let him.

"Your hair has been looking weird since first year," she said, pointing at his dreads.

"First of all, you weren't even at Hogwarts when I was in my first year. Second, this is fashion, and it looks really good on me. Your hairstyle is just evidence of laziness."

"Actually, it's just me being too poor to afford a bloody haircut."

Lee raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you had a part-time job this summer?" She had written him about that.

Helena's cheeks turned a slight pink.

"Well I was at Diagon Alley singing while trying to play on a guitar and then this witch threw books at me."

Lee scoffed. "You don't even know how to play guitar."

"Well I thought I could try."

"Just stick to singing next time."

Helena had a nice voice. Even though she had a complex over being an alto. Even though she usually screamed instead of sang, which made her sound like she was under influence of the Cruciatus Curse. Even though the words she sang were actually very offensive.

But she did have a nice voice. If she tried.

Because of this, the only fans they had managed to attract were Fred and George Weasly (at first out of support for Lee and later on because they were quite entertained with the vocalist), Neville Longbottom (her friend in her year and her partner in all school assignments) and Colin Creevey (out of support for the bassist Dennis, and to make lots of pictures) . Sometimes they also caught Peeves chasing purebloods in the hallway, imitating Helena's intense yelling.

Helena actually felt rather lonely without the other band members, but when she looked at Lee's mocking expression, she felt a bit better.

Dennis, who was as enthusiastic about the band as Helena was, joined them too.

"Hey mates!" He said, puppy-dog eyes shining. Lee had told him "mates" sounded tougher, and ever since Dennis had greeted anyone he came across with "mate".

The rest of the band had found this so endearing they hadn't dared to tell him it had been a joke, even Helena, who was about as dense as a brick wall.

"Don't you miss the rest?" Dennis said, after he had talked about his summer in Spain with Lee.

Helena, who had been staring broodingly out of the window, thinking about dominating The Weird Sisters, suddenly spoke up, surprising the other band members.

"Who needs them? They didn't even want to travel to Hogwarts every week for rehearsals. They only have to Apparate!"

Lee sighed. "You can't Apparate in Hogwarts," he said, earning a glare.

"But they can Apparate in front of the gates and then just go in!"

"That is way too much of a hassle," Lee argued.

Dennis watched, regretting he had brought it up.

"Well, they'll regret it once we are more famous than The Weird Sisters," she said, a dangerous look appearing in her eyes.

"I have my eye on a few people who could replace them, like Seamus Finnigan, Hermione Granger and-"

"Oh no you're not," Lee said, who had recognised the look on her face from the time when she had wanted to recruit Professor Snape.

Dennis, who was used to not understanding half of the conversations of his band members waited patiently.

"But imagine how many people would come sneak a peek at our rehearsals just catch a glimpse! We could even play during Halloween, and Christmas and the last day of school and-"

"You are NOT going to bother Harry Potter about this!"

"But he's a half-blood! And he's famous Lee!"

"That is a brilliant idea!" Dennis exclaimed. "Colin will be thrilled! You're so smart, Helena."

Helena giggled cockily.

Lee massaged his temples, feeling a very familiar headache coming up.

"Guys, you don't understand. Fred and George hang out with Harry a lot, and he actually really dislikes attention."

"Why?" Helena asked bluntly. Dennis also looked at Lee in bewilderment. He sighed.

"Obviously someone whose mind had been about gaining attention ever since she was wouldn't understand."

"I don't want attention, I just want everyone to adore my songs."

"Well, maybe you should start writing normal songs." An ugly frown so deep Helena's bandmates wondered if it would leave any permanent marks appeared on her face.

"Have you ever tried to write a song?" she said haughtily.

Lee was silent for a bit. Helena's expression was quite triumphant. She didn't notice the slight red colour on his face.

"We could just ask Harry?" Dennis said, not letting go of the possibility.

"I thought we were supporters of Harry Potter? He definitely won't thank us if rumours start to spread about him playing in a band while he already has to deal with contempt from the wizarding world!"

"And why wouldn't playing in a band be a welcome diversion from all the bad news?" Helena said.

"It will just allow the Prophet to bad-mouth him more!" Lee said angrily, but when he saw Helena's furious look he added "Whether the band is good or not." Helena's frown stayed on her face for a while, while she tried to think a way around it. When she couldn't think of anything, she sighed.

"Alright then, noble support it is. But I'm still gonna ask Granger and Finnigan!" Lee pictured the proper Hermione together with Helena and chuckled.